by Noelle Vella
I swallowed back bile as I folded my kids’ clothing.
“What about when that man isn’t bringing in enough bacon? What about when he isn’t doing enough to keep the home sustained?” I asked.
“Then you must be doing something wrong. When a man knows he got a good thang at home, he gon’ make sure she suffers for nothing. You need to figure out what wrong you doing.”
After a while, I tuned her out, like always. She must have picked up on it because she started to focus on the kids. I was so exasperated after she left, I was on the verge of tears. I picked my purse up from the end table and searched for my phone so I could call Gabby. I just needed her positivity in the moment. I found what I was looking for through the mess of receipts in my purse. I touched the power button at the top to see I had a text message.
I need to see you, it read.
My heart raced . . . body temperature shot up a notch.
Carl . . .
I hadn’t heard from him since I left the island. The nights we spent together bum-rushed me. The tingling in my vagina wouldn’t let up. I was flushed. He needed to see me? Why?
We both agreed that we’d leave our weekend affair as it was. As much as I’d thought about him over the past few weeks, I wouldn’t dare call him. I didn’t have the fortitude to reach back out to the man who’d helped me break my vows.
As crazy as it all sounded, I missed him. Missed the fantasy he was to me for two days. That craving he’d given me . . . the sex . . . the orgasms.
Carl needed to see me. I let that play around in my mind as I laid the phone down and started to fold clothes again. All thoughts of calling Gabby vanquished in the wind. It took me a good twenty minutes to make up my mind to text Carl back.
Why? I sent back to him.
Going through some shit. Drunk as shit too.
You’re drunk?
I need to seeee yu.
*see you
I don’t know how that’s going to be possible.
Mak et possible.
Make it* he corrected again.
At that point, I knew he was drunk. Misspelling words as I was sure he’d be slurring them had we been talking. I didn’t know why I got excited at the notion of seeing that man again. I knew damn well I shouldn’t have even been toying with the idea. But Carl made me feel beautiful. He doted on me like I was the only woman in the world who mattered to him. I’d worn the sundress he’d bought for me to school the week before.
One day when he came to see the kids, Malik questioned where it had come from since he knew I had no money to buy anything new. I lied and told him Gabby had bought it. He called her all kinds of dyke bitches because he thought she’d purchased that sundress. I apologized to Gabby in spirit for dragging her into my mess. Malik had never been too fond of her.
You act like I can just up and leave, I sent to Carl.
I can send for you, he hit me back.
I can’t leave my kids like that.
I waited for him to text back before I got up to put the clothes away. When he didn’t after ten minutes, I finished cleaning. I didn’t know why I was even entertaining the idea of hooking up with him again anyway. I had way too much shit going on, and I had to wonder if he had gotten his divorce yet.
I left my phone on my desk as thoughts of Carl danced in my head. I remembered the way his mouth had satisfied me in the shower back at the Omni. Remembered the way he’d entered me, filled me up to the hilt, and then some. As I washed away the day’s hard work, I had to wonder if my unwillingness to just up and leave my kids behind to be with him had turned him off. So what if it had? I reasoned. He couldn’t possibly think I was the kind of woman to neglect my children for a quick roll in the hay, could he?
I turned the shower off and wrapped myself in a clean bath towel. I didn’t even feel like drying off. I walked into my bedroom, tossed the towel, then climbed in bed. The kids were down for the night, and I just needed a moment to breathe. I thought of Tybee Island. Thought of the sounds of rain and the ocean crashing against the shores as Carl had entered me. I thought of hard abs, a chiseled chest, a Colgate smile, aromatic spicy scents, and locs. Saw thin, black-framed glasses and liquid black eyes smiling down at me as chocolate skin glistened with sweat.
Damn . . . If only I could touch myself and get off the way Carl had gotten me off. As it was, I’d never been able to get myself off without help, so I got up, pulled on a night shirt, and headed back downstairs to make sure everything was locked up tight. The green light on my phone was flashing. I had several missed calls from Malik and a text from Carl. There would be no way I’d call Malik back after he’d left me stranded. For one, I knew all we would do was argue. And I wasn’t in the mood tonight.
I’m coming to Atlanta, the message from Carl read.
I didn’t know whether I should have been happy or scared. A combination of both emotions settled into my stomach. He was coming to Atlanta. I kept reading his text over and over again. I had no idea how this would turn out. Carl being in Atlanta had the potential to open up a whole other can of worms, one I wasn’t sure I’d be able to contain.
