by Betty Neels
Victoria giggled. ‘You’d hate it,’ she began, then: ‘Would you really like me better?’ she asked. ‘I could try…’
‘Stay as you are, darling girl, impulsive and a little cross sometimes and so very uncertain.’
‘Uncertain?’ She was surprised now. ‘Me?’
‘Yes—as though you had never expected to be happy or remain so.’ He kissed her again. ‘You’re happy now, aren’t you?’
She stared up at him. ‘Yes—perfectly happy, my dear.’ And her words stifled the unbidden thought that she would be even happier if only she could bring herself to ask about Nina, but she knew she couldn’t do that; it would have to remain an unsolved mystery; she would have to resign herself to never knowing.
She was wrong. The next day Alexander went to Brussels for some meeting or other and Mevrouw van Schuylen had a dental appointment in den Haag. Victoria accompanied her and elected to stroll round the shops in Noordeinde while she was waiting for her. It was while she was poking around Boucher’s bookshop that she saw Nina. They met almost as old friends and Victoria, having discovered that she had a free morning, asked her to take coffee with her. ‘You see,’ she explained seriously, ‘I’m not sure where to go and I’m terrified of finding myself somewhere where they won’t understand me.’
Nina laughed. ‘That’s not likely to happen here,’ she exclaimed. ‘Every shop has someone in it who can speak English and certainly understands it. We’ll go to Formosa—are you alone?’
Victoria explained. ‘But Mevrouw van Schuylen will be at least another half an hour or so—I don’t know what she’s having done, but she told me to call for her at about twelve o’clock.’
She sat down opposite Nina and looked around her. ‘This is pleasant—I like the Hague.’
Nina smiled. ‘A good thing too, since you are to marry Alexander and live in or near it for the rest of your life. When are you to marry?’
‘I don’t know. We—we haven’t had much time to make plans—Alexander is so busy, isn’t he, and when we meet…I expect the wedding will be in St Peter Port. My family live there, you know.’
‘You haven’t a job any more?’
Victoria poured the coffee and handed her companion a cup. ‘No—Alexander asked me to give it up when I came here.’
Nina made a little face. ‘So he really means it,’ she said softly. ‘I thought, when I first met you, that it was just a flash in the pan affair—a bluff. I must confess I hoped it was. You see, Alexander and I were to have been married.’
Victoria put her cup down very carefully, so as not to spill it. She felt cold inside and her mouth felt curiously stiff. She said at last in a commendably calm voice: ‘Oh? I didn’t know. I’m sorry, Nina; it must be painful for you, seeing us…’
‘Yes, and more so because it all began as a stupid joke.’
Victoria refilled their cups with a steady hand. She had wanted to discover what the mystery was; well, she was getting her wish and with a vengeance; she must make the best of it. She made her face look pleasantly enquiring. Nina’s statement explained a number of things—Alexander’s look when he had seen her, his parents’ polite coolness towards her when she had called that evening, Alexander’s apparent lack of interest when Victoria had mentioned her…
‘We quarrelled,’ Nina seemed anxious to tell her all about it. ‘Alexander’s got a terrible temper, you know, we had an appalling row in that sitting room of his in the farmhouse—and do you know what was the last thing he said to me?’
Victoria shook her head at this purely rhetorical question.
‘He was on the point of leaving for Guernsey, to stay with those friends of his there. He said: “I’ll marry the first pretty girl I see in Guernsey.” I thought he was joking and then I saw that he was still furious.’ Her blue eyes rested momentarily on the ring on Victoria’s finger. ‘I flung that ring at him before I left the house. Even though he was still angry I never really thought he meant it. It seems he did, and now I come to think of it, he prides himself on being a man of his word.’
‘Why have you told me all this?’ demanded Victoria. She was a little pale, but her eyes were steady and so was her voice.
‘I didn’t mean to, you’re so sweet and a little naïve, aren’t you? You might get hurt, especially if you really love him.’
Victoria’s eyes widened in indignant astonishment. ‘What other reason could I have for marrying him?’ she wanted to know.
‘Some girls would marry him for his money—he’s got plenty and don’t tell me you don’t know that. He’s good-looking too and he’s got a way with women—a decided catch. Not you,’ she added earnestly, ‘and that’s why it might be disastrous…’
She picked up her handbag and gloves. ‘I must go—I promised to lunch with a friend. If it were any other girl I should hate to leave, but you’re sensible as well as sweet; you’ll want to think about it, won’t you?’ She got up and held out a hand, which Victoria took, not wanting to. ‘I’m sure to see you around. Holland’s so small.’
Victoria sat very still, watching Nina make her way through the crowded café. In a detached way she noted what a good-looking girl Nina was, and very well dressed. Alexander liked women to be well dressed, he had told her only the other day, and added the satisfying rider that he considered her taste in clothes to be everything it should be. He had even teased her a little and asked if she was going to be an extravagant wife.
She felt tears prick her eyelids and hastily poured another cup of coffee so that she had something to do. The simple act steadied her; she drank the coffee, which was cold by now, paid the bill and made her way out of the café. As Nina had so sapiently remarked, she would need to think, but not here or now. Alexander was away, she would have almost two days in which to decide what to say to him when he returned. The idea that she might talk to his parents about it flashed through her mind, to be instantly discarded. Going behind his back was the last thing she intended to do. She would be sensible and not get worked up about it, then she would be able to talk it over calmly with him when she saw him again. Having made up her mind to this, she stepped out briskly in the direction of the dentist’s house, happily unaware that her face was so white that several people turned to look at her as she passed, convinced that at any moment she would drop to the pavement. No such catastrophe arose, however; she was a strong, healthy girl, and although she had received a shock she had no intention of giving way under it. She found her way to the waiting room and sat down to wait for Mevrouw van Schuylen, and when one of the patients spoke to her in deeply sympathetic tones she smiled politely and shook her head, not knowing that he had, in fact, taken her white face to be indicative of severe toothache.
If her hostess noticed anything strange about the appearance of her guest she said nothing about it, contenting herself with one sharp glance before launching into an account of the horrors she had endured in the dentist’s chair. ‘Do you mind if we go straight home, Victoria?’ she wanted to know. ‘I’ve had a local anaesthetic and my mouth is still so numb I might have some difficulty with eating.’
Victoria agreed with secret relief. Her hostess would doubtless rest after lunch, leaving her free to sit in the garden or go for a walk. A walk, she decided, a long one. It would clear her brain the more easily to remember every word that Nina had said to her. She felt wretched, but she made an effort to be her usual cheerful self during their drive back and while they ate the light luncheon Bep, the daily cook, had prepared for them, and sure enough, when they had finished, Mevrouw van Schuylen retired to her room, murmuring that dear Victoria could doubtless amuse herself for an hour or so and that her husband would probably be in for tea anyway. Victoria assured her that she had plenty to do and would perhaps take a walk later on, and was thereupon cautioned to be careful not to go too far or get lost, otherwise Alexander would never forgive his mother for letting his lieveling out of her sight. Victoria responded suitably to this little joke, accompanied her hostess to the foot of t
he stairs and waited while she mounted them and then made her escape into the garden.
There was a rough track behind its hedge, it was used by horse riders, little boys on bicycles, dogs and courting couples, and at this time of the day would be quiet. She began to walk along it now, not caring where she went, and presently when she came to a little clearing, very warm and peaceful in the sunshine, she sat down on a convenient tree stump and had a good cry. It did her a great deal of good and after a little while she dried her eyes, tidied her hair as best she might and began to retrace her steps. Now she could think; the tears had washed away a large part of the rage and humiliation and fright she had been storing up since she had met Nina that morning. There had to be an explanation, of course; when Alexander returned the next day she would ask him about it in a calm and dignified manner and his answer would, she had no doubt, put an end to all her fears and fancies. She felt better once she had made up her mind how she would behave; she would have felt better still if she could have blotted out entirely all that Nina had told her.
She returned for tea and found Alexander’s father had just come home and only too glad to have company. He had been at the local hospital, where he occasionally gave anaesthetics and he was delighted to have an appreciative audience to listen to his day’s work. They were discussing the merits of modern anaesthesia when his wife came into the room and the talk, naturally enough, became centred on her visit to the dentist, but presently, as she was pouring tea, she turned to Victoria and asked, ‘Do you feel better, Vicky? You were so pale this morning, should you rest a little more, do you think? We have taken you out a great deal and as far as I remember we have never once asked you if you wished to go.’
They all laughed and Victoria protested: ‘But I’ve loved every minute, really I have,’ then went on more slowly, as an idea entered her head: ‘But I have got a shocking headache. Would you think me very rude if I didn’t go with you this evening to Mevrouw Vinke’s house? I shall be sorry not to go, but perhaps if I have an early night I might get rid of it.’
‘A very good idea,’ agreed her hostess kindly. ‘You shall dine with us if you wish and then go straight to bed.’ She got up and to Victoria’s surprise bent down and kissed her on her cheek. ‘Dear Victoria, how quickly we have come to love you!’
After they had gone she went and sat in the garden. It was quiet there and the flowers smelled sweet and after a short time its peace had an effect upon her muddled thoughts so that although she was unhappy she was no longer despairing. She went indoors slowly, pausing in the drawing room to look around her at its treasures and so into the hall. She was halfway across it when the front door opened and Alexander walked in.
She stared at him open-mouthed, her delight at seeing him warring with the unhappy thoughts chasing each other round her head.
He came straight to her and took her in his arms and kissed her. ‘I got away early,’ he explained. ‘I thought you would have gone with Mother and Father, but they told me to come on here—that you had a headache.’ He held her a little away from him and looked searchingly into her face. ‘You’ve been crying! What’s the matter, my dear little love—you’re not ill?’
‘No,’ said Victoria, thinking how much simpler it would be if she were. ‘I had a headache…’
‘And what else?’ He was still smiling, but the smile had changed and his piercing eyes seemed to bore into her head and see the muddle there. She took her time in answering him. She could, of course, deny that there was anything wrong, but if she did, he would know and question her again and she might blurt everything out without thinking carefully first… She said now:
‘I met Nina today—while your mother was at the dentist. I went to look at the shops and I saw her. We had coffee together, at a place called Formosa. I liked it there and the coffee was excellent.’
He loosed her and stood staring down at her face and she was miserably aware that despite her calm voice, her mouth was shaking. Alexander smiled a little and took her arm. ‘Let’s go into the sitting room,’ he invited. ‘There’s something you want to tell me, isn’t there?’
In the cheerful little room he offered her a chair, but she shook her head; she had a feeling it wasn’t going to be that sort of conversation, conducted comfortably from two easy chairs. Instead she leaned over the back of a high-backed leather chair, clinging rather tightly to it with taut fingers.
‘Now, my love,’ said Alexander in the silky voice she had learned to be wary of, ‘shall we come to the crux of the matter?’
‘That is the crux, Alexander. I—I don’t think I am your love.’
His raised eyebrows and the sudden arrogance of his look sent her hurrying on, too fast, so that she hadn’t time to pick her words as carefully as she had meant to.
‘We were talking—you know—’ She gave him an imploring look and he murmured smoothly: ‘Indeed I know. Do go on, Victoria.’
‘Well, she told me that you and she had—had been going to marry, only you quarrelled and—and she gave you back her ring—this ring—’ She held out her hand for him to see as though that would make everything clear, but beyond according it a casual glance, as though it were a thing of no importance, he made no sign. ‘I thought,’ Victoria went on, feeling as though she were making a speech in a nightmare, ‘that is, I’ve tried hard to believe that she was making it all up—for a joke, you know, but…’
He said swiftly before she could finish: ‘And you have decided that it wasn’t?’
She twisted her hands tightly together, not looking at him. ‘You see, Alexander, I saw you when she came over to our table at the restaurant—you looked…’ She couldn’t find the right word and left the sentence, perforce, in midair. ‘She described it all so clearly—your house and the sitting room, and if you really said what she said you did, then I…’
‘What did I say?’ He was lounging against the wall, hands in pockets. She peered at him and found his calm face quite terrifying. He was furious, but her own temper was rising too.
‘Did you tell her that you would marry the first pretty girl you met once you got to Guernsey?’
He took a long time to answer. She listened to her heart thudding in her chest, so loud that he must surely hear it. ‘Did you?’ she repeated, her voice too loud in the quiet room.
‘What if I tell you that I did say that?’
‘But you did say it? Just those words?’ She heard the despair in her voice and hoped he hadn’t noticed.
‘Yes, I said that.’ He took his hands from his pockets and came to stand close to her.
‘No,’ she said fiercely. ‘I can guess the rest. You’ve been using me as a sort of—of…’
‘Decoy?’ he suggested helpfully.
‘Decoy to get Nina back.’ She swallowed her rage and choked on it at his laugh.
‘My dear Victoria,’ he began; she allowed him to get no further.
‘You went to see her after we got back from the restaurant that night,’ she accused him fiercely. ‘You said you had to go back to work…’
His voice was ice. ‘Who said that I had gone to see Nina?’
‘No one—I just knew. Oh, it all fits in so well.’
‘You believe that I did that? A few hours after I had given you your ring—that I lied?’ He walked across the room and stood staring out of the window into the quiet night. ‘You’re being impetuous and highly imaginative, Vicky. I…’ He was interrupted by the telephone and after a moment’s hesitation he lifted it from its cradle and stood frowning as he listened. When he answered, Victoria, who had picked up a few words since she had arrived in Holland, gathered that he had to go somewhere in a hurry. She was right. He replaced the receiver without haste and said briskly: ‘I have to go straight to the hospital—it’s urgent.’ He was already at the door. ‘We will finish this—er—argument tomorrow, Victoria.’ He had gone before she could reply to his brief goodnight.
She listened to his footsteps cross the hall, the banging of the front door
and then the sound of the Mercedes tearing down the road. When she could no longer hear it she went and sat down, telling herself that she was quite calm and he had only said that because that was the silly sort of thing a man always said when he was getting the worst of an argument with a woman. She sat for a long time while the evening darkened, going over and over their conversation, unable to conceal, however hard she tried, the one glaring fact that Nina had spoken the truth about his saying that he would marry the first girl…and if she had been truthful about that, why should she lie about anything else? She stirred restlessly. There must be some reason, and Alexander had said he would explain, and if he didn’t love Nina any more she supposed it didn’t matter too much, only the hurt of not being told was almost more than she could bear. The telephone rang again and she rather doubtfully lifted the receiver. Jaap was probably about, somewhere in the kitchen probably, but it seemed silly to disturb him. ‘Hullo?’ she asked tentatively, and heard Nina’s voice.
‘Victoria? You’re all right? Has Alexander gone?’
Victoria’s hand shook a little on the receiver. ‘He left here about an hour ago. I—I thought it was the hospital…it was you.’
Her mind was so full of the fact that he had lied to her again that she didn’t notice the tiny pause before Nina replied. ‘Yes—I daresay he’s been held up somewhere.’
‘Are you at the same party as Mevrouw van Schuylen?’ asked Victoria.
The pause was longer this time and she noticed it and put it down to Nina’s kindness in not wanting to hurt her feelings, although it seemed silly to bother about a few feelings after what she had done.
‘No,’ said Nina at length. ‘I’m at my flat. Victoria, you’re sure you’re all right?’
