Lily looked back to the red-headed lady, her mind lightly frazzled from such a demanding tone inside. It spoke so loudly she was unsure as to who was actually talking.
“Lily, I know what is happening,” Karisma whispered in a hushed voice. “The mind can play terrible tricks on you here.”
She’s lying, she’s a liar. Don’t listen to her. You are nothing, nothing, you hear me.
“Lily, you must follow my actions quickly. We need to create a sphere of protection around you. The influence of this land can be too strong if you are not prepared. Oh dear me, perhaps we have jumped too quickly.”
You stupid woman, you don’t know what you are doing.
“Lily, ignore your thoughts. They are not real, do you hear me? Lily, they are not real!” Karisma took Lily’s arms and rattled them hurriedly, and she spoke loudly, in an attempt to suffocate the other voices.
Don’t listen to her. She is a liar. She is a peasant. Look at her rags of clothes. She is nothing.
“Lily, trust the energy you felt when you first met me. Hold on to those loving thoughts.” Karisma tried again, her eyes now blazing with red flames and they flickered around her pupils sharply. “Now, stand up with me and put your tongue to the roof of your mouth and hum loudly, very loudly!”
Lily stood upright with Karisma and hummed with her tongue to her mouth. From the soothing tone of her own vibration, the voices inside were drummed out like Karisma had foretold. And her head was overtaken with an intoxicating quiver of sound. Lily breathed deeply, able to hear Karisma clearly now.
“Now that you are relaxed, I want you to imagine your body is feeling very heavy. Feel the base of your feet sink deeply into the ground,” Karisma instructed, speaking with a stern, yet soft voice. “Visualize yourself as a tree and that your veins are the roots, pushing down into the soil below. Feel those roots dig deeper and deeper, Lily. You are connecting with the land you are standing on. The universe is supporting and loving you, right back up through those roots.”
Lily closed her eyes and felt her weight sink evenly between her two feet. Her shoulders relaxed and her arms drooped down. She wondered if she had actually melted into the ground, she felt so heavy.
“Now envision that the top of your head holds a halo of white light above. Let the light float down slowly from the top of your head, stretching over your shoulders, cleansing your heart. It falls past your stomach, along your legs to your feet and into the ground.” Lily could not only see the white light around her body, she could feel herself become extraordinarily light, and strangely untouchable. “As the light touches the land it will meet the roots in the soil. Imagine this light bouncing back up to reach your head, encasing your whole body in a protective sphere of constant rotating white light. It creates a never-ending circle, from the top of your head, down through to the ground and back around. This bubble will shield any great sorcerers magic that may come your way. Now put your tongue to the roof of your mouth once more and hum.”
Lily envisioned the images as she was told, and the voices inside her head silenced. And although she projected the idea from the inside, it was the outside world that had changed. She was awakening to a different way of thinking, and it helped her realize the impact her beliefs had on her world and how easily she held the power to shatter through all logical realities. She opened her eyes once more to Karisma, standing next to her in a bold stance. Her fiery red hair blew fiercely in the wind, and they stood together on the blue kyanite pebbles on the shores of Deia. The soft sound of the waves crashing engulfed peace in Lily’s ears, and she felt calm once more, staring to the outstretched colors of infinite sky and ocean.
“What just happened to me?”
“The energy in the land can sometimes do that to you. The land of Deia is ideal for learning, teaching, and open communication. But the polarity of this land, is miscommunication which too often is the cause of negative thoughts,” Karisma explained, placing her hand over Lily’s forehead as though checking Lily’s temperature. She nodded and released her grip, suggesting she was in the clear.
“But the voices. I have heard them before. I thought they had left me when I came to Sa Neo, but they didn’t. And they spoke such hatred; about me and about you.”
Lily shuddered in remembrance, even though the memory of what had happened felt so distant, so surreal. Almost as though the devilish words never really existed in the first place.
“The voices are your inner thoughts. We will always have thoughts. It is what makes us unique and separate to all other animals,” Karisma said as she held Lily’s hand in comfort. “Although our thoughts can be cruel sometimes, it’s important to understand that you do not have to believe them, you have a choice every day.”
Karisma pulled out a small bottle that was tucked into her pockets, close to the waist of her skirt. She leant closer to the sea and filled the bottle up to the top, so that the ocean was captured in that moment of time, inside the glass. And as Karisma held the bottle up to the sunlight, the two watched as beautiful glittering grains of blue crystals separated from the water, falling down to the bottom of the glass like shooting stars in the night sky.
“They felt so real though, the negative voices. Do you hear them too?”
“We all do. You need to use your power to determine what you want to listen to. And discard all negative thoughts. Accept that they are not real and try to forget. Perhaps this is enough teaching for today. Let me bring you back home to rest.”
Karisma took the blue stone from Lily’s hand and replaced it with a red garnet crystal. The change of crystals against her skin seemed to vibrate oddly. The red in the garnet helped her feel even more grounded than the exercise they had just completed. It was as though it was the final piece in holding her together, as though it had cemented her into the ground, roots and all.
“Now, we are to tedimeta back home to Otor, envision red light in your third eye this time.”
Karisma guided Lily through the same technique, only this time, Lily could clear her mind that little bit quicker. The swirling emotion and overpowering sense of colors that trickled through Lily’s head were not as fearsome as last time, and she was able to relax that little bit easier. And when she opened her eyes, they were sitting back inside of Karisma’s comfortable home with silent stillness all around, only now the outside sky had started to grow a little bit darker.
“Karisma, that land truly frightened me, why was that?” Lily asked, still quite worried.
“It was my fault, you were not ready to go there yet,” Karisma said as she stood and lit various glass-framed candles around the room. “I had chosen Deia because it is the land of communication, a perfect environment for you to learn in. But unfortunately, if you are not at peace with yourself or feel insecure with the power that you hold, you could have a troubled journey here.”
Karisma lifted up the rainfall of leaves from the ceiling canopy, so that any covered windows could open up, allowing the last of the natural light to fill the empty spaces in the room.
“I didn’t know that I had any power?” Lily looked at her hands steadily, wondering what kind of gift she possessed. Karisma smirked and reached high into a pot plant. She walked over to Lily and placed a tiny seed inside of Lily’s hand. Lily could feel the seed heat up as it began to stir, and it rolled back and forth steadily along the love line that was engraved into her palm.
“We all have limitless power; it can be as magnificent as you want it to be,” Karisma said. As the seed broke open like a cracked egg, the tiny green sprout pushed itself through to the light. And Lily watched in awe, as the sprout moved up higher, stopping just before her eyes, forming into a flower bud. But then it stopped. Without thinking, Lily blew on the bud gently. Gradually, one by one, the sepal opened up, revealing an intricate design of oval shaped purple petals tie-dyed with yellow tips. The heart of the flower had long soft black and red eyelashes, and they opened wide, as though staring admiringly at their mother.
“
How do I find this power?” Lily asked, inhaling the scent of the flower, letting her mind dance for a split moment to another place from the musky sensation.
“You always have it available, it never disappears and it is strengthened through loving yourself.”
Lily wanted to roll her eyes at the suggestion of loving herself again. It wasn't to be rude, but she felt as though the concept was too hard for her to understand, and all she wanted was to dismiss it; but here it was again, haunting her until she listened.
“How do I do that?” Lily asked, willing to try and learn.
“By standing by your decision and trusting that your life is exactly as it is meant to be.”
“I thought I already do though?”
Karisma shook her head solemnly. “You don’t trust your heart,” she said, and the flower closed back up, as though shriveling from the pain of being unloved. It retreated back into its bud, and reversed the flow, shrinking down into a tiny seed.
“How did you know?” Lily asked sadly, empathizing with the pain that the flower had felt.
“Because my heart is telling me. You don’t know yourself, and knowing yourself is the first step toward loving yourself.”
The idea of loving herself, let alone knowing herself, seemed further away than Lily could grasp, and it frustrated her, being faced with the same problem over and over again. It was screaming at her to listen, but she was deaf to such cries.
“How do I do that? Know myself, that is?” Lily wondered as she thought about whether or not she really knew herself. She had never asked herself that question before. And she even went further inside, asking herself if the reason she was deemed unusual or sometimes ‘crazy’ to some was because she didn't love herself enough. The voice inside repeated her thoughts back to her, mirroring her questions with a question, and giving no answer, as her answer.
“Knowing yourself starts from the inside. You need to spend some time alone really listening to your thoughts and remove anything that is not pure or serving love,” Karisma said as she took the seed from Lily and placed it over her chest. She exhaled. A magnificent bouquet of dark red Black Beauty flowers grew between the slithers of Karisma’s fingers. She handed them to Lily. “And accept yourself, flaws and all. Commend your strengths and acknowledge your weaknesses.”
Lily shifted uneasily as she took the bouquet of black beauty flowers from Karisma. The concept of loving herself was still too difficult to understand and she inhaled the scent of the flowers lovingly, in an attempt to distract her mind.
“Tell me how you love the flowers,” Karisma asked as she sensed Lily’s uneasiness.
Lily nodded as she stared at the deep shades of red that seemed to evolve into darker shades of rouge.
“Flowers make me feel so calm, and my thoughts circulate on how much I love them. I love the color, the smell, the texture…” Lily’s words drifted as she spoke and she touched on the petals gently. “Does being around nature help me love myself? Because I am thinking of love?”
Karisma smiled, and fetched a crystal vase from a wooden shelf against the wall. “Yes, it certainly does,” she agreed, filling the vase with water from the hole in the ceiling. “Nature helps bring you into the moment, and encourages you to appreciate all the beauty in the world. But think about how you just described your love for this flower. Dissect the love of yourself in the same way,” she continued as she arranged the roses into the vase and placed them on a table next to Lily.
The girls were interrupted by a tapping on the window; it was a beautiful green butterfly fairy, with diamond spots of pink on her wings. The butterfly carried a tiny rose quartz crystal and a miniature envelope sealed with a silvery green stamp. Karisma opened the window gleefully.
“Oh thank you sweetheart, we have been waiting for this.”
The butterfly fluttered its wings quickly in response and dropped the delivery into Karisma’s hand.
“Can I offer you some ginger tea?” Karisma asked sweetly, motioning for the butterfly to follow her.
The butterfly fairy circled away, showing that she needed to get back. How odd, Lily thought, I can understand what the butterfly is saying.
“You are almost ready,” Karisma announced, reading the letter inside the envelope.
“Almost ready for what?”
“For initiation into the world of Sa Neo. Jade, the Queen of Tehar has summoned you to be one of us.”
Karisma smiled with satisfaction at the delivery of the news; it was confirmation that she was right to have acted upon her premonition to help the girl. But the idea of meeting new people started to worry Lily, as initiation sounded like she would be judged while prominently placed on display amongst others or something of a similar notion.
“Do you think I can pass initiation?” Lily asked, as she started to doubt herself as usual.
Karisma stood up and gathered several crystals from a small clay pot on the table. She walked to the far corners of the room, and kissed each crystal as she placed it on the ground.
“Well, I think the more important question is, do you want to pass it?”
Lily didn’t need much time to think about the answer. She was excited to be a part of the Sa Neo culture. Everything so far had already been truly marvelous. It felt like an organic progression of things to come.
“Yes, I do,” Lily replied confidently.
“Then so it shall be.” Karisma smiled, clicking two crystals together as though clapping in applause.
“But, I don’t know the answers.”
Karisma placed the last two crystals on either side of Lily’s chair and cupped Lily’s face between her warm palms, the way that Father used to do to her when he wanted her to listen.
“You hold the answer to every question you could ever ask,” she soothed, her eyes gleaming with the reflection of the soft moonbeams that were now shining through the window.
“That’s impossible,” Lily retorted. “I don’t know everything.”
Karisma smiled sympathetically as she went back to the clay pot to collect more crystals, and placed them around the room, this time in a circle.
“You do. You have chosen these questions. You have chosen these people and situations to come into your life, in order to teach you something. Something that will in turn perhaps help you bring forth a deeper understanding.”
Lily listened intently as she fiddled with the cushions she was sitting on, admiring the red velvet piping that encased the pillow. She massaged her thumb into the edge, feeling the textures from hard to soft and understanding the necessity of each opposite having needed to exist in order for the other to be defined. And even though Karisma was telling her that she knew all the answers, she still had many questions circulating within her mind, clawing to the edge just waiting to be asked.
“A deeper understanding of what though?” she questioned timidly.
Karisma stopped her crystal grid-making and sat back down next to Lily. She wanted her to know that their conversation was important, despite her constant movement around the room.
“Everything you are experiencing is here to bring forth a deeper understanding of life.”
“Ohhh.” Lily nodded, her mouth open slightly wide, not ready to close back up. She was too busy thinking about her life and how difficult it was to understand what that meant. She reflected back to her questioning with Jacques, how she had desired to have a purpose for her journey, and yet he said to just let it be. She now wanted to ask her questions to everyone, to gather the information, and make her own assumptions. Take control of the answer to her question, she decided.
“What is life?” She asked confidently.
Karisma smiled with acknowledgement as she looked out through the window to the now dark-lit sky. A shooting star blazed across from right to left, falling down from above as if chasing the formation of a rainbow in the most perfect alignment ever seen. And for several moments Karisma’s eyes twinkled vibrantly, as though the stars in the universe were guiding infor
mation to her; or perhaps, Karisma knew the answers, like she had said all along, and the star was in fact applauding her graciously, encouraging her to divulge the secret amongst the world.
“To have a heart that beats, that is what life is,” she stated as the twinkle in her eyes sparkled again. “Or one could define it as the time frame through which we evolve and change dramatically. Call it what you want, for you are the creator. It is you directing your own evolution.” She paused, as a rainfall of stars flooded across the evening sky behind her. And the two gazed together, watching the shower of blazing meteoroids explode amongst the darkness. “It can be as wonderful as you want it to be, or it can be depressingly miserable.” She shrugged her shoulders with no judgment. “The choice is yours.”
Lily felt the twinkle from Karisma’s eyes dive deep within her own. And the information danced around like a spark of fire inside her heart. It ignited a light inside of Lily, and like twin flames, they held hands tightly, twirling together, rejoicing for such a profound idea of passionate love driving everything. But then the darkness began to creep in. Lily could feel it brewing from the far corners of her mind, and the light began to be suffocated. Lily was able to recognize her fear and she willingly asked for more strength.
“Karisma, what if I only ever see darkness in my life?” Lily’s voice trembled with terror, instantly forgetting the advice that had just been delivered.
“You must trust that the light will illuminate one day,” Karisma soothed, as Lily could feel the light inside start to breathe again. “Try to feel at peace knowing that it is necessary for us to endure the darkness. For we must create a contrasting backdrop for the light to shine so brightly against.”
As Karisma spoke, the lights in the room all extinguished except for one that was a glowing frame around Lily. She illuminated fiercely in the darkness. “Do not be shamed by your scars, my girl; for to see clarity in the world you must grow strength through your being. No great fighter ever stood tall without a used sword and shield.” She paused as the two sat in silence. “I think this is enough for today, let us sleep. I want you to be well- rested for tomorrow.”
Lost Nowhere: A journey of self-discovery in a fantasy world Page 9
