by Jenna Black
The other factor in our favor was that the duel would not begin the moment Raphael arrived. Dougal’s people would have to confirm his identity to the best of their ability first, then they’d have to let Dougal know it was safe to come out from wherever he was. There was sure to be some posturing and speech-making before the combatants actually had at it, and there would be yet another delay as Raphael and Dougal examined each other’s auras. I couldn’t imagine that Dougal would send an imposter, not when he was utterly convinced of what Lugh would do if he didn’t show up, but Raphael would still insist on checking.
None of these reasonable arguments kept my heart from beating double-time, or my palms from sweating. I took a deep breath to try to calm myself, amazed that I felt this … depth of anxiety for Raphael’s sake. Just because I didn’t think he deserved to burn to death didn’t mean I should feel this desperate need to save him.
I thought for a moment that somehow Lugh’s anguish was leaking over into my brain. And that was when I realized where my sense of desperation came from. It wasn’t for Raphael’s sake. It was for Lugh’s. Despite everything Raphael had done, I don’t think Lugh had ever stopped loving him. I suspected that was true of Dougal, too, though I doubted Lugh would admit it. To kill with his own hands the brother who’d betrayed him would hurt Lugh badly enough. To lose both his brothers …
A burning sensation in my eyes told me I was on the verge of tears. Lugh and I had had our differences, but he was kind, and compassionate, and thoughtful, and wise. He didn’t deserve the kind of pain he would suffer if Raphael killed himself.
I swallowed the tears as best I could. “Can you drive a little faster?” I asked Andy, my voice scratchy from fighting the tears.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him glance at me and raise his eyebrows, but I didn’t turn to face him. I didn’t know what expression my face was wearing, but I suspected it was too raw, too open to be one I wanted him to see. I was more grateful than I could say when the needle on the speedometer inched up just a bit.
The miles sped away, but warp speed wouldn’t have felt fast enough to me just then. My fingernails bit into my palms, and I kept flooring my imaginary accelerator whenever I wasn’t concentrating on keeping still.
“Never in a million years would I have guessed Raphael was capable of this,” Andy whispered when we were about halfway there. “I can’t reconcile the Raphael I know with the Raphael who would sacrifice his life to save anyone.”
I swallowed a lump that formed in my throat. “That’s because he really has changed,” I said, just as quietly.
Maybe this is the Raphael that would have been, if I hadn’t been so overbearing and judgmental all his life, Lugh said.
It’s not your fault, I assured him. Raphael was a bastard because he chose to be. You can’t seriously hold yourself responsible for that any more than you can hold yourself responsible for him choosing to be a martyr.
“Maybe being inside your head for all those years was a good influence on him,” I said out loud. “You never got along, but he keeps saying how he understands you, even if he doesn’t like you. Maybe some of your better qualities rubbed off on him.”
Andy gave me a sidelong glance that spoke of skepticism, but Lugh had said that demons were influenced by their hosts, so I didn’t think it was that much of a stretch. Then again, this might have been the first time in Raphael’s life he’d ever had to fight for something. He was used to keeping himself aloof and uninvolved. I think even the eugenics stuff was just a pet project for him, not something he really cared about. Maybe he found that once you start caring, it’s hard to stop.
Was I really so different myself? Before Lugh had come into my life, I’d been a bastion of selfloathing. My parents had thought my unwillingness to become a demon host was a sign that I lacked the courage and decency to want to make the world a better place. They’d hammered into me the idea that I was the lesser of their children, because Andy had been willing to host, and I wasn’t. They’d called me selfish, and though I’d fought them tooth and claw, secretly I’d believed them.
All the things I’d done in the last several months to try to aid Lugh’s cause … If you’d told me before I was possessed that I would one day be ready to risk my life to save someone I didn’t even like, I’d have laughed at you. I’d have felt like a shit for it, but I’d still have laughed.
So maybe people—and demons—were capable of change after all, when they had a good enough reason.
The moment I was able to make out the farm in the distance, I started staring at the sky, praying not to see the glow of a bonfire. No glow, no fire, no dead demons, right? I leaned forward in my seat and didn’t care that I was pressing my foot onto the floorboard like I thought that would make the car go faster. My heart pounded, and though he was quiet, I could swear I felt Lugh’s anxiety as much as my own.
If I’d been driving, I might have floored the accelerator and burst through the gate over the driveway. It would have been a stupid thing to do, guaranteed to attract unwanted attention, but I don’t know that I’d have been able to help myself. I guess that made it a good thing that Andy was driving.
I had my seat belt off before he even started slowing down, and I was out of the car while it was still rolling. My hands shook as I pulled loose the unlocked chain and gave the gates a shove. I had no intention of closing them behind me, and if that meant a passing motorist noticed and called the cops—
well, tough.
I felt like Andy was moving in slow motion as he drove the car through, but he barely slowed down enough to let me jump in before he barreled down the dirt driveway at a pace that probably wasn’t safe. I guess he’d either caught my sense of urgency or he’d decided that now that he was committed to the rescue attempt, he was in it all the way.
There were fewer cars in the gravel parking lot than I’d expected, only three in addition to Adam’s. I didn’t know what that meant, and I didn’t care. Without having to talk about it, I let Lugh surface once more. I would run faster with him in control.
Once again, I leapt out the door before the car had come to a stop. Andy yelled something, but both Lugh and I ignored it. If I’d been in control, I probably would have fallen, considering the car was still going pretty fast when we jumped out, but Lugh was able to keep his balance. Andy yelled again, but Lugh was already running all out.
We rounded the corner of the barn, and that was when we could see the dueling grounds. I didn’t see anyone there I didn’t recognize from the meeting at the food court. The Asian woman had hold of Dom, and the MIB wannabe had Adam, keeping them from interfering, as we’d agreed. The other four of Dougal’s supporters who’d been at the original meeting were fanned out in a defensive position.
A few people turned to look as Lugh came into view, but most of them were staring at Raphael and Dougal, who stood in the center of the basketball court. They were gripping each other’s hands in what looked like a handshake, but of course, that wasn’t what they were doing.
Raphael turned and saw me coming. And everything seemed to slow down, my eyes, with Lugh’s will behind them, taking in every excruciating detail while my legs seemed to drag through knee-deep mud.
Dougal, who’d been looking grim, but not particularly afraid, suddenly gasped. His eyes widened, and I knew that was the moment when he realized he was facing the wrong brother. But if the rest of us couldn’t guess that Raphael would sacrifice himself, then certainly Dougal couldn’t. He hesitated in what had to be shock.
“No!” Lugh screamed with my voice, and inside my head, I screamed with him.
Raphael looked at us, any fear he might have been feeling deeply buried beneath his mask. He smiled at us, faintly. Then, with the hand that wasn’t grasping Dougal’s, he hit himself, hard, in the chest.
Lugh screamed again, and both his supporters and Dougal’s looked startled, confused. I could hear the sound of glass shattering.
Raphael pulled Dougal into what looked almost
like a hug, his left arm trapped between their bodies. For a moment, nothing happened. Maybe it was just that time-delay sensation of everything happening too fast to take it in. Lugh was still running for all he was worth. But it was too late.
The fire seemed to come out of nowhere, great licks of flame suddenly shooting out from between Raphael and Dougal’s bodies. Lugh’s screams echoed those of his brothers as their clothes caught fire. Raphael used that first second or so of confusion, when no one but him understood what was happening, to propel both of them toward the pyre that was set up around the basketball goal. They were both screaming—agonized shrieks that would echo in my memories forever. Dougal started struggling to push Raphael away, but he was blinded by flames and too far off balance. The momentum of Raphael’s first push carried them all the way to the pyre, which went up the moment the first flame hit it. It wasn’t quite an explosion, but almost. Lugh was about fifty yards away, and we still felt the enormous blast of heat.
It was hard to see anything through the sudden pillar of fire, but for a moment I thought I caught sight of two shadows, both trying to escape the conflagration. No matter how willing Raphael had been to make this sacrifice, even the iron will of a demon wasn’t enough to counter the primal drive to survive.
Lugh fell to his knees on the concrete, his head bowed as he sobbed. I heard the hiss of fire extinguishers as the observers tried to put the fire out, but they had to know it was hopeless. The flames continued to soar into the air, the fuel making snapping and popping noises, sometimes sounding almost like gunfire.
Lugh retreated into the background of my mind, but I cried as hard as he had, sobbing hoarsely, breathing in deep gulps of scorching air tinged with smoke. I was vaguely conscious of Andy kneeling by my side, taking me into his arms and hugging me. I buried my face against his chest and let my misery and Lugh’s pain pour out.
thirty-two
CHAOS REIGNED SUPREME FOR I DON’T KNOW HOW long. Everyone was shouting, confused, scared. The only thing anyone seemed to know for sure was that Dougal was dead. The fire raged on; no one was even trying to put it out anymore. I tried to drag myself out of the grief, fearing that Dougal’s minions would retaliate, but when I raised my head, no one seemed to be fighting. Adam and Dom, no longer restrained, came over to Andy and me. I was still crying too hard to talk, so Andy explained what had happened.
By the time he’d finished explaining, Saul, still in his camouflage gear and with his rifle slung over his back, had made his way out of the woods to join us where we huddled together. He knelt on the asphalt in front of me and reached out to grab my shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze.
“Everything happened so fast, I couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on down here,” he said. “I don’t know if I figured it out fast enough. He had already fallen by the time I fired, but perhaps he wasn’t yet dead.”
My head jerked up, and I felt a swell of hope in my chest. “You mean he might have survived?” I asked in something that sounded like a hoarse squeak. I heard a groan of mingled hope and pain in my head.
Saul nodded slowly. “If it was my bullets that killed his host, and not the fire, then he will be back in the Demon Realm.”
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Andy started laughing. We all turned to stare at him like he was crazy.
“He knew,” Andy managed to gasp out. “He knew all along.”
We all looked at each other. So far, Andy was the only one in on the joke.
“What do you mean, Andy?” I asked.
Andy sucked in a deep breath. “Raphael knew there was a chance he’d survive. He was counting on Saul to shoot him.”
I felt a surge of something dark and ugly rising from my chest. If Andy was going to suggest that burning himself alive was all part of one of Raphael’s Machiavellian schemes, I was going to beat the shit out of him.
But he must have caught the sentiment, because he held up a hand. “Let me finish. The last time he possessed me, Raphael gave me his True Name.”
We all gasped at that. Raphael’s True Name was his most closely guarded secret, one he hadn’t revealed even to Lugh. But he had told Andy, with whom he did not exactly have a warm and fuzzy relationship.
“I couldn’t get him to tell me why he was suddenly giving me his True Name,” Andy continued. “It made no sense whatsoever.” He shook his head. “But now I get it. This was his plan all along, even before we met with Dougal the first time. He knew he was going to burn with Dougal, but he must have hoped he’d get a last-minute stay of execution, as it were.”
Saul shook his head. “He couldn’t have known we’d have a sniper at the ready. That wasn’t even his idea. It was Lugh’s.”
“Just because he didn’t mention it doesn’t mean he didn’t think of it,” Andy argued. “He wouldn’t be so dangerous if he weren’t smart.”
“You’re speaking of him in the present tense. Remember, I may have been too late.”
“When did you realize that it was your father?” I asked Saul, and I didn’t even try to hide the accusation in my voice.
Saul met my accusatory gaze head-on. “As soon as I figured out what was going on, I knew it was him. There was no one else it could have been. But that didn’t make me hesitate. I didn’t do it for Raphael’s sake.” His lip curled a bit like it always did when he mentioned his father’s name. “I did it because I knew it was what Lugh would want.”
Dougal’s supporters were still milling about, looking lost and aimless. I lowered my voice to a near whisper.
“Are those guys going to attack us anytime soon?” We weren’t exactly on the alert right this moment.
Adam shook his head. “They don’t have Dougal to protect them anymore. They’ve already established themselves as enemies of the state by coming here today and openly standing by Dougal, and they’re probably hoping they can find some way to climb out of the hole they’ve dug.” He lowered his voice even more. “Of course, they have no idea who’s who right now. If they knew that Lugh and Saul, who’s Lugh’s heir—if Raphael is really dead—were here, they might decide killing us is a step in the right direction.”
“Perhaps we should get out of here before they start speculating too much, then,” Saul said. Casually, he slung the rifle off his back until it was in his hands. He wasn’t pointing it at anyone yet, but it was good to know he had it. “They aren’t going to want to risk being shot and sent back to the Demon Realm when they don’t know where Lugh and Raphael and I are. Everyone head for the cars. I’ll keep an eye on them as we go.”
Adam drew his gun and came to stand beside Saul as they herded the rest of us toward the parking lot. Dougal’s minions looked briefly like they might want to stop us, but one look at the guns convinced them they were better off letting us go.
thirty-three
WE HAD ONLY GONE A MILE OR SO WHEN WE HEARD the wail of approaching sirens. I looked over my shoulder and saw the orange glow that lit the night sky. Someone else must have seen it and called 911. As far as I knew, Dougal’s demons were still hanging around the bonfire. I was sure they’d have tons of fun explaining themselves to the police.
I closed my eyes and rested my cheek against the window of the car. Now that the immediate crisis was over, I was aware of the characteristic headache and nausea that came with too-frequent control changes. I swallowed, and hoped I wouldn’t need Andy to pull over before we got home.
I managed to make it all the way there without puking, which was a nice plus. I still felt wretched—
sick, and sad, and utterly exhausted. I tried to hold on to the kernel of hope that Raphael might be alive and well in the Demon Realm, but I’ve never been what you’d call an optimist. From Lugh’s heavy silence, I guessed he wasn’t much of one, either.
Adam, Dom, and Saul had followed directly behind Andy and me, and we all rode the elevator up to my apartment in oppressive silence. When we got there, Adam unlocked the cuffs on Brian and Barbie—turns out most handcuffs use the same kind of key—and
explained what had happened out at the farm in as dispassionate a voice as he could muster. I don’t think Raphael’s possible death bothered him all that much in itself. But like me, and like Saul, he genuinely cared for Lugh and hated to know Lugh was in pain.
I let instinct take over and brewed a pot of coffee, trying my hardest not to think. Everyone took a cup. Then we gathered in the living room, bringing in chairs from the dining room as usual so we could all sit. I noticed Adam pulled in one more chair than we needed. I didn’t think it was by mistake. Once we were seated, we all stared at that empty chair.
It was Andy who broke the silence. “I’m willing to summon him.”
Everyone’s attention turned from the empty chair to Andy. I opened my mouth, but I had no idea what to say, so I shut it again.
“I would ask that you find someone else to host him once he’s here, but I’ll bring him over and host him while you find another volunteer.”
“Andy—” I started, but he cut me off.
“None of us is going to rest easy not knowing if he’s alive or dead. I can handle hosting him a while.”
He managed a rather feeble grin. “It’s not like I haven’t done it before.”
All eyes turned to me. I wasn’t sure if they were waiting for permission, or just waiting to hear my argument, or waiting to hear from Lugh. The attention actually made me squirm.
Lugh didn’t speak to me, but then he didn’t have to. I knew how badly he wanted to accept Andy’s offer. And in all honesty, I couldn’t blame him. If I had been in his shoes, not knowing if my brother was alive or dead, I’d probably be willing to do just about anything to learn the truth.
“Are you sure, Andy?” I asked, my voice choked with emotion.
