by A. J. Downey
“I apologize,” he said unexpectedly.
“What?” I straightened up and turned around to look at him. Tab’s beautiful face might as well have been carved from marble for all the emotion it showed, but he was talking again, repeating what he’d said.
“I should have explained prayer more. It’s my failure, not yours.”
I blinked, stupidly. “Did you seriously just apologize to me?” I asked pointing at myself
“Yes.”
“Wow.”
I rocked back on my heels and didn’t feel any less shitty even though I at least felt a little relieved.
“So I can’t even pray anymore, huh?”
“Not true… you just have to be careful where you direct your prayers. Direct them to our Father, or to someone you know you can trust,” he murmured.
“What, like you?” I said abruptly.
“If I’d known more of what you were seeing sooner…”
“You could have what Tab? Do what you’ve pretty much done so far? Tell me to pull on my big girl panties and soldier on? Jesus!”
“Or try to explain what really happened, when she shows you the past,” Tab said.
I turned my gaze to the overcast sky just as the first fat drops of rain started to fall. The cool water felt good on my overheated face.
“I’m trying to be a good little soldier girl here, buddy. I try not to fucking irritate you, I try to keep it in perspective, but I’m human and I’ve got feelings. So could you try to at least meet me halfway sometimes, and look at it from my perspective?” I asked.
He blinked slowly, a look of almost startled surprise crossing his features. “I thought that’s what I was doing…” His brow crushed down in confusion.
I scoffed a short laugh. “Heh, a little too little, a little too late, don’t you think?” I regarded him a minute, hands on my hips while he looked me over with that same unidentifiable expression on his face.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I get it. She fucked you over. She tried to fuck the entirety of humanity over. There’s no love lost between you two, and she’s now living in my head. You want what everyone else wants – the location of these damned keys – and you don’t believe in me or any other human at this point.” Which hurt. Which hurt a whole hell of a lot. I sniffed and turned my face to the side, looking up the long dirt track we stood on. Looked like we were on some kind of a farm, and it was twilight. I was guessing Europe somewhere based on the time of day in relation to what time it was after we took off from Nevada.
“Adelaide…”
“Save it. Where do we go? What do we do from here, preferably before I have to deal with Gabriel’s snarky attitude? One more comment out of that bitch’s mouth, and I was gonna throat punch her.”
“He would have killed you for that,” Tab said, frowning.
“Yeah well he can get in line right along with everyone else.” Since Tab didn’t want to pick a direction, I did and started walking. For once it was him that had to scramble to catch up with my long strides.
“I don’t wish to see you dead, Addy.”
That made me stop. I turned and looked him over, from his boots as black as mine to his typical attire of unrelieved black pants, shirt, and long coat. I met his gray eyes and quirked an eyebrow of my own in mirror counterpoint to his.
“Now you call me Addy?”
He smiled, and I think my heart tripped over itself before it did a barrel roll and came up singing falsetto in joy in the center of my chest. Damn it! He was beautiful when he smiled, and I was only human… That put a lid on it. I was only human.
“You’re correct: I could stand to try more. With Iaoel in your head, I can’t have you feeling like you need to hide things from me.”
I rolled my eyes and started walking again. “Just when you almost had it.”
“Had what?” he asked, puzzled.
Had me believing you might actually give a fuck about me, I thought.
“Never mind. Just where are we, and where are we going?” I asked.
“France, near the Italian border.”
“Peachy.”
What about you? I thought to Iaoel. Got anything else you wanna do? Wanna kick me while I’m down? Twist the knife a little? You’ve been awfully fucking quiet, just saying.
Nothing, not even so much as a flicker of anything. I got the pervading sense that Iaoel was sulking and that she was heartily put out with Gabriel, but beyond that, I just didn’t know. I didn’t really care either. Tab and I hiked along the French countryside in the cold, pouring rain, dressed for Nevada desert weather. Wasn’t long before I started to shiver, but I figured if I just kept moving, I would be cool.
Eventually, Tab turned around and sighed harshly. “You’re cold,” he stated.
“Yeah, it’s all good, as long as we keep moving.”
“Adelaide, your lips are blue. It’s best we stop.”
“Whatever you say. You’re in charge,” I shot back through chattering teeth.
“I don’t think you understand me,” he said.
“What was your first clue?”
He sighed. “Very well…”
“Knock it off, I’m not in the mood. Just tell me what you want to tell me, ask me what you want to ask me.” I was tired, and he was right: I was cold. Add to that, miserable, and I was just generally in a foul fucking mood. They happened.
“I’m the Angel of Free Will; you were drawn into this against yours. It’s true: the stakes are high… and that’s been my priority, but I’m still here to help you.” He held up a hand as we approached a rundown and tired cottage of some kind. A moment later he kicked in the door.
“Nice, resorting to B&E. That’s great.” Sarcasm, just one more service I offered. You know, beyond fucking everything up.
“You’d prefer someplace specific?” he asked.
“Well, we haven’t had any early Demon warning systems go off,” I said, holding the necklace up and letting it swing. “And no sign that your Archangel frat-boy buddies are onto us. Does that mean we’re back under the radar?” He nodded once and ducked into the cottage.
“Guess this’ll do.” I sighed. I waited for him to sweep for any danger. His hand appeared from within the darkened portal of the empty doorway, and he waved me in. I went past him, out of the pattering rain, and his hands descended on my shoulders, fingers winding around the straps of my heavy pack. He lifted the physical weight off of them, but the emotional and mental strain remained.
I seriously needed to suck it up.
“Find dry clothing,” he murmured and walked over to the empty grate in the fireplace. There was no furniture in here. Windows were boarded up. This was going to suck but a lot of things had sucked so far. I dug through the pack while he got a fire going.
“I want to see you through this…”
“Save it. I get it. I really do, Tab. I’m just in a rotten mood. I feel like no matter how hard I am trying here, I am so far behind on the learning curve that all I’m capable of doing is fucking things up.”
He worked quietly to get a blaze going while I set the last of what I’d need out of the pack. I pulled my jacket off and shivered. “Stay turned around, please,” I said, and of course that made him turn back towards me. I had my shirt halfway up to my breasts and stopped.
“Really, dude?”
“Apologies,” he muttered and turned back around to face the licking flames in the grate. I changed into clean, dry clothes consisting of jeans and a long-sleeved black thermal before slinging my messenger bag across my chest and pulling my jacket back on.
“Okay,” I gave him the all clear and sat on the floor, pulling on thick socks and my boots, lacing them up correctly. Tab watched me with something akin to approval. I shoved my wet things into a plastic sack from Wally World and tied it off before shoving it in the top of my pack, which I refastened. Everything was grab-and-go in case we had to bug out.
“What?” I asked, since he was still staring.
�
��Come by the fire. Get warm.”
I did as he commanded and sat down on the dusty floor beside him, re-braiding my hair out of my face. His wings came out, the one nearest me curving behind my back, reflecting the heat from the flames.
“Thanks,” I uttered, and he nodded, staring into the fire.
I stared with him, propping my arms loosely on my knees. “Sorry I’ve been such a self-absorbed bitch, wallowing in my own self-pity,” I said a time later.
“I am sorry to have left you feeling so alone.”
And that was it: all that was said, all that was needed to be said. Tab and I weren’t friends, it was true, but we were partners in this as long as our goals aligned, which was something. The revelation felt good, like I had found my footing while traversing a treacherous stretch of rocks. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, and he glanced back. He tried a tentative smile, and it made me smile.
“Don’t hurt yourself,” I joked. He laughed softly, and some of the pall hanging over my mood lifted.
“We should cross into the Italian countryside tomorrow,” he said.
“I’m down for that, as long as we can continue training along the way.”
“Speaking of which,” he reached into his coat and brought out a mass of leather with a knife handle sticking out of it.
“You know just what to buy a girl to inspire confidence,” I said dryly and took it from him, untangling the mess. It was a belt and holster, but there was more to it than that. I stood up, careful not to step on any wing or whatever, and slid the belt free of the mess and through my belt loops. I slid the knife on and finished off through the loops, startling when Tab’s hands grazed my jeans-clad thigh. He was buckling another strap around my right leg, cinching it tight so the knife rode securely along the outside of my right thigh.
“How does that feel?” he asked.
I pulled it and slid it home a couple of times, nodding. “Okay.”
“The defensive stances and basic sword techniques should work with this, just with drastically shorter reach. We’ll go over some things in the morning, before leaving.”
“Good idea. I need to get used to moving in regular clothes, anyway.” I sat back down, the knife a comforting weight along my leg, between me and Tab.
“You should sleep,” he said.
“Yeah,” I agreed, but my vision was captured by the flames. I sighed and tried to relax a little before I attempted to lie down. The orange of the shifting flames was hypnotizing and eventually became a catalyst for another vision entirely.
I stared at a bedraggled man in simple homespun robes. He was young, his black hair long. It was escaping out from beneath the long section of cloth that covered his head and wrapped around his nose and mouth to stave off the thick dust being kicked up into the air from the road. He leaned on a gnarled walking stick, wiping imaginary sweat and the very real orange grit from his brow. He looked vaguely familiar to the part of me that was still Addy, who was a mute captive for this show. I studied him and listened to the man whose body I was trapped in. I couldn’t feel Tab’s body along mine anymore; in fact, I couldn’t feel anything.
“Are you ready to go in?” he was asking, and I vaguely knew the voice, though I wasn’t sure how I understood what was being said. It sure as hell wasn’t English. The first man, the one I could see, looked at the man I was living the memory through in the eye, and if I could have, I would have gasped. I knew those eyes, staring so intently back at me… their soothing liquid gray would be recognizable anywhere. It was Tab, although I was pretty sure it was a Tabbris of very long ago.
“This is wrong, Gabriel,” Tab was saying.
“I cannot disagree with you my brother; I only agreed to do this for your peace of mind. It is our Father’s will that this be…”
“I know it is!” Tab snapped. “Still, not all of them have chosen the path to damnation, Gabriel; surely there are some worth saving.”
I’m living Gabriel’s memory? I could feel myself get further and further away as I was drawn into the memory of whatever was going on. Gabriel sighed and nodded, and I could feel his resignation.
“Tabbris, we’re not here to save anyone. That wasn’t our bargain.” Gabriel went on to remind him, “I said I’d come with you so that you could see for yourself why the decision was made. So let’s do that.” I held out my arm in an ‘after you’ motion, and Gabriel said, “Let’s go in and see for ourselves.” When Tab didn’t move immediately, I turned and walked down the roughhewn road. It was no more than a track or rut in the earth, worn by the passage of many travelers and caravans, but as far as roads went, however long ago this was, I guess it was as good as it got. Tab fell into step silently beside me, his face grim.
We followed the flow of people and drew several curious looks at our passage. At least they started curious. They became somewhat analytic, looking for what we had around us. Some became hostile. The wall around the city was high and was made from the solid, if rough-hewn, sandstone indigenous to the region. It had been bleached to a pale cream by the punishing sun, and Gabriel shaded our eyes from the glare with one of his graceful, long fingered, hands. Several of the people around us found themselves doing the same. We were nearly through the gate when Tabbris almost tripped over a man that had stooped to retrieve something he’d dropped.
“Oh! I am sorry sir.” The man said to him. “Please forgive me!”
Tab steadied the middle-aged man with a hand on his arm and bent to retrieve whatever it was the man had lost his hold on.
“I apologize,” Tabbris said, handing him his purse, “I didn’t see you there.” It was as Tab had bent that his face covering had fallen away. The middle-aged man’s eyes narrowed as he looked from Tabbris to Gabriel, who let down his own face covering and smiled.
“I am Lot,” he said. “What brings you gentleman to the city of Sodom?” he asked, his voice kindly.
“We seek work.” Gabriel’s voice startled me, it was becoming difficult to remember I was Adelaide and just along for the ride, so entrenched was I in what was happening. I watched the man look Tabbris and myself – er, Gabriel – over.
“You are new to the city then?” he asked. I think we both nodded in unison. “You have lodging?” he asked, and we both shook our heads.
“We’ll find some place this night,” Gabriel said. “Even a place in the streets is no harm. For tonight it will be fine.” I smiled at the man.
“Ah,” he looked nervous for a moment, then finally his eyes lit up and he beamed at the both of us. “Then I must insist that you spend your first night in comfort!” he heaved his pack back onto his shoulders. “Come, you will stay in my home tonight, a proper welcome to the city.”
Tab exchanged a look with me, with Gabriel, and we both turned to the man.
“We can’t impose,” Tabbris was saying. The reactions I was feeling were confusing. I knew, because Gabriel knew, that this offer of hospitality was perfectly normal in towns like this. But not this town, or its neighbor.
“It is no imposition at all young man,” Lot said, beaming. “Please, I must insist. You are new to the city of Sodom, and the nights get quite cold. Please come. My wife will cook lamb. I and my daughters’ husbands-to-be would love to hear news from distant places. I can see you’ve come far. Tomorrow you will be well rested, and it will be easier to find the work you seek.” Lot paused. “A little easier, at least.”
I shared another look with Tabbris, and after several more attempts to convince us, we finally acquiesced to the man’s wishes, funneling through the city gates on his heels. The streets were packed, and it was slow moving. Though the buildings’ shadows provided relief from the sun’s punishing rays, it was still no less hot, though the dust was much less. Gabriel unwound his head covering completely in a bid to appear that he was attempting to gain relief from the heat. As he looked this way and that he observed the rather obvious sidelong looks that he and Tabbris were getting. Many continued to be hostile. A few involved smiles t
hat were no more comfortable than the hostility.
There were several raucous shouts to Lot from men in doorways making inquiries as to Tab and Gabriel’s identity. Some called that he had better not be bringing beggars into town. Some threw things I-or-Gabriel could barely dodge. Some had other things on their minds. Looking down a few alleyways revealed… well, sex. Obvious sex that was accompanied sometimes by a full audience and cheering. There were couples – mostly male – and sometimes groups engaged in acts I didn’t even have a name for, out in the open. If it had been anywhere in modern times they would have been arrested, but here it was just business as usual. The idea of sleeping in the street if necessary certainly wouldn’t have worked. I thought for a moment that I saw someone who might be homeless, as he was wearing clothes less fancy than others were wearing – those who wore any at all – but he was chased away from where he’d started to slouch.
Several of the shouted inquiries had lewd suggestions about what could be done with the foreigners, and I swear some of them were enough to make the Angels blush. I know I would have had I really been there, and who knows, maybe I was, though I could feel nothing of my body. As the three men went deeper into the city, the level of debauchery became more and more apparent, and the lascivious actions of the citizens became too forthright to ignore. Some went so far as to approach Tab and Gabriel and attempt to cop a feel. Lot was their staunch defender, shooing unwanted advances away as best he could, but still the lines of Tabbris’ face became more set and grimmer with each step into what was becoming a pornographic madhouse.
In cities like this, with the buildings so close, the night did not fall from the sky. Rather it crawled out from the dank alleys and doorways, spilling from windowsills to pour through the streets until it filled out to the surrounding wall. Torches began to flicker in sconces on walls and in doorways before we reached Lot’s door and several men, already drunk, wine skins dangling from their belts, open jugs being passed between them, had begun to follow us.
