As she was saying all of this a flash of heat spread throughout my entire body. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I began to gag, so I quickly rushed into an empty stall, and I started to throw up. London quickly rushed by my side, and held back my hair. I threw up any and everything that was in my stomach. It’s normally not a good sign to throw up after you just got proposed to. This is supposed to be one of the happiest moments of my life, but I felt the farthest thing happy. I got up and rinsed my mouth out. London gave me a breath mint as I tried to clean myself up.
As I pulled myself together she said “Why are you throwing up? Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I don’t know why I’m throwing up,” I lied. “I guess I’m just nervous about all of this. Yes, I have a ton of reservations about marrying Quincy. What happened between me and Trey was a mistake that should have never happened.”
She tried to get another word in, but I cut her off. I yelled at her this time. “Stop it, London! Why can’t you just be happy for me? Why do you have to say I’m making a mistake? I’ve always supported your decisions whether they were good or bad. I never once judged you like you doing to me right now. I need for you to just be happy for me as my friend. I have always been happy for you, London. All I’m asking for is for you to show me the same respect.”
After I said that I walked back out to join Q. As I left the bathroom the pregnancy test I took this morning fell out of my purse. London picked it up and saw the plus sign. She stood there shocked. It hurt her that I was keeping a secret like this from her. We never kept secrets from each other. We told one another everything. So she began to think of the reasons why I would keep this a secret from her. And the only reason she could think of was that the person I was pregnant by wasn’t Quincy. She put two and two together and realized that I was pregnant by Trey. Well, this was it; she now knew what she needed to do. The wedding between Quincy and I couldn’t happen. She had no choice but to intervene and stop me from making a huge mistake. No matter how much I pleaded her to stay out of it, she made up her mind that she couldn’t. Even though she really didn’t care for Trey after all that he has done to me, in the past, she knew he was the right man for me. And if there was any chance the baby could be his, she felt like he had the right to know. Even if it meant that she would have to tell him herself. London formed a plan in her mind right then in there before she rejoined her reception to enjoy the rest of her wedding day.
Chapter 8:
As soon as I got back home from Buffalo I immediately made a doctor’s appointment. I needed to get a real confirmation that I was pregnant, and to learn how far along I am. As I waited for my doctor to come back into the room, I was a nervous wreck. She came back in smiling and congratulating me. She told me that I was about five weeks pregnant. As soon as the words left her lips, all of my nervousness vanished. I instantly fell in love with my unborn child growing inside of me. It was amazing to me how instantaneous the unconditional love fell over me. I couldn’t stop smiling. I have always wanted to be a mom, but a lot of times I felt like it might never be my reality. I would be lying if I didn’t wish that the circumstances of this pregnancy were completely different. I would rather have the father of my child right here, sharing this moment by my side. I still hadn’t told anyone about my pregnancy. I just couldn’t work up the nerve to say anything to anyone. How would I even begin to explain this whole thing? Everyone would just assume that the father is Quincy, but the reality is that the father is Trey. How would I explain that one night of passion produced a love child? I am afraid that people would judge me, or think that I’m type of hoe for this happening.
There is definitely no question about me keeping my baby. The issue is I agreed to marry Quincy knowing the possibility of me being pregnant with another man’s child. Since our blow up, I know Quincy and I will more than likely not end up together, and deep down I know he knows this as well. But it’s like we both don’t have the strength to end it. I know it will crush him to find out I’m pregnant with another man’s child, especially when he used to beg me to have his child. I couldn’t help but wonder if my denying Quincy a child was the reason he ended up getting his side chick pregnant? Maybe my aspirations with my career forced my man into the arms of another woman. I was just settling into my career, and I didn’t have the time to start a family. Plus we could never agree on things when it came to starting a family. He made it clear that if I had his child he wanted me to be a stay at home mom.
He didn’t care that idea was now how I wanted my life to be. No matter how many times I tried to explain that to him he just refused to ever see things my way. Everything had to be on Quincy’s terms and Quincy’s way he never compromised most of the time. I worked damn hard to get to where I am in my career, and giving it all up because I had Q’s child was something I wasn’t willing to do. So I avoided getting pregnant all together. I forced him to use a condom every time we had sex. He hated it, but he knew he wasn’t getting it any other way. I didn’t like the long term effects of birth control, so I never got on it. I heard that birth control could lead to cancer, or fertility issues down the line.
Ever since we came back to NYC together, we both put on this front like we were this happy couple. I had to smile when all I really wanted to do was hide. The whole cheating situation had now become public. Lisa was not being quiet about her relationship with Q. Pictures began to surface on almost every gossip, and social network site. I couldn’t go anywhere without someone staring and whispering about me. The headlines haunted me almost every single day. I was trying every day to get over this situation, but it was constantly being thrown in my face every way that I turned. But the million dollar question on everyone’s minds was why I still stayed by his side. Everyone knew Lisa is pregnant with Q’s baby. All of this drama was a gossip and blog site gold mine. I was so embarrassed that my private life and relationship was now available for the entire world to judge and see. It was way too much attention, and I hated every single minute of it.
Luckily, everyone at work was being very supportive of me. They let my private life remain private. While I was in the office everyone was respectful, but there were still some whispers. I barely had any time to digest this whole situation myself. Now it is being shoved down my throat every way I turned. Quincy wants to put this big rush on us getting married. It’s almost like he is trying to make it official before I have the chance to change my mind. He is more into the details and planning than I am. I really haven’t had any hand into the planning of my wedding day at all. I kept trying to tell him to slow down, but it always fell onto deaf ears. I wanted to postpone us getting married all together. I just wanted to spend time trying to work on us getting back into a good space. But he just wasn’t hearing me as usual. He really doesn’t realize our bond has been broken, and it will take some time to get it back strong again. He has already set a date we are to get married on, which is about a month away. He invited the whole damn world. It’s a bit excessive for my taste, but I went along with everything just to make him happy. I wondered if he could tell that my happiness wasn’t even genuine in fact it was damn near nonexistent. Our relationship just didn’t feel the same to me anymore. I didn’t love him the same way that I used too.
The trust that we used to have is shattered. I don’t believe a single word that comes out of his mouth majority of the time. Whenever he would leave the house I always wondered if he was really going where he said he was. Or was he going to spend time with someone else. I didn’t believe he ended his romantic relationship with Lisa. How could he when she was carrying his baby? Yes, as soon as we came back from Buffalo we discussed all of the issues in our relationship. We agreed to start all over and try to make our relationship work despite what may have happened in the past. He promised me he would never cheat again. I promised I would never see, or speak with, Trey ever again. Although it did pain me to agree to that. Truthfully, my heart has been aching for Trey ever since the day I left him. Q even went
to the extreme of making me get my cell phone number changed. I didn’t contest because I wanted to give him a sense of ease. As I think about it now I was back to being the compromising, Jasmine. Agreeing even when I really didn’t agree at all. I was losing my voice within my relationship, and allowing another person to take complete control. Mentally I was back to weakened state.
We did talk about Lisa being pregnant with his child. He tried to downplay the possibility of the baby being his. But I knew the child was his, and so did he. He thought he was so damn slick, but I found the bank statements for a new bank account for the unborn child. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t smother the happiness I know he felt about finally becoming a father. He has had the baby itch for a while. Whenever he tried to downplay Lisa and the baby like it could be swept under the rug, it pissed me off. I don’t know how many signs I needed to tell me that marrying him was all wrong. But still I refused to accept what would eventually become my reality. The reality is that once everyone finds out about the baby I’m carrying a lot of people will be hurt. I hate the idea of disappointing and hurting anyone that I love. I felt horrible for how I was lying to everyone. But my guilt for what I was doing to Trey was what was eating me alive the most. All he wanted was a second chance at loving me. Instead, I was playing with his emotions by hiding mine. My disappearing just as quickly as I reappeared into his life was not fair to him and I know it.
Tonight I was in Atlanta as the magazine was having an unsigned artist showcase party. I was kind of relieved to get away from New York for a while. Things has been overwhelming for me there lately. Not only did I have men issues, but my friendship with London has become somewhat nonexistent. I know that she is very upset with me for agreeing to marry Q. But lately she seems to always have an attitude with me. Whenever I called her to go over details about the wedding she always cuts our conversations short. So finally I decided to just stop trying all together. I quit calling and texting her. I just emailed her, telling her I wasn’t having any bridesmaids at all. I gave her the date and time when I was supposed to get married. The decision would be on her if she chose to show up or not.
Seeing mine and London’s friendship fall apart like this was devastating to me. I don’t know how I’m going to get married if she wasn’t there by my side. I didn’t understand why she couldn’t just let whatever grudge she has with Quincy go. There were numerous men that I couldn’t stand that she dated, but I never let it interfere with our friendship. I never mixed relationships with my friendships. They always remained separate. I always let her come to her own conclusions in the end about the men she chose to date. But she just refuses to let me do the same. It’s like she doesn’t trust me to make the right decisions for my love life. Ever since we’ve been friends she always feels the need to try to protect me. I am a grown ass woman, and fully aware of all of my actions. The sooner she accepted and realized this the sooner we could go back to normal.
As I was getting ready for the party I analyzed my body in the mirror. I didn’t put on much weight so far. But I was having the terrible morning sickness. I always felt nauseous. It constantly felt like a ton of bricks were sitting on my bladder, and I was peeing every five minutes. On top of that, I was always tired. This kid was kicking my ass early. As I rubbed my stomach I wondered if I was carrying a boy or a girl. I glanced at the clock in my hotel room, and noticed I was running late. So I hurried getting dressed and headed downstairs for the car service to take me to the event. While I walked around the event I greeted and conversed with as many people as I could. I must have been offered champagne at least ten times since I’ve been there. But I kept turning it down. I definitely could have used a drink my nerves have been on edge recently. I decided to rest for a little bit so I took a seat on a bench by myself away from the crowd. As soon as I sat down I was approached by a woman who I didn’t recognize.
She came up to me and said “Excuse me are you Jasmine?” As soon as she spoke I recognized her voice almost immediately.
I said “Let me guess Lisa, right?” As I looked her over I noticed her stomach immediately. She was most definitely pregnant.
She sat down next to me and said “Yes, I’m Lisa. I just thought it was about time we met face to face. I know there are some things that needs to be discussed between us.”
I said “So how did you even know I would be at this event is my first question?”
She replied saying “Let’s just say I did my research.”
I wasn’t trying to entertain the small talk so I said “Well, what did you want to talk about?”
She said “Well first off I wanted to let you know I didn’t know you and Q were in a relationship. While I was messing around with him I was under the impression that he was a single. But I think you should know the truth about Quincy. I am not the only woman he messed around with. In fact, I know of about maybe four other women that he has a sexual relationship with currently. He must have you fooled because he really isn’t the man that you think he is. To be honest, I don’t think he will ever be faithful to you. Shit faithful is not even in his vocabulary if you ask me. I did hear about you two getting engaged recently, but I think you should reconsider. After all I am going to be the mother of his child and quite frankly you aren’t. Maybe you need to step aside, and let us try being a family together.”
I laughed in her face. This bitch really couldn’t be serious. So I said clearly annoyed “Okay, so you want me to step aside so y’all can be a family is that right? But you just told me in the same breathe that he will never be faithful to anyone. Are you trying to say that he will only be faithful to you? Granted, no, he wasn’t faithful to me seeing as how he got you pregnant, but somehow here I am sitting with a ring on my finger. Let’s be serious what kind of family are you going to be when you two were never official to begin with? If Quincy wanted to be with you, then he would be with you. He is with me by choice not obligation. Quincy knows I will be fine with or without him. Now don’t get me wrong, if it is his child that you’re carrying I will not interfere in him being in his child’s life. I encourage any man to step up to his responsibilities if he fathered a child. But understand this, as long as I am in his life, you will respect me as his wife. Disrespect on any level will not be tolerated. For the most part I chilled and took the high road in this whole situation. I could have been on some other shit when I saw how quickly you took all of this to social media. You obviously wanted to flaunt your relationship with Quincy in my face. I noticed all the slick shit you put out on twitter and Instagram about me. I didn’t flip out or engage in a back in forth like I could have. For the most part I let you rock with whatever petty shit you was on. But please sweetheart don’t take my silence for weakness!”
She sat there silent for a moment as she tried to think of something else to say. I could feel myself getting pissed off ready to hit her. So I decided to leave before I caused a scene.
I said “Listen it really is in your best interest to stay away from me. There isn’t anything else for me and you to discuss. Yes, Q is engaged to me. I know that must hurt your feelings or whatever. I guess since your carrying his child you feel like you’re entitled to him now. But trust me when I say I earned this ring on my fucking finger. In the end he did not choose you he chose me. He chose the woman who he is actually claiming as his woman regardless of who he might have been fucking on the side. Being with Quincy should not even be your focus right now. Your focus should be on the child you’re carrying. What he and I are doing shouldn’t be a concern of yours. So for the future, I’m only going to tell you this one time. Keep my name out of your mouth! Let’s be clear in case you have any doubts. I don’t like you, and I know you don’t like me. I’m not about that fake shit. If I don’t like you, I won’t pretend to. You are my fiancé’s mistress; never was I cool about that. It’s been very obvious you don’t give a fuck about me or my feelings! So don’t act like you’re such a civilized woman now, when you talked so reckless about me since this ent
ire situation blew up.”
I walked away from her after I said that. This whole situation with Quincy and Lisa was really getting old and exhausting to me. Was I really willing to deal with this for the rest of my life if I married Quincy? That baby will always be a constant reminder of a really fucked up time in my relationship. I would hate to have resentment or dislike for an innocent child. How am I supposed to forgive and forget if there is a constant reminder in my face? The reality is that this chick and their child together will never go away.
I wanted to call Quincy badly and curse his ass out I was furious. But I decided against it. I felt like my life is spiraling out of control. All I wanted to do was run away from it all. I wished nobody knew where I was just so I could have a moment of peace again. I wanted to talk to London about all of this, but I knew she would only make matters worse for me. I was visibly upset at this point. I wanted to break down in tears kicking, screaming, and breaking anything that I could get my hands on. All of the stress I was under was beginning to take its toll on me. I imagined that at this point in my life when I’m about to get married I would be on cloud 9. Instead I was anything but happy. I felt as if I was losing my damn mind. I took some deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I didn’t need to be under any stress being that I’m carrying a baby. I didn’t want to lose my baby, so I forced myself to calm down.
Running Away From Love Page 21
