by LoRee Peery
An inner voice niggled that Aiden was different. It was her own base desires she didn’t trust.
The flashlight revealed his scowl. No doubt, he was perplexed at her hot and cold reactions.
“It’s late.” She softened the gruffness from her voice. “Time to call it a night.”
Aiden’s face closed off the way cabin shutters blocked out the noonday sun. He stepped back, zipped his coat with a loud rasp, and stomped out of the cabin without a word.
Beth felt his absence before the door latch clicked. A pent-up sigh lifted her chest.
She hurried out into the milky moonlight. “Aiden, please forgive me. Things will look different tomorrow.”
He waved an arm over his head but didn’t retrace his steps. The Jeep engine rumbled to life, and he drove away. She wondered how far he could get without ramming into an immovable snowdrift.
She lost sight of the SUV lights at the same time the cabin lights flared back to life. “Sorry, Lord. Aiden’s bound to think I’m nuts. Please watch over him and keep him safe through the rest of the night.”
She had no idea whether or not he’d vetoed the tent idea. He could park where he had when they first met. Or he could have gone back to Platteville, risking the weather for a warm bed at the B & B. She went inside and leaned against the door until she no longer heard a sound in the snow-blanketed woods.
Aiden had acted out of kindness, treating her to the dinner they shared.
But Barton had been kind to her as well, in order for her to depend on him. Only he wanted her spirit and her soul as well as her body, overlooking her as a person. She’d been an object to Barton. His obsession had turned to abuse.
Could Aiden be different? Or was his kindness a smooth con job on his part? He might want her company because she could help him get close to Lakota. No, there was more to the man than using her.
Together, they would hook up the wolf to an expandable breakaway collar.
Aiden’s terminology. He may no longer need her afterward. Who knew what would happen? Either to the wolf or to bring Aiden back to the cabin.
Whatever the case, she couldn’t succumb to a man’s charm again.
No matter Aiden’s motivation for making a move on her senses, she was better off going through life alone.
Yet, she wasn’t alone. She had the Lord. She thanked Him for the day as she prepared for bed. “And, Lord, thanks for Aiden’s company during the storm. Show me how You want me to think of him.”
Even after counseling, her thoughts could get so jumbled. Abuse was never invited. But it left scars. Was she capable of a healthy, intimate relationship with a man some day? Or had Barton ruined that for her?
Beth ran a finger over the wolf photograph on the journal cover, and saw Lakota’s eyes staring back at her. She began recording what she titled Wolf Antics.
“I’m not alone as long as Lakota is nearby,” she mumbled, scribbling away. Before long, the pen slipped from her fingers, and sleep overtook her.
The next morning, she woke to the sound of raindrops on the roof. Somehow the gentle drumming lightened her mood.
She had dreamt of Aiden. His way of talking could be humorous, but her mind connected him with the woods. She pursed her lips, but that reminded her of kissing. The twitch morphed into a smile.
“Thank You, Lord, for a new day. Waking up to thoughts of Aiden can’t be all bad, right?”
Aiden’s empathy, his innate goodness pulled for the underdog. He pulled for her, when it came to Barton. He also had a soft spot for Grace and the cause of her hurt.
She stretched and turned to the window. Only in Nebraska could a spring blizzard be followed by rain. A warm front obviously descended during the night. And she had overslept. The tree branches were washed of snow.
Wind in the woods is a living presence, and it called to her to come outdoors to play. Beth attended to the stove in record time, layered on warm clothes, and covered it all with a hooded slicker.
Outside, a mighty movement of some kind greeted her. It howled. Whistled. Screeched. She tried not to cower and run back inside. She cocked her head and closed her eyes in order to concentrate on identifying the noise. Was Lakota in trouble?
When she opened her eyes, she spied the source. A broken branch scraped against a neighboring tree trunk. It now screamed like a mountain lion as it rubbed where it leaned, unable to fall to earth.
When she lowered her gaze, the wolf stood before her.
Impervious to the rustling heavens and the wind that ruffled his hide, Lakota appeared to be in his element. A few hairs were matted with moisture, but she imagined rain sluiced off due to natural oils, keeping his skin dry. How fitting, the wilder the weather, the more this magnificent creature blended into his environment.
He made her feel things she had no words for. And she marveled at the connection they had when their gazes met. “You got it, pal. My spirit is electrified, the same as yours, by this kind of weather.”
The rain switched from sheets to sprinkles. Beth observed the way forceful winds had knocked off all the dry pine needles. The cleansing rain melted the snow and brightened the spring-washed pine trees. Their brilliance matched new green grass popping through the few remaining patches of snow piled on the ground. The obviousness of nature spoke to Beth.
Lakota was part of nature, and he needed protection.
Because of Lakota, she had met Aiden.
She and Aiden wouldn’t be in the picture with Grace and Lakota if God hadn’t planned for their paths to cross.
****
On her way into town, Beth slopped through more mud than snow until she hit the blacktop. The rain must have fallen lighter near the river, since there were still a few occasional wind-blown snowdrifts.
By the time she reached the outskirts of Platteville, the rain had stopped.
At the stoplight near Platteville Middle School, something in the air caught her eye. A pair of tennis shoes with tied laces dangled on either side of an electric wire. She angled her head for a closer look and erupted into laughter. She was glad the pair dangled together rather than tossed aside as lonely, single shoes. They gleamed white after the rain, washed clean.
“Kids.” When the light changed, she realized her brighter mood. “What is middle school, anyway? Whatever happened to junior high?”
As she turned the corner, the new gray siding on her aunt’s house stood out, almost too brightly, on a street of small run-down homes. The house was the only one on the block with shutters, thanks to the goodness of a group of believers at Faith Bible Church.
And thank the Lord for firefighters. Without them nearby, her cousin Cassandra Jorgenson’s daughter, Emily, may never have grown to see a middle grade in school.
Beth remembered the shock on Eric’s face that day when she and Moselle raced up to the smoking home together. They’d been at Frivolities after Beth had sought Moselle out in order to make restitution for the past.
Aunt Mary came running from a neighbor’s home, and screamed that she’d only been gone a minute, before yanking Emily from Eric’s arms. Emily had been playing in the backyard sandbox when Mary’s friend called for her to look at a new quilt. Emily then went inside and overturned a burning candle.
Beth shook off the fire memories when she shut off the Ford’s engine. Her aunt appeared at the front door as Beth opened the pickup’s door.
“Oh, thank God, you’re here. He got away,” Mary Wood yelled before Beth closed her truck door. “He’s out there somewhere.”
“What? Who?”
“Your attorney called from Jefferson City. Barton got out early. But he never checked in with his parole officer.”
Beth sagged to the sidewalk, folding like a collapsed tent.
She’d been fooling herself. How had she remained so blind? The illusion of normalcy was false. She swallowed, pulled herself together, and stretched to her full height. “I need some coffee.”
Beth slumped into a chair at the kitchen table and buri
ed her head in her folded arms, facing reality.
Aunt Mary touched her shoulder. “Here’s your coffee, honey.”
Beth sat up. “Thanks. I don’t understand. It isn’t time for him to be out. You can get good behavior for spousal abuse? He’s not above assaulting anyone who stands in his way. If Barton finds me here in Platteville, I’ve endangered my whole family.”
“Don’t you worry none about the rest of us,” Mary said as she took the seat across the table. “God will watch over us.”
Fear is never of God.
The conviction calmed her erratic thoughts. She kept her eyes closed, raised her head, and brought her hands together.
Mary covered Beth’s hands with hers and prayed. “Lord, You are the only reason precious Beth is sitting here today. You have saved her multiple times from Barton’s wrath. Please give us peace. Keep watching over us. It’s natural to feel weak and afraid, but You are our strength. Please be strong in Beth. Keep her safe and show her what to do.”
They drank the steaming coffee in silence.
Fortified, Beth asked about her cousin, thanked her aunt, and left the house feeling sick at the idea of leaving a stained trail behind her. Her racing emotions piled on one another as she drove away. Then she buried them. Numbness replaced fear. She couldn’t form the words for a prayer of her own. Should she go to the sheriff and let him know about her part in Barton’s arrest and imprisonment?
Turning onto Main Street, Beth choked on a sob. All she wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry. But her eyes remained dry.
Because of her experiences with men, she didn’t want to care, but Aiden was on her mind more than ever. Should she go into all the gory details with him so he’d be on the lookout for Barton, as well? As if she’d willed him to appear, she slowed. Aiden backed his Jeep out from a stall by Today’s Café, right in front of her. He waved a hand before his rearview mirror.
Her heartbeat kicked up a notch. Aiden. She blew a huge gust of air. Aiden was her lifeline to normalcy. He turned towards the cabin.
She let her mind go blank. The Jeep’s back fender was her guide, all the way to the cabin.
They parked and exited their vehicles simultaneously.
“If I—”
“That was—”
Aiden laughed.
She remained serious.
He pointed a finger for her to speak first.
“I was just going to say it was a relief following you. Something happened. I’m so glad I’m not alone.”
He frowned. She knew she was babbling, talking too fast to follow.
“If I’d known you were in town, I would have bought you breakfast.”
“Well, I didn’t have any.”
“If you help me spread the tarp to keep my tent floor dry, I’ll share my lunch. I have enough for two.”
“A man after my own heart.”
What had she said? He tossed his keys, remembered when he caught them. Somehing happened. “Beth, wait. What did you mean, something happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it now.” She studied her shoes instead of looking at him. “Tell you what. I’ll help you pitch your tent after we smooth the tarp. Then maybe you can help me haul out the bathroom fixtures.”
“Bathroom fixtures?”
“Yep. I need to beat something up. I took the sink out in pieces, but the toilet and tub are beyond my strength.”
“You mean you won’t take a sledge hammer to ‘em like on the TV renovation shows?”
She gave him a friendly shove, but he reached for her instead of stepping back. He rubbed her arms from elbows to shoulders. “Until you get out what’s bothering you, beating up bathroom fixtures is just the thing this doctor orders.”
He released her, turned to the open door of his Jeep, and then filled her arms with a new plastic tarp still in its wrapper. Aiden worked his shoulders into a backpack, hoisted the tent pack, and they trekked off.
He stopped so abruptly, their bundles threatened to fall. “We have company,” Aiden whispered at the same time Beth spied Lakota.
The wolf kept in step with the humans, traveling in the same direction, only fifteen feet away. Beth wanted to watch Lakota instead of where she placed her feet, but she had to keep an eye on the ground so she wouldn’t slip in the mud. He disappeared again by the time the tent was pitched.
They returned to the cabin for a quick bite before attacking the bathroom. And attack she did. Every time she struck the hammer or threw a piece of broken porcelain, she pictured Barton’s face, knowing it was wrong to vent in such a way. Finally, she calmed by replacing the picture in her mind’s eye with one of Jesus holding a lamb in His arms. “Forgive me, Lord. Keep my focus on You.”
They mostly worked in silence. She had yet to tell Aiden what happened.
Three hours later, Beth stretched the kinks out of her back. “Thanks for your muscles, Aiden. It felt so good to vent all my frustrated anger on those bathroom furnishings.”
“I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”
“I appreciate that. But for now, I’m calling it a day.” She planted a foot against the side of the dumpster to ease a cramp from her calf. “Can we watch for Lakota together so you can do what you’re getting paid to do?”
“You didn’t need my muscles for the bathroom, but I may have saved you some steps. As for the wolf, we won’t have to watch for him. He’s spying on us again.” Aiden pointed to where Lakota stood in front of a gooseberry bush, staring at them. “Only problem is, my dart gun is in the tent.”
“I hate to think of you taking aim. That’s probably the only way to collar him, right?”
“Right. But you won’t have to watch. Look at it this way, once he’s down, you can touch him.”
“You go on ahead. I’ll catch up.”
He shot her a frown but, to his credit, didn’t question her.
The wolf twitched an ear at Aiden’s back and returned his unwavering gaze to Beth.
Out of a practiced habit that she had let slide since Barton was locked up, she assessed the clearing and the trees closest to the cabin, seeking places a man could conceal himself.
She leaped over the edge of the porch and locked the cabin door. She took off after Aiden. Lakota loped in the opposite direction.
When Aiden turned at her approach, she came to a stop. “Sorry, Lakota bounded off.”
“He’ll keep. Are you sure you can’t tell me what’s wrong? You’ve been too quiet. I watched you beat up that bathroom. Your eyes are clouded over, as dark as the gray clouds above. Can I help with what’s troubling you?”
“I couldn’t say it out loud before. I haven’t wanted to face the truth.” Her breath shuddered. “Barton was released.”
“Come again?”
“Barton is on the loose. He’ll find me and bring everything I’m trying to leave behind with him.” She tried to detach, looking at herself from a distance, the way she had so many times in the past. That’s how one avoided feeling. “Are you able to change the past? Can you understand trauma that may be a lifelong shadow?”
He reached for her hand. The warm connection shot straight to her heart. His direct look penetrated her soul, as though he wished to pull the hurt from deep within.
She could feel, after all.
“I’ve had some drama that hurt me at a young age.” He rubbed her wrist with his thumb. “I considered it traumatic at the time.”
A cardinal chose that moment to whistle, a clear call of delight through the trees.
Beth searched for the tuft of the brownish female worthy of such care. She guessed they paired off for life. Would she ever be worthy of such an admiring mate?
She bent her knees to perch on a soggy log. Aiden sat beside her, still holding her hand.
Could she pour it all out? She’d love to have him for a friend, but he didn’t need to hear about her ugly past. He was a decent guy. Did she know how to be friends with a man? And would he want to be near her, knowing her past? “You
read the article.”
His silence prompted Beth to wonder what he was thinking. His hold on her hand tightened in support. She couldn’t tell him the whole story.
Oh, God, give me hope. I’m a mess and I don’t like the feeling. Don’t let fear overtake me again.
The woods around them erupted with the flapping wings and squawking cacophony of hundreds of flighty yellow-headed blackbirds. Beth watched them in wonder. They looked like they wanted to land, but most of them came within a hair’s width of touching branches, only to lift back into the air.
Once the birds were out of sight, the palpable silence stretched an indiscernible period of time. When she dropped her gaze, Aiden sat waiting, as though he’d been studying her face the whole time instead of the birds.
He reached for both hands. She wanted to resist, but he tugged and began rubbing them between his own. The motion calmed her chaotic nerves. “How did you rise above that? You seem healthy, now.”
“Have I risen above it? Whatever change occurred in my life, I attribute to supernatural strength. And for the record, I don’t feel strong at all.”
“What do you mean?” Aiden asked.
“I’m not proud of what I’ve done in my life. But I can say I’m no longer ashamed, because God loves me no matter what I’ve been or done.”
Something in his eyes changed. His pupils enlarged, then went small as though he was refocusing. In a blink, the brown of Aiden’s eyes looked gray and stormy, resembling the bark of a winter tree.
With her blink came clarity.
Aiden commiserated.
She could tell he identified with the way she had felt. Beth gave him a small smile, and entwined their fingers. She continued, “I knew Barton was capable of killing me. Our fights were so violent, under the right circumstances, I could have killed him. After he went to jail, I came to rely on the numbing effect of tequila. And I ended up in rehab. At my lowest, most vulnerable point in life, God opened my eyes. I believe my hope for a better new life is based on my old life. I should view what’s happened in the past as shaping me into who I am today.”
