by Sam Mariano
“I would never let that happen,” I assure her.
“But… they tried.”
She’s stunned. I guess this is the first time she knows anyone has ever tried to kill her, so that’s bound to be a little upsetting. I release her, digging the key out of my pocket. “Let’s get inside.”
She nods, looking around warily. It must scare her right now, all the shadows and darkness, spots in the yards where people could be hiding. Now that I know my house is as secure as I hoped it was, I feel a lot better, but I doubt she does.
Once we’re inside, I lock up and set the alarm. I hit the lights since Laurel is still skittish. I glance down at Skylar to see if the sudden brightness caused her to stir, but she’s out. After Laurel fed her and burped her, Skylar fell asleep in the car on the way home. It felt like the ride was a million hours long. When I left Gio’s, I only grabbed the diaper bag, the blanket out of her crib so she’d have something familiar to sleep with, and this rectangular bassinet contraption he brought the night Laurel babysat. There wasn’t enough formula to last tomorrow in the diaper bag, so I stopped at a drug store on the way home for that and diapers. Been a long damn time since I’ve had to go down that aisle.
I’m drained, but Laurel turns and smiles at me, and I feel a little better.
“Do you need help setting that thing up?” she whispers, pointing at the portable baby furniture I’m lugging with me.
“Nope, I’ve done it before.”
Laurel puts Skylar’s carrier down in the living room and kneels on the ground beside her, rooting through the diaper bag to see what we actually have for this baby. I put down the bag from the drug store and proceed upstairs to the bedroom next to mine—Ellie’s old bedroom. I always kept the door closed and I told Laurel not to snoop the day I left her home uncuffed. Maybe she listened, or maybe Rafe just got here before she got around to it. If she had seen it, she probably would have had questions. When I bought the house, the walls were white like all the rest, but Paula fell in love with elephants when she was pregnant. I painted the walls in this room a pale pink and gray, and in the corner where Ellie’s toy box used to be, there’s a cartoon elephant decal on the wall. I packed up all her stuff, but I never took that down. Occasionally I would drink a lot, lie down on the floor in this room, and just stare at that elephant to make myself hurt.
A ball of grief remains nestled in my gut as I stand in this empty room, but I shake it off and get to work assembling the playpen so we can put Skylar to bed.
I hear noise and glance back just as Laurel steps inside the room. She’s carrying the pink blanket I brought with Skylar, her eyes drifting around. She takes in the color on the walls, the elephant decal in the corner.
“Ellie’s room?” she asks quietly.
I nod wordlessly and stand, leaning down to press my hand along the mat and make sure it’s pressed down good. I think there’s a SIDs risk if not. Or maybe that’s for cribs. I don’t remember. Better safe than sorry.
Laurel comes up behind me, wrapping her arms around me and hugging my back. She doesn’t say anything, just holds onto me, comforts me the only way she can.
I use my good arm to reach back and drag her around to my side so I can kiss the top of her head. Pointing at the open, empty closet, I tell her, “A bunch of little dresses and sleepers used to hang right there.” I glance around at the empty nails on the walls. “We had some pictures of her hanging up in here, too, but I had to take ‘em all down. It was too much.”
She nods her head, then presses herself even closer to me. “I know I said it before, but I’m so, so sorry, Sin.”
“I know.”
Sighing, she says, “Now I’m feeling really stupid for pitying Rafe because he had to pack up books. You had to pack up your daughter’s whole life.”
I frown, a little lost. “Books? What?”
She shakes her head. “Never mind. It’s not important. Next time you’re at Rafe’s, tell him you want to bring my books home. We were supposed to tonight, but then you got shot and Skylar was there… Long story short, the books didn’t matter anymore.”
I don’t know what she’s talking about, but I don’t really have the energy to find out, so I just nod. “All right.”
“We could put her in a different room, if it’s too hard to be in here,” she tells me. “I don’t have a baby monitor yet anyway, so we could even put her in our room for tonight.”
“I can move it in there if you want.”
“Only our second night living together and you’re already getting cockblocked by a baby,” she states.
I smile faintly at that. “You can owe me one.”
Laurel leaves me to go grab Skylar while I move this thing to our bedroom. For the first few months after Ellie was born, we kept her in our room, too. I don’t know if my heart’s ready for it though—if she wakes up in the middle of the night, and I open my eyes to see Laurel sitting up in bed, wearing my ring and snuggling a baby. I thought I had a few months to work up to that.
Once Skylar is in bed, I need a shower. I know eventually I’m going to have to shower without her, but tonight I don’t want to. I grab Laurel’s wrist and drag her in the bathroom with me, stripping off my clothes and climbing in. She already knows the drill by now, so she follows suit, closing the shower curtain and wrapping her arms around me from behind, pressing her face against my back.
“I love you, Sin.”
Instead of telling her, I show her. I reach back and bring her around front. I back her up against the wall, lift her leg, and sink myself inside her. I know she likes it hard and fast—hell, so do I—but tonight I just want to stay inside her. Tonight I’m slow and tender, kissing her and making it last. I’m already exhausted, might as well empty the last of my energies inside her.
Even though it’s been the day from hell, it feels like my own little slice of heaven when I walk into a bedroom that doesn’t even feel like mine anymore. The scent of Laurel’s shampoo lingers in the air, there’s a baby sleeping in the corner, a beautiful woman climbing in my bed. I shake my head, drop my towel in the otherwise empty laundry basket, and climb in bed with her. I must be the luckiest bastard around as I secure my arms around Laurel’s waist and tug her as close to my chest as I can get her.
Leaning in and pressing a kiss against my lips, she whispers, “How many kids do you want?”
“A bunch. Maybe four. You?”
Her eyebrows rise and fall. “Four, okay. That’s probably doable. I thought more like two, but I’m flexible. Do you mean four after this one?” she asks, placing a hand on her tummy.
“Four total. If you haven’t noticed, I’m not a stickler about biology.”
“I have noticed,” she says, smiling and caressing my face with her soft hand. “You’re such a great man.”
I don’t know how she can say that after all the terrible shit I did today, but I don’t bother arguing. I just tug her closer and appreciate her perspective. I hope she can keep it.
“Who do you think will take Skylar?” she asks.
“No idea.”
“Rafe said he’s her godfather,” she tells me. “Obviously he isn’t going to take her; he didn’t even want to raise his own kid. I don’t know the other Morellis out here.”
I’m too tired to think about all this. “That’s a problem for tomorrow,” I tell her.
She nods and curls close. “I’ll let you go to sleep. You need the rest. Wake me up in the morning and I’ll make you breakfast before you leave. I bought groceries.”
“We’ll see if Skylar wakes you up. I’m not going to wake you up to cook if you’re up with a baby all night long.”
“You’re wounded. Let me take care of you, dammit,” she says, playfully stern, before pecking me on the lips.
“Wounded, my ass.” I let my hand slide down so I can grope her ass. “Go to sleep.”
“What will you do to me if I don’t?” she teases.
I can’t help grinning, shaking my head at her as I
close my eyes. “Insatiable.”
“Your fault. You teased me forever.”
“I did not tease you forever, I teased you very briefly. I just teased you hard.”
“So hard. Fifty years into our marriage I’m still going to be convinced I have to earn dick privileges.”
Grinning, I tell her, “Sounds good to me.”
She swats me in the stomach, then curls closer. “Good night, Sin.”
“Good night, Laurel.”
51
Laurel
Skylar woke me up twice during the night. Both times, Sin woke up, too. Both times, he laid there watching while I fed and soothed her. I apologized that she woke him up, but he didn’t seem to mind. I imagine it must be weird, maybe even a little haunting, witnessing something like this again. Surely he saw it plenty when Ellie was the baby. He clearly adored Ellie, whether she was his or not. It breaks my heart for him, but it also reassures me that my baby will never be less loved for not being biologically his.
When Skylar wakes me up the following morning, Sin is already gone. It’s later than I thought it would be, and Skylar has a fresh diaper, so Sin must have changed her before he left. God, he’s great. I feed Skylar a bottle and then we laze in bed for a little while longer. She’s only a few months old, so she can’t do much anyway. I rub her belly, tickle her toes, count her gummy little grins, and snuggle her. She doesn’t flip her shit on me at all, so Sin must be right, she must have smelled my fear the first time.
There are no toys here, except for the mirror one in the diaper bag, but I remember that I bought a board book the day Rafe took me to the bookstore, so I dig it out and read it to her.
After I read her a story, I snuggle her against my chest facing forward and pose both of us peeking over the book, snap a selfie, and send it to Sin.
“You’re lucky there’s a baby in you already,” he informs me. “If not, I’d put one in you tonight.”
I send him a winking emoji. “Promises, promises.”
“Keep it up, we’ll have six,” he tells me.
I laugh. “Be kind to my vagina!”
“Oh, I’ll be kind to it all right.”
Even though Sin would kill me, and I’m pretty sure I convinced her not to immediately board a plane to Vegas last night, I take a screen shot and attach it in a message to Carly. “See why I want to marry him?”
“OMG, where did you get that adorable baby?” she demands.
“One of Rafe’s cousins. Babysitting,” I say, for simplicity’s sake. I’m trying to warm her to Sin, and while my sister is no goody two shoes, I’m not positive telling her my fiancé technically orphaned this child yesterday is a great way to accomplish that.
Much the same as we avoided talking about Rafe when I was trying to make it work with him, Carly avoids talking about Sin. It makes me nervous, but I tell myself she will get over it. I don’t know if she’ll love Sin—that may have been a bit of an oversell—but once she sees how happy he makes me, I know she’ll see the light. Once she sees the way he looks at me like I’m the only woman in the world, she’ll lose her skepticism. She just hasn’t seen us together yet, that’s all. I called her up and told her I was marrying someone she has never met, and she understandably freaked out. I get it. A month ago, I would have probably had the same reaction, because I had never experienced anything like that before. I don’t think Carly has, either. She and Vince didn’t fall hard and fast the way Sin and I did, their relationship is completely different. Sin and I consume each other. Carly always stays in control.
I wonder if that’s okay. I wonder if she ever gets to feel the way I feel. Knowing she and Vince are happy together, I never really put much energy into dissecting their dynamic, but now I sort of wish my sister understood the depths of my feelings. Am I crazy?
My mind drifts to Mia. I’ve seen the way she and Mateo look at each other, and even though I should probably let Rafe be the one to tell her since she is more his family than mine, right now I need more than my sister’s opinion. Maybe I have lost my mind. Maybe even Mia will tell me that.
So I text her, “I need to tell you something.”
And then I do. I tell her everything. Every single thing. I even tell her things Rafe doesn’t know—the night Sin helped me watch Skylar, the note he wrote in my book. I’ll ask her to delete the messages afterward, just to be safe, but I need someone to tell me I’m not crazy, and she can only get it if she has the whole story.
I conclude by sending her a picture of my engagement ring and the question. “So, am I crazy?”
She texts back immediately, “If you are, who wants to be sane?! I love that so much. I don’t blame you at all. You 100% made the right choice. Congratulations!!”
Oh, thank God.
“I can’t wait to meet him!” she adds. “If you don’t want us to come to the wedding because of Vince and Carly, I totally get it. Make sure you let me know when it is anyway though, I want to send you a gift. I don’t think Scotophile IS a thing, but I’m going to take this love into consideration when picking your gift,” she adds with a wink.
“I really DO want you to come to the wedding. I just have to convince Sin that we should wait and have a bigger wedding, but that it doesn’t mean I’m having second thoughts.”
“I’m sure you’ll come up with a way,” she tells me. “Give me your address, I’ll send you an engagement present that might help.”
“Oh, you don’t have to send me an engagement present, silly. I just wanted someone to tell me I’m not crazy.”
“If you don’t give it to me, I will get it from Adrian. I’m trying to be less creepy about this,” she informs me.
I laugh, relenting, and sending her my address. I guess I shouldn’t feel guilty. Her husband has more money than God, so she can afford to send me a present.
Skylar and I go downstairs and bum around the house. I talk to her and she coos back. I make myself some lunch and ask Sin when he’ll be home, but he doesn’t know.
At some point I should probably text Rafe to ask for an update about who is taking Skylar, but I’m enjoying having her here, so I don’t.
A few hours later, around the time I’m hoping Sin will arrive, the doorbell rings. I’m not answering the door after last night, but I go to the window and look out. It’s Rex, and he seemed safe, so I go down and ease open the door.
He doesn’t look terribly impressed to be playing delivery boy, but he hauls a huge box and a Nordstrom bag into the house.
“Um, what is all this?” I ask.
Once he puts it all down, he indicates the box. “A stroller, in case you wanted to take Skylar for a walk. There are some clothes in the bag. Do you need me to put this thing together?”
“No,” I say, staring at the box. “I don’t even know if I’ll have Skylar here long enough to ever need this.”
Rex shrugs. “If you don’t want it, donate it. Mia can’t look at baby stuff and not buy it. If she could, she probably wouldn’t have 800 kids.”
“I’ll be honest, when she said she was sending me an engagement gift, I kinda thought she meant a simple lingerie set.”
“It’s probably in the bag. I did not go digging through it to find out.”
I give him a thumbs up. “Good call.”
Since his job is done, Rex goes to leave, but he doesn’t quite get the door open and Sin is storming in, glaring at him.
“Whoa,” Rex says, stumbling back a step in surprise.
“Why are you at my house when I’m not here?” Sin demands.
I glance down, seeing poor Rex cornered, and tell Sin, “Look, baby, Mia sent us presents.”
Jerking his thumb up in my direction, Rex explains, “That’s why.”
Sin narrows his eyes at Rex just for good measure, and Rex eases around him and slips out the door. Sin is still in intimidating mode when he gets up to me, glaring down at me with leftover annoyance at Rex. At least, I assume so, but his thunderous scowl gets my blood pumping anyway. I’m alrea
dy on the floor, so it doesn’t take much to climb to my knees and crawl over to him so I can hug his legs. “I’m glad you’re home.”
“Why was he here?”
I release him and turn back to the bag I haven’t opened yet. “I told Mia about our engagement. She’s thrilled for us, by the way. She told me she wanted to send me a present. I assumed she meant in the mail, but I guess since Mateo already had an errand boy in Vegas, she made him go pick it up for faster delivery. Look at this, she’s crazy. She sent us a stroller—for Skylar. I doubt we’ll use it for her, but we can definitely save it for when the baby comes. That’s one less thing we’ll have to buy, and it looks like a really nice one. I probably would have got something a lot cheaper, but look at this thing.”
Nodding at the bag, he asks, “What’s in there?”
“Not sure yet.”
I dig out the first item, right on top, and gasp with delight. It’s a white satin robe similar to mine, but the back says “the bride.”
“Look, look, look,” I say, holding it up to show him.
He’s already over the gifts and onto Skylar, getting down on the floor and picking her up off the pillow I propped her up on. He transfers her to his chest and she coos at him in approval.
The next item must be the gift Mia was talking about—I don’t show that to Sin, just yet. While he’s distracted with Skylar, I set it aside. It’s black, sexy, and sheer, so I’ll surprise him with that later.
There’s still more in the bag though. I nearly die when I pull out the cutest little pink and blue baby swimsuit with a matching pink sun hat. It’s exactly the kind of adorable thing I envisioned when I had my daydreams of taking the baby in the pool, but this is obviously for a girl. The last thing in the bag is another adorable baby girl outfit in Skylar’s size.
“Not sure if Mia is super sure we’re having a girl, or she thinks we’re keeping Skylar.”
I glance up at Sin and see Skylar playing with his face again, him gazing down at her tenderly. Uh oh. Not sure if Sin thinks we’re keeping Skylar.
