He would do both, so I rested my head on the pillows and closed my eyes. The dangerous silence lasted for almost fifteen minutes.
I lowered my head with true remorse. “I’m sorry, Zane. You were right. I should have listened to you.”
“Don’t say another word. You’re in more trouble than you can possibly imagine. Why didn’t I understand that you were so upset? How could you block that part of your thoughts? How could you disobey me so completely? Have you not been taught anything?”
“That’s too many questions,” I whimpered. “And you told me not to say anything.”
When he lifted his chin with a scowl, my fears, my training, my world, and my past just exploded into one big mess, and I broke into choking sobs.
My master’s need to care for me defeated his anger, and he pulled me close to his shoulder with a heavy sigh. “It’s okay, Tia. Go ahead and cry it out.”
It took a long time, and it was pretty apparent that he needed to change his shirt by the time I was done. With easy grace, he got both of us into a warm tub and washed me gently.
Surrounded by his powerful body, I closed my eyes to his familiar touch. He provided a much-needed comfort, but without my power, I couldn’t reconnect with him and felt the loss profoundly.
A warmed towel and fuzzy pj’s accompanied a light meal and returned some of my strength. Tucked into his safe embrace between clean sheets, my body felt a little more human…or witch…or something. I really wasn’t sure anymore.
It was clear, however, that we needed to process, but I still had a hard time looking him in the eye. “Where was I? When I was lost?”
He kissed the top of my head. “In your energy field. It’s where your most powerful forces rest. Even with your unusual progress, you shouldn’t have had access to that portal for years. I don’t know how you managed it.”
I shuddered at the memory. “It was scary as shit. I never want to go back there. You can keep my powers.”
“You don’t mean that. It’s overwhelming at first, but that’s why you go through training. You should have gained a little at a time, but you jumped in way too early and you just weren’t ready to negotiate it all.”
While he spoke, he rubbed my stomach with the same tenderness he used when I first came to the castle. “Don’t worry about the energy field. My father and I are going to take over your training. We’re probably the only two members of our coven with energy sources stronger than yours…and truthfully, sometimes I wonder about mine.”
“I…I don’t want to. It was like white hell.”
“You won’t be afraid if we’re by your side. I’m taking a leave of absence from my business, and we’ll stay here at the castle until you’re strong enough to travel. Trust me, Tia. It will be fine.”
Before I could process my future, I had a terrible thought. “Simon. Simon couldn’t come into my field, could he? Is he dead? I didn’t kill him, did I?” The deafening tears hit before I finished the sentence.
He stood with a smirk and nodded toward the door. “Simon has been here all along, pet. You didn’t really think he would leave you?”
I looked suspiciously toward his nod and saw a common house fly. Pointing at the annoying bug, I whispered, “Is that him?”
Simon’s sarcastic voice came from the doorway. “Really, Tia. That’s plain rude. Do you really think I would stoop so low as to be a bug?”
I defended myself. “You were a wasp once. That’s the same thing.”
“Not even close. Wasps are powerful and put fear into people. Flies get caught on sticky paper, spread disease, and eat dead things. Sometimes you don’t listen.”
Zane sighed. “Really, you two need to stop this. I get tired of hearing you.”
Simon pointed at me. “She started it.”
“I did not. He’s always picking on me, Zane. He’s just rude sometimes.”
“Enough already. Simon, go tell our parents that she’s awake. They’ve been driving me crazy.”
Before he left, Simon wrapped me in his monster arms. I leaned into his shoulder and cried softly. “I’m sorry, Simon. I almost got you killed, too. Thank you for finding me.”
Simon whispered with delight, “Don’t worry, short shit. You’ll pay for this one. There are a whole bunch of people waiting for you to get better so they can paddle your little butt. They’ll be lining up in a few days.”
He walked away with a happy whistle, but unfortunately, he was right. As soon as I was strong enough, I was over Owen’s knee and the next day it was Quinn’s. Both spankings were more than a little embarrassing, not to mention they stung like the dickens even with a layer of sweatpants.
When Quinn left, I complained to Zane. “Your father might be over three hundred years old, but he can still wallop with the best of them.”
Zane smirked. “He is your king. Be careful what you say, or he’ll be back.”
He turned me around and dropped my pants to inspect the damage with a gentle pat. “It’s a lovely shade of crimson. I guess we can wait a little while for my spanking. What do you think?”
I thought quickly. “I have truly been punished, and I am sure that we can forgo any additional chastisements.”
He raised his eyebrows. “You don’t have your powers, but you don’t need them to understand that isn’t going to happen. You’re going to think they were playing, and I’ll be looking at your bared ass.
“When you can sit down again, we will resume your training, and my father and I will help you access your energy field.”
The teasing voice turned to ice. “But, you will never block me again, not at any level. I don’t care what the circumstances are or how strong you become. Our tie keeps you safe and guarantees our communication. If you ever block me again, I will take away your powers, and you will never get them back. You’ll be returned to twenty-four-hour supervision.
“Think of what you will miss. You’ll never have that tie to my soul or our children’s. You will lose easy access to Anna and Owen, and never be able to fully operate within our community. It would break my heart, but I am bound to keep you safe. Do you understand?”
He meant it. Our future with those three beautiful children was already real, and I spoke with the unselfish sincerity that comes from motherhood. “I understand. I get it…I really do.
“I…I didn’t like blocking you. I feel like I’m missing an organ when I can’t connect with you, but…I guess it was just easier than talking about everything. I…I wish I was a better submissive. You just make me so mad sometimes.”
He took a deep breath. “You need to listen very carefully because I don’t know how to say this any other way.
“You,” he said, pointing his finger at my chin, “are exactly what I want. Our connection completes me. It’s not a means to control you. It brings breath and forms judgments. Our souls are truly joined and without it, I’m not whole. Humans talk of love, but we have something much, much deeper.
“I don’t want a toy or a robot. You challenge me when it needs to be done. You will make me a better ruler and that is the key to our power. It won’t be long before you’re ready to rule by my side, but you will still be the same sassy, mouthy thing you are now.”
He leaned into me with a growl. “And I will still love taking you over my knee to turn your bottom a beautiful shade of red.”
To make his point, he massaged deep into my sore backside and accessed the powerful nerve endings that connected directly to my core.
Despite the comfort, I pulled away. Even without my powers, I felt his tension, but there was another obstacle to the success of our relationship.
“Zane, I’m only going to ask this one more time, then I want you to take the question away with some magic thing.”
“What, Tia?” he said with a sigh.
“You already know what I’m going to ask. My parents. My real parents. Did you kill them? If you did, I’m sure you had some reason. I…I trust you, but I need to know.”
His c
onflict was apparent, and he walked to the window to stare at our California coastline in the middle of Romania.
“This is Emily’s doing,” he said dully. “You shouldn’t have been so easily manipulated. That’s why I’ve limited your contacts. You’re very vulnerable to suggestion.”
“But the thoughts are here. Either take them away or answer the question. Please. It’s an unknown that’s sucking the life out of me.”
When he turned around, his look had turned to steel. “She should be destroyed. You know that don’t you?”
“Don’t start, Zane. Emily was just being friendly. I haven’t sensed her since that day. She hasn’t come back.”
“Emily was murdered at least six months ago. My father’s security team found her body during our investigation when we couldn’t find you. This…thing…worked her way into your trust and convinced you to make a stupid move. They took advantage of your confusion.”
Without Emily feeding my doubts, the truth was obvious. Angered by another layer of manipulation at my expense, the rest of my fear dissipated. Being submissive didn’t mean I had to be a victim.
“She wanted me to go to New York. She said she’d take me to see Kim, and I…I’ve missed her.”
Zane frowned. “Kim’s been here all along. That’s why you don’t look for her. Your need for her friendship was filled the whole time you were here.”
I frowned before it hit me. “Hawa! Kim used Hawa’s form.”
“It was the other way around,” he said with a chuckle. “Hawa is her natural form. Kim’s form was taken to fit the image of Owen’s young relative.”
“I almost went through the door to New York. They would have killed me, wouldn’t they?”
He shuddered. “They’d convinced you to block me and were most likely waiting for you. I would never have found you in time. What changed your mind?”
“I…I needed to know what happened the night my parents died. I figured Anna and Owen were more likely to tell me than anybody else, so I looked for them.
“I still need to know, Zane. I won’t be complete without that memory.”
I’d long since learned to give him time to stew on his own, and he rubbed his chin with indecision. I curled my knees to my chin and waited patiently.
With a long sigh, he sat next to my bed. “Before I decide, there are some things you should understand. She didn’t lie about everything. My father wasn’t in line to rule the kingdom. For many years, we’d been ruled by a very powerful man. Kieran was also very wise and popular among our community. My father and I were both proud to serve him, but he’d grown ill and knew that he needed to name a successor. He only had one child—Keller.”
“My father?”
Zane nodded. “Keller was also very powerful and everyone had expected him to inherit. When it was time for him to choose a mate, he claimed the most powerful woman he could find, but she’d already been promised to me.”
“My mother,” I said sadly.
“We’d been friends since we were babies, and I’d always told her that we’d mate when we grew up, but Keller convinced her to join him.
“I would have fought Keller, but Tandy wanted to go to him. She was young. She wanted the fame and power that would come as Keller’s mate, so she chose him. I agreed. In return, I was promised their first daughter.”
I was saddened by his loss. “She loved you, too, didn’t she? She loved having you around.”
“We were only childhood friends. We were never bonded. I’ve never had that relationship with anybody but you. And we never betrayed your father. Your mother was loyal to him, but he didn’t return the honor. He had many mistresses.
“He was much older than we were and none of us knew him well. We’d never seen his cruel and heartless side, and his powers had protected his secret. She recognized her mistake, but she was too proud to ask for help.”
I nodded my head. “I remember. He was…mean. I think I can’t find a better word because I’m seeing him as a child, but…he wasn’t a good person.”
“The problem extended beyond his personal life. Unexplained violence in our world and the human world created a dangerous existence, but we didn’t know Keller was the source. It took us a long time to figure it out, and truthfully, you were the one who unraveled his secrets.”
“What could I have possibly done?”
“I believed that you were in danger. The violence was thought to come from the void that exists during a succession of power. His father agreed, so you and I were mated when you were still very tiny. Your tie to me inadvertently gave us a window to Keller that your mother didn’t even understand.
“With the additional scrutiny and criticism, his behavior became even more erratic. Keller eventually became so outrageous with his lies and manipulations, the coven pushed him aside with his father’s full support.”
I’d read enough romance novels to fill in the gaps. “So your father was placed next in line because control of the coven would eventually come back to me…and my heirs.”
Zane nodded. “My father was one of the few who were powerful enough to win if it came to bloodshed. I was still too young. When Kieran died, Quinn took control.
“Keller had a group of conservatives who supported him, and everyone prepared for war. Before we could move to get you to the castle, Simon summoned me. He’d found you hiding under your parent’s bed, and they were both dead. The room was destroyed.”
“It still doesn’t make sense. Who killed them? Are these the same people who sent the demon after me in New York? Are they trying to kill me because they missed me that night?”
“We can only guess. You were the only witness and must have stayed hidden during the battle. Even at a young age, you were powerful enough to pull it off.
“He had a son with one of his mistresses, and we theorized their supporters had moved to put the boy on the throne. When our people rallied around Quinn, and you, they never took the next step.
“There were rumors that my father and I were involved, but we weren’t. Keller was our enemy, but we had no reason to destroy Tandy. We would have offered her protection when we came for you.”
The revelations triggered memories I’d long forgotten. “You came to the bedroom, but I only let Simon hold me. I wouldn’t talk to any of you and wouldn’t tell you what happened. I didn’t talk for a long time, did I? You took me to Owen and Anna, and I was with them for years before they let me attend school.”
“Nobody could access the memory in your subconscious either. You have it in a very tight place. In the end, I did everything I could to discourage you from looking for it. I didn’t want you to grow up with those images. It was not a pleasant scene.”
Under the weight of so much sadness, my tears were inevitable. “But I still can’t remember what happened before Simon came. I need to know. It’s an unfinished part of my life.”
“I don’t hold the memory, Tia. You do. But I can help you try to find it. If we succeed, I’ll hold you the whole time. Both the grown-up you and the little girl will be safe, but you will watch your parents die, and they died violently. Are you sure that you’re ready for this?”
It wasn’t a pretty picture. I lost a little of my determination and my voice wavered, “I don’t know. Can I have my powers to look for the answer?”
He chuckled, “You’ve come a long way in this crazy world of ours if you recognize the answers lie within you.”
I smiled, but he pulled me off the bed to hold me closely. The familiar warmth filled my body and my sixth sense returned. I was whole again, and I breathed without anxiety or fear for the first time in weeks.
Acting on instinct, I connected to Zane. His nonverbal response was immediate, and I felt the tingling of my entire nervous system. Simon was right. To lose your powers was like giving up love. I resolved to never take my mate for granted again.
My memory was the way I’d left it. Even my symbol was sleeping peacefully in the corner, but nothing answered my ques
tion. With one last look, I started to fade back to my nursery when a photo of my mother appeared on a wall. Like those digital picture frames, her happy and content face rotated from one to another. The effect was so powerful that I wondered if she was trying to tell me to let it all alone.
Before I could make up my mind, I heard my mother’s voice. “You need to know, Tia. Only then will you appreciate what you have. I’m grateful that you will spend the rest of your life with Zane, but you can never truly submit to him without this memory. It’s time to look for it.”
I turned to Zane. “I’m ready.”
****
“You have to find where you hid the memory. I only blocked your desire to look for it, and obviously I didn’t do a very good job,” he muttered sarcastically. “You’re the only one who knows where it is.”
We entered quickly, but I didn’t have to search and pointed to the picture frame. “It’s there.”
“You didn’t put it there,” he said with a smirk. “That has your mother written all over it. She hid your memories from you before she died.”
He was quiet for a second as he reflected on his own loss. He missed his childhood friend, but the magic from our mating ceremony was a powerful tie that he would only ever share with me.
“Wish it to be big enough for us to step inside. We don’t need to be in a different form,” he coached. “We are witnessing your memory, not traveling back in time. Remember, this is going to be as scary for you as it was when you were small. You might even be dragged back to the little girl’s perspective. That’s how it’s stored.”
“Will it be scary for you, too?”
He gently lifted my hand to his lips. “I will be fine. Are you sure?”
I drew my strength from his touch and took a deep breath. With my quick nod of approval, we stepped into the picture, and I waited to watch the death of my parents.
I am wearing a bright yellow sweater with tight blue leggings and my hair is in two perfect little braids. With a flash, I am not just watching from a distance, I am the little girl and I lose touch with Zane’s presence.
Training Tia Page 17
