by Shelly Bell
“How is she?” Dreama’s father asked the doctor, his tone weary and nervous. He held his wife close to his side.
“She’s out of surgery and doing well,” said the doctor loudly, knowing everyone was listening. He then lowered his voice, but Jane was close enough to still hear him as he continued. “We were able to stop the internal bleeding, but I’m sorry to report that despite our best efforts, we had to perform a complete hysterectomy. There was just too much damage from the beating. We also removed her spleen and repaired a nick to her right kidney. She has numerous broken bones that will need setting once she’s strong enough to go back into surgery. For now, we’ve just stabilized them with casts.” He paused and put a hand on Dreama’s mother’s shoulder. “Also, I thought you’d want to know that we found no evidence of sexual assault.”
“When can we bring her home?” Dreama’s father asked.
“Expect her to be in the hospital for at least six to eight weeks and physical rehabilitation after that.” The doctor raised his voice again. “We’ll be moving her into a room soon, but she’s probably going to be unconscious for several more hours. I suggest you all go home and get some rest. Visiting hours begin at nine a.m. for immediate family members only.”
She wasn’t surprised when Dreama’s mother shunned the surgeon’s advice and announced her decision to stay. If it were her child, she’d do the same.
God forbid.
Jane took a deep breath and bowed her head, relieved Dreama had made it through surgery and was alive. Her eyes burned as if tears were about to form, but they refused to come.
No longer holding Ryder’s hand, Jane stared at the spot where the surgeon had announced the news. She knew it was time to go but she couldn’t get herself to move. The chatter around her grew quieter and quieter until Ryder stood in front of her with Maddox in his car seat.
“Come on. It’s time to go home,” he said gently, as if she were a child who needed coaxing.
Home?
She didn’t have a home anymore. She couldn’t live in that apartment. Not without Dreama.
Lacing his fingers with Jane’s, Ryder pulled her to her feet and with an arm around her shoulders, led her out of the cold, sterile hospital and into the night. She didn’t know what road lay ahead for her, but one thing was clear.
She couldn’t navigate it without Ryder.
* * *
Ryder slid into the driver’s seat of Jane’s car and closed the door, hoping it wouldn’t wake Maddox. Of course, judging by what he’d seen today, the kid could just about sleep through anything. Still, he didn’t want to take the chance. Not now when Jane so obviously needed him.
She was in shock.
Pale and listless, she hadn’t spoken much all day. Hadn’t eaten more than half a candy bar. Hadn’t smiled or cried or even met anyone’s gaze. It was as if she was physically there but the rest of her had checked out.
Everyone else had been too caught up in their own grief to notice.
But not him. Except for Maddox, no one mattered more to him than Jane.
Sitting by her side for eight hours, he realized if he hadn’t been there, she would’ve been on her own. And that was fucking unacceptable to him. Someone as warm and funny and caring as Jane deserved to have a room full of people who were there to take care of her.
He drove out of the hospital parking lot onto the dark street and headed toward his house. A single headlight made the same turn. For a moment, Ryder thought it was a motorcycle but as he looked in the rearview mirror, he realized it was a car with only one working headlight.
Like the one that had run Jane off the road.
For the time being, he kept the news to himself. Jane had gone through enough today. She didn’t need to worry about anything else. Besides, plenty of cars fit that description. Still, he’d stay extra vigilant and keep an eye on it.
Staring out the passenger side window, Jane finally broke the silence. “Who would hurt someone like Dreama?”
He wasn’t sure whether she was talking to herself or to him.
“I keep going over the what-ifs. What if Dreama hadn’t been sick and had gone to work as she’d planned? What if we hadn’t gone to the community center? What if we hadn’t run into Ian? Would we have gone home earlier and stopped it from happening? I can’t help but thinking if only I’d done something different, anything different, Dreama wouldn’t be in the hospital fighting for her life.”
The car wasn’t exactly the best place for a conversation like this, but it couldn’t wait until home. “Or it could have been you. None of this was your fault. The blame falls on the person or persons who hurt her.” He didn’t believe in coincidences. The police theorized that Dreama had interrupted a burglary and frankly, Ryder didn’t bother correcting them. Informing them that they were wrong would prove futile when his father was concerned.
She turned her head to look at him. “I didn’t think…” Her voice cracked. “I should have warned her.”
The guilt in her eyes slayed him. “You had no reason to think she was in danger.”
“I’m not sure I believe that. Not when two people in my department just died and I’m walking around with an SD card that may be the reason why.”
Noting the car with the one headlight was still behind them, Ryder turned his car into his neighborhood. He breathed a sigh of relief when the other vehicle didn’t follow, but instead, continued straight down the main road. “I know I wanted to wait until we found the antivirus program, but I think it’s time we check what’s on that SD card.”
She blinked a few times as if coming out of a fog. “Do you have a computer you’re willing to lose if the antivirus software doesn’t work?”
“I’ve got two old ones I’ve kept for backup in case. Why don’t you get Maddox settled and I’ll grab them from my home office?”
Inside his house, Jane pulled the SD card from her purse and dropped it into his waiting palm. He showed her the extra bedroom where she could set up the Pack ’n Play for Maddox.
If they weren’t in such a hurry, he would’ve given her the grand tour. He would love to see her face as she saw the potential his house held. Would she like the kitchen or was it too small? What did she think of the neighborhood? Could she imagine herself and Maddox living there? And wait until she saw his huge fenced-in backyard.
After retrieving his old computers, he placed them on his dining room table. He decided to hit the virus with the most comprehensive program he had available, but his gut told him he was about to destroy yet another computer. Two people had died because of whatever was on that SD card. Even the most powerful antivirus programs probably wouldn’t be enough to fix the card so that they could access the files.
Jane’s soft footsteps pattered on the hardwood floor as she entered the dining room. “He’s sound asleep for the moment.” She put a baby monitor on the table. “His schedule is off for the day, but I think we should have a couple of hours before he wakes up for his last night feeding.” She gestured to the computer as she sat in a chair beside him. “Any luck?”
“Just starting, but I wouldn’t get your hopes up.” She watched in curious anticipation as he inserted the card. He ran the antivirus software on the SD card. A few minutes later, a message popped up that the software did not detect any viruses or malware. “Fucking genius,” he mumbled.
He tried opening the file. Normally, if a card was corrupt, he’d receive an error message.
That wasn’t what happened.
Code scrolled up the screen like the credits of a Star Wars movie. And then on a loud buzz, the screen went completely black just as Jane had described to him.
“Yeah, that’s what happened when I tried opening it. But I didn’t see the code before. That’s new.”
Because the virus was learning.
“I’ve never seen anything like it in all the years I’ve been playing around with computers,” he said in awe. “This isn’t the typical virus or worm you pick up on the Web. I was righ
t. Evan intentionally designed a virus to protect the contents of the file. Every time someone tries to open the file, the virus adds another layer of protection to it. Eventually, it will become impossible to open, even if we find the antivirus program he wrote for it. Tomorrow morning, we need to go search his office. It has to be there somewhere.”
Jane went quiet, her brows knitted in a frown and her finger to her lip. “Is it possible to email an antivirus as a file?”
“I suppose it’s possible. Why?”
“Remember I mentioned Evan had sent me an email but that the file was corrupted?”
He thought back to that conversation. He’d been so focused on the SD card, he hadn’t paid much attention to anything else. “Tell me about the email.”
“The message of his email said, ‘Thought you should see this.’ When I clicked on the attachment, a bunch of code flashed on the screen and then a giant yellow smiley face filled the screen.”
“A yellow…” Ryder scratched his head for a moment as he processed Jane’s information. “Did your computer still work right after?”
“Yeah,” Jane said, fidgeting with the ends of her hair. “I thought I’d gotten lucky.”
“Maybe you did,” he murmured. A rush of excitement stirred in his belly. “When you clicked on the attachment, it’s possible you downloaded the program that will allow you to read the files on the SD card. Your work computer is immune from the virus.”
Guilt flickered in her eyes. “But I erased the email and whatever downloaded onto my computer.”
Ryder bit down on his lip to keep himself from swearing out loud.
Jane might have ruined their only chance at finding out what the hell was on that card.
“We need to access your computer at work and see if the antivirus program is still on it.” He stood and offered his hand. “But not tonight. You should rest. Come to bed. I promise I won’t lay a hand on you. It’s enough that you and Maddox are here safe with me. Just let me hold you.”
She intertwined her fingers with his but didn’t get up from the table. “What if I told you that isn’t going to be enough for me? Would you do something for me?”
Didn’t she realize by now there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her? “Anything. Everything.”
Staring into his eyes, she stood. “Take me downstairs.”
TWENTY-ONE
Downstairs,” Ryder said, parroting her words. He swallowed thickly. “You mean you want to see my playroom.”
If Jane wasn’t so serious, she would’ve laughed at Ryder’s shocked expression. And honestly, she’d surprised herself. But after witnessing Tristan with Isabella in the hospital waiting room, she wondered if his ability to soothe her was more attributable to him being her Dominant than her fiancé. And it had led Jane into thinking about some of the things Dreama had told her about Domination and submission and why she practiced it.
Dreama had explained that giving up control helped release everything she’d kept bottled up inside of her. She’d also told Jane there was no one right way to practice BDSM as long as the participants followed the safe, sane, and consensual creed (Dreama had also mentioned something about RACK, but Jane couldn’t remember what that meant), and that everyone had their own reasons for being in the lifestyle.
Ryder had claimed he wasn’t a Dominant and that for him it was solely about sex and fun. Well, tonight she wanted to challenge that statement.
“Not just to see it,” Jane said, curling her hand around his neck. “I want to use it. I can’t stop thinking about Dreama lying there broken and alone. I don’t want to think about it anymore. Can you help me forget? Just for a little while?”
He tucked her hair behind her ear and cupped her face in his hands. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’ve never been surer of anything in my whole life.”
He snagged the baby monitor off the table and slipped his arm around her waist. She should’ve felt something—nervous, excited, horny, but instead, she remained numb and detached from her own body. She wanted to stop thinking and feel. Pleasure. Pain. She wanted it all. And she wanted Ryder to give it to her.
His house had surprised her. It wasn’t the kind of place she would’ve thought he would own. This was a family’s home. She’d cut through the neighborhood a few times to avoid construction on the main road, and there were always kids riding their bikes or playing ball out on the lawn. There was even a park in the middle of the neighborhood.
But it was the inside of his house that had really thrown her for a loop. She’d assumed he’d have the typical bachelor pad. Black leather couch, glass coffee table, large-screen TV. Instead, it was so…homey. Not a television in sight. Lots of bright pictures on the wall, a burgundy couch, plants in well-placed spots.
“Your home is beautiful. Did you decorate it yourself?”
His brows rose. “Is that your not-so-subtle way of asking if I had a woman’s help? Maybe an ex-girlfriend?”
“No.” Who am I kidding? “Okay, yes.”
He smiled as if her answer pleased him. “All me. I grew up in a cold, sterile home. So I made it the opposite. I’m glad you like it.” He brushed his hand over her hip. “And, Jane? I’ve never had a real girlfriend. Not until you.” She closed her eyes, allowing his admission to wash over her. In her head, she knew before tonight those words would have thrilled her. But the connection between her head and heart was severed.
He led her past the kitchen to a set of stairs that led to the basement.
“I didn’t believe you,” Jane said as she took in the space Ryder called his playroom.
While upstairs was perfect for a family, downstairs was definitely adults-only. Silly her. For some reason, she’d envisioned white walls, unfinished floors, maybe a couple of floggers and ropes lying around.
She was so naïve. Even though he’d admitted to having parties at his home, how could she have known he’d stocked his basement with enough equipment to keep dozens of people entertained?
He’d painted the walls a dark blue, which should have made the room look smaller, but with the off-white faux stone floor, it seemed larger than the entire first floor upstairs. Hanging on the walls were floggers, whips, paddles, and other “toys” she didn’t recognize. But it was the rest of the room that had her jaw dropping. There were benches, tall X-shaped pieces, a weird-looking chair with a hole on the seat, and a steel frame with a swing attached to it. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what they were all used for.
It was like a kinky amusement park.
And she was about to go for a ride.
She couldn’t wait.
She walked over to where he hung his floggers and ran her hands down the length of the buttery leather handles and then played with the ends, surprised by their softness.
How could something so soft cause pain?
Did she want to find out?
Ryder’s eyes burned with heat as he watched her touch the toys on the wall. Was she imagining him using them on her? Which one was his favorite?
“Most people bring their own personal equipment with them to the play parties, but I like to keep a few on hand in case anybody gets an itch to try something new,” he offered, his voice deeper than usual.
She turned to him. Her heart was beating so quickly she felt it as a tremor throughout her entire body. “Now that we’re down here, what do you want to do to me?”
He grabbed her hips and slammed her up against the wall. A flogger fell to the floor with a thud. His hard body caged her in as if she were an animal in need of taming, when in actuality, he was the wild prey.
Only he could never be caged.
His teeth grazed the side of her neck. “What do I want to do? I want to take care of you. Tonight is about what you need. And what I can give you. I’m going to push you farther than you ever thought you could possibly go. Tonight, in this room…I own you.”
“Own me? You can’t own me,” she said, purposefully challenging him when in truth, there was nothing
she wanted more.
This was what she needed.
To be fucked.
Dominated.
Consumed.
Until all the day’s memories washed away like the shore at high tide.
He bit into the skin of her neck and growled. “You’re wrong. I can own you. And you know how I know that, sweet Jane? It’s because you already own me. You have since the moment I first saw you.”
Pressure built in her core and her clitoris throbbed in time with her racing heart.
And she was wet.
So wet, she could actually feel it coating her inner thighs.
The need to come overwhelmed her. Seeking relief, she couldn’t stop herself from grinding her pelvis against him.
He laughed as he took a step back, depriving her of the friction she so desperately craved. He gripped her wrists and raised her arms over her head. “Now tell me. Who owns you?”
She swallowed, catching her breath. “You do, Ryder.”
“Damn right I do. I’m your body’s master. The man who holds your power in his hands. Who tells you when and if you are allowed to come. Who chooses whether to give you pleasure or pain.” He rested his forehead against hers. “The only thing you have to do is surrender…and feel.”
Her head was swimming.
All her emotions were there, right under the surface of her skin, just waiting to be exposed. The fear of submission. The excitement of the unknown. The exhilaration of knowing how much she meant to him. But Ryder’s words and the promises they held weren’t enough to release her emotions from their prison.
She needed more.
He was right.
She had to surrender to him.
She let her body go slack, no longer struggling against him. “Please.”
“Mine.” A rumble vibrated from his chest. “All fucking mine.”
His lips covered hers, stealing her breath and her sanity. Arms overhead, body trapped, she relinquished her power and truly put herself in his care. There was nothing soft about this kiss. His mouth demanded rather than cajoled. Compelled rather than offered. He alone had control, leaving her with nothing to do but feel.
