by Lara Swann
I cut that thought off and tried to be here with her. This was where she needed me - not lost in nightmares of what might have happened.
The guy at reception was nowhere to be seen as I passed through, and we emerged from the motel. I hesitated for the first time.
Why the fuck hadn’t I brought a car?
But I knew why. Because if I had, I would have been later, and then—
Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up.
Lottie noticed me looking dubiously in the direction of my bike, but to my surprise she perked up as she caught sight of it.
“You have a bike?”
“Yeah. Sorry, I didn’t think—”
“Oohh, I’ve always wanted to ride one of those.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, can we?”
My immediate thought had been to get a taxi, but then my bike would be here for anyone to find it and trace this whole thing back to me. Not that that was going to be hard to do anyway, but still. And where we were going…I didn’t want to give a taxi the address.
And the way her eyes were sparkling and shiny made me want to give her whatever she asked for. If she wanted to ride my bike…
“Okay, sure.”
I set her down on top of it as I grabbed the helmet and started adjusting it.
“There’s no way that’s going to fit me - you take it.”
“You’re not riding this without it. Even too big, it’s better than nothing.”
She scowled at me, but didn’t complain further when I set it on her head, and eventually I got it into an almost-satisfactory position.
“Okay, you ready?”
She nodded, still clasping onto me. She hadn’t let go since I’d picked her up back in that room - not that I was complaining. If she never wanted to let me go again, it would be too soon for me.
“Where are we going, Jason?”
I hated the small, concerned tone of her voice. That wasn’t my Lottie. She didn’t sound like that. For a moment, I regretted letting her pull me away from the bastard who’d done this to her - to us. We were in a fucking terrible position now, and it was going to take all my skill to maneuver us out of it. To even find a way to make it work.
But that wasn’t a problem for right now.
“Somewhere safe, baby.”
She looked at me for a few long moments before nodding, accepting my non-answer.
Relieved, I swung my leg over and started the engine. Her arms slipped around me as she settled onto the back and my heart leapt at the contact. When I’d been younger I used to take girls around on this thing, and I’d forgotten just how good it could feel to have someone leaning on me like that, trusting and pressed up against me.
And that it was Lottie…
I let that pleasant thought sustain me as I moved off and away from the ugly motel, driving much more carefully this time.
By the time I turned into the rough looking neighborhood and drove the bike into an out-of-the-way side entrance to an old, grim looking building, she seemed to have been lulled by the motion, taking a couple of moments to realize we’d arrived.
“I thought motorbikes were meant to be exciting…”
The muttered comment had me smiling as I swung off and held a hand out to steady her.
“It bored you?”
“No, just…made me sleepy, lying there against you.”
Oh god.
That description affected me far more than it should have, but I didn’t try to cover my reaction as hot eyes danced over her lithely curved body, quite liking the addition of my motorcycle helmet. She pulled it off with a small grin that told me she knew exactly what I was thinking, then stepped down and came forward to kiss me. I groaned against her mouth, but didn’t do more than steady her against me while she explored with her tongue. I had no idea what she needed right now, and too many concerns flying around in my head.
She turned and looking up at the building, giving me a dubious look.
“Safe, hmm?”
I kissed her again, then glanced around and led her up to the door, the comment reminding me it would be best not to linger. A quick search of the nearby plant pots produced a key and I unlocked what looked to be the kitchen door, holding it open for her.
Once we were inside, I breathed a sigh of relief - and not just to be out from under curious eyes. The interior looked nothing like the exterior - decorated in a modern style, it had the sort of class I probably should have expected from Valentini. The effect on Lottie was obvious too, and she rounded on me with a determined look.
“Okay, so where are we, Jason?”
I sighed and shrugged, seeing no reason to keep it from her.
“One of Valentini’s safe houses. I figured it made sense to lay low for a bit.”
How long, I had no idea, but I didn’t want to mention that - or just what trouble tonight might have put us in. She seemed similarly unwilling to discuss it and just nodded, leaning back against one of the marble counter tops with a sigh, that flash of her usual spirit fading again. There was a slightly uncertain look in her eyes that I didn’t like seeing.
“So…what now?”
Now…we focus on you.
I stepped into her embrace, and she closed her arms around me with another sigh, leaning into me as she had done with the bike, only this time it was more heartfelt. My lips brushed her temple, her cheek, the corners of her mouth, but I kept it light and easy.
We spent a few minutes just touching, using that to quietly reassure ourselves that we were back together - safe now - and that pure physical response eased the tightness within me far more than words could have. After a time, she stepped back and looked up at me, seeming unsure.
“Jason…I’m okay, you know. Nothing happened. I’m fine.”
That determined look on her face had me smiling, but I couldn’t help the slight sadness that pulsed through me. Considering her for a moment, I stepped away and rooted around for what I knew would be here somewhere - pulling out a bottle of whiskey and two tumblers.
She laughed at the sight.
“Is that a mafia thing? Do you have those wherever you go?”
I shot her a grin.
“Not a mafia thing. Valentini’s thing. Though since they’ve become so readily available, I might have picked up a taste for it…”
I poured a generous helping and handed it off to her before taking some for myself.
“I mean it. I’m okay. I don’t need any special treatment or worrying about—”
I clinked our glasses together.
“Good. But you know, whatever you feel is okay. Whatever you want to do, it’s okay. Just go with it.”
She paused, taking a sip, before looking up at me dubiously, then sighing again. I wanted more than anything to take those sighs away and make it all better.
“I think—I think maybe I’m a little in shock. I feel very—strange. Like, an emotional seesaw. I know I’m fine, but it’s like my body and mind haven’t caught up yet. I just—I don’t want it to affect me…to stop…”
She hiccuped at the end and I had her in my arms again in a flash, stroking her hair and murmuring whatever I could think of.
“Alright, that’s alright, Lottie. You’re going to be fine. We’ll deal with the shock, and it’s not going to change anything, okay? We won’t let it.”
She gave me a weak smile, then nodded.
We drank in silence for the next few minutes, each processing our own thoughts, but I didn’t let go of her for an instant. Eventually, she looked up at me, the steely determination I knew so well back in her gaze.
“I want to talk about it. Tell you what happened. Just…get it out, with however it feels to say it. I want to share it with you - to release it. Can you do that for me?”
I froze at the direct, strong-minded request. It occurred to me briefly that she was proposing the exact same thing she’d made me do weeks ago: say it out loud, let it go. Of course, that had been years after my wound, but still�
��it had worked. Whatever she’d done that night had worked.
Admiration rose up at the way she didn’t shy from applying the same bitter medicine to herself, even as I hesitated at her question.
Can I do that?
I wanted more than anything to say yes, to give her anything she needed - it had been what I’d promised myself only an hour or so earlier. But she had made it a real question, and I respected that. I thought of my blood-rage earlier, of the way that anything hurting her affected me. I couldn’t listen and let that take over again - it had to be about her. And I wasn’t sure that I could stand to hear about Jorge without wanting to get back on my bike, find the son of a bitch and deal with him properly. Even those thoughts were enough to have adrenaline rushing through me again.
I met her eyes, realizing she saw all of that in me, and took a deep breath.
“Yes. Yes, I can do that.”
For her, I could suppress that primal reaction. I could give her what she needed.
She nodded, a ghost of a smile on her face, then downed the last of her whiskey. I gestured to the table and offered a top-up, but she shook her head - declining both.
“I’d rather do it upstairs…in bed…with your arms around me.”
The honesty and need there took my breath away, invoking every protective instinct I had.
“Okay, baby, we’ll do that. I won’t let you go.”
I left my own glass on the counter as I followed her up, our clothes coming off almost as a second thought before we slipped into the large bed together and settled down under the covers.
I did exactly as I’d promised as soon as we got there, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into me. The delicate, feminine scent did wonders to ease the harsh edges I still felt, and my hands roamed over that beautiful body, touching and soothing in time with my mouth on her cheek and neck.
She sighed and leaned back into me, relaxing further and further under my attention, until at last she began.
I focused on her breathing, her slightest movements, the way her eyes changed in the dim light as she spoke. Her voice was jagged and rough, disjointed at times, and part-way through she broke down crying - just sobbing from the impact, the shock, and everything else. To my surprise, I didn’t find myself fighting off rage - instead warmth and broken-hearted love swept over me, making me want to do anything to soothe those wretched feelings.
But she got through it. She described how she managed to get the message out to me, how she held him off - and I was so proud that I thought my heart would burst. She told me how terrifying those moments were, just before I’d arrived, and how relieved and scared and confused she’d been as I burst through the door. She shared all her darker fears of what might have happened, all the ugly places her mind took her, and at the end of all of it, she let it go.
She settled back into my arms, shaking from the intensity, but all I felt was love for the fiercely brave, indomitable woman in my arms. As I kissed her neck and told her so, she sighed against me and shifted, turning around to look at me. Those stunning eyes were shining from crying, but the light was there - everything I valued more than life itself. None of it had changed. He hadn’t taken anything from her.
When I told her that, she broke down again, and I comforted her until she was done.
We stayed like that for a long time, and I was sure she was drifting asleep - until her head snapped up and looked at me, that determination back, but coupled with something else that made me uneasy.
She moved, swinging her leg around to straddle me and kissing me deeply as she pressed against my body from above. The warmth, the heat, the desire there was all Lottie, but even as I got lost in that, with my mind and body reacting to everything she was, the slight tension there bothered me.
When she shifted to position herself on top of my more-than-interested cock, I paused, holding her there and looking up into those intense brown eyes.
“We don’t need to do that tonight, Lottie.”
“I’m not broken.”
The answer was snapped out, rough and raw and hurt, and I reeled back in shock.
I pulled her back to me, closing my arms around her and letting the strength of my body shelter her as I murmured into her ear.
“Of course you’re not, Lottie. No one could break you - but you’ve got nothing to prove, either. And just for tonight, I want to hold you close. Just keep you in my arms.”
Let you feel what a man’s touch should be. What safety, and love, and care means.
I didn’t say it, but I could tell she saw it anyway, looking up at me with the intensity fading a little. The odd tension that had appeared when she’d shifted on top of me disappeared all of a sudden, and she relaxed down to lie on me. It took a few moments, but after a while I felt her body relax, slowly accepting what I was saying.
“Okay, Jason. Thank you. I want that too.”
The deep sigh she gave held a small note of peace, and it settled my fears to hear it.
She’d be alright. She was going to be fine.
Chapter Eighteen
Lottie
The next few days were pure bliss.
It was the first time Jason and I had spent more than a night together - and usually we only got a few hours. Now…having him there every moment was almost more than I could handle. We could laugh, and talk, and fuck - any time we liked, anywhere we liked.
For that brief time, I let myself forget the outside world. Jason had always called our time together a reprieve from the world - his safe haven. Now, I felt the same - only my safe haven didn’t walk out the door anymore. He was right here. In my bed, at my side, in my shower…and okay, maybe all those things were his if anything, but it didn’t feel like that. I’d never let myself imagine what it would be like to actually be with him - to live and eat and be normal people for once - but all of a sudden, I couldn’t imagine anything else.
Of course, we still weren’t normal people. We were hiding out in a safe house and had no idea what chaos our actions might have caused to everyone around us. Or at least, I didn’t. I wondered whether Jason had spoken to Valentini - I figured he must have, since we were using the safe house, but…he’d been remarkably silent on the matter.
He might just be trying not to worry me - at the moment both of us were ignoring all the things we would have to worry about eventually. He’d said he wanted me to have time to recover, but I was pretty sure I was recovered after that first night in his arms. Not that that sentiment stopped me from overdosing on all the care and comfort and love and support, though.
If I’d ever doubted that he truly loved me, that thought would have been washed away by his actions the last few days. He was always there, a silently strong presence reminding me that I was safe. His consideration and care amazed me, as he showed me again and again that despite all the terror, I was still me - it hadn’t beaten me. And when I thought that the sweetness might end up suffocating me, he’d come up to me with that fierce, protective intent and growl in my ear that I was his. Take me. Claim me.
He’d stopped me from fucking him that first night, when it would have been out of doubt and fear of losing who I was, but every other night…every other day…we couldn’t stop each other. I shuddered to imagine his hands on me, to remember the feeling of his mouth, his tongue, every inch of his skin…
I’d let myself indulge in the bliss, and blocked everything else out.
I hadn’t told him what I’d heard from Jorge and Alfonso, either. Before I’d seen him with Jorge, it had been all I’d wanted - to tell him, have them take care of it all and end this thing completely. To finish it.
But…every time I thought of it, every time I approached him and intended to mention it - to give him the answer he’d spent so long searching for - I saw him pressed up against Jorge, violence and pain in that deadly expression. It made me shiver to think of what he’d almost done, and what I’d seen there. It had been a window into something else - someone else. The same man who’d aveng
ed his family with no hesitation, no mercy. And I couldn’t work out what I thought of it.
So I held back. I didn’t want to bring the ugliness of that into the happy place we’d made for ourselves, even if we both knew this was temporary.
I couldn’t reconcile what I saw in Jason’s smiling, easy-going face every day with the death and terror of a few nights ago. I didn’t want to bring that out in him - send him into a place where that would take over - or face the consequences of that happening.
We knew we’d have to face reality at some point, but after everything…I was simply enjoying living the kind of life I hadn’t known existed. Free from pain and fear and struggle, if only for a time. I was happy, and I didn’t ask questions beyond that - but I knew the questions would find me.
And when Jason walked in the door the next day, it was clear that time was up. Where the previous days he’d been as obviously light and happy as I’d felt, the expression he greeted me with was reserved - with a hint of grim determination I recognized. He’d been out to get groceries, but as he set them down on the table I wondered what else he’d brought back.
“What’s wrong?”
I didn’t do hinting or subtleties - I’d pick a direct conversation every time, and from the quirk of his mouth, he knew it. The humor didn’t quite reach his eyes as he sighed and came closer to me, brushing his lips over my forehead in a familiar gesture that never failed to warm me.
“I’ve been thinking, Lottie.”
The sombre gaze told me I wouldn’t like what he’d been thinking about. I waited him out anyway, hairs standing up on the back of my neck.
“It’s dangerous for you now, to be here. I’m hoping that based on what he saw, Jorge is only pissed at me - for stealing you away or something crazy - and not you. But we can’t guarantee it, and either way, we can’t chance anyone seeing you.”
I didn’t like where this was going, but when I would have interrupted, he ran a thumb over my lip, and finally said it.
“I think you should leave town. At least for a little while, until this is cleared up.”
“No.”
