by Jenni Moen
I squatted and held the phone to her ear. “How’s my favorite princess?” I heard him ask.
The memory, which was so vivid that I felt like I could reach out and touch it, faded, and I wiped away the tears streaming down my face. No matter what Jonathan had done to me, he’d been a good father to our children. If he’d cancelled his insurance policy, he’d had a good reason. If he’d purchased policies for the kids, he had a good reason for that, too.
No matter what he’d done wrong to me, I’d never questioned his devotion to Isabelle and Trey. As I laid on the bed obsessing over the insurance policies, I vowed that no matter what I found out about him, I would never forget that.
IMAGINATION
KATE
I hung up the phone and sifted through the file marked ‘INSURANCE’. Unbelievably, it was possibly the only file in the bastard’s office that was actually organized.
I picked it up and carried it with me to the other end of the long hall and knocked on the door.
“Come in,” Maddox answered.
I stepped into the office and looked around at the space that couldn’t have been more different from Jonathan’s. Sleek and modern, Maddox had clearly chosen the furniture himself. Having been to his apartment on the one occasion, I knew that his tastes ran to the contemporary.
In contrast to Jonathan’s office, nothing was out of place. There were no piles of paper strewn haphazardly around the office. Every surface gleamed. The papers directly in front of him were the only evidence that work was done in the office at all. It was also cold and sterile, and I involuntarily shivered.
“Cold?” he asked. “I can turn down the air. I tend to keep my office like an ice box.”
“It’s fine,” I said. “Hey do you have a minute?”
“Of course,” he said with a smile much warmer than the room.
Honestly, after dinner last night, I didn’t expect Maddox to enlighten me about Jonathan’s strange behavior. Their relationship had a longer shelf life than any feelings he had for me. But, just like the night before, I felt like I needed to try. I wasn’t getting very far on my own.
I sat down across from him with the file in my lap. “I’m finishing up in there. Almost everything is boxed up, but I had some questions about this file. Did Jonathan ever talk to you about insurance?”
“For the company? Briefly. But that really wasn’t the type of thing that I handled.” He looked down, and I knew he wanted to add ‘before now’ to the end of the sentence. We were all handling things that we hadn’t handled before.
I looked down at the file and smoothed my hand across the top of it. “No. Personal.”
Maddox seriously considered the question. “No, I don’t think so. Why?”
“Well, I found copies of some insurance policies, and some of it is strange.”
“Like what?” he asked.
I spent several minutes explaining everything I’d learned that morning. “A few months before he died, he cancelled his policy,” I finished.
“But kept hers?”
“Yeah.” I shook my head. “Doesn’t that seem weird?”
“A little,” he finally said. “Jonathan was always very savvy financially, though. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to work with him. His mind just worked that way and everything he touched seemed to turn to gold, even in college. While I was out getting drunk and laid, he was starting this company.”
“I know. That’s exactly why this feels so odd to me.”
Maddox shrugged as if it was no big deal. “He juggled things around when he thought it made sense. Maybe he was switching to a different company and just never got around to it.”
I pressed him some more. “Maybe, but you’d think he’d move everyone if that was his plan.”
His forehead wrinkled. “I’m sure he had a good reason,” he said, dismissing the conversation for a second time. “How much more do you have to do in there?”
“I’m almost done, actually. I think I’ll have it all boxed, filed, or trashed in a day or two. I need to stay home for a while anyway. They need me more there than you need me here. I have to admit that it’s been nice to get away though.” I was going to miss coming in to the office. Sometimes I needed to escape.
He looked disappointed. “It’s kind of hard for me to argue with that, but can I try?” I shrugged. I wasn’t sure what kind of argument he could present for keeping me around. “Well, I was thinking that you could set up an office here. It’s not like we don’t have the space.”
I laughed at the absurdity of his plan. “For what?”
“To write.”
“I’m not that kind of writer, Maddox.” He leveled serious eyes on me, and the crystal blueness reminded me of my former life – the one that had inspired my ‘stories.’ “I’m a travel writer. Guess what’s necessary to do that? Traveling. That’s out of the question right now.”
“No,” he said, his voice earnest. “You’re a writer. Just because you’ve spent your career writing about exotic places like Malta, Thailand, and Little Corn Island doesn’t mean you can’t write about something else.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. They were all places I’d actually gone, making me wonder if Maddox had been checking up on me.
“What? I did my research,” he said, confirming my suspicions.
I thought about what he was suggesting. I’d been doing my job for so long that I didn’t know if I had any other writing voice. “What would I write about? Life in Small Town, U.S.A.? Maybe get a job with the Merriville Monitor?” The local newspaper was a joke. The high school English teachers used it for lessons in how not to write rather than for lessons on how to do so.
“No. I was thinking,” he paused and shifted in his chair as if he was nervous to say it, “that you’re sitting on a great story right now.”
“What story is that?”
“Your sister’s, of course.”
“No.” I wasn’t going to write about that.
“Think about it, Kate. It’s got everything. Lies, mystery, tragedy. Why not put your own spin on it and turn it into a bestseller?”
“Because I’m not a fictional writer, Maddox. I don’t know the first thing about writing a novel.” While that was true, I also wasn’t sure that I could ever exploit my sister that way.
“You’ve never written fiction? Never written a short story? Are you honestly telling me that you don’t have a pile of stories hidden somewhere because you’re too afraid to try and get them published? I don’t believe that.” He eyed me speculatively.
I could feel my face heating up. I did, in fact, have a pile of stories hidden. I had a few piles, actually. There was one under my bed in my New York apartment. There was another in my closet. There was also a pile in a storage box somewhere in my dad’s house.
“I knew it,” he said, pointing at my hot cheeks. A sly grin appeared on his face, and his eyes gleamed in triumph.
“There’s a reason that all of those stories are hidden in boxes where no one can read them.”
“Bullshit. I’ve read your articles. Your writing is funny and gripping and compelling. I can’t tell you how many vacations I’ve almost booked after reading one.”
He had been reading my articles. The thought flabbergasted me. He would have had to search them out. It wasn’t like you could pick up a copy of International Traveler at the mini-mart on the edge of Merriville. Most of the people in our town had never even made it past the mini-mart.
Undeterred by my silence, he continued, “I’m just saying that you’re a good writer. You’ve pigeon-holed yourself into believing that you can only write about one thing, but I know better and your sister has a story is worth telling.”
“I don’t even have her story figured out yet.”
“But you will, and if you don’t, so what? Make up the rest. It doesn’t have to be a biography. Give her the ending you want for her, instead of the one she got.”
“I’ll think about it.” I was still skeptical, but I w
as already thinking about it. It was possible that Maddox had given me a new purpose.
“While you’re thinking,” Maddox started, “it’s Friday? Do you have plans? I thought maybe we could get dinner and catch a movie.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I just made plans.”
His eyes narrowed. “With whom?”
“I’m going to Fredericksburg with Paul Sullivan.”
“Hanging with the priest again, huh?”
“He’s a nice guy.”
“Seems weird to me. Him wanting to hang with you.”
“Geez, Maddox. Thanks.” I said, standing to leave.
He hopped to his feet. “That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry, Kate.”
“Really? Because it sounds like you’re saying that I’m not good enough to spend time with a priest.”
Maddox sighed and rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I was saying at all. I just spent the last five minutes telling you how wonderful you are. I just meant, why would he want to spend time with a woman he can’t have.”
“Not everything is about sex, Maddox. Why do you want to spend time with a woman you can’t have?” I asked hotly, turning toward the door again. I made it almost there when he caught me.
With one hand he slid the door shut in front of me, shutting us in his office. His other arm curled around my waist, pulling me in close. My heart beat erratically in my chest, maybe because it was Maddox or maybe because he’d surprised me.
He shook his head slowly and peered at me through hooded eyes. His breath was warm on my cheek. “That’s where you’re wrong, Kate. I can have you.”
He towered over me, taller by a head or more. My pulse raced. I wanted to argue with him, but I wasn’t sure I could. “I will have you.” It was a declaration with no room for negotiation.
My resolve crumbled. I wanted to feel something. For him. I wanted him to help me forget the man who’d been lingering uninvited in my thoughts. Because, in my heart, I knew that Maddox was right. Paul shouldn’t be hanging out with me. He wasn’t the one for me, and he never would be. He loved Grace first, and she was a tough act to follow. I needed to get my head out of the clouds.
In an effort to ground myself, I looked into Maddox’ Caribbean blue eyes and wished to be swept away. Away from my silly crush on Paul. Away from the grief that had been pulling me down. Away from the responsibilities that had been thrown on me. I wanted him to make me forget the carefree life I’d left behind because, though I loved taking care of her, parts of me still wanted to be able to do something rash and reckless.
His lips hit mine without any of the hesitance I was feeling and momentarily stole my breath. The comfort I’d been expecting was absent. Instead, pure desire, unanticipated and welcome, bloomed and spiraled through me.
I stepped toward him, pushing him against the closed door, and his deep laugh reverberated around us. I heard the click of the lock, and then I was lifted off the ground. He strode across the room with me in his arms as if I weighed no more than a feather and tossed me playfully on the cool surface of the sleek black leather couch. Goosebumps sprang up along my bare arms and legs again, but the chill was short-lived. Lust-filled eyes looked down at me, and I watched him work off his tie. The heat between us warmed me from the inside out.
He sat down next to me with more reservation than I was expecting after his previous demands and continued working over my mouth. He nipped at my upper lip, and our kiss deepened. I opened for him so our tongues could do their familiar dance. It didn’t feel like five years had passed. His mouth was as delicious as I remembered. For a moment, I couldn’t recall why I’d refused to try a long-distance relationship with him all those years ago.
“You think you don’t want this, Kate. You’re afraid to settle down in this town. You’re afraid that being with me will kill the adventurer in you. But you’re wrong. I am an adventure.”
Wanting to believe it, I began unbuttoning his shirt, starting near the top where he’d left off after tossing his tie. My intentions were understood and reflected in his eyes. I pushed the shirt off his shoulders to expose his broad, lightly defined chest with its light dusting of hair. I ran my hands over it, remembering the reasons why I still had a soft spot for Texas boys who didn’t feel the need to trim and buff themselves into some sort of man-sized version of a woman.
There was nothing feminine about Maddox. I could practically taste the testosterone rolling off of him. Without pause, he continued his assault on my mouth, while his hand pulled the edge of my skirt over my hips. He pushed my panties to the side and a finger expertly worked me over. The pad of his thumb rubbed mercilessly against me, causing my hips to buck and my fingers to dig into his back. “I want inside of you, Kate. I have to be inside you,” he mumbled as his lips trailed down my neck toward the scooped neckline of my shirt.
In complete and utter agreement, I reached for his belt buckle. Pulling away, he stood next to the couch and piece-by-piece removed his clothing, never taking his gaze off of me. I pulled my shirt over my head and started to kick off my heels.
“Leave them on,” he growled, stopping me. I’d forgotten how demanding Maddox was. He strode to his desk and opened a drawer. In seconds, he was back at my side, locked and loaded, wrapped and ready. He crawled over me, nestling against my opening. He didn’t push inside. Instead, he teased me, smiling devilishly as he did.
I pulled a leg up and wrapped a stiletto-heeled foot over his shoulder. “Good God, woman. How do you even bend like that?”
“Yoga,” I muttered into his chest.
He threw his head back and groaned. “I’ve wanted to do this since you came back. In my mind, I’ve had you spread across that desk over there. I’ve had you bent over the table in the break room. I can’t stop thinking about you. I’m going to have you in every corner of this office, in every corner of my house.”
His words caused a shift within me, but I bucked my hips to push myself against him in spite of it. I ignored the nagging voice in my head, telling me this was wrong. “Then do it, Maddox. Claim me.” With another growl, he pushed into me until he could go no further, and I was filled to the hilt with Maddox Grayson.
Rocking together in unison, we were a perfect fit. As he worked his way toward a climax, I chased mine as well, capturing it just in time. He collapsed on top of me and then rolled to the side so as not to crush me. We laid panting next to each other, with his arm draped across the skirt now bunched around my waist and my arms thrown over my head in surrender.
To what or whom I was surrendering I didn’t know. I’d asked him to claim me, and he’d tried. Lord knew he’d put in his best effort to do so. The man knew exactly how to touch me, but even now I couldn’t surrender to him.
Because the entire time I’d had my eyes closed and at the moment when I’d caught the high I’d been looking for, I’d been imagining he was someone else.
DEPRIVATION
GRACE
“Come with us.”
“I can’t.” I pointed at the file in her arms. It was tucked against her stomach with both arms crossed over it, as if she wasn’t sure she wanted to hand it over. “Is that the insurance stuff?”
She nodded. “There’s nothing in here that you don’t already know. I promise. So come with us.” She was holding the file hostage in an effort to get me to go to Fredericksburg with her and Paul.
“I really can’t, Kate. I need to figure all of this out.” I hoped that I was convincing. While it was true that I was going to read every single word from the first page to the last, I didn’t really think I’d find any answers there. The file wasn’t the real reason, or at least not the main reason, that I’d decided that I wasn’t going with them today. And it wasn’t the reason that I wouldn’t be going to San Antonio on Monday either.
Sleep had cleared my mind and made me see yesterday for what it was. I woke up imagining Paul describing our kiss to whomever it was that he had to confess, and I had never been more ashamed of myself. What I’d done in that
vet’s office – the position I’d put him in – was inexcusable. The fact that he kept our plans and met me for a run despite my completely inappropriate behavior didn’t mean that I should continue to put him in compromising positions.
Sure, he’d kissed me back, but I didn’t really believe that it meant something. Priest or not, he was still a man, and I’d practically thrown myself at him. Of course he kissed me back.
“Give me the file, Kate,” I demanded, reaching for it.
She twisted her body away, guarding it from me. “It will still be here when we get back. Have a little fun.”
Her flippant do-whatever-I-want attitude was starting to piss me off. “I’m not coming, Kate. I’m taking a step back from Father Paul.”
“Oh, so we’re back to Father Paul now.”
“Yes. He has always been and will always be Father Paul.”
“Yesterday you called him Paul. Just Paul. Don’t think I didn’t notice.”
“Yesterday, I also came down with a common sense destroying virus that turned me into a priest-devouring whore.”
Kate threw her head back and laughed, and I took the opportunity to snatch the file out of her arms. “You are not a priest-devouring whore. Besides he liked it.”
“I’m not doing this. It’s wrong, and I loved Jonathan. I’m not ready to move on.”
The amused expression she wore a few seconds ago was long gone, replaced with a much more serious one. “You don’t owe Jonathan anything.”
“Whether or not he loved me is besides the point. I loved him, and I’m not ready to put that part of my life behind me.”
Kate grabbed my arm. Intense eyes pierced me. “Don’t slide backward when you just started moving forward.”
“Look, when I’m finally ready – if I’m ever ready – there are more appropriate people for me to move on with than Father Paul.”
“So that’s it? You’re just done? No more Father Bulge?”
