“When the police arrived, I had my wife’s blood on my hands and clothes, there was broken furniture and debris cluttering the study because of my outburst, my fingerprints were on the gun, and I’d destroyed the key piece of evidence that could have exonerated me. I don’t blame the police for arresting me. I’d have arrested me, too. I looked guilty as hell.”
A rock settled in her gut. “And you told them you were responsible for her death.”
“Apparently. It’s in the transcript from my interrogation. But, honestly, I was so out of it that night, I don’t remember what I said.” Grief lined Matt’s face, and despair darkened his eyes.
She longed for a way to soothe some fraction of his sorrow and misery. “What about an alibi?”
“I didn’t have one. At least not one the police could verify. One of my patients, a little girl who’d fought leukemia for six months, had died that afternoon. She was the same age as my daughter, and it hit me really hard. I drove down by the river and spent an hour or so alone just sitting in my car.” He rubbed his chin, deep in thought. “Witnesses can place me leaving the hospital at eight o’clock, and the coroner estimated the time of Jill’s death was around 8:45.” He shook his head sadly. “I got home just minutes too late to save her, and I had no one to corroborate my alibi.”
“Dear God, Matt…” So many questions swirled in her head, Holly didn’t know where to start. An overriding voice of compassion said Matt had been through enough today, reviving the memories to satisfy her probing. But one issue singled itself from the rest, begging an answer. “Did…you clear up the confusion with the police?”
He raised a bleak, shadowed gaze.
“Surely your case didn’t go to trial….” But the hollow expression he wore contradicted her assertion, and her heart clenched.
“There was enough circumstantial evidence for them to hold me over for trial.” Matt massaged the muscles at the back of his neck. “A week later, my in-laws sued me for custody of the kids. My patients left in droves. Nobody wants a man accused of murdering his wife around their kids. Within a couple months, my practice was operating in the red, and I had to close. On top of funeral expenses for Jill, legal bills for both the criminal charges against me and the custody battle began to pile up. Without any income, I depleted my savings pretty quick. I lost my house, and because of the media coverage and my pending felony charges, I couldn’t even get a job at the corner convenience store.”
Holly drew a slow breath as understanding dawned. “Was that when you started using the name Rankin?”
“It was soon after that.”
“And your trial?” She held her breath, almost afraid to know the truth. “What happened?”
Matt didn’t answer at first. He gave her an inscrutable look and searched her face as if puzzled by her question. Just when she thought he wasn’t going to answer, he shoved to his feet and paced across the room.
“I had a good lawyer who was able to point out the numerous holes in the prosecution’s case. Ultimately, the jury acquitted me. But by then, the damage had been done to my reputation, my bank accounts, my family and my morale.”
The weight of Matt’s losses pressed down on her, squeezing her lungs and wrenching her heart. Tears puddled in her eyes. “So…you lost everything in a matter of months.”
He dragged a hand through his hair and exhaled sharply. “Pretty much.”
A bubble of grief for Matt’s losses swelled inside Holly. She rose stiffly from the couch and crossed the floor to him. More than anything, she wanted to help him reclaim the life he’d lost, win back custody of his children and reestablish his medical career. The injustice of the tragedies that he’d endured nearly suffocated her. No wonder he’d felt defeated, without hope, burdened with guilt and grief.
Holly stepped up behind Matt and wrapped her arms around him. He jolted when she touched him, shuddering and tensing his muscles, before relaxing in her embrace. Slowly he turned, nudged her chin up to study the tears that pooled in her eyes, then drew her into the circle of his arms. Holly meant to offer him comfort, yet his embrace imbued her with a sense of security and peace that burrowed to her bones. The crisp smell of soap clung to him, and she savored the fresh scent.
“I’m so sorry for what you went through,” she murmured, her head nestled against his broad chest. Beneath her ear, the life-affirming thud of his heart drummed a steady cadence. “No one should have to suffer the kind of losses you have.”
“No one said life was fair.”
Pulling back enough to meet his eyes, she pinned him with a determined gaze. She framed his face with her hands. The stubble on his jaw lightly abraded her palms, and a tingle raced through her blood. “I want to help. I want to do anything I can to help you rebuild your life and get your children back.”
Tender emotion flooded his gaze and arrowed to her core. Then a distancing veil dropped over his countenance. His brow creased, and he shook his head. “I didn’t tell you about my past because I was looking for sympathy or a handout.”
Holly straightened her spine. “I know that. You were just answering my questions, and I appreciate your honesty.”
His eyes narrowed, and he firmed his jaw. “I don’t want charity or your pity.”
“I know that, too. I wouldn’t insult you by offering charity. But I can’t stand here, knowing all that’s happened to you, and not do something to help. I care about you, Matt. I care what happens to you.”
His arms tightened around her. “I appreciate your support. Truly. But putting my life back together and getting to the place I was before everything started falling apart is something I need to do on my own, in my own way. My children are all the motivation I need.” A determined fire burned in his eyes. “I will get my life and my kids back. I refuse to accept anything less.”
She stroked his cheeks, then pulled his head down so that she could rest her forehead against his. The warmth of his breath caressed her face. “I just want you to know that I’m here for you, for whatever you need in the weeks ahead.”
“You have no idea what it means to me to hear you say that,” Matt said, his voice pitched to a low, intimate whisper.
His lips were scant inches from hers. She focused her attention on his mouth as he spoke, and her heart fluttered with anticipation.
“I care about you, too. More than I should.”
She tipped her head. “How can you care too much about someone?”
“You can let your feelings cloud your judgment.” He slid a crooked finger along her cheek, and a shiver raced through her. “The last thing I want is to hurt you.”
Holly frowned. “Hurt me? How?”
“Just by our association. If some aspect of my past ever came back to haunt me, I couldn’t live with myself if I let it taint your life.”
Leaning back to better gauge his expression, she shook her head and laughed softly. “Don’t be silly. How could the bygones from your past harm me?”
Matt’s eyes grew stormy, and he tensed his mouth. For a moment, he only stared at her with his troubled gaze. “I pray to God it doesn’t.”
His evasiveness, the dark concern that etched worry lines beside his mouth left her with more questions than answers, but she didn’t press him. That he’d confided as much as he had today spoke volumes for the trust he placed in her. If there was more on his mind, she hoped he’d open up to her about it eventually.
Matt folded her into his arms again, pulling her closer. His fingers combed through her hair, and he pressed a soft kiss to her head. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you any of this sooner. I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you, but I wasn’t sure how you’d react. I wanted more time for you to get to know me, to know who I really am, before I shared all the ugliness with you.”
Holly curled her fingers into the soft fabric of his shirt and held him close. “You have nothing to apologize for. Your past is your business. You have a right to keep it private. I only asked because my brothers-in-law—”
&
nbsp; He tipped her chin up with his thumbs. “In their place, I would’ve done the same thing. I know they were just trying to protect you.”
She twisted her lips in a wry smile and slid her hands to the small of his back. “Well, you’re far more forgiving of their intrusiveness than I would be in your situation.”
The corner of his mouth lifted, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. Sucking in a deep breath, he levered away from her.
Without him close, a chilly emptiness seeped through her. Learning the extent of the hardships Matt had endured, knowing he’d trusted her enough to share his darkest memories with her created a new bond, a deeper intimacy between them. Being in his arms had felt so…right.
For a few minutes, Holly had believed he shared the sense of completeness she experienced in his embrace. Yet within a few seconds of stepping away from her, his manner changed. He composed himself, and the polite distance and protective shield he kept between them returned. Had she imagined the connection with him? Had the desire that pulsed to life in her veins been one-sided? Her instincts with people were usually much sharper, more accurate.
Matt shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “Well, I know you’ve eaten, but I worked through lunch. I’m gonna go scrounge something in the kitchen.”
“Sure,” she said, still feeling a little numb, overwhelmed by everything Matt had revealed. “I, uh…fixed you a plate of leftover lasagna earlier if you want to reheat that. Or there’s sliced ham for a sandwich, if you’d rather. Help yourself.”
He gave her a grateful smile as he left the room, and Holly stood motionless for long minutes after he’d gone, replaying their conversation.
His wife’s unfaithfulness, her suicide. Standing trial for murder. Watching everything he’d worked to build crumble and everyone he loved disappear from his life. So much taken from him. No wonder the burden had nearly broken him.
Nearly, but not entirely.
A spark of hope and pride in Matt flickered in her heart. Despite everything, he was coming back. He’d committed to pulling himself out of the quagmire of tragedy, dead set on fighting back and reclaiming what was rightfully his. Determined to do it on his own terms.
But when Matt rebuilt his old life, would there be any room in it for her?
Chapter 9
Matt stared blankly into the refrigerator, the draft cooling his skin as much as his memories chilled him inside. Holly had taken the news of his arrest much better than he’d expected. He’d been surprised that she didn’t recognize his name. So much media attention had been drawn to his trial in Charlotte that his lawyer had argued for a change of venue. Which was how he ended up with Holly’s husband prosecuting his case.
Even if his name didn’t ring any bells now, he had no doubt recognition would dawn later. Then how would she feel toward him?
She’d said she cared about him, wanted to help him. But when she learned the full truth, everything would change. Perhaps that’s why he’d withheld the last critical bit of information from her. He wasn’t ready to see the suspicion and censure in her eyes. He wanted to steal just a few more moments of happiness with her. Because, dammit, he cared about her, too. He’d been so close to kissing her. The temptation had been strong, almost overwhelming.
He’d never met a woman as caring, as generous, as selfless as Holly. He’d never experienced the same crackle of attraction with another woman, even with Jill. Perhaps that had been part of his problem with his wife. Although he had loved Jill, he hadn’t felt a fraction of the passion for her that he felt for Holly. When he was near Holly, his senses were sharper. He felt her presence to his marrow. When she was gone, her absence left him hollow, aching. He wanted to kiss her with every fiber of his being, but he knew doing so would be a mistake. One kiss from Holly would never be enough. And until she knew the full truth, how could he justify deepening the bond they shared? How could he take advantage of the desire that sparked between them when he knew the truth he kept from her could hurt her?
Soon enough, she’d share what he’d told her today with her brothers-in-law, and Matt’s precarious house of cards would tumble. Until that time, he had to rein in his feelings for her. He had a duty to protect her from heartache, and that meant keeping an emotional distance between them. He would ignore the tug on his heart every time she smiled, squelch the heat that fired in his blood whenever they touched.
The way he saw it, he only had a few days left with her before the friendship they’d built caved under the weight of his deception. His sin of omission. Until that day came, he intended to give Holly the kind of joy and hope she’d imbued in him. He planned to make the holiday that she loved as special as he could. Maybe then, when she looked back on their time together, she would recall a few treasured moments.
And she’d forgive him.
The day after Thanksgiving, Holly woke to a dusting of snow on her lawn. The frosty weather put her in the perfect mood to start her Christmas celebrations. The first thing on her agenda was a hot breakfast for herself and Matt. Then she’d dive headfirst into transforming her home for the holidays. Every room would be decked in greenery and bows. Santa and his reindeer, angels and jolly elves would fill every nook, and the hand-painted porcelain nativity set she’d inherited from her great-grandmother would take center stage in her family room beside her tree. A live tree. No artificial tree would suffice.
A childlike enthusiasm and excitement kicked up her pulse as she hurried down the stairs, enticed by the scent of freshly brewed coffee.
When she reached the kitchen, Matt stood looking out her bay window at the new snow as he sipped from a steaming mug.
“Good morning,” she said, a singsong quality ringing in her voice. “Beautiful day, isn’t it? It’s just perfect.”
He lifted a corner of his mouth. “Perfect for what? Going back to bed?”
She gave him the raspberry and poured herself a large mug of coffee. “Perfect for picking out our Christmas tree.” She scooped two large spoonfuls of sugar into her cup and stirred. “After breakfast, we can go into the woods behind the barn and cut down one of the Douglas firs.”
“Cut down a Christmas tree?” Humor lit his gaze. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Not a bit. I’ve had my eye on a couple for a few months that I think will be just the right size for the family room.” She blew on her coffee to cool the edge before she sipped. “So are you game?”
He laughed, the sound as rich and full-bodied as her morning brew. “Your wish is my command.”
She waved the spoon at him as if it were a magic wand. “I wish for you to help me turn my house into a Christmas wonderland today.”
He arched an eyebrow. “No renovations?”
“Not today. Today is all about my favorite time of year.”
“The after-Thanksgiving sales at the mall?” he asked, a teasing glint in his eyes.
She carried her mug over to join him at the window and socked him playfully in the arm. “Tease if you want, but by tonight, you’ll see how serious I am about all things Christmas.”
By the time Matt had cut down the fir tree Holly chose, his fingers were numb, and his ears and nose were frozen. But one look at the pure delight that sparkled in Holly’s eyes as they’d hunted down the perfect Christmas tree warmed him from the inside out. The cold had turned her cheeks pink, and the lip gloss she’d dabbed on to protect her lips from the weather made her mouth all the more tempting.
After he tied the tree to the back of her ATV four-wheeler to drag back to the farmhouse, he turned to Holly. “All done. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to get back inside and thaw out.”
She tipped her head toward the lightly falling snow, an expression of sheer joy lighting her face. A few flakes clung to her eyelashes and glinted like tiny diamonds. Matt had to call on every ounce of his willpower not to pull her close and sample the strawberry shimmer on her lips and touch her cheeks with his hands.
She hadn’t mentioned their
conversation from the day before, which suited him just fine. Resurrecting the black memories had been difficult enough without having to dwell on them to satisfy an endless string of questions.
He’d worried that she might feel awkward around him today, but if anything, their heart-to-heart had brought them closer. Matt savored the new depth to their friendship, the closeness, the connection, knowing how fragile that bond was. Spending time with Holly revived his belief that there was still good in the world, that happiness could be found in the simple pleasures. Fresh snow, an aromatic pine tree, a litter of playful kittens. She’d lost her husband to a brutal murder, yet she hadn’t let tragedy defeat her. She’d persevered in the face of her grief and relished moments of joy wherever she found them.
Beyond the employment and shelter she’d offered him, her optimism and encouragement fed his hungry soul the hope and happiness he craved. For that, he owed her a tremendous debt of gratitude. And how did he repay her? Deception.
His gut twisted. She deserved so much better.
He ground his back teeth together in self-reproach as he revved the four-wheeler, ready to head back to the farmhouse. Holly swung a leg over the seat behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest to hold on. The press of her body sent a wave of heat sizzling through him.
They bounced their way over the roots and potholes, the wintery wind nipping their faces. Once home, Matt parked the ATV and helped Holly climb off. Before he could release her hand, she tugged him close and smiled up at him. “Thank you, Matt. I had fun. Cutting down a tree to decorate has been a tradition in my family for years, and it just wouldn’t have felt like Christmas going to some lot to buy one.”
She startled him with a quick kiss, nothing more than a friendly peck on his mouth, but the touch of her lips, the sweet taste of her lip gloss jolted him as if he’d touched a live power line.
The Christmas Stranger Page 10
