“Give me a few minutes to look her up. Yes, she is being worked on right now. The doctor will be out to see you once they are finished. I cannot give you any other information,” said the nurse.
“I found this empty bottle of pills on the counter. I believe she may have taken them,” he said quietly so the children wouldn’t hear him. He gave her the bottle.
“I’ll be sure and let the doctor know,” said the nurse.
Hours passed before the doctor came out to talk with Ted.
“Mr. Finch, I’m Dr. Bradley. Your wife is currently in stable condition. We were able to pump her stomach. It was touch and go for a minute. We ran into some problems trying to maintain her heart rate but we were able to get her stabilized. You can see her in a few minutes,” said Dr. Bradley.
“Thanks, Doctor,” Ted shook his hand, relief evident in his tone.
“Dad—what did the doctor say? Is Mom going to be okay?” asked Ted Jr. nervously.
“Come over here, you guys. The doctor said that Mom is in stable condition, meaning she’s doing okay. I’ll go and see her first and then I’ll come and get you. Okay? Have a seat and I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Ted tried to mask his anxiety.
Ted went over to the nurse’s station to speak with the nurse.
“Hello, I need to see Mrs. Lynn Finch. I was told it was okay to see her now.”
“Let me see. Yes, she is in her room. It’s right across the hall,” said the nurse.
Ted was nervous about seeing her. He didn’t know what to say. She had never tried killing herself before. When he walked into the room she was asleep. He kneeled alongside the bed, grabbed her hand, and started to cry.
“I am so sorry, baby. This is entirely my fault. I am so sorry. I promise from this point on I’ll be here for you. I love you so much. I need you, baby. I really do,” he sobbed into her chest, waking her up.
“Ted dear, don’t cry. It’s not your fault. Please stop crying,” said Lynn faintly.
“You’re awake! You don’t have to talk, baby, just get well. We can talk later. I’m just glad you are still here with us. The kids want to see you. They’re outside the door. I didn’t tell them about the pills. They don’t have to know,” he whispered, kissing her on the forehead.
She tried not to cry, “Thank you for not telling them.”
“Are you ready for me to get them?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said.
Ted left to get the children, who were anxiously waiting for his return. Upon entering the room they ran to Lynn and started hugging her tightly.
“Mom, we’re so happy you’re okay. We were so worried,” said Rebecca while crying.
“What happened?” asked Jonathan, trying to hold back his tears.
“We’ll worry about that later, Jonathan. Right now we’re just happy that Mom is okay,” said Ted.
Ted Jr. just stood there looking at his mother. He didn’t say anything. He knew something was not right. He had noticed his mother’s behavior changing in the last several months. He knew she was depressed again. He didn’t want to say anything to his younger siblings.
Since he was the second person to enter his parents’ bedroom when his father first discovered her, he suspected that she had done something to hurt herself. He just wasn’t sure what. He knew it was strange that she would be dressed up as if she were going out instead of going to bed.
“Ted, are you going to give your mother a hug?” said his father.
“Hi Mom, I’m glad you’re okay,” he said, gently hugging and kissing her.
Ted and the children stayed with Lynn until she was taken upstairs and given a more private room. It was nearly 2 a.m. when they finally returned home. He had already decided to let the children stay home from school.
When Ted and the children left, Lynn lay in bed staring at the ceiling. I feel so foolish. What am I going to do? I’m so confused. I need someone to talk to. I wish I could call Don but it’s so late, she thought.
Ted was up at 7:00 a.m. He called one of his partners and told him that he would not be able to make it in to work. He briefly told him that Lynn was in the hospital.
Around 8:00 a.m. Dr. Philips returned his call. Ted explained what had happened and his concerns for his wife. Dr. Philips instructed him to bring her to his office the moment she was released from the hospital.
He decided to get ready to drive to the hospital. On his way to the shower he found the letter that Lynn had written.
He sat down to read her note. While reading, his throat swelled with sadness. He had no idea that her cancer had come back. He sat on the edge of the bed and started crying. He knew that if she did not go through with the treatment, she would die. He was not ready for that.
He started to feel alone and overcome with emotion. He didn’t want the children to know until he had a chance to talk with Lynn. He needed someone to talk to. He tried calling his friend Paul but it went right to his voicemail. He then thought of Kristie.
They never really talked about their spouses’ personal lives. He hoped she would prove to be a good friend and be there for him. He hesitated for a moment, and then decided to call her.
“Hey Kristie, do you have a minute? I really need to talk to you; I feel as if I’m losing it,” said Ted, trying to maintain his composure.
“This is my prep period. I don’t have any students right now. What’s wrong?” asked Kristie anxiously.
“Last night Lynn took an overdose of sleeping pills. We almost lost her. I didn’t know why at first, but I just found her suicide letter and she says that her breast cancer has come back and she doesn’t want to go through the chemotherapy again. I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared,” he said, fighting back his tears.
“Oh no, Ted; I’m so sorry to hear that. How are the children handling everything?” she asked sincerely.
“They don’t know about the cancer coming back but they know she had to go to the hospital. I didn’t tell them that she tried to kill herself. They were terrified last night but I think after seeing her they feel a little better. I don’t know what I’m going to say to her. I know we have to talk about the cancer,” he said.
“I guess if I were you, I would try to support her the best way I could. I think that when the two of you talk about her treatment options, you should try to keep an open mind to how she feels and the pain she may have to go through.
“It sounds to me that she may be depressed, which is probably why she tried to kill herself. You may want to get a psychiatrist involved to help with the depression,” Kristie offered.
“I spoke with her old psychiatrist this morning. He wants to see her once she is discharged. She has been dealing with depression for quite some time now but she refuses to see him,” he replied, shaking his head slowly.
“Is there anything I can do? I know you’re having difficulty dealing with everything by yourself. Thanks for trusting me enough to talk with me about it. If there is anything I can do please let me know,” Kristie empathized.
She wanted to tell him that she was pregnant and he more than likely was the father, but she decided this was not a good time.
“Listening to me and showing concern for my family is appreciated. You’re a true friend and I love you for that. Now I need to get to the hospital. I’ll talk to you later. Thanks again for listening,” he said.
After showering, Ted left a note for the children on the kitchen counter telling them that he was going to the hospital and would call them later.
On his way to the hospital he considered how to discuss the note with Lynn. He decided that he would come right out and ask her about it. He knew they didn’t have much time, especially since she indicated in her letter that she found out about the cancer two months before.
When he arrived to the hospital and entered her room, she was asleep. He did not want to awaken her so sat in the chair next to her bed and stared out of the window.
After about thirty minutes she rolled over and saw him. “
Hey—how long have you been here?” she asked softly.
“Not long. How are you feeling? Are they taking good care of you?” he responded with concern.
“I’m feeling okay. Yes, they’re taking good care of me. All I seem to do is sleep. I guess I’m finally getting the rest I often complained about missing,” she joked feebly.
“Baby, why didn’t you tell me that the cancer had come back? I found the note this morning. You didn’t have to go through all of that worrying by yourself. You know I love you and am here for you,” he said as he held her hand.
“I wanted to tell you but I had to make up in my mind if I wanted to go through the treatments again. I don’t want to die of cancer but I don’t think I can bear going through that ordeal again. The doctors say that if I start right away there’s a good chance I’ll survive it.
“This time they may have to remove my breasts. If they do that, then my chance of survival increases. I’m afraid that you won’t look at me the same after I have them removed. That’s like taking away a part of me that makes me feel like a woman,” she cried, turning away from Ted.
“Baby, I don’t care about that. That’s not what makes you beautiful to me. Your warm spirit is why I love you. You will be beautiful to me regardless. I’m not ready for you to die and neither are the children.
“If you feel that it will be too much going through the treatments again I’ll support your decision but I think we need to bring the kids in on the discussion. They are older now and I think they’ll understand whatever you decide.
“Just know that we are a family and we will stand together as a unit. Before you make your final decision can we both talk to the doctors?” he asked.
She agreed and they sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts.
Lynn was discharged from the hospital later that day. She felt differently when she walked into her bedroom. She decided that she wanted to take a long bath to help her think.
Ted was very helpful. He fixed her something to eat and ran her bath for her. Once he made sure she was taken care of, he went to the office for a few hours to work and give her some space.
While he was gone she called her lover to talk about everything that happened.
“Hey, what’s going on? Do you have time to talk?” said Lynn.
“Sure. What’s going on? You sound worried. Is everything okay?” asked Don.
“I could be better. I was in the hospital last night,” she said.
“In the hospital—what was wrong?” he asked.
“I am too embarrassed to tell you. I tried to end my life,” she burst into tears.
Don was alarmed, “Oh no, baby! There’s nothing so bad that we can’t get through it together. I thought you understood that. Was it because of Ted?”
“No, not really. My cancer has come back and the doctors tell me that they’ll have to do a mastectomy. I don’t think I can handle living without my breasts,” she explained tearfully.
“Listen Lynn, we got through the cancer the first time and we can get through it again. You won’t be alone, I promise,” he tenderly vowed.
“I know, but this time will be different. This time they will take a part of what identifies me as a woman.”
“Baby, that’s not what makes you a woman. Sure, they accentuate your body, but breasts don’t identify a woman—especially you. You are beautiful, sexy, and loving now and you’ll continue to be sexy to me no matter what,” he said.
“Thank you for that, baby. It really means a lot coming from you. I miss talking to you and being with you. It’s been a long time since we’ve spent a Sunday together,” she responded, wiping away her tears.
“I know, baby; I’ve been busy but I promise to make time for us. I’m here but I can only be here if you allow me. I know it will be difficult since you’re married, but I would really appreciate it if you let me know what’s going on. Then I can support you every step of the way. Are you going to have chemotherapy and radiation again?” he asked.
“Yes, more than likely. I must admit I’m so scared. I wish you could be by my side through all of this but we both know why that’s impossible,” she said sadly.
He sighed—this was an old argument. “Don’t start that again. Both of us have responsibilities to our families. I want to leave but I can’t do that to my children. They would be destroyed.”
“I know and so would mine. Well, I need to get off the telephone in case Ted or one of the kids comes in the room looking for me. Take care and I love you,” she said.
“Okay, you take care too. Don’t forget what I said. Please keep me informed of your progress,” his voice sounded sincere as they hung up their phones.
The next several months were very difficult. After meeting with the oncologist and other doctors and getting her test results back, Lynn decided that she would go through with the surgery for the sake of her family. The doctors wanted her to remain in the hospital for twenty-four hours after having her mastectomy.
They were able to get all of the cancerous cells by removing her breast and it had not travelled to her lymph nodes. To be safe, they wanted her to have radiation again as well.
While she was home recuperating from the surgery, her psychiatrist came to the house to see her and to prescribe an anti-depressant medication.
She had to have additional surgeries to reconstruct her breast. The pain from the surgeries was difficult at times so she was prescribed pain pills.
Ted was there through the surgeries and radiation treatment. The doctors were not completely sure how long it would take for her to fully recuperate from everything.
After a year, Lynn started to heal from her mastectomy and the breast reconstruction. During that time her attitude had changed. She had become bitter and angry towards Ted and the children. They tried to be as helpful and understanding as possible but she made it very difficult. The anti-depression medication did not seem to be helping with her severe mood swings.
No matter how hard Ted tried to make her feel good, she would always start an argument. She was having a difficult time dealing with the loss of her breast and was growing tired of their marriage.
She was depressed but not only for the reasons he thought. She stopped caring for her appearance and did everything she could to make herself look unattractive so others would not look at her.
The constant bickering and complaining wore on Ted. He tried not to get Kristie involved in their relationship but he desperately needed someone to talk to. Out of guilt about Lynn’s condition, he avoided speaking to Kristie during the recuperation period, but after a year of Lynn’s increasing irritability, he longed for Kristie’s kindness and understanding.
To his surprise, before he could call her, she texted him and asked if he could be available for lunch that Saturday afternoon. Normally he was the one who initiated their lunch dates. He wondered what prompted her message.
That Saturday he and Kristie met at the hotel suite. As soon as he opened the door to let her in she immediately grabbed him and starting kissing him passionately.
“Well hello to you, too! What was all of that for? I must admit I didn’t expect that kind of greeting,” exclaimed Ted, pleasantly surprised.
“Hey baby, I’ve missed you so much. I didn’t mean to be so forward but it’s been a long time since we last saw each other. How long has it been—a year?” she asked as she leaned to kiss him again.
“If I knew you were going to be like this I would’ve waited a year to see you when we first reunited,” he said jokingly.
“Very funny, Ted. It’s good to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor. I’ve really missed you, baby. I miss being around you. I’ve been crazy this last year. I didn’t want to mention anything to you because I knew you had a lot going on with your family.
“I’ve been worried about you. I felt something was wrong with you. I know that sounds crazy but you were heavy on my mind and heart and I had to see you to make sure everything was okay. I kept getting this
strange feeling in the pit of my stomach about you.
“I’m so glad you were available to see me. So is everything okay?” she asked, holding of both his hands in hers.
“Things could be a lot better. I’ve been under a lot of pressure with work and with my family. I had to assign the case involving Senator Sullivan to another attorney within my firm. Of course the senator was not happy about that; I promised that I would still work on the case but could no longer be lead counsel. My family seems to be falling apart. Lynn’s depression has gotten worse than before.
“She constantly argues and fights with me and the children. We are trying so hard to be supportive and understanding about everything she has gone through but she’s making it difficult for everyone.
“Ted Jr. is supposed to graduate from high school in three months and the stress of worrying about his mother seems to have affected his grades. I had to get all of us into counseling with Dr. Philips but Lynn refuses to go to the sessions regularly so just the kids and I go. She still sees him sometimes by herself.
“I try to make love to her but she refuses to let me touch her. I think she blames me and the kids for her having the surgery. I really think she feels she would have been better off dead. Every day I worry that she may try to kill herself again.
“That constant worrying makes it difficult for me to work late hours. I’m only glad that the kids never found out what happened that night. I sometimes feel as if I’m losing my mind. I’m so damn frustrated and I don’t know what to do. For the first time in twenty years I don’t know what to do to help my family,” he said as he started to cry.
“Oh baby, it will be okay. You and your family have gone through a lot. I know it’s not easy trying to keep your family together while maintaining your sanity. Most men would have abandoned their wife the moment she stopped having sex with him. You stuck with her and your family despite everything.
“You are a great man, Ted. It’s okay to be afraid sometimes. You’re human. Everyone gets scared at some point in their lives. So you don’t have all the answers now, don’t worry. They will come to you and when they do, you will know exactly what to do.
Simply Complicated Page 26
