I pulled my hands from his and set my jaw. After counting to three to calm myself down I settled my gaze on him.
“Maybe what you want isn’t what’s best, Max. You know that one of the biggest changes I’ve had to make in my life was removing food as a source of entertainment. I learned to have fun without food being a part of it. Now you’re asking me to do something—”
“You make it sound as if I’m trying to get you to break the law.” He folded his arms across his chest and turned his back to me. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I guess I should have calculated the calorie content before I even thought about the idea. Then I could have faxed the results to Isabella to see if I had her approval, and I’m guessing the approval of the tour manager and—let’s see, maybe even the publisher?” He glanced over his shoulder at me. “You don’t belong to them, Samantha. Just because you’re working for them, that doesn’t mean that you have to mold yourself to be what you think everyone else wants you to be. But if that’s what you want, then from now on, I’ll make sure that we keep a running list of everything you put in your mouth. Do they need to know about our sex life too? Doesn’t that count as exercise?”
My heart beat hard against my chest. The more he spoke, the harder it beat. “Max, that isn’t fair.” I locked my eyes onto his. “I’ve already splurged a lot. I’m just trying to make better choices for myself. If you can’t support that—”
“Don’t!” He lifted one finger in the air and turned fully to face me. “Don’t tell me that I don’t support you. I’ve supported you every step of the way. I’ve seen you deny yourself simple pleasures that everyone else gets to enjoy. I’ve seen you exercise when you should have been resting. I know what sacrifices you make, and I’m proud of you for them. But you can’t always be sacrificing, Sammy, and neither can I.”
“Is that what it feels like to you? That you’re having to sacrifice to be with me?” Tears blurred my eyes as the weight of my lack of sleep rippled through my emotions.
“No Sammy, that’s not what I said—not at all.” He cupped my cheeks with his hands. “I treasure every moment I have with you. Just once in a while, I’d like to see that you’re enjoying it too.”
I blinked back the tears and sighed. “On the one day we have to spend together uninterrupted, we pick a fight with one another. I have let things get really out of balance. That’s why I’m trying to get back to my routine. Can’t you see that?”
Chapter 24
Max looked away from me for a moment. His shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath. When he looked back at me his expression was thoughtful.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I guess I just didn’t think it through. I should have been more considerate. We can find something else to do. All I want is time with you, no matter what we’re doing.”
The strain in his voice made me swallow hard. Was I making everything about me? Was that the kind of marriage I wanted to have? After all, he was in Italy too.
“No, you know what? I’m the one that’s wrong. You’re right. This is supposed to be fun too. I like your idea. You know how much I love my sweets. Why don’t we go on the tour, and I’ll just take a taste of each of yours. By the time the tour is done, I’ll have eaten about one gelato and gotten to sample all the flavors. If you’re willing to share, that is.” I poked him in the side.
“Oh, I’m willing.” He smiled. I saw the light of excitement return in his eyes. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“I don’t mind, Max. I love that you thought of this. I am trying to relax and enjoy myself. I’m just having a hard time getting there.” I stifled another yawn.
“We’ll make it a quick tour. So you can get some extra sleep.”
“I’m sorry, I just need some coffee.” I hid another yawn.
“Alright, why don’t you get some cream for your feet, I’ll pick us up some coffees, and then we’ll head out.”
“Thanks, Max.” I hugged him, then pulled back to look into his eyes. “I’m so glad we get to spend the day together.”
I stopped in the shop in the lobby of the hotel and was able to find some cream for my feet. After I took a few minutes in a chair in the corner to coat them, I ducked into the bathroom to wash up.
“Have you seen the new line by Alistair?”
I overheard a conversation between two women at the sinks as I washed my hands.
“Yes, it’s amazing. I can’t believe that some of those high-end clothes are going to be available for regular women now. No more gazing at the magazines—we get to actually buy the dresses.”
“Yes, if we can afford them.” The other woman laughed.
I smiled to myself as they finished washing their hands. It was nice to see the fashion industry opening up to all women.
I joined Max in front of the hotel.
“Coffee.” He handed me one.
I accepted it and blew into the top of the cup to cool it some.
“Perfect. I’ll be in top shape in no time.”
“How about we take that gondola ride first? It’ll give us time to enjoy our coffee and keep you off your feet for a bit.”
“That’s a good idea.” I wrapped my arm around his, silently ordering myself to relax with this man I adored. I struggled to get into the space that I knew he wanted me to be in.
Once we were on the gondola, Max wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close.
“I’m sorry I got frustrated earlier. I’m just trying to make this special, and maybe I’m pushing too much.” He looked straight into my eyes. “Sammy, I meant it when I said that I value every moment we have together. Nothing about being with you is a sacrifice for me. Never think that, okay?”
“Okay.” I smiled with gratitude. “But you don’t need to apologize to me. I’m the one that’s a little off, not you.”
He gazed out over the water for a moment, then looked back at me. “I think that I don’t always know the right thing to say to you, you know?”
“I know.” I squeezed his hand. “You don’t have to worry about that, Max. I love you for who you are.”
“I love you too, Sammy.”
I rested my head against his shoulder. The lull of the boat rocking in the water, the subtle slash of the paddle, and the warmth of Max’s chest joined together to tug me into slumber.
“Sammy?”
I forced my eyes open and looked up into Max’s. “Max?”
“Are you okay?” He frowned.
“I’m sorry. Did I fall asleep?”
“Yes. The ride is over. We have to get onto the dock.”
My heart sunk as I took his hand. He helped me onto the dock. He didn’t say a word, but he didn’t have to. I could see in the downturn of his lips that he wasn’t pleased I’d missed the entire gondola ride.
“Maybe we should just head back to the hotel.” He walked with me to the end of the dock. “I think it might be for the best.”
“No way, I’m wide awake now. I promise.” I kissed his cheek. “I’m ready to taste some gelato.”
“You sure?” He studied me. “Sleep is important.”
“I’m sure. I’m sorry I fell asleep on you. I won’t let it happen again.”
“Well, this is our first stop.” He gestured to a small gelato shop not far from the dock. “The guide says that they’re famous for a hazelnut flavor.”
“Oh, yummy.”
He held open the door for me.
Chapter 25
When we walked up to the counter an older man smiled at both of us.
“Welcome, welcome. What can I get for you?”
“We’d like a hazelnut gelato.” Max placed the payment on the counter.
“Two?” He looked between us.
“No, just one.” Max’s smile was a little strained.
“And two spoons!” I nudged Max’s elbow.
“Oh, you’ll be back for more.” The man grinned and handed Max the gelato and two spoons. “Enjoy.”
Max and I stepped back outside.
He held the cup out to me. “You get the first taste.”
“Okay, I won’t argue.” I scooped up a tiny spoonful of the gelato. As the flavor melted onto my tongue I was so glad that I hadn’t missed out on it. It was like nothing I’d ever tasted before—delicious and refreshing.
“Glad you liked it. Let’s keep going.” Max scooped big spoonfuls into his mouth as we walked.
I fixated on the dwindling gelato in the cup. I watched Max’s spoon go from the cup to his lips. Just as he was about to take the last bite, I grabbed his arm.
“Max, look over there. Isn’t it a beautiful boat?” I pointed to the water. As Max turned to look, I snatched the gelato right off of his spoon.
He turned back and nodded. “It’s gorgeous.” Then he looked at his spoon. “Funny, I thought I had one bite left.”
I kept my lips sealed tight as the gelato melted in my mouth.
“Oh, well.” He shrugged and threw the cup in a nearby garbage can. He held my hand as we walked through the narrow streets and took in the sights and sounds of Venice.
I took the map from Max’s hand so that I could see what the next flavor would be. Lemon. Oh, I do love anything lemon. I sighed.
“Here it is.” I pointed out the next shop to him.
Once more he ordered one gelato.
“First bite.” He held the gelato out to me.
My eyes widened at the scent of it. I dipped the spoon in and this time took a larger spoonful. As soon as the spoon was in my mouth, Max began to devour what remained. I tried to savor the taste and ignore the fact that not getting more than that was upsetting me. It upset me so much that as Max went to scoop up his final bite, I pretended to bump into him. The cup jumped out of his hand and landed in my own.
“Oops! Sorry, Max.”
“It’s okay. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Oh, look, there’s that boat again!” I pointed to the water.
He turned to look.
I licked the last bite right out of the gelato cup, then tossed the cup in the trash.
“Hey, I had a little left in there.” He frowned.
“No, it was empty.”
“Hm.” He eyed me for a moment. “Okay, the next one isn’t far up the road.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and we walked together.
I tried to ignore the bit of guilt I felt for lying to him. It was gelato. Drastic measures were required. When we reached the next gelato shop he ordered one cup of strawberry. Once more he offered me the first bite. This time I swirled the spoon around until it was the biggest spoonful I could make.
“Oh, honey, that’s a bit much. Want me to take some of that for you?” He swept his spoon in my spoon’s direction.
“Back off, Max!” I stuck the spoonful in my mouth before he could get it.
He burst out laughing.
“Ah, I see that you are enjoying the gelato.”
“Mmm.” I sighed as the strawberry flavor melted on my tongue. By the time I opened my eyes, Max had eaten almost the entire cup.
He locked eyes with me as he swirled his spoon in the last bit. “Do you want some more, Sammy?” He held the spoon up in the air near my lips.
“No. I said one spoonful of each. That’s all.” I shook my head.
He moved the spoon back and forth. I followed it with my eyes. He laughed again.
“Alright—going once, going twice.” He opened his mouth.
I lunged forward and ate the last bite off of his spoon before it could reach his mouth. “I knew it!” He grinned at me. “You’ve been stealing my gelato, haven’t you?”
“Maybe…” I savored the last bit of gelato.
“You had me thinking I was nuts. Want me to go get you another one?”
“No, thanks. I’m fine.”
“If you say so. It’s way past lunch. There’s a pizza restaurant. Shall we give it a shot?”
“When in Italy…” I grinned.
Chapter 26
While Max ordered the pizza, I thought about the book signing the next day. Max requested that the day just be about us, but the pressure was still distracting me. I did feel that I was expected to perform and to look a certain way. I didn’t want to disappoint the people who supported me. I nibbled on my slice of pizza and continued to think about it.
“Sammy, what’s on your mind? Aren’t you hungry? We’ve been walking all day.”
“Oh, yes I am.” I took a bite and sat back in my chair. “Oh, this is so good!” The pizza was better than any pizza I’d ever tasted.
Max continued to study me. “So what’s up? What are you lost in thought about?”
“You said no business talk, remember?”
“Well, it doesn’t really work if all you’re doing is thinking about it.” He smiled and took my hand. “It’s okay. I always want to hear what’s on your mind.”
“I don’t know, I guess I’m feeling a little stuck. Like I can’t quite figure out why, but this book signing tomorrow seems like the last thing I want to do.”
“Really?” He lifted an eyebrow. “That’s not like you.”
“I know.” I sighed and glanced at my watch.
“Why are you looking at your watch? Do you have an appointment today?”
“No. I guess I’m a little obsessed with keeping track of time right now.”
“Hm, that’s not like you either.”
I met his eyes across the table. “You’re right, it’s not.”
“Well, lately it has been.” He tugged at my watchband. “It seems you’re always checking the time.”
“I never feel like there’s enough time.” I frowned. All of a sudden it made sense. “That’s it, Max! That’s what’s wrong. I’ve been so worried about being at the right places at the right time that I’ve forgotten how to just be in the moment.”
“That makes sense.” He nodded. “We’ve been doing a lot of rushing and traveling.” He hesitated and looked down at his slice of pizza.
“What is it, Max?”
“I don’t want to fight.” He looked across the table at me.
“I’m open to hearing what you have to say.” I gave his hand a light pat.
“Well, to be honest, I was a little upset that you went to the meditation this morning.”
“You were? Why?” I frowned.
“Because instead of getting the sleep you needed so that you could enjoy our day together, you pushed yourself again—to do something else. I know meditation is important to you, but it seems to me that if you’d let yourself sleep a little longer, you’d feel better for just getting the rest you need. It’s like you’re always afraid of missing out on something—but that fear is keeping you from experiencing anything fully.” He shrugged. “I could be wrong. But I guess that’s what was getting under my skin.”
“Max, you know me so well. That’s exactly what I was doing. From here on out, I’m in the moment.” I smiled as I finished my slice of pizza. “And when we get to the next gelato stop, we’re ordering two!”
“Good, that means no more stealing?” He wagged his finger at me playfully.
“I can’t promise you that. But I’ll try.” I grinned.
We spent the rest of the day sharing moments—from stealing gelato from one another to taking one last ride on the gondola. When the stars came out above the city, I experienced it with Max’s arm around me. It was a magical moment that might have been sacrificed if I hadn’t taken the time to enjoy it.
When I woke up the next morning, my mind was filled with the memories of the day before. Although Max and I had talked it out, his words still impacted me. I wasn’t taking the time to live. I wasn’t participating in the things that mattered to me. I’d given in to the rush and pressure of pleasing others, all while leaving my own desires far behind. Sometimes that even seemed to include Max these days.
I looked over at him as he snored in his sleep. Even that was adorable. With a light touch I trailed my fingertips along his shoulder and down over his arm. I hadn’t touched
him so gently in quite some time. Max, my husband. The thought still made my body buzz with excitement. I snuggled closer to him and took the time to enjoy being near him.
After a few minutes my cell phone began to ring. I would have ignored it, but I didn’t want it to wake Max. I grabbed it and saw that it was Isabella.
“Hello?” I slipped out of bed and walked into the living room.
“Hi, Samantha, I hope it’s not too early. I just wanted to go over a few things with you.”
“Sure.”
“At the book signing we have time for a longer read. I’m hoping that you might be able to select a passage. If not, I can pick one out for you. I thought you would know better than me what would be best.”
“Sure, I’ll look through it.” I sighed.
“Is something wrong?”
“I don’t know exactly. I feel like I’m always reading to my fans. But they’ve already read my book, so why do they need to hear it again?”
“I think that some people just like to hear it in person. It’s like seeing the author in action. Also, there may be people there that haven’t read your book yet, and they will because of what they hear.”
“I know, but doesn’t it seem so routine to you?”
“I guess it’s how we always do it.”
“Would you be opposed to me getting a little creative at this book signing?”
“Like finger-paints creative or clothing optional creative?”
I laughed. “Don’t worry, clothes will be required. I have an idea, but I have to make a few calls before I can know if it’s a possibility. I’ll call you back once I find out.”
“Okay, that’s fine, but the signing is at two, so make sure that you get back to me early enough so that I can plan.”
“I will. I promise, Isabella.”
Chapter 27
I hung up with Isabella, then dialed Daniella’s number. With the phone tucked against my shoulder, I opened the small refrigerator and pulled out the ingredients I’d purchased the night before. As I waited for Daniella to answer I began to prepare Max’s favorite omelette—eggs, cheese, bacon, and black olives. It wasn’t the healthiest breakfast, but I knew it was something he’d enjoy waking up to.
Sammy in Italy (Single Wide Female Travels #2) Page 8
