by Sarah Tork
Mom’s eyes narrowed at me, like she really didn’t believe me. But would she have the gall to come out and say it? Especially with what happened last summer and her interrogating me every second about calories in and out, and not believing me when it came to weight-loss and my “lack of results”. I mean, she couldn’t make that mistake again. It would be detrimental to our relationship, be it she was right, or wrong. And it might sound manipulative of me to do so, but I really didn’t care. I’d use that card all day, every day. And at the end of the day, I was just trying to mentally survive in this house.
Yeah… that sounds about right.
“It’s late,” was all Mom said, and then she walked back to her room. My heart was pounding, and my hand shook a little as I closed my bedroom door. I curled back underneath my bed covers and found my phone, cringing at the fact that I’ve kept James on hold for this long.
I unmuted him. “Hello? You still there?”
“Yo, I’m still here, baby.” James said, his tone amused. “What happened?”
I needed to keep my voice low, just in case my mom came back for round two. “My mom happened,”
“Shit,”
“Yeah. It was crazy.”
James chuckled. “No one needs that shit this late at night,”
I exhaled. “I feel a bit nervous now, because of her”
“You want me to come get you right now?” James offered, making my heart race wildly and giving my stomach butterflies.
It sounded like heaven, but sneaking out wasn’t the best idea right now. All I could do was sigh in frustration. “I wish you could.”
“Yeah, guess that wouldn’t be the best idea,” he chuckled again. “Your mom’s probably still awake, waiting for you to do something bad so she can ground you for life.”
I chuckled back. “Or, until I turn eighteen.”
“True,” James said. “But look on the bright side, no one will be able to tell us shit once we turn the big one eight. It’s a fucking waiting game till then.”
I sighed again. “Seems like it’s going to take forever,”
“I know,” he murmured back. “But don’t sweat it. One day, it’ll be us calling the shots. And if someone’s got something to say about how we want to live our lives, they can fuck right off. They can’t tell us shit.”
Feeling warm in my soul, I smiled. “I can’t wait for that day to come.”
Chapter 10
ANNABELLE
Friday November 9, 2012
Truth.
I haven’t had sex since last Friday night, and I was okay with that.
I had needs too, but I could survive. But James though, he was shaking today and I found that funny to see. He really liked having sex, much more than I did. I mean, I liked having it, but my favorite part of the act was the after, the cuddling.
Hearing him breath heavily… and then hearing it transition into a calm slow steady breath. I felt good, knowing I helped him become that relaxed. And like the good boyfriend he was, he returned the favor, helping me unwind like nothing else ever could.
Lunch was the same old thing with the added bonus of Tom and Jenna, AKA the new couple. Speaking of new couples, Becky’s smile had been withering away these last couple of days.
Peter tried putting his arm around her but it had gotten awkward fast, like his arm didn’t belong there. Her back straightened and she got all stiff. He dropped his arm off her shoulders instantly and laughed it off to save face. I noticed Becky sigh quietly, and she quickly glanced over her shoulder, staring briefly where her ex was seated a few tables down.
I understood her confusion. The heart wanted what it wanted. No one ever said “love” had to make sense.
But for me, I’d had enough of everyone else’s drama. I wanted to ignore everyone around me and live in my own world for the rest of lunch.
James put an end to my inner fun time and wrapped his arm around me, bringing me close. “Let’s get out of here.” he whispered.
“Where do you want to go?” I whispered back as he let go of me.
James hunched over and hid his mouth with his hand. “The parking lot,” he murmured, trying to stifle the sly smile. I knew what he wanted.
I smirked and shook my head at him, because there was no way he was getting anything like THAT in the parking lot at school. No way. I wasn’t past making out, and lightly groping each other in his car outside of school, but beyond that was where I drew the line. At least that’s where I would have liked the line to be. Give me a bedroom, completely private with a lock, a nice bed with FRESH sheets and I’d be game to spend QUALITY TIME with my man.
But not in a car.
Not like that. Not anymore, I mean… because damn it… I wanted privacy. Was that too much to ask?
James said quick goodbyes to our table and took my hand. He led us quickly to the parking lot and to his car, where the back seat would be our lunchtime refuge from loud crowds and over eager enemies with vendettas on the mind. Anyways, the rest happened as I said it would, and I was a woman of my word, much to my boyfriend’s displeasure.
“You’re cruel, Fireball.” He pouted, leaning away. “I thought you loved me,”
“I do love you, Tiger” I grinned, relaxing back down on my seat. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going get dirty in the school parking lot with you.”
James groaned dramatically, holding his crotch like it had been kicked. “You like seeing me in pain, don’t you?”
I shrugged with a sweet smile on my face. “Secret’s out, I guess.”
Hours later… I lived for after school moments with James.
“Tonight.” James simply stated, parking his car in front of Thompsons Park.
Unbuckling my seatbelt, I looked at him, confused. “What about tonight?”
“Well,” He stifled his smile, adding more suspense.
“What is it?” I drawled out, giggling.
He grinned at me. “I want to take you to my grandparents’ house.”
It was my turn to be shy. Looking away, I stifled my smile. “Oh yeah,”
He took my hand. “They’re gonna be out of town till Saturday, some garden expo a couple hours away.”
“I see,” I said simply, facing him again. I looked at my hand against his chest, and nearly melted in happiness. “So… what exactly are you asking me then?”
James chuckled, ending it with a long sigh. “I wanna take you over to ol’ Lawson’s house, where no douchebags are allowed. I wanna spend the night with you. That okay with you?”
My stifled smile broke free of my hold. I leaned over my seat and James took me in his arms. I straddled him, holding his face, staring deep in to his eyes. “Yeah, I’m cool with that.”
Sex to me…
Sex to him…
I wanted it.
He wanted it.
And thank God…. we had an empty house
Privacy was a luxury we could afford tonight, all thanks to a garden expo.
“What are you going to tell your parents?” James asked, pulling me closer to him, and brushing his lips across my chin.
“No worries, I’ve got it covered.” I closed my eyes and let his touch relax me.
The best lie on reserve was ready to go.
*~*~*
ANNABELLE
These days my family seemed to have a better social life. Which was fine by me as the house on Friday and Saturday nights were empty till about ten or eleven at night. And my parents were busy enough to accept my nightly proposals without delving too much into what I had planned for the night. Like I said before…. the best lie on reserve worked like a charm. And unlike cat lives, I felt like the amount of times I could use “the lie” was endless.
Magic moment, sequence 101.
Everything felt amazing as I prepared for my night with James. Cupcake butterflies soared to new heights in my bedroom, leaving furniture, walls and clothes sparkling neon pink, purple, orange and green. It was a party, and I couldn’t wipe the grin off
my face even if I tried.
But then my stomach gurgled, and everything stopped. All the attention was back on me, but for the wrong reasons. I remembered eating lunch, which was a Caesar salad. But I’ve eaten nothing since then. And that was wrong. I should have at least eaten an afternoon snack.
My cupcake butterflies flitted to a stop around me. “Eat a snack, Anna. You need to take better care of yourself. Duh!”
“No, duh! Eat a snack, you idiot.” I whispered to myself. My imagination was closed for business. My room emptied, returning to its natural state. My makeup was nearly done. I applied the last coat of mascara to my eyelashes. I chose black shorts, a simple white shirt and my jean jacket as my outfit for tonight. I grabbed my uniform for work tomorrow and placed it inside my backpack, where I had a few girly necessities already packed, too.
I grabbed my bag and went downstairs to the kitchen. An apple was calling my name, as they were delicious, filling, and low in calorie. I cringed, because Ugh, for frigs sake... Not that I should be worried how many calories an apple had. It was stupid.
I opened the fridge, pulled out the last granny smith apple, and placed it on the counter. I leaned over and rested my arms against the counter. Feeling like an idiot going backwards in life, I stared at the apple like it was a mystery I still couldn’t solve. The apple represented my problems as a whole. Because one second my mind was basking in tranquility; and then the next second I was back to square freaking one with stupid habits that made no sense.
Haven’t I already been through enough of this crap already?
A freaking apple!
I ate the damn thing and then threw the core in the trash. A result of an impromptu shutdown of my mind. It was too late in the evening to be this analytical. Kind of made me sick, how easily I could “figuratively” hit the floor. Overthinking would be the death of me.
My phone buzzed, chiming with an incoming text. Another feel good moment surged my soul. Beautiful phone alerts saved the day.
Tiger: I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.
Annabelle: K
It’s hard work, being like this. I left confused me inside the house and went outside to wait for James by the curb. He could park his car in front of my house tonight, but then again… maybe my neighbors were watching? What if they reported back to my parents?
Problem, problems….
Annabelle: Pick me up at the park instead.
There was no response. But I left the front of my house anyways and walked toward the park. The weather was chill this evening. No wind, no harsh sun, just a subtle warmth that didn’t give me a sweat. I could lie in the park for hours, basking in this amazing weather, thinking about nothing but how fluffy clouds seemed, or different shades of blue in the sky, how prickly grass was even though it was comfortable to lie on at the same time, and then maybe the curve of James’s lips and how wonderful they felt over top mine…. so yeah that’s what I’d spend hours thinking about, you know, the real important things in life.
“What are you looking at?”
I turned around and there he was, leaning against the passenger side door, staring at me perplexed. How long had he been there? And, was I being weird again? Should I care about being spacy in front of him, too? Should I just be me and hope he’d accept it, no problem? He’s made it this far with me, if he didn’t know by now that I go off into worlds unknown, then James really did need to work on his perceptive skills.
“I’m looking at the sky, genius.” I gave him a shit-eating grin, because “duh”, if there was one word to describe me, it was obvious.
I examined his outfit. He wore dark jeans and a navy dress shirt that fit him perfectly. But what I liked most was that he showered. I liked the way his hair looked, slick back, damp. I could see his eyes. My stomach swarmed with butterflies. “You changed for me?”
“I changed for you,” he answered, smiling sweetly. He leaned off the car and came to me. He lifted me in his arms and carried me to his car. “There you are, Fireball.”
I sighed, holding his shoulders for support. “What’s it been, only two hours since we’ve seen each other?”
“That’s too long for me,” James smiled before giving the curve of my jaw a quick peck. He easily opened the passenger side door and placed me inside his car. He leaned inside the car and held my face with both his hands, keeping me still while he pressed his lips against my lips, kissing me softly, sweetly, then it turned fast, impatient, with a ton of harsh breathing mixed in. He couldn’t get enough of me, at least that’s what it felt like. I couldn’t have enough of him either. Kissing James made the world around us disappear. I’ve probably said that a million times, but it was the truth, despite the cheesiness.
His fingers massaged my scalp, bringing me this intense euphoria that my whole body felt in a split second. I felt like I was about to explode.
“James. James.” I pulled back slightly, but his grip was too firm. He kept kissing me. Hell, I wanted to keep kissing him, too. But we were in public. “James, we have to stop.”
“Why?” he panted, his eyes wild with want. He leaned his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. “Fuck anyone who’s looking. I want you, baby.”
I chuckled, because for once it wasn’t me being the dramatic one. “Look who’s all dramatic now?”
“Oh god,” he whispered with a smile on his face. “Alright, I’ll calm down. Wouldn’t want the world to realize just what a pussy James Lawson might be behind closed doors.”
“No we wouldn’t. All your street cred would be gone.”
“And I’ve worked way too hard to get the cocky asshole popular jock thing going to lose it now.” He grinned and shut my door. He rounded the car and jumped in the driver’s seat, started the car and drove us away from the park. I reached for his hand and he entangled his fingers with mine.
I squeezed his hand. “Where are we going?”
James concentrated up ahead. “You know where I’d like to go first, but what kind of a date would that be?” He squeezed my hand.
I leaned into my seat. “It’d be a nice date,”
“Oh yeah?” James grinned. “So we should skip dinner, huh?”
Who cared about food, not when we had unlimited privacy for the night, in a room, in a house that wasn’t tainted with bad vibes. Spending time with James like this in the past had been wonderful, but there was always this weird energy surrounding us, like any second his father and his family could show up unannounced and destroy our moment together. I hated that house. It was pure evil.
“I’m game if you are,” I stated, relaxing against my seat and staring out the window.
“Oh, I’m game, but I’m hungry. I need food, baby.”
“Then let’s get something to eat first,”
“That’s the plan.” James pulled the car into the plaza where Yogurty’s was. “Pizza good?”
“Yeah,” I said, looking at Yogurty’s storefront. It’s been awhile since I’ve had frozen yogurt.
But this wasn’t a big deal. I loved pizza. I loved frozen yogurt. Problem solved. Dinner and dessert was a go. With no problems.
Even though it looked like it was about to rain again, it was beautiful outside on our way down the parking lot, hand in hand. I chuckled as we entered the restaurant, remembering James standing in front of the window a couple of months ago, looking out in the parking lot at me and Dean on our date.
“What’s so funny?” James asked, sliding into a booth and opening a menu. I slid across from him.
The universe screamed… “Don’t do it, Annabelle! Bringing up Dean is a very bad idea!”
I cleared my throat. “Something funny I did earlier.”
It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. But it was for the greater good.
“Okay,” he said, shaking his head in amusement. He left it alone and concentrated on what he wanted. “What kind of pizza do you want?”
“I’m good with cheese,” I said. We ordered a large cheese piz
za. The waitress said it would take ten minutes and left for the kitchen. I drank some water as James slid out of the booth and joined me on my side.
“That’s better,” he grinned. Our thighs were practically on top of one another.
Despite feeling a tad shy about our PDA, I shook my head in amusement. “What do you think you are doing? People are staring, James.”
He leaned toward me. “That’s not my name.” He gave me a sly grin.
“Tiger,” I whispered. “You’re acting crazy.”
“That’s okay,” he stated. “Nothing wrong with a little crazy.”
“I guess not,” I sighed. “But I’m crazy all the time. Anything wrong with that?”
He said nothing for a second, and I almost had a panic attack, but then he brought my hand to his mouth and gave it a kiss that warmed my soul. I leaned over and kissed his cheek. Hell, I wanted to do more than kiss his cheek, but our waitress came by and set our hot cheese pizza on the center of the table. She looked at us weirdly for a second before going away.
“I’m going to demolish this thing,” James grabbed a slice and practically inhaled half in three seconds. As for me, despite my hesitation there were no problems with me. There were two slices with my name on it.
And that’s where the “dilemma” should have ended. But as per usual, crap got in the way. Ten minutes later, after eating a slice and a bite of my second one, I felt my belly get uncomfortably snug against the waistline of my shorts. It honestly felt like a slap to the face.
This was not good.
Not for my brain that is.
The resistance was strong, and I needed more strength. I had all hands on deck, doing their best to contain the box I’ve tried shutting a million times with a million different locks. But nothing seemed to work. Not permanently at least. That thing in my brain always came back, carrying memories and feelings, and reminders of what I didn’t want to be, which applied to both sides of the problem.
