Luke pointed to the magenta and blue swirls in the sunset. “Can’t you see, only God could make something like that? And soon the stars will be out, held up by God’s hand.”
“Gravity,” Joe snarled. “It’s all science. You did learn science in school, right?”
“Only went to eighth grade in the Amish school, but Ruth has me reading all kinds of books about nature and I’m hooked like a fish. Seeing nature was what made me believe in God…less than a year ago…”
A slight wind blew across the meadow, and Joe threw a few more handfuls of cracked corn to the baby turkeys. He stared at them as they pecked at the food. “You say only a year ago? Weren’t you born Amish, though?”
“Jah, I was, but I never knew Christ in here.” Luke put his hand on his heart. “I didn’t like God, really. Blamed him for a lot, and then took it out on Ruth. She left me for a while.”
“Wow, that’s a shock. Yinz look happy…”
“We are now. The Amish bishop and elders, Jeb Weaver being one, helped me in many ways. They said how I treated Ruth was…abuse.”
Joe raked his fingers through his hair. “Man, what on earth did you do? Hit her?”
“Nee, never. But my words did. Like I said, I was mad about something else. But Ruth forgave me, and if that isn’t a miracle, I don’t know what is.” He willed back tears. “Only God can do a miracle.”
Joe gently closed the door to the turkey coop, and shoved both hands in his pockets. “I can relate, in a way. I get fuming mad about how religion was shoved down my throat all my life, by a dad who’s a complete hypocrite.”
“Is your dad alive?”
“Ya, lives in Indiana. Most likely will be up to tell me what a nut I am for following another one of Marge’s whims…living off the grid…”
“Forgive your daed, Joe. Unforgiveness can cause problems. Believe me.”
Joe’s eyes softened. “I appreciate you sharing what you did about your marriage. That took guts.” He attempted to fist bump but Luke gave him a puzzled look. “You’re supposed to make a fist and punch mine.”
“Nee, I’m a pacifist.”
Joe burst into laughter and hit his knee. “It’s like a handshake. The way we English do it. Well, some of the men.”
Luke made a fist and quickly met Joe’s in mid-air. “Like that?”
Joe shook his fist and winced. “Not so hard. Just a tap.”
~*~
Ruth looked over at her knitting loom that leaned against the corner in the living room. Knitting on a loom is so much easier. But she was determined to knit one, then purl one, without confusing the two. As she looked at the pink yarn, her mind turned to Luke. Why was she so afraid for him? Like he’d have some kind of relapse and return to his former self; the mean Luke. Images of him screaming in her face jolted her, and she placed a hand on the baby she carried inside. I need to be calm for the boppli’s sake.
She thought of Fannie’s news, and how they’d both be holding their new kinner in mid-winter, when the snow could blow a soul away, and was a perfect time to stay home with a new young one. Her mind again went toward Luke. Was something wrong? Was she supposed to pray? Did Joe have girlie magazines in his barn, just like his uncle when Luke was only a boy?
Her fingers gripped the yarn, and she bowed her head to pray a casting off prayer, when she heard the side door open. It was her mamm.
“Forgot to bring over your mail for two days.”
“Ach, Mamm, I could have gotten it.”
“There’s a letter marked Ohio. Maybe a pen pal wrote.” She smiled at Ruth and placed the mail on the table near her, next to her birding magazine. “Putting up enough blackberry jam for the two of us, and need to get back.”
“Mamm, just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I can’t help.”
Again her mamm beamed at her, her dark eyes twinkling. “You’re adding on to this little house soon, jah? Lumber will arrive in a few days and you’ll be cooking for the workers?”
“Jah. But I’ll have help.”
“Well, just the same, you rest. Anyhow, you know how much I love putting up jam.” She winked and went out the side screen door.
Ruth looked at her mamm, love filling her heart. If her parents hadn’t been so kind as to give them the little dawdyhaus to live in while Luke was under church discipline, which way would her wildly meandering marriage be drifting? Now it was calm waters, thanks to the community that surrounded her.
She picked up the mail and soon saw the letter from Ohio. No return address? How odd. And the handwriting didn’t look very feminine. But it was addressed to Luke and her, so she opened it. She scanned the paper to see the sender. Uncle Otis? Ruth put a hand on her throat, as if that could help it from constricting.
Dear Luke and Ruth,
I haven’t written in ages, but through the grapevine I hear Zach lost his job and may be selling his little patch of earth. Since I lost his address, tell him I may be interested in purchasing. I’m a lonely old man since your aunt passed on, and I want to be around my family, not hers.
Otis
Without thinking, Ruth crumbled the letter in her hands. Uncle Otis, moving to Smicksburg? Having no kinner, were Luke and Zach, the ever dutiful nephews, supposed to care for the very man who led her husband down the dark, filthy hole of pornography? Holding back tears, she bowed her head.
Lord, are you testing me? I know you don’t tempt, but test. Uncle Otis would be one big test, that’s for sure. Ach, Lord, I’m sorry. Maybe I have unforgiveness in my heart. Or bitterness toward Uncle Otis. Help me! I cast this all on you, because you care for me. 1 Peter 5:7. I’ve memorized that verse, Lord. Maybe need to memorize other similar ones.
She picked up the pink yarn and couldn’t think, for the life of her, how to purl, or knit.
~*~
Fannie lay on her bed knitting, but her eyes slowly moved to her swollen feet. Fat feet. Her mamm’s feet. Feet of an old woman. She looked up at the robin egg color she’d painted the ceiling. I am fearfully and wonderfully made…even though her feelings needed to catch up with the verse she so often quoted.
Melvin said she glowed, but all she felt was blown. Blown all over by emotions she hadn’t felt since her school days. She knew it was hormones, like the new doctor in town said, but could she last another seven months?
Fannie looked down at the mint green yarn and tears blurred her vision. She loved Melvin with all her heart and was so happy she conceived on their wedding night. But he deserved a wife who didn’t cry all the time. Fannie heard footsteps coming up the stairs and soon saw her handsome husband entered their little sanctuary. She was pleased he washed up and the scent of Ivory soap was upon him.
“I have news,” he grinned as he lay on the bed next to her.
She put her knitting on the nightstand. “Go on. Must be goot.”
“Jonas is moving in with Lizzie. They’re going to build –”
“Danki, God!” Fannie blurted, and then covered her mouth. “Ach, I’m so sorry. I do love Jonas.”
Melvin chuckled. “Just don’t like living with him, jah?”
Fannie burst into laughter. “Jah. Not to live with. I know I’m more emotional and all, but he always compared me to Lizzie.”
Melvin pulled at his newly forming beard. Fannie reached over to stroke his face. “You look so handsome in a beard. And it tells everyone that you’re mine.”
Melvin scooped her into his arms and lay on the bed holding her. “Are you okay? I mean, you’re having a boppli.”
Fannie tilted her head up to kiss him. “I won’t break.”
“Just afraid of a miscarriage, jah?”
“My mamm had several…”
“Doesn’t mean you will.” Melvin kissed her hand. “Remember what the doctor said. Rest, don’t fret, and eat when you’re hungry.”
She clasped his hand and drew it to her heart. “What if I get fat?”
“You never were, Fannie. Remember, it was all in your head. Now, eat goot
for the boppli.”
Fannie didn’t know if Melvin knew she weighed herself on their scale obsessively. And she was gaining weight, in her thighs! To have a handsome husband stuck with a fat wife gripped her heart with fear. But the doctor said weight gain around the thighs was normal, and she’d soon shed it once the boppli was born. “Pray for me, Melvin. I’m afraid.”
He pulled the ribbons of her prayer kapp and gently took it off. He turned her on her side so he could unpin her hair, kissing her neck as he did. “What are you afraid of?” he whispered in her ear.
“That you’ll think I’m fat and ugly.”
“Never,” he said, as he let down her hair, kissing it now. “Fannie, you’re the most beautiful woman I know.”
She turned to him and their lips met, and for a while, all her fears vanished in perfect love.
~*~
Granny snatched the lid off the Mason Jar, and Tillie quickly put in another lightning bug. “We’ll have a lantern, soon,” Granny said, beaming at Tillie.
Soon she heard panting, and saw Jenny. “Oma, I have six in my hands. Open the jar. One’s getting away.”
Granny didn’t take orders from her kinner, but knew Jenny was just excited. When she deposited her bugs in the jar, they all stared at the warm glow of the bugs.
“Why do they light up?” Tillie asked in a whisper, as if speaking loud would disturb such an enchanted moment.
“God made them that way,” Granny said, observing the bugs. She felt a large hand on her shoulder: Jeb’s.
“Deborah, can we take a walk? Have something on my mind…”
Deborah? He usually called her by nicknames, mostly “Love,” but “Deborah” meant he wanted to correct her on something. She cringed. Jeb’s odd behavior over the past week was wearing on her nerves.
He took her hand, telling the girls to go over to the bonfire with their parents. “Marshmallows needed to be roasted,” he told them with a grin. Granny watched the two skip away and she put her other hand on Jeb’s. “What’s wrong? Something’s not right.”
He started to walk down the path to his fishing hole. Granny was ever so thankful for the white gourd purple martin house Jeb made her for Christmas. Those birds feasted on mosquitos, so now sitting by the pond, on Jeb’s bench, was a joy. Her stomach clenched even more as Jeb’s grip on her hand tightened. His nerves were so easily frayed over the past months, and she feared dementia with all her being. To see a man as active as Jeb, and who had as quick a mind, would be such a contrast if his behavior became permanent. Lord, I cast Jeb on you!
When they got to the bench, Jeb sat with his head down, hand shaking as he wiped sweat from the top of his upper lip. “Deborah, you know how Noah Mast is dressing fancy, thinking of marrying the Rowland girl?”
“Jah, but he’s not baptized, so he hasn’t broken a vow.”
“Remember when his brother had that wild rumspringa?”
“Who could forget, but it was long ago.” She put her hand on Jeb’s sullen face. “Love, what does this have to do with anything?”
“The People are thinking the church district is too large for Jacob to handle, being over two hundred. Some feel that we need to divide into two church districts.”
“You mean Jacob wants it to be turned into two districts.”
“Jah, he does. Needs to tend to things at home, he feels. And his nerves have gotten bad. How he treated Ginny Rowland was harsh and we feared back then he was over worked. So, he asked the ministers to draw the lot for a new bishop for the new district.”
Granny saw the ashen color on Jeb’s face, even at twilight. She closed her eyes and said, “You’re the new bishop?”
“Jah. All the church meetings I’ve been attending have been about his matter. All the bishops agreed on the district, and so the ministers drew the lot.” His voice caught in his throat. “I don’t feel worthy, Love. And I’m old.”
Granny wanted to hitch up the wagon and visit Bishop Mast; tell him that Jeb was too old, and how could he put such a burden on him, but she softly said, “God won’t lead you where His grace won’t keep you, jah?”
To her shock, Jeb started to sob. Did he want her to protest him being the new bishop? But it wasn’t their place to question God. If God didn’t want him bishop, he wouldn’t have picked the Bible with a piece of paper stuck in it.
Jeb put his arms around her as if needing strength. “I don’t feel worthy.”
Granny willed back tears. She looked up over the hill to the bonfire. Lavina was sitting on a log next to Nathan. “Jeb, you are so worthy. Where would Lavina be today if you hadn’t been so capable and loving? Since Old Christmas, you gave that girl hope. Isn’t that what a bishop does?”
Jeb’s tears fell on her and all he could say was, I’m not worthy.
Granny heard a fish come to the surface of the pond. Dragonflies skimmed its surface. “Jeb, Love, you’re the finest man I know. But truth be told, I’m glad you feel unworthy. Doesn’t God use those who feel inadequate? Seems to me it’s somewhere in the Bible.”
“’My grace is sufficient for you: for my strength is made perfect in weakness…’ Paul said that in Corinthians. I’ve memorized it, under the circumstances.”
Jeb straightened as if he found new strength. Granny leaned her head on his shoulder. “And I’m here to help you, too. I don’t have to have the knitting circle. Things change.”
Jeb patted her cheek. “Nee, Deborah… at least for now… at least for now…”
~*~
Nathan slid a marshmallow onto the pointed stick and handed it to Lavina. “Now, don’t burn another one.”
Lavina looked at him, his eyes glistening as the flicker of the flames danced on his face. She didn’t deserve such a man. But then again, Nathan hadn’t made his intentions totally known. Not a word about marriage. “Danki, Nathan. But I like my marshmallows black.” Black as coal, just like her sin.
Nathan sat next to her and was silent, again. She stared into the fire, and put her stick in, turning it to brown the marshmallow evenly. Her mind turned to her family being put out, shunned. How her mamm must be suffering, and her brothers and sisters as well. Had she done the right thing, not marrying the daed of her twins? Giving them to Ella and Zach? As she watched the white blob on her stick turn brown, she thought of sin. How slowly it took hold of her, slowly turning her from what she knew was right and moral. Eventually, her sin was as black as the moonless night around them.
“What are you thinking about?” a little girl’s voice asked.
Lavina turned to see Tillie, whose sensitive heart saw into her own. “Ach, nothing.” She gripped the stick firmer. “Have you made a s’more?”
“She’s had two,” Roman said from across the fire.
“Three,” Lizzie corrected. “And I think it’s time you girls went to bed.”
Jenny sprang from the log she sat on, next to Lizzie. “Tomorrow, I get to go see Joe and Marge’s bunnies.” She beamed at Lizzie. “So let’s go to bed so tomorrow comes sooner.”
Lizzie hugged Jenny, and then led the three girls to the path leading to their house.
“I think I best turn in, too. Lots of orders to fulfill tomorrow.” He grinned at Nathan. “Yinz young ones have fun out here, jah?”
Lavina couldn’t help but notice that Nathan was nervous. That he seemed to not want to be near her. She took the now black marshmallow off the stick, and blew on it to cool. A barn owl hooted and a gentle breeze made the corn rustle, but Nathan was silent. Stop being so self-absorbed, she admonished herself. Thinking about others took her mind off herself.
“Granny and Jeb are still down at the fishing hole. Do you think they’re alright?” she asked Nathan.
“My opa could live there. Took me fishing as a kinner, and once we fell asleep, with our fishing poles in our hands.”
“Wasn’t Granny worried?”
“Nee, not at all.”
Something was wrong. She could talk for hours with Nathan, but he kept holding back
. Again, she stared at the fire, and the silence seemed to underline the fact that she was an immoral woman, making life hard for her mamm. Why would Nathan want a woman like her? As much as he told her ‘Though her sin be as scarlet, she was now as white as snow’, shame still filled her.
She inhaled deeply, and turned to Nathan. “I understand.”
“What?”
Her stomach flipped. “You don’t seem interested in me anymore….”
Nathan set his face like flint, looking intently into the fire. “I’m confused…”
Lavina felt nausea wash over her and wished she had knitting in her hands to calm down. Just the feel of the yarn on her hands made it feel like someone was holding them. “Is there someone else you like better?”
Nathan sighed. “Nee.”
“Then what is it? Nathan, talk to me.”
He didn’t turn to look at her, still staring at the fire. “I’m needed on the farm back home in Montana. Got a letter from my daed.”
Lavina knew he came to meet a woman to be his wife in Smicksburg. Did he think she’d say no to marriage? Or was there someone back home she didn’t know about? “But you said your daed sent you here to meet more…people.”
“His letter was confusing. He knows I’m working with Roman and expanding a business, and he could get help on the farm, unless there’s something in the letter he’s not saying…”
“Like what?”
“Maybe my mamm isn’t well, or one of my bruder. Or it could be my mamm’s daed. My other opa. Must be ailing.”
He groaned and the sound echoed in Lavina’s ears. “What about us?” she asked, feeling too forward, but desperate for an answer.
He took her hand. “Maybe some time apart will be goot. Our relationship started hasty-like. And we need to be in pace with nature, jah? Not rush things?”
“Marriage? Is that what you mean?”
Nathan squeezed her hand. “Jah. Time apart will show us how strong our love is.”
“How?” Lavina blurted, tears forming in her eyes.
“Well, I can make plans and direct my own steps, but I want to make sure I’m in step with my Maker.”
Smicksburg Tales 1,2 & 3 (Amish Knitting Circle, Amish Friends Knitting Circle & Amish Knit Lit Cirlce ~ Complete Series: 888 pages for Granny Weaver Lovers and 30+ Amish Recipes Page 36
