by Claire
She whimpered with the effort it took to hold back herself back as she felt an orgasm growing—powerful and profoundly slow.
After a couple of minutes, Erin was no longer whimpering. Her entire body shook with anticipation, and she choked out silly, frantic sounds. “Oh, God, Seth, make me come. Seth!”
She was so close now, could taste it. Knew it would be so good, so rich, so overwhelming.
“That’s right,” he said, thickly now as his body tightened behind her. “Erin, you’re close now.”
“Uh huh.” She could feel the pressure finally reaching its limit. “Now, Seth! Please!”
“Fuck, Erin,” Seth rasped, his body shaking with effort now too. “So good. Come, baby, come.”
She came with an uninhibited cry, pleasure shuddering through her, and Seth let out a roar of his own in response.
He’d been so controlled for so long, however, that he couldn’t come immediately. As Erin gasped in the wake of her orgasm, Seth moved his hand from her clit and lifted her upper thigh higher until her leg was bent up, allowing him to sink in a little deeper.
He let himself go, changing his thrusts from slow and steady to rapid and jerky. He grunted animalistically as he fucked her, and Erin kept whimpering in pleasure as the motion inside her extended the ripples of her orgasm.
“Seth,” she breathed. “Good, good. You come too.”
“Yes.” His voice was breathless and his rhythm choppy.
Seeing and hearing him so uncontrolled was almost as thrilling as her own pleasure. Erin reached behind her thighs until her hand found and closed around his balls.
“Fuck,” he grunted, as she squeezed once very lightly. He was pushing more than thrusting now, and Erin knew he was right on the edge.
So she squeezed again, harder this time.
He froze. Then his whole body throbbed, from his cock to his hands on her flesh. He choked on an incoherent sound as he fell into release.
She couldn't see his face very well, but she felt the transformation in him at the moment of his climax.
Then he finally relaxed behind her. Took in full breaths.
And Erin felt strangely safe and satisfied at the feel of his hot, pliant body behind her.
Even more so when he draped an arm around her and settled his palm on the crest of her belly, which was fully exposed because her chemise was riding up to just below her breasts.
But she wasn’t muddled enough to lose her mind completely. “The condom.”
He nodded silently—she felt the motion against her hair—and gently pulled out of her. Then went to dispose of the condom.
When he’d done that, without speaking, he got back into bed and moved into the same position, spooning her from behind.
This time, there was none of the need and urgency, and Erin felt a softening in her chest at the comfort the gesture provided. Knew she shouldn’t learn to expect it or depend on it too much, but she figured it was safe enough to enjoy it while she could.
She was on her own. She knew that to be true, and she didn’t mind most of the time. It was one of her strongholds, after all.
But sometimes it felt nice...not to be alone.
She began to feel a little uncomfortable from her reactions to Seth’s spooning, so she turned instinctively to irony, her old friend. “I feel like I’ve run a marathon. Having sex when you’re pregnant is exhausting.”
Seth chuckled faintly. “Having sex with you is exhausting, pregnant or not.”
She giggled and wondered if it was true. She’d always considered herself pretty good in bed, but it was only recently that she’d become insatiable.
Then she sighed in pleasure as he began to leisurely stroke her belly.
“Quite remarkably big, isn’t it?” she teased.
“Indeed.” His hand skimmed over her bellybutton, which had popped out a couple of weeks ago.
Just then, she felt a couple of little flutters in her stomach. Then a firm kick.
Seth grew tense behind her.
“Did you feel that?” she asked lightly, wondering how he’d react to such an experience, since he was not a sentimental man.
He didn’t answer. Just pressed his hand against her belly more firmly.
Erin felt strangely confused, so she kept talking casually. “She seems to have woken up, and she’s gotten restless. I think she was asleep before.”
“Was she?” His voice was impersonal and unrevealing.
“Yeah. She has a schedule, you know.”
“Does she?”
“Yeah,” she said again. “Sometimes she’s awake and moving around a lot. And then sometimes she’s asleep. Let me tell you, it’s a very strange thing to keep up with.”
Seth’s hand started moving again, gently stroking over the heavy curve and tight skin of her abdomen, skimming over her protruding bellybutton. “I would imagine so.”
“Particularly for a woman as unmaternal as I am,” she added, shifting a little and feeling very strange in her belly—this time, the feelings not caused by carrying her daughter.
Something in Seth’s voice changed. “What does that mean?”
Erin shrugged and wished she hadn’t brought the topic up at all. “I just mean, I’ve never been one of those women who coo and get mushy over kids. I basically know nothing about babies and never even wanted one. So trying to get used to things is kind of hard for me.”
Seth’s hand had settled over her bellybutton, and he was playing with it unconsciously. “Well, I don’t know any more than you do, but I think you’re doing pretty well, considering.”
Erin felt herself smiling, more pleased by Seth’s idle, qualified compliment than she would be at gushing praise from anyone else. Feeling particularly benevolent, she replied, “You’re doing pretty well too.” She glanced behind her at Seth’s unrevealing face. “Considering.”
He gave a huff of laughter and didn’t respond.
After a few minutes, Erin realized that he was still fondling her stupid bellybutton. He didn’t appear to recognize what he was doing, since she was pretty sure he was lost in his own thoughts.
So she asked, “Do you have a bellybutton fetish I didn’t know about before?”
He jerked a little, and his hand stilled on her stomach. “Sorry. Wasn’t paying attention.”
She shrugged it off and suddenly felt compelled to know more about what he was thinking. “Seth? Seriously. Can you tell me what you really think about this?”
Seth answered immediately, and his voice sounded a little confused. “It’s not a big deal. Certainly not a fetish. It just feels different than it did before, and I found it rather fascinating. So I just started playing with it without thinking.”
It took Erin a minute to figure out what he was talking about. Then she released a hoarse burst of laughter. “No. Not my bellybutton. I’d switched topics. Try to keep up.” She swallowed hard. Tried again. “I meant, can you tell me how you really feel about all of this?” This time, she waved her hand over the two of them, trying to encapsulate their partnership in this pregnancy through the one gesture.
“This?” he prompted, his body getting stiffer and his voice becoming wary.
“The baby. Your involvement. Everything.”
Seth’s body actually relaxed a little, and Erin wondered what he’d initially thought she was asking. It occurred to her that he might have thought she was trying to pin him down on their sexual relationship. Maybe he’d thought she was about to demand a wedding ring or something.
The thought made her a little queasy.
She’d never wanted to marry Seth, and she knew he didn’t want to marry her. They were both far too practical and realistic for such things.
Taking comfort in that thought, she pursued her original question. “You’ve been great about everything. Supportive and helpful and going well beyond the call of duty.” Her voice lifted at the end, making it clear that she was teasing him on the subject of his willingness to meet her physical needs. “But
this came out of nowhere for you. Just as much as it has for me. And I’ve had some trouble adjusting.” She was too nervous to look back at him, so instead she tried to read his mood from the feel of his body. Couldn’t. “I just can’t believe that you’re having such an easy time with it.”
“It’s not easy,” he admitted.
She didn’t respond immediately, mostly because she didn’t know what to say.
After a minute, he continued, “I don’t know anything about family or having a child or…or anything.” He paused for a speaking moment. “I don’t want to blow it.”
She was oddly touched by the halting admission—which she’d never expected to hear from him—and she snuggled back against him instinctively.
Then the feel of him changed, and his tone shifted, becoming much more like his confident, matter-of-fact self. “But that’s not anything major. It’s not the same as you. Your involvement in this is far greater than mine is. You’re carrying her, and you'll be raising her. She’ll be a Marshall baby, not a Thomas baby. Right?”
Erin cringed as she heard her words from five months ago. “Yes. But she’s still your daughter. If you want to talk about things, or if you have any concerns, I’d want to hear them.”
“You’ll hear my relevant concerns as they arise.”
And that was no answer at all.
Erin made a face, but didn’t push him, even though she was disappointed that, after starting to open up, he’d withdrawn immediately.
Seth had no reason to confide in her, and it was silly to even want him to. Things were working out very well as they were. No use to rock the boat and make things either complicated or conflicted between them.
“Okay. That makes sense,” she said lightly.
His hand was still on her belly, strangely protective. She was sure it was an unconscious gesture, and she tried not to read too much into it.
Even so, it made her kind of jittery.
“I don’t know if I can be a father,” Seth said at last, his voice cooler than it had been. “But I’d like to try, since this might be my only chance.”
“You are a father. You’re her father. Most of the time, I’m terrified about everything that’s happening. And the fact that things are kind of atypical between us doesn't make it any clearer. But it doesn’t really matter if we don’t have a normal, traditional situation here. We’re in it, so we might as well make the best of it.”
Their daughter kicked again, as if in response. Erin hoped that she wasn’t planning on moving around all night, since sometimes the constant movement of the baby made it hard for her to sleep.
“True.” After a moment, he added, “But you have more reason to be terrified than I do. I’m going to be involved, but not to the same extent as you.”
His words were simple, brisk, impersonal.
Suddenly Erin understood. She knew why Seth had been able to be so calm and rational about something so big. She knew why Seth was able to remain both distant and supportive. Why he hadn’t pulled away or protected himself, despite the fears he’d just half-voiced. Why he hadn’t tried to take control the way she’d expected him to.
He was trying to do this halfway. Be a father, be involved in his daughter’s life, but not take it on completely. He had hopes of still being distant enough to keep his life as it always was—with just the added benefit of a child to call his own, but to whom he didn’t have to give anything he didn't want to give.
It was a natural reaction and an understandable one. Given the situation. Seth wasn’t in control of this—Erin had made that crystal clear—but he wanted some sort of involvement.
So he was trying to limit his emotions accordingly.
Part of her wished she had the option to do such a thing. It would be so much safer. So much easier.
But then she felt her daughter kick again and knew it would be impossible.
She could never have done this halfway. She was in it completely, even as it was transforming her entire life.
Maybe it was different with men—or maybe it was just different with Seth. She didn’t know.
Sighing, Erin tried to relax. “Do you want to spend the night?” she asked casually, glancing back at him.
He didn’t answer immediately. Then finally he said, a little diffidently, “If you don’t mind, maybe I will.”
“Sure,” she replied, something both heavy and even more jittery rising up in her chest. “You’re more than welcome after your performance earlier.”
She felt him smiling behind her, but the mood wasn’t as light as it had been. Erin wondered what he was thinking. Wondered if she would ever know.
His hand was still on her belly, and she wondered if he was planning to move it.
“Does she do this all night?” he asked, after the baby gave another firm kick.
“Sometimes. She’s quite an active little creature.”
Seth was silent for a long time, but then he finally said, “Well, we both know where she gets that from.”
She laughed and then got up to go to the bathroom.
When she returned, Seth scooted over and switched off the lamp, and then he pulled up the covers over them both.
Neither said goodnight. They just lay there in the dark.
Erin dozed in and out of sleep, but she didn’t know whether Seth slept at all.
She did know, when she got up three times during the night to go to the bathroom, he was awake each time to ask if everything was all right.
Seven
Erin felt like she was going to die, and it wasn’t even an exaggeration.
She was hit with a brutal wave of heat, causing her to break out in a new layer of clammy perspiration. Then she felt a familiar flood of instinctive panic. Then a heavy heaving of her stomach.
“Oh, God,” she moaned, her parched lips cracking as she tried to move them.
Erin lifted her head with the little energy she had left and managed to pull her shoulders up enough to reach the little, plastic trashcan that had been placed beside her bed.
She started retching, in painful, ugly, mostly dry heaves that felt like they ripped her apart. She’d emptied her stomach long ago, and all that was left to come up was the little bit of water she’d tried to drink earlier.
Her large belly was cumbersome and in the way and made the whole thing even more unbearable. When she finished, she was drenched with sweat, her nose was running, and tears streamed down her cheeks.
Her hair stuck uncomfortably to her wet face, and she had the worst taste in her mouth she could ever remember. But she couldn’t seem to find the energy to push her hair back. Could barely even lick her lips.
Then a hand came out of nowhere to move the trashcan out of the way, and a cool, wet washcloth materialized to wipe her face. A gentle, male voice drifted into her foggy mind, saying silly things like, “It’s all right. You’re okay.”
She didn’t feel okay, but she was infinitely glad to hear the familiar voice. She collapsed back onto the bed, shivering so much now that her teeth chattered. “Oh, God,” she moaned again, trying to curl up into the fetal position but unable to because of her ungainly belly. “Oh, God.”
“I know, baby,” the voice said again. “I know.”
She felt so intensely miserable that she couldn’t help but choke on a few little sobs. She felt like she was five years old again. “Dad, please, I want it to stop.”
Her father wiped her face once more, his expression strained and almost helpless. “I wish I could make it stop.” Since she was shivering, he pulled up some of the blankets she’d pushed down a few minutes earlier because they'd been making her too hot. “If you’ll let me take you to the—”
“No,” she interrupted, taking a few deep breaths and trying to pull herself together. She was an adult. Not a child. She needed to act like one, no matter how horrible she felt. “I’m okay. I’ve just got a virus from hell. No reason to go to the hospital because of a stupid stomach bug.”
She stretched out o
n the bed and tried to assess how she felt. She’d been vomiting for what seemed like ages now, but it really hadn’t been more than a few hours.
“If you can’t stop throwing up, I’ll have to take you. You can’t get dehydrated. The baby—”
“I know,” she cut in again, trying not to snap at her dad since he was obviously worried and worn out. “You know I won’t be so stubborn that I’d hurt the baby. I think I feel a little better now, after that last time, but if it doesn’t get better, I’ll go to the emergency room. I promise.”
Her father’s face relaxed some, and he picked up the trashcan to clean it out again.
Erin squeezed her eyes shut as he left her.
She didn’t know what she would have done if he hadn’t been here. They’d been going to have dinner together this evening, but instead he’d gotten stuck with nurse’s duties.
Poor thing.
She felt so weak and exhausted that she could barely move, but her stomach had settled down a little. Maybe she was feeling better.
Maybe the worst was over.
It seemed like the height of injustice that she should have been slammed with this illness while she was seven months pregnant, after having thrown up for the whole first trimester. Being pregnant made all of this feel even worse. Fortunately, her daughter seemed to be sleeping at the moment, although Erin didn’t know how she could sleep with all that vomiting.
Poor thing.
Since her stomach was somewhat stable, Erin reached over to the cup of chipped ice her dad had gotten for her from a market down the street. She knew she needed to keep hydrated, but it was difficult when she couldn’t keep anything down.
But maybe she could keep one tiny piece of ice down.
She took a little piece and started to suck on it slowly, and even that slightest bit of moisture felt wonderful in her nasty, parched mouth.
After a minute, when nothing horrible happened from that one little piece of chipped ice, Erin took another piece. Sucked on that one too.
It was several minutes before her dad returned, and Erin was starting to wonder where he’d gotten to when he finally came back into the darkened room.
