Awake

by Riana Lucas

  The stories are cut short by a quiet knock on the door, which the queen then slowly pushes open. Her smile of relief upon seeing us makes guilt begin to set back in. She must have seen the emotion cross my face, because she quickly shuts the door and comes to sit on the other side of my bed.

  She pulls me into a tight hug before speaking. “I’m so happy to see you awake and laughing with your friend. I’m sure this has been so hard on you, but you must recognize there are still so many of us who love you and want to help keep you happy.”

  “Yes, I know. Thank you.” I take a deep breath, trying to regain composure. I am still a warrior fae and now a princess of the seelie court. It is important for me to gain back the confidence I had only a week ago.

  “Now, I know this is soon…” The queen hesitates, causing me to steel myself for whatever she is going to say. The fact she is unsure of how to proceed makes me nervous and sure I am not going to like what she has to say. “I would like to have your coronation.”

  I stare at her blankly.

  Willow picks up on my incomprehension and clears her throat before explaining, “The queen will throw a ball, and you will be formally presented to the court as their princess.”

  “No,” I say firmly.

  “Poppy, you’re the princess now," the queen says gently, "and it’s important for you to formally take your place. I know this isn’t an ideal time, but the court needs this.” She hesitates once again but pushes forward. “As much as I hate to say this, you can also take your place as…”

  My hand shoots into the air, palms out to stop her from continuing. “Fine! I will do as you wish, but there are two conditions.”

  She looks relieved for a moment, but then my words sink in. Her shoulders slump slightly, and she takes a breath. “Okay…what are they?”

  “One.” I hold up one finger to emphasize my point. “I do not want to talk about it.” I did not need to say more. She knows. I have no desire to talk about, think about, or ever step foot in the unseelie court again, regardless of my possible status there.

  “I understand,” she says softly, “but, Poppy, the time may come when your wish isn’t possible.”

  “And I understand that, but the time is not now. I will deal with it when and if it comes.”

  She nods, “Okay. What is your other condition?”

  “I want nothing to do with planning this thing. Tell me the time and the place, and I will be present, but I will not help plan a party.” An involuntary shiver works up my spine; the queen and Willow let out a small chuckle.

  The queen takes my hand in hers and pats it gently. “Okay, dear, I understand. The event will be tomorrow night in our throne room. I’ll have Willow bring your dress in the morning, and she’ll help you prepare. Then she’ll escort you when it’s time. Will that do?”

  As much as I want to sigh, I know how important this is, not only to my mother, but to the whole court. So instead, I answer with a simple "yes."

  “Good,” she says brightly with a beautiful smile on her face. I cannot help but smile back. She gives my hand one last squeeze and stands up. “What are your plans for the day?”

  “I thought I would train. Is that okay?”

  “Yes. That would be perfect. Your friends are worried about you. I’m sure they will feel better to see you picking up your old routine.”

  It is funny how after only a short time being here, I feel comfortable here. As if this is my home. “Good. I will find Reed first and make sure he is okay, and then I will be in the training room until dinner.”

  “Very well, I will see you at dinner, my child.” She smiles once again and leaves the room, closing the door softly behind her.

  I stretch once again before swinging my legs over the edge of my bed and allowing my bare feet to touch the cold floor. Willow hurries to get my clothes so I can dress and then I pull my hair into my usual braid. I splash water on my face and take another breath to calm my nerves. Squaring my shoulders and stiffening my spine, I mentally brace myself before opening the door and entering the hall.

  In a clatter of footsteps, Reed is at my side immediately. He had been at the end of the hall but quickly turned to the sound of my door opening and sprinted down the hall to stand before me.

  I stand frozen, staring at him.

  “How are you?” he asks softly.

  “Okay,” I answer dumbly.

  “I’m so sorry, Poppy.” At his apology I realize I want nothing more than to be in his arms, but I do not know how to do that. I do not need to do anything, though; Reed senses what I need and quickly pulls me into his embrace. Wrapping my arms around him, I hug him as fiercely as he is hugging me.

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “Oh, Reed, me too,” I whisper.

  He pulls back to look at me in question. “Why are you sorry? You did everything you could. You rescued us, Poppy. Rho…Rho made her own choice. What happened to her was not your fault.”

  “But you lost her. I am so sorry.” I avert my eyes so he does not see the hurt in them.

  “Poppy?” When I do not look up, he places his fingers under my chin, tilting my face up so I have no choice but to look in his eyes. “Poppy. What are you thinking?”

  “Well…you and Rho…I know you two…you know? I am sorry,” I finally manage with a shrug.

  “Poppy.” Although his eyes are still sad, his smile is mischievous, a hint of the Reed I am familiar with. “There was no ‘Rho and I.’ I just met her. Sure, we became quick friends, but the only thing we shared was you.”

  “Oh.” I can sense the blush working up my neck and into my cheeks so I try to pull away to hide it, but Reed would not let me, though thankfully he did not mention it either. He gets a knowing look in his eyes and pulls me into another hug.

  Someone clears their throat, and we both turn towards the sound. Gideon and Thorne are standing behind us, both with worried expressions. Willow stands behind them. I had forgotten about her for a moment.

  “Oh, hi!” I say a little too brightly and grimace, before I stiffen my spine and stick my chin out. “How are you two today?”

  “Fine,” Gideon says warily.

  “Good. How are you, Princess?” Thorne says slyly.

  I hide my smile and narrow my eyes. “Do not call me that! Are you two up for training?”

  Gideon loses the wariness and brightens up. Thorne gives me a genuine smile. They both say at the same time, “Of course.”

  “Good. Let’s go.” I begin to walk toward the training room, expecting the others to follow.

  “Um, Poppy?” Reed says, catching up to walk beside me.

  “Hmm?”

  “Would you mind telling me what exactly is going on here? This whole time, I thought you were a prisoner here like we were there.”

  I had assumed he knew everything that had happened by now. He heard the conversations with the king and the breakfast briefing with the queen, but I guess the others did not reveal as much as I thought.

  “I will explain while we train.”

  We make our way to the training room, and I put everything I have into fighting. Willow stays close by, alternating between watching and talking with the other warriors. Holly joins us after a while—I assume sent by the queen—and I tell Reed about my time here at the seelie court and all I have learned. I also tell him about our rescue mission and my conversation with Damien. He is surprised by the details of what I have been through but supportive and comforting, asking how I feel about these new developments in my life. Once our conversation is finished, we train. We do this until dinner, and then we all join the queen at her table. The mood is still somber but getting better. Many are talking of the coronation to be held the following evening, but I remain quiet, listening.

  By the time dinner is over, I am exhausted once again. Reed walks me to my room where he bids me good-night with a small kiss on my cheek. I enter my room to hide my blush. Then I change and crawl into bed, thinking.

  There is still so much
to figure out. Over dinner I found myself thinking of Holly and Rho. Holly’s demeanor has seemed to change toward me. Not significantly, but enough for me to notice. What had Rho said to Holly in her final moments to persuade her to give me a chance? I will probably never know, but that does not stop my curiosity.

  Dash has also been on my mind. How he even exists and how he was able to communicate with Reed and me is a complete mystery. Maybe Dash helped Reed reach out to me when he was in the dungeons of the unseelie court. I know there has to be a reason, but I cannot figure out what it is.

  Damien is also an issue: I want his blood. I will never be able to forgive him for all he has done to me and to the seelie court. I will never forget the look of pure hatred in his eyes when he sent the unseelie court guards after us.

  And there is my relationship with Reed. I know my feelings for him are growing, and this is so new to me I did not know what to do. He assured me there had been nothing romantic between him and Rho, which makes me feel a little better. I would have never been able to explore my feelings for him otherwise.

  But the one problem consuming most of my thoughts as I finally drift off to sleep is the coronation tomorrow. How am I going to get through that?

  Chapter Twenty

  Now I lay in bed, eyes still closed from a short nap, listening. I spent the better part of the day, as I did yesterday, taking out my frustrations in the training room until I wore myself out. By the end of each day, I had accomplished my goal of not thinking about anything.

  The commotion out in the halls is constant and loud. Everyone is preparing for the coronation ceremony tonight. The fae of the seelie court are all anticipating the first celebration they have seen since before I was taken from them. The thought turns my emotions to guilt. Here I am, resenting them for getting on with their lives and holding a celebration when I am still grieving the loss of Rho. But the truth is they need this. They have been grieving the loss of their princess for years. Taking a deep breath, I finally open my eyes. It is time I begin to act like a princess. In doing so, I must push my own needs aside and do what is best for my court.

  As I am pushing the covers aside and turning my legs to get out of bed, there is a tentative knock at the door. I know instantly it is Willow, come to help me prepare for the big day.

  “Come in.”

  The door creaks slowly open, and Willow pops her head through the narrow crack. “How are you feeling?” I can hear the true concern in her voice, causing guilt to sweep through me once again at the grief I am causing my friends.

  “I am much better, actually. Come in.” I gesture with my hand for her to enter the room. She does so and closes the door quickly behind her before moving hesitantly toward me, unsure of her place.

  I smile patiently at her, because this has all been difficult for her as well. Our friendship has grown very strong, and I am aware she has been concerned for me. I pat the bed beside me. Her shoulders slump a bit as she takes a relieved breath and sits. She takes my hand in hers and squeezes. “Is there anything I can do for you, Poppy?”

  “No, I am truly better. Thank you, though. I am not overly excited about the day before me, but I know it must be done. I will do it as a princess should. I will grieve Rho…” My voice hitches, and I take a moment to gather my thoughts before continuing, “I will grieve Rho for a very long time, but the others should not suffer because of me.”

  “That’s noble of you, Poppy, but we all understand what’s happened and what you’re going through. It’s okay to grieve, and it’s okay for others to see it. We are your court, and we are your friends. We’ll help you through this.”

  I appreciate the thoughtfulness of her words, and I know they are true, but it is high time I get out of my funk. I paste a smile on my face and push all of those thoughts down once again. “I guess it is time I become a princess.”

  Willow studies me for a moment longer, but when I give nothing away she sighs as well before standing up. “All right, Princess, let’s get started.” There is a glimmer in her eyes now, and I do not think I like it. She is going to enjoy this way too much.

  Shaking my head, I let out a long-suffering sigh, which makes Willow laugh. I smile at the sound and follow her to the sitting table and mirror in the corner of my room. This is an area of the room I had not yet spent much time in. To be honest, I found it quite intimidating. My grooming process has been more out of necessity than out of vanity. I bathe, brush my hair, and twist it into a braid. My clothes are meant for battle and comfort, so I have never spent much time on them. So to spend time sitting in front of a mirror, twisting my hair into intricate knots and designs, and painting my face with unnatural color scares me a little. Willow, however, is not intimidated at all. She appears excited and completely comfortable with all of the items laid out on the table. I stand there staring in horror at all of the unknown things.

  She laughs again and pulls out the chair. “Sit down, Poppy. I promise nothing will hurt you.”

  I nod my head as I reluctantly sit in the chair and stare at my reflection in the mirror. Willow moves gracefully behind and beside me, pulling things from drawers and from other places in the room and places them in front of me on the table. I watch for a few minutes, completely lost. All of these things are foreign to me. Instead of trying to figure them out, I turn my focus to the image staring back at me instead. My long hair is in its usual dark braid, the red streaks bright in the light. My skin is flawless and soft, with a natural glow.

  Willow finally stops gathering objects and comes to stand behind me. She gazes at me through the mirror and noticed my distress once again. “Don’t worry, Poppy. Trust me,” she says as she places one hand on my shoulder and squeezes it reassuringly.

  “Okay. If you insist,” I say almost painfully.

  She lets out a delicate giggle and squeezes my shoulder once more before lifting her hands to my braid. “I do insist. I promise you’ll be happy when I’m finished.”

  “I sure hope so,” I huff and turn my attention to the mirror to watch her progress. Willow unbraids my hair and brushes it so it is silky and shiny, hanging loose around my shoulders. Then she turns me in my chair so I can no longer view myself. I try to turn back, but she stops me. “I’ll show you when I’m done, but I want it to be a surprise.”

  I huff once again, but do not argue. Her eyes are glowing with excitement, and I cannot bear to hurt her feelings. We all have been through so much, and this simple task is making her happy. “Okay, but promise me you will not make me look unnatural. I do not wish to look like one of those girls from the human world, with all that paint and stuff.” I shiver at the thought.

  She laughs once again, and I narrow my eyes at her in mock anger. “Makeup,” she corrects me.

  "I know what it is called, but I still think it more like paint."

  “Well, it is not paint, it is makeup and the humans are not the only ones who use it. A lot of the fae do as well. Like Holly."

  “Oh I know Holly uses it," I say remembering when I told her how ugly she looked when Reed and I captured her in the human world. "But why do they do this again?” I am still completely baffled. Why they would want to change their appearance in such a way is beyond me.

  “You’ll see.”

  I start to protest, but she stops me with a raised hand and an arched eyebrow.

  “You said you would trust me.”

  “Okay. You are right, and I do. Let’s get this over with.” I give a decisive nod of my head, more for my sake than hers, and try to relax. I sit in my chair, facing away from the mirror, and try not to think too hard about what Willow is doing to me. There is tugging and brushing at my hair before it hits my waist as she lets it fall loosely. She finally finishes and begins on my face. I tense up once again, but forcibly relax at her reassurance and insistence. Gathering all kinds of unidentifiable objects from the table, she begins to apply them to my face with brushes in different shapes and sizes. Although I’m worried about my appearance, I do feel a
small amount of relief about the fact the makeup is not heavy or constricting.

  Finally, Willow finishes. I was so distracted trying to figure out what she was doing and imagining what I would look like, I completely lost track of time and, with it, all of the depressing thoughts of the past few days. If nothing else positive comes from this coronation, the small reprieve was worth it. Willow touches my shoulder, and I glance up at her from my chair. She peers over my face and hair one last time before she smiles approvingly.

  “Will I be presentable?” My voice is soft and tentative.

  “Oh yes. You will be more than presentable. Once we get your dress on you, you will look like the princess you are, Poppy. You look beautiful. I think you will be very happy.”

  “Good. Let me see.” I begin to turn to the mirror but am stopped once again.

  “Oh no, you don’t. You must wait until you’re dressed so you can get the whole effect.”

  “But…”

  “No. I will be right back with your dress. Promise me you won’t peek.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really! Now promise me.” She crosses her arms over her chest and begins to tap her foot, waiting for my promise.

  I throw my hands in the air in exasperation but cannot help the smile spreading across my face at her determination. “I promise. Now hurry.”

  “I’ll be right back. Don’t move.” She fixes me with one last commanding stare before hurrying from the room.

  I find myself tempted for the first time in my life to break a promise. My curiosity about my appearance is getting the best of me. But even though I know there would be no dire consequences to breaking my promise, I cannot do it. Never have I ever broken a vow, and I definitely do not intend to do so now, especially a promise made to a friend.

  Thankfully Willow returns quickly. When she enters the room, my thoughts all come to a complete halt. The dress she is holding in her hands has swept away everything else from my mind.