If she and the woman in the picture were one and the same, I couldn’t imagine Charm ever letting her go. He was gone a lot, sometimes on his own. It wasn’t too far-fetched to think that he would’ve gotten her away from the club.
I was also grateful that he hadn’t made me stay out in one of those cabins.
I wouldn’t have lasted a night.
“Neve!” The prospect, Axel, called up the stairs. “Are you finished cleaning yet?”
I slid the book back under the papers and straightened up just as he came into the room.
“Hey, I just finished. What’s next on the agenda?” My heart beat wildly in my chest, leaving me lightheaded from the exertion.
He gave me an odd look. “Uh, I’m just supposed to make sure you don’t get into trouble.”
Right.
I knew that. I dutifully followed him back downstairs, doing my best to push away thoughts of little boys with broken arms.
What in the hell was wrong with me?
When Charm hadn’t shown for dinner, I’d casually asked if I should save a plate for him. Doc informed me that he’d left on club business and that should’ve been the end of it.
Except it wasn’t.
I’d tried to fall asleep. I’d counted sheep…motorcycles…you name it. It didn’t work. My mind had existed in this limbo of using and trying to quit that it hadn’t considered much else in quite some time. There’d been nothing to challenge it, until Charm’s journal.
As much as I didn’t want to, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I needed the identity of mystery girl almost as much as I needed my next breath.
To what end, I still didn’t know.
So, instead of fighting it, I picked the lock on Charm’s bedroom door—a little something I’d learned from Clint—and snatched the book before heading downstairs. The place was quiet; once again, nothing like what a motorcycle club should be.
I passed by the large stone fireplace, wanting nothing more than to curl up beside it, but the chances of being caught were too high. Instead, I went into Charm’s study and turned on the small desk lamp before sinking into his chair, the book cradled in my hands reverently.
I skipped ahead to where they were older.
I’d gone in there ready to throw her ass to the wolves, but then she looked up at me with those damn doe eyes and every ounce of determination fell away.
“Look at you, my knight in shining armor.” Her eyes sparkled with amusement. It was the first bit of life I’d seen from her in longer than I could remember.
I blew on the soup and pressed another spoonful to her lips. “Just drink this. It’ll help calm your stomach.” She’d been vomiting more frequently and I knew it wasn’t some fluke. I’d let her keep her secret for a little while longer though.
I wanted to be excited, but given the circumstances, wary hope was all I could manage. Six months ago, I would’ve been over the moon. Now, I was just scared. For all of us.
She reached up and cupped my face in her hand. “Why are you so good? Look at me, I’m a mess.” When she smiled, the skin stretched tight over the bones in her face, further revealing how much weight she’d lost over the past few months.
She’d become a walking skeleton.
I brushed her thin hair back and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “You’re not a mess. You’re perfect. You just need to eat a little more and then you’ll be back to your old self.”
She gave me another weak smile. “I think I’m starting to feel better already.”
She wasn’t.
I stopped when the lines began to blur from my tears.
She’d gotten sick—she’d also been pregnant. He hadn’t come right out and said it, but it had been hinted at pretty strongly. Maybe she’d just had morning sickness—but, that didn’t explain the weight loss and thinning hair.
And Charm had fed her broth…just like me. He’d even said something similar about it being easier on the stomach. At the time, I’d struggled to make sense of it. Now, I was just struggling to cope with the fact that his story might not have ended well; which devastated me.
I needed a happily ever after—I’d let mine slip away years ago and all but given up on anything working in my favor, but I’d wanted to believe that she and Charm had made it work.
Had he not only lost her, but his child as well?
Tears fell faster at the thought and I struggled to capture them all on the sleeves of my sweatshirt. Heavy bootsteps from the hallway had me shoving the book into the large front pocket of my shirt before feigning sleep. I worked to make my breaths slow and even as I heard the faint creak from the door opening.
“Neve?”
I made a show of blinking my eyes before looking around the room in confusion. “Charm? Where am I?”
He scratched at his chin, the suspicion never leaving his face. “You’re in my office. Care to tell me why?”
I had no excuse and sleepwalking seemed a little too out there to be believable. I settled for a version of the truth instead. “I couldn’t sleep. I thought I’d look around for something to read.”
I decided to get up before he had the opportunity to think of any other questions regarding my nocturnal activities.
“Stay.” He pointed at the chair and I reluctantly sat back down. “Were you crying?”
I shook my head. “No…must be something in the air that’s irritating my eyes. Did you know that mold spores and grass allergies are high during the warm summer months? It’s true. In the spring, you have trees pollinating, but that tends to lessen in the—”
Charm’s eyes widened and he shook his head slowly, as if doing a double take. I tended to have that effect on people when I started one of my longwinded stories.
“What do you like to read?”
I opened my mouth to answer when I realized that I had no idea anymore. I settled for, “I read a lot of books on pathophysiology and neuroscience in school. I have to admit that I haven’t read for pleasure in years though.”
His face twisted up. “You read what now?”
I laughed. “C’mon, surely you’re familiar with neuroscience?” At his blank expression, I elaborated, “The study of the brain? Pathophysiology is just the study of abnormalities associated with various diseases. It sounds lame, but to me it’s fascinating.”
A hint of pain flashed in his eyes and he stared down at the hardwood floor as I realized my mistake. I’d said diseases and unwittingly dredged up memories of his sick wife.
Charm finally looked up at me again. “That’s some pretty highbrow reading material for a junkie. You sure you wouldn’t prefer a book on the history of cocaine?”
His words were like a slap to the face and I angrily retorted, “You sure you wouldn’t like a how-to manual for removing the stick that’s wedged up your ass?”
I clapped a hand to my mouth, but the damage was done.
Instead of stalking from the room or knocking me on my ass, Charm laughed. It was more frightening than the grim expression he normally wore. I didn’t know if that laugh meant he found it funny or if he was amusedly thinking of ways to kill me.
Suddenly he stopped and I sat up straighter in the chair, silently awaiting my fate.
“Fair enough,” he drawled. “Why don’t you head upstairs and try to get some sleep, Neve. It’s late.”
I scurried around him and up to my room before he could change his mind. It wasn’t until the pain in my side lessened and my breathing evened out again that I remembered I still had the journal and no way of getting it back into his room tonight.
Charm
I ain’t been to the city in over a year—never liked being in crowds.
Yet, here I was, walking down 16th Street like I did it all the time. It took three different stores, but I finally found one that carried some books she might like.
I got some strange looks when I sank down into one of their fancy leather chairs in the self-help section, but no one asked me to leave. I imagine it wasn’t ev
ery day that a biker showed up requesting science textbooks.
So what if I’d pretended that they were for me?
People shouldn’t judge books by their covers; especially when they worked in a goddamn bookstore.
I didn’t have anywhere to be for another hour, so I settled in and began thumbing through them both. You know, just in case she wants to talk about her reading with someone.
“Rooster, you know that scientists can split the brain hemispheres and make them function without the other?”
He frowned and finished loading his saddle bag before responding, “Uh, can’t say that I did. Why the fuck would they want to do that?”
To be honest, I hadn’t gotten to that part of the book yet. I was a slow reader and only managed a few chapters before I had to head out to meet Blade.
I wasn’t going to let Rooster know that though. “Oh, it’s good research for stroke victims. They lose control over one part of the brain or some shit and the other could pick up like nothing happened.”
“Is that what happened to you? You have a stroke? When the fuck did you start caring about science and research?”
I shrugged. “I don’t. It’s just good to read the news…stay on top of current events. You should try picking up more than a Playboy, asshole.”
He leaned against his bike with a shit-eating grin. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll go get me some learnin’…maybe run for public office next. Jesus, Charm, you had me going there for a second.”
I laughed it off, but inside I was seething.
What was I doing?
Taking an interest in something she liked? Well, that wasn’t exactly true. I’d found what I read fascinating and it made me think of Raegan. I wondered if she would’ve benefitted from research like that. All the notes I’d scrawled on the back of an envelope were just for me.
It had absolutely nothing to do with Neve.
Chapter Ten
August
“Did you wash your hands?” The men at the table gave me puzzled looks, as if I was speaking a foreign language. As if we hadn’t had this exact conversation every night for the past month. “Hands,” I pressed. “You can’t eat with dirty hands.”
Rooster glanced down at his. “Mine aren’t that bad.”
I swatted his arm. “Up. All of you. No supper until you’ve washed up.” I looked at the empty spots at the table as the men began standing. “Where are Charm, Gunner, and PD?”
Guardrail paused with his hand on the back of the chair. “Gone. It’ll just be us.”
I frowned, feeling let down for some inexplicable reason. This was the problem with reading the damn journal. I’d ignored reason and immersed myself in Charm’s world, thinking I was going to gain insight into what made him tick. Instead, I found myself looking forward to seeing him at the end of the day. He’d make some insulting comment and I’d throw one right back at him.
I’d made him smile twice, so we were making progress.
Toward what I still wasn’t quite sure. After what I read that night in Charm’s study, I’d gone back to the beginning, refusing to skip ahead again. Today’s entry left me feeling even more confused than before though.
I caught her with Bobby today. They were out behind the old pumphouse. She claimed it was just an innocent kiss and that it didn’t mean anything, but I didn’t see it that way. Bobby and Billy both enlisted, and shockingly, the club allowed it. They even decided to throw them a farewell bash before they leave for boot camp tomorrow.
Unfortunately, Bobby was going to be sporting a nasty black eye for his first week.
The funny thing was that he didn’t even fight back. He just took it like a man. Billy said that he’d deserved it and Bobby had agreed. We were good after that, but she swore in front of everyone that she hated me and would never speak to me again. The words were like a sucker punch to my gut.
AJ tried to reassure me that she didn’t mean it, but I’d seen the hateful glint in her eyes. I bet she wished it was me shipping off to boot camp so that she could cozy up to Bobby without interference.
The club had the beer flowing and no one paid much attention as we helped ourselves to it. I was feeling a lot better about things after a few cups and was actually considering whether or not to take a club whore back to my room. I was angry and I wanted to take my frustrations out somewhere. Luck said those girls could take anything and would just keep coming back for more.
Thankfully, the decision was made for me. She got drunk and saved me from making a horrible decision. I made my way over to her and was immediately pelted in the face by a nearly full cup of beer before Bobby stepped in and offered to take her up to her room. She accepted his offer and flipped me off as he led her up to the clubhouse.
“There’s always been this unspoken rule when it comes to her, but you know he loves her, right?” Billy observed as he handed me a towel. “You’ve got some shit to figure out while we’re away.”
I was losing her and I didn’t know how to fix it.
She cheated on him and he’d made it apparent that he had wanted to cheat on her too. And Billy was absolutely Gunner—it just fit. I wondered if the cheating was why his twin was no longer around. Had he been sent overseas after boot camp? Had he died in war? It would certainly explain why Gunner was always in such a foul mood.
“Where’d they go? Will they be back later?”
Rooster called over the running water in the kitchen. “Club business, Darlin’. They won’t be back for a few days.”
One by one, the men washed up and then came back to the table. I sat morosely near the end and picked at my mashed potatoes, hoping that the club business had been important because mashing the potatoes by hand had done wonders for the pain in my side.
“Somethin’ wrong, kid?” Twitch asked through a mouthful of food.
I shook my head. “Just tired. Eat up. I’m just going to head upstairs and get some sleep.”
Doc’s chair scraped loudly against the wood floor as he moved to stand up. “I’ll come with you—I need to change your bandages and see if we should do another round of antibiotics.”
I gave him a forced smile and headed toward the stairs with him right on my heels. Never mind that I was looking forward to some alone time. Time spent in a hot shower, weeping over the path my life had taken.
I still hadn’t let myself dwell on Twitch’s words. There was no way I was ready to face that yet. The journal had provided the perfect distraction. I would focus on the ghosts of Charm’s past, while ignoring the demons from my own.
“Neve?”
I looked back at Doc before opening my bedroom door. “Hmm?”
The men got keys, while my room remained unlocked when I wasn’t in there. I mean, it wasn’t like I had anything of value, but it would’ve been nice to have the privacy regardless.
“I asked if you took it easy today. Did you feel any sharp pains?” His brow was furrowed in concern.
“No, Doc. I told you—I’ve been feeling much better lately.”
He closed the bedroom door behind us and directed me to the bed. “Let’s get a look at it today. If the infection is gone, then we may be ready to remove the bandages. If it’s not, I’m going to have to take you into the clinic in town. If we throw enough cash at them, they won’t need your ID.”
I lay back and lifted the edge of my shirt up. Doc’s hands poked and prodded near the wound, but the pain was bearable compared to a month ago. “It’s looking a lot better today. It’s still leaking a little fluid, so I’m going to keep it covered for a few more days. You need to take it easy, but I think you’re out of the woods.”
“See, and I thought I was still very much in the woods.” I deadpanned.
The corner of his mouth turned up in a smile. “She jokes. I gotta say, Neve. I prefer this side of you over the girl who told me I could go fuck myself with a hot poker while she was detoxing.”
I winced. “Um, yeah. Sorry about that. I—”
He cut me off. “
You don’t owe me an apology. I’m sure I’ll get fucked up in the near future and you can be the one to deal with me. Then, we’ll call us even.”
I smiled. “Sounds fair enough. So, have you always known that you wanted to be in medicine?”
Doc gave the stitches another check and began reapplying the bandages before answering, “Uh yeah, I guess so. Originally, I wanted to be a vet. I’ve always had a soft spot for animals.”
I’d found Vic.
Before I could ask the questions that were swirling around in my head, there was a light knock at the door. He placed the last bandage and pulled my shirt back down as Rooster and Joker came in, holding a deck of cards.
“You up for a game?”
I studied his face with a frown. “I’m not playing strip poker with you, Rooster.”
He glanced over at Joker. “I told you she wouldn’t go for it. You’re going to have to find another way to get her naked, bro.”
Joker’s eyes widened in shock and he began shaking his head ‘no,’ while signing wildly.
I laughed until tears ran from my eyes. “You didn’t say it was for Joker. That changes things, doesn’t it?”
I leaned forward and placed a kiss against the mute’s cheek and he turned red from the top of his head down to his neck. All three of them stared at me strangely.
“What the actual hell just happened here? You’d go through with it for him, but not me?” Rooster complained.
I shrugged and took the cards from his hands. “You’re too obvious about it, Rooster. Everything about you just screams, ‘player.’ You’ve got to work on that.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “And how would I go about doing that?”
I took my time shuffling the deck. “Well, for starters, calling someone a ‘club whore’ after just meeting her is probably not the best way to get into her good graces—unless she is an actual club whore. Then, I don’t know.”
Joker ran a finger across his own throat and smiled, while Doc sat back in a chair and kicked his feet up on the bed. I pushed him off the bed and pointed to his boots. “No shoes on the furniture, Doc.”
Through The Woods Page 9
