by Sam Mariano
Rafe shrugs. “She’s prickly. I don’t like prickly. And I like Rochester.”
“What?” she demands, her eyes bugging out. It only lasts for a moment, then she cocks her head from side to side and relents. “Okay, never mind, I can see that. You would like Rochester.”
Rafe cocks a golden eyebrow at her. “What is that supposed to mean? Is that some variation of ‘dickfaces stick together’?”
“I didn’t say it,” she tells him sweetly, leaning forward and swiping his menu. “What do you want to eat? I have other tables, you know.”
“None as important as mine,” he tells her, with exaggerated arrogance.
Virginia grins, her eyes shining with affection as she looks at him. “We’re busy, and you’re an ass. Tell me what you want or I’ll order for you—really shake up your routine.”
“I’m the one who signs your paychecks,” he states. “You’ll stay here as long as I want you to.”
“Keep thinking that,” she tells him, looking over at me. “What do you want, Laurel?”
“Chicken alfredo. No onions on my salad.”
“Gotcha.” Lifting an eyebrow, she looks at Rafe. “Last chance.”
Instead of answering her, he makes a show of crossing his hands behind his head and leaning back, relaxing. “Let me think about it.”
“Fine. You get what you get,” she says, turning away, menus tucked beneath her arm.
“Hey, get back here,” he calls after her, sitting forward.
“Nope,” she calls back before rounding the corner and heading to check on another table.
“That little shit,” he murmurs, as if surprised she followed through.
I shrug, opening my book and fanning the pages. “She gave you adequate warning. Should’ve just told her what you wanted.”
“I wanted to fuck with her. She’s not normally impatient with me. I wonder if I did something to piss her off.”
“Probably. You’re good at pissing women off,” I inform him.
Rafe sits back, glancing over at me as I fondle my book. “I’m better at getting them off, but all the ones in my life lately are giant pains in the ass.”
“Hey, I am not the pain in the ass. You are the pain in the ass in this non-relationship. You’re the one who would rather keep me trapped even though you barely like me than tell your goons you’d rather stay single. I am the one who logically presented a better plan.”
“Not this again,” he says. “I do not barely like you. I like you. I would like you a lot more if you didn’t want to fuck my enforcer.”
“And I would like you a lot more if you actually wanted to parent our kid with me, but here we are,” I shoot back.
Rafe sighs and lets his head fall back, staring at the ceiling. “For the love of God, can’t we just have a simple dinner? I came home to see you, and this is what I get.”
“Don’t do me any favors,” I tell him. “So sorry if having dinner with me cuts into your mandatory 40 hours a week socializing with skanks at night clubs.”
“Don’t act like you care. You’re never there to scare them off, are you?”
“And I never will be,” I assure him. “I am not your babysitter. If I can’t trust your ass, I don’t want your ass.”
“Yes, I’m aware,” he mutters, his eyes darkening. Without a word, he pushes up from the table.
“Where are you going?” I ask, watching him.
“To find my damn waitress.”
39
Laurel
When Rafe stormed off, I assumed he meant he was going after Virginia. She was the one he had just been concerned he pissed off, and she is obviously our waitress tonight.
But when Virginia returns to our table, Rafe isn’t with her. She puts a drink down where he should be sitting and shoots me a polite smile before turning to walk away.
“Did Rafe find you?” I inquire, before she can get too far.
She turns back, her dark eyebrows drawn closer together in confusion. “Did he find me?” she questions.
“He said he was going to find his waitress. He thought he might have pissed you off. Apparently, you normally tolerate more of his shit.”
“When I have time to indulge him, I do. He’s such a baby sometimes. They all are though,” she says, waving it off. “No, he didn’t find me. I’ll keep an eye out.”
Just as she turns to walk away, Rafe rounds the corner and she nearly collides with him.
“Whoa,” she murmurs, holding her hands up against his chest, then taking a quick, awkward step back and dropping her hands.
Casually touching her hip, he says, “Sorry, wasn’t watching where I was going.”
“Uh huh.” Her face is flushed and she’s looking down, shaking her head slightly. It strikes me as a ‘shake it off’ sort of thing, then she puts a smile on and looks back up at him. “Laurel said you were looking for me?”
“No, I was looking for—Yes, I was looking for you.”
Her smile tightens as he lies poorly, but she doesn’t say anything.
“Aren’t you still training Marlena?” he inquires.
“She didn’t show up for her shift. No call, no show.”
He scowls. “What?”
Virginia shrugs. “We’re all trying to go on without her. Not having her constantly in the way as she accomplishes absolutely nothing is trying, but we’re managing somehow. Now, if you don’t need me to locate anyone else for you, I have to get back to work.”
Then she’s off. Rafe glances after her, shaking his head, but he takes his seat. “She’s moody tonight.”
“You’re an idiot,” I inform him.
He lifts his eyebrows. “Excuse me?”
“How can you notice and read into subtle shit, but be so blind to what’s right in front of your eyeballs?” I shake my head, drawing my ice water close and taking a sip. “She likes you.”
Instead of offering a playboy grin and taking pride in the adoration of yet another woman, he shakes his head. “Nah, not like that. Not Virginia.”
“Why not Virginia?” I ask.
“She’s too smart to fall for me,” he says dryly.
I don’t bother arguing with him, even though he’s clearly wrong. Having experienced Rafe myself, I wouldn’t wish him on her anyway. She’s probably better off if he resides in denial and never looks at her that way.
With everything else going on, I forgot all about Marlena. If Rafe still expected her to be here, then he doesn’t know she’s dead. Will he find out, or will she just turn up missing? I have no idea how Sin killed her, or what he does with a body after a kill.
Then again, Sin said everything changes tomorrow, so Rafe probably won’t have time to find out that Miss Cotton Candy kicked the bucket unless it happens tonight. He hasn’t said whether he’s staying at the house tonight or going out, but he clearly likes to go out, and since I’m not the most pleasant company tonight, he probably won’t stay in.
On one hand, that’s good, but on the other… I still don’t want anything to happen to Rafe. It’s so hard to prepare for tomorrow when I have no idea what will happen. My hope was that Rafe would suddenly come around today, then tonight I could reach out to Sin and tell him a miracle happened, Rafe will let us be together, call off whatever horrible thing he has planned.
I only have tonight and I was told explicitly not to interfere.
We get through the meal without fighting about anything else, but it’s not the friendliest meal we’ve ever had together. It brings to mind the people-watching date we were supposed to go on, but we never got around to it. Something is always in the way for us. Anytime either of us has a spark of interest in the other, something happens to douse it.
It’s not that I think I would be utterly miserable with Rafe all the time, it’s just that being with Rafe would be settling, and I shouldn’t have to settle. It’s crazy to even consider Rafe settling when I’m sure so many women he has been with would trade a kidney for a chance to keep him, but I don’t want to
spend the rest of my life sleeping with a friend, and that’s all Rafe is to me. He doesn’t ignite me the way Sin does. I could never greet him with the same genuine enthusiasm. Sin insists I won’t feel this way about him forever, that the infatuation will wear off someday, the passions will cool, but even if he’s right, that will be after I got to experience it. While I am infatuated with him, we’ll be building a solid foundation. If the excitement ever wears off, the relationship we built will still be there.
That’s what is missing with Rafe. I have never been in love with him, and he has never been in love with me. In order for the flame to catch, there needs to be a spark to ignite it, and we can’t seem to spark at the same time. I only like him when we’re in bookstores or I’m worried for his life, and he only likes me when I’m naked or effortless.
Rafe and I don’t just lack the building blocks to form a strong foundation, we can’t even find the building blocks store. Meanwhile, when I’m with Sin, building blocks rain down from the sky like colorful tiles in Tetris.
I’m not a quitter, but I’m not a settler, either. Why should I settle into a relationship with someone I have never loved, just because one night of fun went horribly wrong and resulted in the joining of our genetic materials?
I can’t and I won’t, but I’m really struggling with the possibility that Sin might be planning to hurt him. Like we just talked about at the bookstore, how can my happiness grow from the ashes of someone else’s misfortune? Maybe Rafe is capable of being happy at the expense of someone else, but can I? I’m not like him. I haven’t been raised to only look out for myself. I was raised by a loving, compassionate sister who sacrificed endlessly to make sure I had all the opportunity in the world. Carly would sacrifice her own happiness for a loved one if it came down to it. Can I be the kind of person she would be proud of if I let this happen?
At this point, is there anything I can even do to stop it?
I adore Sin, but I got the distinct feeling that he is going to do what he thinks needs to be done now, and my opinion on the matter is not pertinent. On one hand, I get it. It’s not like this is the first time Sin has expressed such a stance, and this time he has much more validity than the others. This is his wheelhouse, not mine. He wouldn’t trudge into my lab and tell me how to mix chemicals in my Erlenmeyer flask, so I shouldn’t try to dictate how he handles conflict within his crime family. I don’t know all the facts of the situation, and I don’t want to do anything that could potentially endanger him. But on the other hand, I don’t know how I’ll live with this.
When Rafe gets up to go to the bathroom and leaves me alone at the table, I get out my phone. There’s nothing from Sin—which I expected—but I open up a text to him and send him an emoji with a single tear dropping from its eye.
He immediately sends back, “What’s wrong?”
“I’m sad,” I inform him.
“Why are you sad?” he demands.
“Because I want us to all be here for the baby. I want us to all get along and be friends. I don’t want our happiness to grow out of something ugly and horrible.”
“This whole way of life is ugly and horrible, Laurel. It’s a little late to have a crisis of conscience.”
“I know that. I don’t care about that. I just don’t want the people I care about to pay the price for our happiness. I don’t understand how that’s impossible.”
That time, he doesn’t respond. It’s just as well. I need to put my phone away before Rafe comes back anyway. Virginia brings the check to the table, and when Rafe comes back, he slides some cash into the black billfold and pushes it toward the edge of the table.
“Ready?” he asks me.
I nod and gather my things while he grabs the takeout boxes. I got so lost in sad thoughts that I lost my appetite, so I have leftovers for lunch tomorrow. If I even get to have lunch at Rafe’s house tomorrow.
Before we make it to the exit, Virginia comes after us, calling, “Rafe, wait.”
He stops and turns back to face her, glancing at the billfold she’s clutching. “What?” he asks.
Grimacing, she asks, “Is there any chance I could get a slightly bigger tip?”
He laughs, startled. “What?”
“I’m working on a side project, trying to help someone out, and I have to invest a little money into it since he doesn’t have it.”
Now he scowls. “Who? Is some asshole trying to take you for a ride?”
Scoffing, she asks, “Please. You think I’d let some asshole take me for a ride? Been there, done that. I learn from my mistakes, thank you very much. No, this is a business thing. Nothing shady. Anyway, my coffers aren’t exactly overflowing, and I feel weird asking, but—”
He shakes his head dismissively, drawing out his wallet. “Coffers. What are you, Scrooge McDuck? Nobody says coffers. How much do you need?”
“I mean, I could use somewhere in the neighborhood of $300, but I’ll take literally anything you can give me.”
He counts out a lot of bills—definitely $300, maybe more, I don’t keep track. “Will that suffice?” he asks her.
“I would hug you if it wouldn’t be weird. Thank you,” she tells him, smiling at the cash, then up at him.
“No problem,” he tells her, sliding his wallet back into his pocket, then coming over and draping an arm around my shoulders. “Next time wait for my damn order.”
I wait for Rafe to say he’s going out, but it never happens. Of course he chooses tonight to stay in. He goes upstairs and takes a shower, and comes back down shirtless and with pajama pants slung low on his hips.
“Do you want to watch your show?” he asks casually, clicking on the TV.
I shake my head. “I’m not really in the mood tonight.”
Since we left the restaurant, I haven’t been able to stop worrying. A stray thought occurred to me and I couldn’t shake it. Sin told me everything changed tomorrow. I took that to mean he would act tomorrow, but what if he acts tonight? What if he even told me tomorrow just to throw me off, and his real plan is to sneak in tonight and kill Rafe?
We’re supposed to be on the same side of this situation, but I’m struggling with keeping to my side of the line. I want to straddle the line. I want to protect both of them.
I can’t rest easy, and Rafe is so relaxed that I ache with how completely he would be taken off guard if Sin showed up tonight. It’s all I can think about through every channel change. It’s not like I want the fight to be fair anyway, it’s not like I want Rafe armed and knowing what is going to happen, because while I want Rafe to be okay, I need Sin to be okay, but man… betrayal is not for me. I’m not cut out for it. It’s low-down, dirty, and not right.
Since Rafe can’t read my mind as he channel surfs, his lips curve up faintly. “You know, I sort of had my own Smallville,” he tells me.
“What do you mean?” I ask, glancing over at him.
“Your sister made you start watching it, right? That’s how you got hooked? My dad had a show like that. Watched the hell out of it when I was a kid, and we’d always watch it together so I came to feel like I liked it, too.”
“What show?” I inquire.
“You may not even know what this is,” he says dryly, looking over at me. “You’re such a baby.”
I can’t help rolling my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m the baby you knocked up, Humbert. What’s the show?”
“Walker, Texas Ranger,” he tells me.
“The Chuck Norris one? Yeah, I’ve heard of that.” Pointedly glancing at my nails in a haughty manner, I add, “I mean, I’ve never watched an episode of it because I’m not 80, but I’ve heard of it.”
“You little shit,” he says, reaching over and catching me around the neck, yanking my head into his side.
“No roughhousing with the pregnant chick,” I tell him, trying to sit up, but he keeps me locked in.
“I’m just going to leave you right here for the rest of the night,” he informs me, casually turning his attention back to
the television as he continues to flip channels. “Jesus, I have a lot of channels. I almost never watch TV, surely I don’t need this many.”
I huff out a sigh and claw at his arm, trying to free my neck so my face isn’t stuck against his pectoral muscle. “Let me go, jerkface.”
He doesn’t. “What should we watch?” he inquires, casually as ever. “Can you see the TV from down there? I’ll let you out of the chokehold if you wanna earn your freedom.”
His tone alone tells me his dick is involved in that scenario, and my blood turns to ice water in my veins. Sin telling me not to let Rafe kiss me floods back into my mind, and with it comes a wave of remorse.
To Rafe, this is just another night of tomfoolery, and once more I’m hit with the guilt of this terrible thing I am participating in. Just by keeping my mouth shut, I am participating, but there’s no palatable alternative. If I came clean to Rafe now and warned him, I would be signing Sin’s death warrant. I don’t have to think like them to know that—it’s common sense.
For the briefest, most horrible moment, I run through what that would mean. Sin would be dead, that’s the gut-wrenching part. That’s the part that causes feelings to clog my throat so I can scarcely breathe. I would have no one to distract me from Rafe, so maybe I could grow feelings for him. I probably could. He’s much more likable tonight, and that’s even knowing whatever it is he knows. He has so many secrets locked away inside his head, it’s impossible to know how impressive it is that he can be so nice to me right now, that he can play around with me like nothing is wrong when he knows everything is wrong.
Then earlier tonight at the restaurant flashes through my mind, him going to find Marlena. That was incredibly annoying. I knew he wouldn’t find her, but his interest strayed to her as a direct result of my pissing him off, and I am going to piss him off in the future, even if Sin isn’t in the picture. I’m not cotton candy, I’m a person with substance and my own thing going on, and all people clash sometimes. At the first clashing of horns, will he be casual and friendly at home, then go fuck some piece of cotton candy to get his frustrations out? I struggle to envision a future where Rafe wouldn’t cheat on me. I don’t think he would be cruel about it, I don’t think he would even let me find out, but then I would live in a constant state of paranoia. Every time a woman looked at him with lust—which will happen—I’ll wonder if that’s the one he’s fucking when he goes out to a club and I’m at home rocking our baby to sleep.
