I shook my head and laughed, “You are being bad today. I think Carrie has rubbed off on you.”
“Carrie would like to rub a lot of things off me. She is possessed. But, thank God for my bodyguard.” He knocked his shoulder into mine, which wasn’t easy since he’s seven inches taller than me.
“You aren’t going to be like this after you and Candace finally…”
His face blushed a little, “How am I supposed to know what I’m going to be like after that?”
“Will this be her first time, too?” I timidly asked as we continued window shopping.
His face became somber, “Can we discuss this some place a little quieter?”
I immediately knew the answer was a no, but there must be something more to the story so I agreed. We had lunch and headed back to the hotel. I wasn’t sure if I should ask him anymore about Candace, but he was the one who decided he wanted to talk, I just didn’t expect him to ask if we could lie in the bed together while we did.
“I slept so good on the plane just because I was able to keep my arm on you—I won’t ask to sleep this way tonight, but does a nap really count?”
“We’ll talk—I think a nap does count, but we were in separate chairs on the plane.”
We curled up on my bed and I had to admit it was wonderful to be cuddled against him. He put a soft kiss on my neck and then relaxed against the pillow.
“Candace started dating a guy last February who worked with her at the store. He pressured her really hard about letting him be her first. He claimed that he loved her and said if she loved him, she’d let it happen between them.”
I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like the outcome of this story.
“He bought her a cheap promise ring and told her everything a girl wants to hear. She finally decided she’d take the step, but not before she got on birth control pills. I’m so glad she at least knew better than to believe him when he said he’d ‘take care of everything.’”
“What happened ?”
“A Friday night, a cheap motel, and a couple drinks and it was all over with. The next time she went to work, he’d told all the guys what he’d done and he didn’t want anything to do with her.”
“That’s sick, Ryan. I mean I know those kinds of guys are out there, but it’s so hard to understand how he could treat her that way. What did she do? Does she still have to work with him?”
“Candace is like a little sister to Andy and Ty, so when she came home crying and upset and they found out why, they showed up in the parking lot after he got off work and they roughed him up. He quit and she hasn’t seen him since.”
I could picture Ty and Andy doing that and, due to their size, I’m sure they scared the crap out of the guy. “I can see why that worked,” I gave a light laugh.
“I don’t think I could have been happy with just roughing the bastard up. He would have had some broken bones if I’d gotten my hands on him. But I don’t understand why she’s so willing to put her trust in me. She wanted me to go home with her and it’s been years since she’s seen me.”
“You’re one of the good guys, Ryan. I think any girl can tell that about you once she gets past the tattoos and the wise-cracks. Did you do what I told you? Did you tell her why you’re hesitant?”
“Yeah, when she and I went for that drive Sunday before she went home, I told her. I thought it might freak her out a little bit, but she was—well, I think it was a turn on because she was all over me.”
“It is a turn on, you nit-wit,” I laughed, squeezing his arm tightly.
“Why? I’m not going to have a clue and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to start right out the gate being a rock star.”
Now I was really laughing. I never would have thought he would have stated it quite that way.
“What’s so funny,” he demanded.
“She’ll remember it for the rest of her life and I’m sure it won’t take you long to be her personal ‘rock star.’”
“So were you—were you Micah’s rock star that first night?” he whispered quietly in my ear.
“That’s a little personal, Ryan,” all my teasing evaporated.
“I have a feeling you were,” he continued, not realizing just how uncomfortable he was making me.
I pulled away from under his arm and got up and went into the bathroom. Washing my face and trying to keep from breaking down as I recalled my few days of heaven in Micah’s arms. I missed him so badly that, just like the love in his heart he described for me, it hurt, physically inside.
“I’m sorry, Leese,” he said, standing in the doorway. “I had no business asking you that.”
I broke into sobs as he wrapped his arms around me. “I miss him so badly. I thought it would get easier the longer we’re apart, but I swear I think I could actually let his family get slaughtered, just so I could have him again for a little while.”
“No, you wouldn’t. You’re stronger than that, but I hope someday you’ll realize you can’t keep going on alone. Micah would understand if you—”
“Only if he knew why. But, if he knew, he’d kill D’Angelo and then the mob would kill him and his family anyway. I can never tell him why,” I choked. “I hope I never have to face him because I don’t think I have enough strength to turn him away. You have no idea how hard it is to want to see someone with every ounce of your body and, at the same time, want to avoid that person just as badly.”
“I had a taste of it, but you’re right, I guess I don’t know what you’re really going through.”
I looked up into those penetrating blue eyes and searched, without words, for what he was referring to by saying he’d had a taste of it.
“When you got married, I knew my chance was gone. I had to force myself to go to the wedding and I nearly lost my courage to find you and dance with you, because I just knew it was pointless. Then when I saw your mom and his brother at the hotel and she invited me to have dinner, I opted to take your sister to a movie instead because, even though everything inside me wanted to see you again, I knew I couldn’t take it—I knew you’d been with him and… I just couldn’t take it.”
“And who knew we’d end up here, huh?” A small grin finally tugged at the edges of my quivering lips.
“That’s what we should do tonight!”
He was so enthusiastic about it, and I didn’t even know what ‘it’ was. “What?”
“Go dancing,” he beamed.
I winced and he noticed.
“You can’t tell me you don’t like to dance?”
“I love dancing, but… Well, it’s just that I… You’ll get the wrong idea and since we’re sharing a room, this might not be the smartest thing to do. Kind of like letting me kiss your neck.” I reminded him, hoping he would understand. He got the reference to his neck, but other than that he seemed mystified. “Okay, fine. I’ll just say it: I dance dirty.”
He busted out laughing, “You? Sweet, little innocent you? You dance—”
“Like a pole dancer,” I finished for him.
“This I gotta see. Now I wish I’d let you buy me that suit, or at least the slacks and a dress shirt.”
Before the afternoon was over, he had a pair of black silk slacks, dress shoes and a crisp white dress shirt. I still wasn’t convinced this was a good idea, but I bought a dress and heals to go clubbing in and away we went.
I called Don and asked, since I didn’t want to end up in the wrong club, where was a good place for a night of dancing; he told me to hit Hollywood. He recommended two clubs in particular and said to have fun. I called for a limo and away we went.
I wasn’t sure what to expect out of Ryan on the dance floor, but he stunned me with the fact that he could dance—I mean really dance. After the first song, I had to ask if he was a natural or if he’d had lessons.
“I don’t think there is any kid from Palm Beach that hasn’t been enrolled in a dance class—yeah, my mom insisted. I did it for a year just before my dad died. By the way, I don’t think yo
u dance dirty. I’m guessing you aced expression dancing.”
I just laughed and pulled him back out onto the floor. By the end of the night he determined that we had a song that fit us, or at least from his perspective. It was new when we were both in elementary school, but it didn’t matter. The DJ played Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down and we burned up the dance floor with a variation of a fast jitterbug.
“So,” I asked as we rode in the limo back to the hotel, “How does the song fit us?”
“Okay when it says ‘I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon, after all I knew it had to be something to do with you.’ That’s the moment when I knew I had to help you run. And, ‘I really don’t mind what happens now and then, as long as you’ll be my friend at the end.’ That statement is fact as far as I’m concerned. I’ll keep your secrets, so we’ve got that one. I don’t honestly think you’ve taken me for granted, but the ‘if not for me then you’d be dead, I picked you up and put you back on solid ground,’ was getting you to Colorado Springs and helping you start over.”
“But I’m kryptonite to you then. Isn’t that something his enemies used against him?” I felt like we were back in AP English dissecting poetry.
“Definitely,” he grinned. He was exhausted as he leaned back into the plush seat and stretched out his long legs.
“I don’t actually get that.”
“You’re my weakness. I’m not a run-around, as you mentioned earlier today, and I’m falling hard for Candace, but you are the one person who could make me change everything—you are my weakness. I think I can handle almost anything, unless it involves you. If something happened to you, I—I couldn’t take it.” He dropped from fun and teasing to serious on that last sentence.
I guessed it would be wise to put a little humor back into this conversation before he went too deep on me, “And you can fly, and you can cut hair, and you can dance like a maniac—yes, I think you’re right; you are superman.”
“And, if Micah catches us, we’ll see if I’m faster than a speeding bullet!” he said, bursting into laughter.
The smile fell off my face, “That’s not funny.”
I was going to refuse to laugh, but he tickled me mercilessly until I was nearly in tears.
“So now that I’ve got you,” he panted, pinning me to the seat, “how about those three extra kisses?”
“I never agreed to that, Superman,” I stated as I tried to wiggle free from his hold.
His face descended, but I turned my cheek to him. He readjusted for my mouth, as I dodged for a second time.
“You aren’t serious?” I asked as I struggled to avoid him, “Ryan, stop.”
He pulled back slightly, but didn’t let me go, “Yes, I am. I don’t want you to keep blowing money on me and three kisses are what I want instead.”
“I’ll stop ‘blowing’ money on you then, but I don’t think we should get this—” I was going to finish by saying ‘close,’ but he had taken my chin in hand and wasn’t going to allow me to turn his last attempt away.
His mouth was on mine just as soft and gentle as the first time I kissed him. The tip of his tongue, like a piece of silk, stroked my lips, begging me to give in. I missed kissing almost as much as I missed sex and I felt defenseless to refuse. My lips parted as I accepted his invitation to share the intimacy of the moment. I’m not really sure how long the kiss lasted, but we were both breathless and wide-eyed when our lips parted. I don’t think he considered the fact when he had kissed me that he still had me under him on the seat, but realizing it now we were both flushed with heat and need.
“I don’t think this is a—” I started to say.
“Good idea,” we finished together.
“Damn, Leese. I’d forgotten how awesome you are at this. If I go for two more, I’m afraid we won’t stop.”
“I agree—please, get up—I can’t take—”
He rose and took my hand, righting me in the seat.
We finished the trip in silence, went to our separate beds in our room, and tried to sleep. I watched the clock from one a.m. to three a.m. when I heard him whisper in the dark asking if I was awake.
“Yes,” came my quiet reply.
“If we don’t sleep together, we aren’t going to get any sleep.”
“Then stay up and watch the sunrise with me, but we aren’t getting into one bed.”
“Are you mad at me for kissing you?”
“Yes.”
“I wish I could tell you I was sorry, but I’m not.”
“Ryan.”
“Yeah?”
“You said earlier I’m your weakness, even though you’re falling for Candace.”
He rolled over in his bed and faced me, reaching across the short distance between them to touch my cheek, “You are, and I think I’m always going to love you no matter what happens between me and her.”
“I want you to know you’re my weakness. I’m not going to have you fly me back out here next week. I’ve found a place of my own—”
“Don’t, Annalisa—please, don’t put distance between us.”
“I’ll still be in Colorado Springs. It’s a nice place about two miles south of our—of your place,” I corrected. “I couldn’t get too far away from you. I’m just too damn weak for that right now.”
“When are you moving?” I could hear the deep sadness in his voice.
“If everything is worked out with the lease when I get back, I guess it will be sometime next week.”
“Don’t expect me to stay away from you,” he warned. “I’m not going to let my best friend be lonely.”
“I don’t want you to stay away. It’s just at night, when we’re alone, I’m—I’m just not strong enough to keep being this close.”
“Leese, I know the day you ran away you told me you loved me, but I also know it was for the camera, not for me. How do you really feel about me?”
I had to be honest with him, but I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I slid onto the floor, resting on my knees as I knelt beside his bed. I cupped his face in my hands and lowered my lips to his. I know he wasn’t expecting me to do this and all the while I was hoping I’d be able to stop, but I had to show him the emotions that were bottled up inside me. His arms encircled me, trying to pull me up onto the bed with him, but I couldn’t. I released him from the kiss. He tried to come back for another as I placed my fingers over his lips. “I love you so much, Ryan Faultz—but the last kiss can never happen. I guess you’ll just have to be happy with a piece of my heart.”
“I wish things weren’t so complicated between us.”
“Me too, but God has a purpose for everything.”
“I believe that too, but sometimes it’s really hard to accept.” He leaned toward me and kissed my forehead. “Sunrise isn’t far away; maybe we should try to get some sleep. I can be good, if you can,” he said sliding away from the edge of the bed and making enough room for me.
I told Candace I wouldn’t, but…
I lay down in the warm place he left when he moved over, turning my back to him and feeling the wonderful sensation of him holding me close, “Goodnight, Ryan.”
He kissed my shoulder and whispered, “Sleep tight.”
It was a good thing I wasn’t required to be in studio for the taping of the men’s show until four p.m. because it was after one in the afternoon before I finally stirred. It was the first time that Ryan actually woke before me. He was on his back staring at the ceiling when I rolled over.
“Good morning,” I yawned.
“Nope, baby girl, it’s afternoon.”
“What are you looking at?” I was trying to see what he was seeing in the ceiling tiles, because he seemed to be fixated.
He just kept looking up, ignoring my question.
“Okay,” I said, deciding to head for the shower, but just as my feet hit the floor he spoke.
“You scared me this morning,” came his simple statement.
I wasn’t sure exactly what he was talking
about. I didn’t think it frightened him when I kissed him in the wee hours, nor when I finally told him how I really felt about him, so I was mystified, “About what?”
“You were talking in your sleep a little bit ago, but I thought you were awake.”
I knew I talked sometimes in my sleep, but I wondered what I could have said to scare him. “What did I say?”
“It was around eleven when I woke up because you were getting wiggly so I kissed your shoulder and you, very clearly said, ‘Make love to me.’” He swallowed, but continued, “It felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest, so I asked if you were sure.”
Now my heart was pounding with what I was obviously wanting in my sleep, “Go on.” Yet, I could tell he didn’t want to finish.
He took an unsteady breath. “You said, ‘Please, I need you so badly,’” he paused. “Then you were calling out his name, begging for him to take you and I realized you were still asleep.”
It was a strange sensation to be happy that Micah was still the man on my mind, and yet so sad to realize how it must have hurt Ryan to listen to me calling out for someone else.
I wanted to say I was sorry, but he’d known all along that I was deeply in love with Micah Gavarreen; I simply couldn’t apologize for that.
He stopped staring at the ceiling and got up and headed for the bathroom.
“Are you okay?” I asked softly as he walked away.
“You know I’ve only got one thing to say about this,” he turned and stared into my eyes.
I was a little concerned about the sharpness in his voice, but then I watched him wipe the corners of his eyes and I knew it wasn’t anger coming from him.
“He is one lucky son-of-a-bitch.”
Chapter Sixteen
“But I was told that the CIA wasn’t going to make an official presence in this latest skirmish,” the man said, studying the Americans with clear suspicion.
“We’re not,” David stated sternly, “but you can understand our concern about your success. You’ve managed to cut the flow of cocaine to the US dramatically, but when our operatives got a good lead about the latest effort to remove you from office, we decided to share the information. We are just here to offer you some suggestions.”
02 Unforgivable - Untouchable Page 23
