by Lara Swann
“Bad?”
Dale only grinned at my grimace.
“Nah, just enough to keep him here for a new girl he’s sweet on - lucky bastard to the end. He might be bringing her along, too.”
“Trying to scare her off already, huh? Well, looks like I’ll have to tag along - can’t leave Becky and a nice new girl alone with your ugly mugs.”
I turned toward the door, sending a grin back over my shoulder.
“Be sure to tell Ryan not to worry - we’ll make sure his wife’s fully satisfied while he’s gone.”
I didn’t wait to hear the reply, aware that every moment I lingered was making me later, but I struggled to care too much as Dale’s subtle attempt to shift my mood worked.
Sure, it was a casual invitation he would have given me anyway, but the grizzled veteran saw too much and knew me well enough to pick his moment. Being back in this town always got under my skin, threatening everything I’d become with the insidious reminder of my teenage years - but he’d brought back front-and-center the fact that I had a place now, brothers in arms I would kill or die for without a moment’s hesitation. Life and loyalty, with a code that had finally set me on a path that meant something. I could go and deal with whatever this evening held, and the people I actually wanted to be around would be waiting here when I was done.
The Navy had taken me in, chewed me up and spat me back out - honed the wild edge that had been the bane of everyone I’d grown up with, disciplined it and turned it into a laser-sharp weapon. And even if I couldn’t quite leave my bad boy nature behind, at least they’d given me something worth respecting.
I turned into the showers, stripped and stepped inside for a 30-second blast of hot water before rubbing myself dry and changing into a fresh set of clothes - civilian, this time. Decorum might dictate a little more preparation for a ‘meeting-your-new-step-father’ dinner, but fuck decorum. He might as well get to know who I actually was. Besides, I was late, so first impressions were already shot.
Dropping my workout gear in my dorm and pocketing my phone, keys and wallet was all that I needed before heading out to the old pickup truck and swinging myself up and in. It’s familiar gleam always gave me a sweet satisfaction - the thing had been banged up and barely usable when I’d bought it near-scrap, but putting something back together had been a nice antidote to the unexpected darkness I’d struggled with after my first tour. Turns out there was a difference between growing up sure you were a badass motherfucker and actually living with the knowledge that if it came to it, you could be a relentless killing machine.
I’d seen guys deal with it in different ways - for me, knowing I could fix something up instead of just destroy, that had been enough. And the prize had been an old 2002 model that gave me pride to keep functioning and pretty as a babe.
I started the engine and felt it hum to life underneath me, punching in the post code my mother had sent and hearing the slight roar as I put my foot on the gas. It was hot even with the sun starting to disappear and the open window was a relief to the heat that was still emanating from my workout.
Turning out of the complex and heading onto the wide roads leading into the town, I felt the same flicker of guilt my infrequent visits home always brought. My mother deserved better than these half-hearted efforts to see her and the callous way I talked, but it had been hard to come home a different person and see nothing else had changed since I’d left.
I don’t hate her for that - she can’t help being who she is and I’ve given up wanting and expecting more than she can give. It’s just hard to be around her - that crappy childhood may have made me the guy I am today, but that doesn’t mean I want to be faced with it every time I come back here. Her and her fucked up choices, and the inevitable clashes when I don’t agree with them and can’t keep my mouth shut.
So these visits had become infrequent and perfunctory, even if she didn’t understand why. Still, I couldn’t exactly say no to meeting the man she was going to marry - but when tonight was done, I’d try to eject myself from the situation again. These things never ended well.
As the buildings reared up around me, cutting off the starlight in favor of the glaring street lights that had come on, my mind turned to the other reason that coming home always spawned mixed emotions. I’d lived in this place all my life, on a ghetto the other side of town, but when I came back here the only thing I replayed over and over was a posh hotel room I’d seen the inside of once. A feisty back-and-forth with the only girl who’d been able to match my fire. And gleaming red-gold locks that framed a sweet, heart-shaped face with a passion behind it that had lit my blood and left me longing for the touch and taste of it ever since.
Even after all this time.
Fuck.
I cursed as it hit me yet again; the lingering depths of regret that I’d sworn would be gone by the time I got back. Three damn years. Thousands of miles. Hundreds of irresistible, insatiable chicks.
One passionate night.
It should have been enough.
The sinking feeling in my stomach told me it wasn’t. It hadn’t been enough sixteen months ago, when I was last here. It wasn’t now.
The phone cheerily announced I needed to take the next left and broke my train of thought. As if the fake voice had a clue about what I needed.
I stared at the brightly colored map without seeing it, my eyes focusing instead on the number waiting a few taps behind that. It was the one I always came back to when I was in this neck of the woods again. You’d think I would’ve just deleted it by now.
I even did, once. But then I undeleted it just as fast, something inside me panicking that I might have lost it for good. It was a nonsense, because after three years there was no way it would be the same anyway. That didn’t stop whatever perverted part of me that liked the idea that it could be.
I broke out of the city center and the traffic got lighter as I hit a road that looked to take me along the coast. I hadn’t been this way much when I was younger - it was upmarket, up here. If I’d wanted a romp in the sand, I stuck to the other side of the bay where there was a large enough stretch of public beach that you could find a little privacy. This place was dotted with private beaches for rich kids’ parties. Fun to crash occasionally, but too filled with pretentious snobs to stick around long.
I had no idea what my mother was doing up here - as far as I could recall, she’d never had reason to come to this part of town. But my thoughts weren’t really with her and I just shrugged as I enjoyed the taste of salt on the wind. This far up, it wasn’t tinged with sewage at least.
My eyes drifted back to the phone. I wasn’t sure just when over the last three years I’d gone from curious to obsessive. If you asked me on a good day, I’d claim I hadn’t at all - but out here in the dark, with the lonely lights of my childhood on either side of the darkened coastal road, the argument seemed unconvincing.
This is pathetic.
Annoyed at myself, I yanked the car over to the side of the road, snatching the phone from its cradle and navigating the familiar pathway to that number.
B.
I pulled up the menu and let my thumb hover over ‘delete contact’. My stomach had that annoying heavy feeling again.
This is it, chickenshit. You either delete this number or you’re calling it before the night’s out.
It had been three years. If I was lucky, she might have hated me for a time. If not, I would have gone straight to the forgotten stage. Regardless, the last thing she’d want would be to hear from me.
And hell - it wasn’t like I had anything to say. I didn’t even like the damn girl!
I hadn’t liked her razor-sharp tongue. Her prissy attitude. Her red-hot passion. Her fuck-me lips. Her sweet curves.
Goddamn it.
I hovered there, one second…two…
And slammed the phone back in the cradle. The hesitation answered my question - I was trained for making fast decisions under pressure, so that indecision was a choice in its
elf. After I’d sat through the snooze-fest this was sure to be, I was going to finally call the damned number.
I chalked this whole thing up to unfinished business - to the fact that my new code of honor couldn’t stand that I’d broken my word. It had been a stupid, lust-filled promise, but it still reverberated through me.
I might have been an arrogant bastard when I was growing up, but I did what I said I would - even if people may have preferred me not to. And until that one dangerous night, I’d never cared enough about anything to make promises I wouldn’t keep.
I’m never going to let you go…
But I had - and without a word, too. Out of all the shitty things I’ve done in my life, I wouldn’t have thought it ranked that high - but it was the one I remembered.
And tonight, I was going to fix it.
Calm found me instantly. Decision made, all doubt and hesitation disappeared. I had my mission - and once that happened, failure wasn’t an option.
Oddly, that thought settled me more than even Dale’s invitation had. Perhaps I’d even be able to act pleasant throughout dinner tonight.
* * *
By the time I turned through the large iron-wrought gates guarding the long driveway, I was suspicious. Coming up this way was strange enough, but I’d passed any possibility of an out of place middle-class house now, and the entrance clearly marked this as one of the more impressive beach-front estates.
I checked the postcode again, reluctant to turn up unexpected on the doorstep of some rich family mansion, hoping to hell she hadn’t been high on something when she sent it. But the gates had opened easily enough for me, and somehow the idea that I might be in the right place was more concerning than a typo in the address.
I was up the path and slowing to a halt in a dedicated parking area before I had a chance to consider it further, eyes darting about as I got out of the car and took in the shadows under the pretty trees surrounding the front of the large mansion. There were nice marble pillars on either side of the archway that framed the porch door, an extravagance that seemed built to be reminiscent of an older, traditional style manor, which the place certainly lived up to. I glanced down again at my slightly worn shirt and jeans - I didn’t have much use for too many civilian clothes - and wondered again just how this night was going to go.
“Seth!”
I didn’t get a chance to compose myself before the door swung open and I was faced with my mother darting down to wrap her arms around me in the overly effusive way she’s always had. It would have worked slightly better if she’d been anywhere near my size or shape, but I managed to extract my arms to give her a brief squeeze and then step back without too much difficulty.
“Mom.”
Her eyes were gleaming as she looked up at me, her face written in such honest pleasure at seeing me that the stab of guilt returned, and I gave her a small smile. Her face still had the stunning beauty I remembered, still defying age and adding to the blessing that I’d always secretly hated. But then I’d never had reason to enjoy the attention it had bought her.
More importantly though, her gaze was bright and clear, looking at me with an awareness that was reassuring. She seemed well - and for that at least, I was willing to give her some time.
“I’m so glad you’re home - I’ve wanted you to meet Terry for so long!”
I let her drag me up the porch stairs, apparently not wanting to leave it a minute longer.
At least she’s too excited to care you’re late…
She stopped abruptly when we entered the large entryway, turning to look at me properly for a moment. My eyes were caught on the large, sweeping stairway set out in front of us and leading up to a balcony that seemed to extend over this room and further into the one to the right as well. Part of me was tracking entrance and exit points, but the larger part just wondered how on earth my mother had fallen in with this crowd. She was pretty, sure, but we’d grown up in squalor and that sort of thing stuck - molding herself into the type of person comfortable in this sort of atmosphere wasn’t something I’d thought she had in her. I looked back as she touched my arm lightly and the slight hesitancy there made my gut tighten.
“Seth…there are some things I’ll never be able to change, but I want you to know it’s different this time. Just look at this place. Not our usual haunt, eh?”
I should have been able to match the wry smile that gave her, but instead this was just strange. This wasn’t where we belonged, no - and it was never something I’d wanted either.
“There was so much I wanted to give you growing up - and now, I can. We’ve had our difficulties, but stay for a little bit, please? I know you can, that work at the base is light when you’ve just only returned. We can have some proper time together again. Just wait and see, this will be different.”
The anxious hope in her eyes hurt, all the more because I could read so clearly what was written there.
It’s not too late, is it?
A question I didn’t know the answer to. I looked around again, at the opulence of the surroundings, a place I didn’t fit and certainly didn’t want to stay if I could be back at the barracks having a laugh. But I took her in again - the soft glow of well cared for skin, the healthy weight she’d finally put on and the attention in her gaze. She was right, it was nothing like any visit I’d ever made. Almost as if she’d finally heard the frustrated suggestions, lectures, pleas that I’d given up on giving her. It was what I’d wanted for her for so long that I’d almost forgotten the desire.
And she was my mother - whatever that meant. Something in me refused to abandon her now that she might finally be on the right track.
Reluctantly, I turned back to her and gave an inch, ignoring the unease still coiled within me.
“I’ll stay. For a bit.”
Her smile lit the depths of the room and she wrapped her arms around me again, returning to the excited girl-like state I’d never liked. But I couldn’t begrudge her that, and followed when she finally led us to where my new step-father to be was no doubt waiting.
Just what have I gotten myself into?
Her chatter continued as we navigated the broad hallways.
“…I know it’s too soon to say anything, but I really think we can be a proper family now…”
Family?
I didn’t get a chance to ask as she turned into a large sitting room and I stepped through to see an older man standing waiting for us. My mother went to him immediately, slipping her arm around his waist while I stayed by the door, eyes measuring him automatically. His weathered face had the narrow features that gave him an aristocratic edge and made him seem older than his black-and-grey hair implied. The eyes had the same spark of stubborn intelligence that I’d seen in the better officers I’d served with, but without the deadly glimmer I was used to. It took all of two seconds for me to find the slight disapproval I was looking for, but I’d already expected that.
At least he’s not a leather-clad biker bum.
The thought amused me and I let my familiar lazy, arrogant smile spread across my face as I stepped forward with a hand out. His eyes narrowed but he shook it with good grace and nodded.
“Pleased to meet you, Seth - I’ve heard a lot about you, and it’s always good to meet someone serving in defense of our country. I’m Terence Baltimore.”
Yep, the name went with the house.
“Likewise - though I’ve heard absolutely nothing about you.”
My mother’s face reddened as I left out the part where she’d had no opportunity to give me any information, but I kept my gaze on him as I switched easily between discourtesy and charm.
“Guess all the dinner conversation is going to have to center on you, then.”
He smiled tightly and turned to look off into a room on my right - from my initial glance, it seemed to be a library.
“Let me introduce you to my daughter first. Annabelle!”
He didn’t quite raise his voice, but the call had a familiar elemen
t of command to it.
Guess he’s got that as well.
There was something else that tugged at me, but I couldn’t identify it as I turned to meet the unexpected addition to our party. Maybe that was what family had meant.
Then I saw her.
For one split second, all my emotions exploded at once.
Time froze and every fight-or-flight instinct sent adrenaline surging through me.
Fuck, no.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell and shout and rage.
Three years ago, I would have done just that. I would have cursed the place down and stormed out.
Of all the people…all the places…how the fuck did my screw-up mother manage to mess my life up again?!
For one second, I just stared at the face that had played through my mind dozens of times in the dankest, darkest places. The face I had finally decided to hit up later tonight - apologize, explain, all the million-and-one things I couldn’t possibly do here. Or at all. That face was now forbidden to me in every way, shape or form.
From the flicker that crossed her face, I could guess she was experiencing her own range of emotions.
Not quite forgotten then. That’s nice.
But I recovered in an instant, quicker than she managed, and my usual armor came down - nothing like false, arrogant charm to protect you.
My smile widened and I met her eyes full-on, the challenge second nature to me.
“This is—”
I cut him off.
“Ohh, we’ve met.”
I shot them both a glance before walking over towards her. Fuck me, but I couldn’t help the seductive saunter of the movement.
“We were at school together, for a year. About…three years ago? Four?”
Her face had closed off it’s parade of emotions now, but I could see the attractive redness on her freckled cheeks, the red-gold hair coiled tightly at the top of her head when it really should be tumbling free around her shoulders. And those wide, deep-green eyes - with a bright, outraged disgust in them that was reserved solely for me.
