~*~
Lizzie sat in the one-room schoolhouse next to her cousin, Lydia. The decorations were the same as the ones back home and this comforted her. She didn’t want to be away from home on Christmas, but when Lydia said she needed help in her bed and breakfast, she knew it was the perfect excuse to leave. It was time to finally dig up her buried pain. When Melvin told her he felt an icehouse wall between them, she knew she needed help.
Lizzie watched as the children filed into the front of the room and sat on benches facing their audience. One of the little girls got up to start the program.
“I’m glad it isn’t size and weight
And age that counts today,
‘Cause then I might not have the chance
To stand up here and say...
MERRY CHRISTMAS!”
Then several students got up to recite proverbs in unison:
"Sometimes the gifts you make bring more happiness than anything you can buy."
"Giving and making others happy is the best part of Christmas."
"The best gift you can give is simply called love."
One of the older students motioned for everyone to rise and sing God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen and other Christmas carols. Lizzie was surprised when they sang songs that weren’t strictly religious, such as Jingle Bells, but knew that all Amish differed a little. After several songs the children sat down and soon recited the Christmas Bee. Lizzie always loved to see the little ones pretend to be bees as they said their lines.
“Bees can sting, oh, this is true,
But bees can make good honey, too,
And that's the kind we have for you.
Be REVERENT in spirit low, at the manger lowly;
And catch anew the vision fair of the Christ Child holy.
Be GENEROUS, give all you can, then give a little more;
Be sure to give more largely now than you ever gave before.
Be THOUGHTFUL of the people who are lonely, old, or sad;
Be thoughtful of the children, too, and help to make them glad.
Be READY quickly to respond to Christmastime appeals;
Be quick to give to friends afar or for the needy's meals.
Be UNSELFISH --- all self-seeking with abandon cast aside;
Be unselfish --- that's the keynote of the happy Christmastide.
Be HOPEFUL for the best in life, for hope has wondrous worth;
It was to bring hope unto men that Christ came down to earth.
Be APPRECIATIVE for great riches of Christ and of His love,
And of all the blessings from our Father up above.
Oh, may these ‘bees’ with you abide,
All sweeten well your Christmastide.”
Lizzie felt like the Lord was nudging her on the shoulder when they spoke the line about hope. It was for this reason Christ came to earth. Even though she dreaded the upcoming appointment at the counseling center, she could rejoice on this Christmas Eve, just like everyone else, because Christ came for her…to give her hope, and she needed Him more now than ever.
~*~
Luke got up earlier than usual for Christmas. He was determined to finish the wooden blocks he’d made for Micah. He also needed to think of something to give to Ruth. But everything was closed, even the English stores. Well, he could write her a letter.
He poured the boiling water into the coffee pot and got some paper out of the desk drawer to write as the coffee brewed.
Dear Ruth,
First of all, I need to say I’m sorry for my behavior. I love you and know you deserve better. I’ve done everything the elders and Bishop have asked, even seen a “head doctor”. I hope in your heart you’ll be able to accept me when you find out I need to take medicine for my brain. The doctor said I have a chemical imbalance. He called it Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I just get anxious and worry too much and my mind races. I’ve lost my temper with you because deep down, I know you’re a strong person and I want you to fix me. I know now you can’t, but this medicine is supposed to balance all the chemicals in my brain to make me normal. It may be my imagination, but I feel calmer since I started taking it yesterday.
I’m so afraid you’ll think less of me for not being stronger. The doctor said it’s like having diabetes: a diabetic needs insulin and I need certain hormones and things in my brain to be boosted. He’d like to have you go with me to my appointment next week, and I hope we can both be leaving from your parents’ dawdyhaus. I’m ready to move in once you tell me it’s okay.
I’ve already confessed looking at girly magazines, but Ruth, you need to know I see it as sinful and disgusting now. I forgive my uncle for exposing me at such an early age. Jeb’s little book he wrote on how to love your wife has made me see what a real man is. I hope you’ll give me a chance to show you.
I love you,
Luke
~*~
Granny closed her eyes as she lifted her voice in unison with other church members to sing the Loblied. Although this twenty minute song was sung each church service, Granny sang with a more fervent heart, as the song reminded them of God’s provision: God had sent his son to earth to provide a bridge back to Himself. What better time was there to sing the song than on Christmas morning?
When the song was over Granny looked up front to see that Jeb came out with the other ministers and sat down. She thanked God the lot to preach hadn’t fallen on Jeb today; he was exhausted with trying to spend time with family and help Luke.
She looked over at Fannie and she noticed the girl was still smiling. Praise be. Granny reveled as she recalled Fannie’s visit early the next morning to tell her about their love. It was a secret and she was touched that Fannie would tell her before her own mamm. Well, like Jeb said, the knitting circle girls were her little women.
She glanced over at Ruth and the dark lines under her eyes told her she got little sleep. She was most likely helping her mamm get the house ready for the church service and deciding what she would do. Deep down, Granny didn’t blame Ruth one bit for wanting lots of distance away from Luke, but she knew to be Amish and divorced was not allowed.
Ruth’s safety was Jeb’s concern and he felt confident if the couple lived in the little dawdyhaus beside Ruth’s parents, there would be protection. He also felt it was mighty big of Luke to confess before the leadership and Ruth his sin of looking at pornography. She shivered. If Jeb ever looked at one of those magazines, it would wound her heart so much….she’d wound him over the top the head with her cast iron skillet out of pure hurt. Granny prayed for Ruth to be able in time to forgive Luke…if he was sorry for his sin, and not sorry he got caught….
~*~
After the church service, Ruth quickly went into the kitchen to help bring the prepared food out to the men who were arranging the benches up against the walls in the large living room. She avoided eye contact with Luke as she handed him a little bag of Christmas cookies, but he put something in her hand…a letter.
She felt like throwing it at him. No apology could heal her broken heart. There was no excuse for his behavior, and Ruth was ready to leave the Amish altogether if need be. She would not be married another day to a man with no morals and no self-control. She shoved the letter in her pocket and continued to pass out cookies.
Ruth looked over at her Daed talking to his friends. Would this be their last Christmas together? His eyes caught hers in a questioning way. He motioned for her to come to him, so she laid down the empty tray and joined him. He asked her to get her cape and take a walk outside. She grabbed her wraps and met him on the front porch.
“Ruth, you know how precious you and Micah are to me and your mamm, jah?”
She felt his hand on her shoulder, lending his strength.” Jah, I know that, Daed.”
“So you’ll be living next door again, like you did when you first got married?”
Ruth put her head down and willed herself not to cry. “I don’t know yet.”
She felt her daed wrap both arms around her. “Ruth
, we can face this together.”
She stiffened. Together? She had to live with Luke…be his wife. “I was thinking of going to Ohio. I wrote to cousin Emma and she thinks I need to leave Luke for goot.”
“She’s not Amish…what are you saying?”
She put her hand in her pocket and fidgeted with the letter Luke gave her. “Daed, I can’t live with Luke as his wife. And I can’t be Amish and divorced at the same time.”
“Divorce? Nee, this can’t be. Ruth, don’t’ be so headstrong. Luke repented and talked to me because –”
“He talked to you? What for? To show you his sweet side and turn you against me?”
Her daed put his hand on her shoulder. “Did you get the letter and read that Luke’s an ill man?”
Ruth froze and fear gripped her. She knew cancer ran in Luke’s family. She looked at the seriousness in her daed’s eyes. Luke was sick, most likely really sick for her daed to mention it. And of course, Luke would tell her that in a letter since he could speak better on paper. She put her hand on her heart. “How long? Did they say how long?”
“You ask yourself this. If Luke only had today to live, what would you do?”
“I’d help him, of course.”
“Ruth, your husband doesn’t have any terminal illness, but an illness just the same. Depression and anxiety. He promised me to take medicine that will make him well. Balance out the chemicals in his brain.”
Ruth felt fatigue wash over her. It drained her to think Luke shriveling up by cancer, just like his mamm. But it shocked her that she cared. She thought there was not a drop of love in her towards him. Now he needed medicine because his brain was sick? She knew of a few others who really changed once they went to a doctor and were put on medication. Maybe there was some hope for them, even if it started out the size of a drop?
~*~
Roman put the girls down for a nap and went to his room for solitude. As he lay on his bed, he heard Silas and his bunch talking downstairs as they put together a puzzle. Silas and Beth’s laughter made him miss Abigail. They always put a puzzle together on Christmas and talked about what they’d be doing for Second Christmas the next day. Roman always got together with his lifelong buddies, but Abigail was from Volant, over an hour away. She’d always longed for her friends back home, so they always spent Old Christmas with them. She used to count the days until January 6th since she loved Old Christmas best.
Now all the running around he’d do tomorrow was running with the girls, taking them to visit relatives they hadn’t seen in a while. They’d begged to see Ella and Zach’s twins, and he suspected half of Smicksburg would be visiting them, people bringing presents and food. He remembered his mamm bringing over baby blankets she’d knit for their twins. Were they in the hope chest?
He wished Fannie was with him to help him go through the chest. He sighed and went over and lifted the oak chest top. It was nearly empty now, only some sheets and other linens at the bottom. Roman picked up the material and there were the girls’ blankets at the bottom. He picked them up and gasped. There was writing on the bottom of the chest and it was Lizzie’s. Oak 11/5/1996.
Roman sat down on the floor and ran his fingers through his hair. He’d never seen the message. He didn’t want to look at the hope chest after Lizzie returned it. Abigail must have read the pen marked message, but would have thought it had to do with oak wood…but it was a special code he and Lizzie had when they needed to talk about something serious. 11/5/1996 was the date they started courting. Oak meant the Oak tree in Old Smicksburg Park. She’d stuck a message in the woodpecker hole….
“You rejected me… you had the final say…” her words echoed through his mind. He shook his head. Surely she wouldn’t have put a letter saying she still wanted to marry him in a tree…or would she?
~*~
Granny put down her knitting loom and grabbed another cookie from the table near her rocker. She counted the number of Christmas cards she had hanging on a lone string across the top of the living room wall. Over a hundred cards again, postmarked from ten states, many from Lancaster. She laid her head back and thought of Lizzie, too far away on Christmas Day. She heard the front door open and saw Jeb.
“Did you and the kinner get that puzzle done?” she asked.
“Nee, it’s a thousand pieces with no easy pattern. We’ll have it out until Old Christmas.” He walked over and sat in the chair next to her. “So, how we spending Second Christmas, tomorrow?”
“In bed,” Granny said. “I’m plum exhausted…and want to fast.”
Jeb leaned forward. “Fast? It’s a time to celebrate. Why are you doing that for?”
Granny put her hand on her heart. “I just feel the Lord wants me to pray and fast for Lizzie. Can’t shrug the feeling off. Something’s not right…”
“You care too much…old woman. Take everything too much to heart. Maybe go to bed early so we can visit Ella and Zach’s twins tomorrow?”
“Nee, I need to knit. You know it calms –“She jumped up. “Jeb, I forgot to give you your present. Ach, so sorry.” She ran into the kitchen and opened the bottom door of her oak china closet and grabbed a white bag. Jeb followed. “Made it myself when you weren’t looking.” She kissed his cheek. “Merry Christmas…love.”
He encircled her with his arms. “You’re all the present I need.” He opened the bag and pulled out a black sweater with no arms. “Danki. What is it?”
“It’s an undershirt to keep you warm.”
“Are we allowed? I mean, I’ve never seen such a thing.”
Granny smirked. “The Gmay hasn’t made a ruling concerning our undergarments.”
Jeb smiled and bent down to kiss her. “I remember those fancy socks you knit for our wedding night…black with red trimming on the top. I’m the only one to see them…..”
Granny slapped her husband. “That was half a century ago.” She grabbed the woolen undershirt from Jeb and held it up to him. “Will fit you just fine, and keep you warm.”
“Very thoughtful. Danki.” He yawned. “I’m headed to bed. You too?”
“Nee, I need to knit…and pray a while.
~*~
Dear Lord,
I’m so glad you came into this world, because I’m so heart sick tonight and only you can comfort me. My heart aches for Ruth and Luke. Her refusing to let him come home today made this Christmas not so happy. And with Lizzie gone…well, she’s never been gone for Christmas since she was born. I know something’s mighty wrong, and my Roman knows it too. He acted so funny today when we talked about her opening a little hotel next to her house. His face got white and he looked ill, but said that he was fine. Lord, I wish I could do more for my ‘Little Women’ as Jeb calls them, but I can’t. I’m saying my ‘casting off prayers’ to you, because I know you care. Amen.
~*~
Here are several recipes for Christmas cookies my Amish friend wanted to share. Enjoy!
Lydia’s Sugar Cookies with Cinnamon Frosting
3 c. Crisco
2 c. white sugar
2 c. brown sugar
5 eggs
3 c. whole milk
Vanilla to flavor (1 tsp.)
6 tsp. baking powder
3 tsp. baking soda
Pinch of salt
Enough flour to handle, not too much. About 9 cups.
Cream shortening with sugars. Add wet ingredients. Sift dry ingredients and slowly fold in. Mix well. Drop teaspoon full of batter on cookie sheet. Bake at 375 for 8-10 minutes.
Cinnamon Frosting
1 c. Crisco
3 c. powdered sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
Pinch salt
Milk to thin a bit
Flavor with cinnamon to your liking.
Ginger Cookie
1 c brown sugar
1 c. shortening (Crisco)
½ c. hot water
1 egg
2/3 molasses
1/3 c. corn syrup
1 T baking soda
1 T cinnamon
1 T Ginger
1 T vanilla
Pinch salt
1 T baking powder
Enough flour to make soft dough. Start with 4 cups to start. Add flour slowly until right consistency.
Sift flour with salt and spices. Cream shortening and sugar; add egg and beat until light. Add molasses, corn syrup and vanilla, then dry ingredients. Dissolve baking powder in hot water, and add to mix. Add flour, not to exceed 9 cups. Drop by teaspoons on greased cookie sheet. Bake for 10 minutes at 350 degrees.
Oatmeal Whoopie Pies
4 c. brown sugar
1 ½ c. Oleo (Crisco)
4 eggs
4 c. flour
4 c. oatmeal
2 t. cinnamon
2 t. baking powder
2 t. baking soda dissolved in 6 T boiling water
Cream together sugar, Oleo, and eggs. Add pinch of salt, flour, oatmeal, cinnamon, baking powder. Add soda water last. Beat and drop by teaspoon full on greased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees. Take two cookies and spread with filling, holding them together.
Whoopie Pie Filling
2 egg whites
2 t vanilla
4 T flour
4 T milk
4 c. powdered sugar
1 c. Crisco
Beat egg whites until stiff. Add other ingredients. Spread between cookies and enjoy.
Chocolate Whoopie Pies
4 c. flour
2 c. sugar
2 t. soda
1 ½ salt
1 c. shortening (Crisco)
1 c. cocoa
2 eggs
2 t vanilla
1 c. sour milk from the cow (and for the rest of us…1 tablespoon of lemon juice or vinegar plus enough milk to make 1 cup ;)
Smicksburg Tales 1,2 & 3 (Amish Knitting Circle, Amish Friends Knitting Circle & Amish Knit Lit Cirlce ~ Complete Series: 888 pages for Granny Weaver Lovers and 30+ Amish Recipes Page 11
