by S. M. McCoy
“No,” I mouthed. I’d gone and done it…couldn’t help myself, but to stick my foot straight up and in. It felt so strong that I knew what he was going to say already and I couldn’t bear for us to change. Not yet. And I knew he was going to tell me something life shattering.
He looked mischievous and full of a confidence that I didn’t feel myself. If I were standing I wouldn’t be for long, as it was my legs were tingling in the process of being numb dead weight. Victor slid closer, lemon icing still lingering on his breath from taste testing his baking. My own mouth watered. I had to gulp to keep my lips from parting in anticipation of tasting him, hungry. He leaned back and handed me the lemon cupcake.
I absently accepted the offering. It sat heavy in my hands.
“Enjoy your cupcake.” The words rolled off like from a silver-tongued monster with gorgeous lips.
My eyes widened, and I couldn’t help but wonder what his game was? Enjoy MY CUPCAKE?! My lips ached, and the pit of my stomach sank into my toes, flaming acid burning through my whole body, ready to scream.
I shouldn’t have said no, maybe I shouldn’t have said no? No…I needed to say no—this was better this way. I didn’t need to know what he was going to tell me, did I?
“No, I mean to say”—he took the cupcake from my hands, luckily before I dropped it or threw it at his face—“my offer still stands. I’ll go or stay with you. If we stay, then we will fight conspiracy theories together. If we go, then we start over, I’ll give you a name this time.”
The color returned to my cheeks, and the roller coaster turned another corner. What was he trying to say to me?
“Give me that cupcake.” I snatched the pastry back, only to have it smooshed between my fingers. Frosting everywhere. “Shit!”
“Shit indeed, it took me two batches to get one that didn’t taste like it.” He laughed.
“No possible way you could have messed up lemon cupcakes.” I put the wrapped cake on the side table and licked some of the frosting from my finger.
“Mistake the salt for the sugar, and anything is possible.” Victor swiped a portion of the frosting from my mess of a hand slowly. He brought it to his own lips and sampled his work.
“Perfect.” I pressed my dry lips together and quickly looked away. “I should clean up. Sorry about your cupcake, best birthday present I’ve received yet.” It was the only birthday gift I’d received, but even if it wasn’t…it was perfect.
“Almost the best,” he corrected while grabbing my sticky hand, smearing the remnants on his own to prevent me from getting up. When he saw me relax enough to know I wasn’t leaving, he reached for the crumpled cupcake, pulling the candle from its hazardous confines. He got up then stuck his cleanest finger into his pocket to pull out a lighter.
Lighting the candle, Victor kneeled down before me on one knee to say, “Make a wish.”
That was when I finally smiled. I could wish for anything, but what if I didn’t like the answers I found? I laughed and blew out the candle, not worrying about conspiracies, because he would be there to stay or go as I chose. What if my wish meant he would stay and I would go?
I caught my breath again, cheeks tensing back into the usual numbness. I had to find my mother, even if it meant losing this.
I looked at the box my father gave me, sitting helpless and dusty on the shelf. I shook my head…it was empty aside from a blank, charred, yellowed piece of paper with a couple drops of dried ink on the bottom. Wrinkling my nose, I never really understood why it was so important to my father that I take it with me. That I opened it immediately. And whatever happened to the trinkets of Mom we put in there when I was six? It was all gone. Like she never existed at all.
Then I saw the letter on the dresser. Aislin gave it to me earlier. I never opened it.
“It looks like an invitation.” Victor nodded to the letter I was staring at over his shoulder.
“It’s dated yesterday.”
“Looks like I wasn’t the only one to give you a gift.”
“Very funny.” I grabbed the letter and opened it, cake pieces smearing on its vellum-covered, gold-laden paper.
Appointment Reminder
Your presence is required at our Annual Funds for Children’s Muscular Dystrophy (FCMD) Grand Gala. Compensation for your services provided through Ballroom Arts Studio will be paid out upon completion of previously discussed three sets of choreographed routines. All profits for this event go to the FCMD to support research, and medical aid for children in need.
Attire: Formal Gowns and Tuxedos
Location: Grand Gala Ballroom, New York City
Date: November 15th
Cordially,
FCMD President and Founder
It was finished off with a wax seal at the bottom in place of a signature. I didn’t know people still used wax seals anymore. I saw the way the envelope was torn around the wax seal and knew that I had read this note before. Only Aislin took the time to melt the wax enough to open a letter like this without damaging it.
I was forgetting things.
“Who’s it from? Anything unusual happen at the studio since last week?” Victor waited, still kneeling at my feet, with a wily look in his eye, like he knew the letter was studio-related.
“Aislin set up a job for us in New York. Only a few hours’ drive.”
“Be careful, just remember don’t run away without me.”
“I won’t run away without answers.” I smiled at him, knowing full well if it led to my mother, I wouldn’t be running away, I’d be running after the answers. Shrugging to myself, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad being found—whoever might be after me would have those answers…wouldn’t they? Aislin said we needed to get out of town.
Victor tilted his head, looking vacant toward the door before rising to his feet and saying, “We’ll find your mother.” It was like he could read my mind sometimes. “Crystal…” He hesitated. “Do you remember when we talked about vampires?”
I gulped in air like I was having a panic attack.
“How you think they get a bad rap?” I tried to make light of it.
“No, how some would break every law of their society to save a—”
I cut him off with a very unladylike groan before he could admit what he was going to admit to. I didn’t want to know, not yet. Then other times he did things like walk out the door with no goodbyes.
He walked away, looking back one last time, his blue eyes speaking for him: We’ll continue this…later. I could have said something, but I watched him leave, and with one blink he disappeared.
“We need to practice,” Aislin called out before showing up in the doorway.
“Practice…” I stared vacantly through the entry.
“You did read the letter didn’t you?”
“Yes,” I paused considering, “You don’t normally let boys come upstairs.”
“I should think not. You’re too young to be having boys in your bedroom unsupervised. I was a teenager before, I know what bedrooms and closed doors lead to. Oh wait, are you asking for my permission to have a boy over? Which tasty morsel are you finally interested in? I can think of at least three who would be happy to be in your bedroom doing ‘homework.’” Aislin rambled on, her words coming faster and faster the further on she spoke, like a drop in a roller coaster.
“No, no, no,” I interrupted her and smiled wondering how Victor came in undetected and left without her seeing him. Convenient timing, I pondered.
“Hmm, I can feel it. He is something special to you already,” Aislin grabbed her chest like her own heart pounded like mine did.
“It’s not like that,” I insisted.
“Not yet,” she teased before looking serious again. “Strange, part of him is here…mingling with our energy. Where is the necklace I gave you to wear?” She shuffled through the side table’s drawers for a bit before pausing at the crushed cupcake. She looked at me questioning, then at my hands.
“He made me that cupcake.”
“Oh, thank goodness.” Aislin released a big breath she’d been holding in before continuing, “For a moment I thought maybe the ward on the house were weakened. That makes sense then—people put their own heart and energy in cooking, you know. That’s why home cooked meals taste so good, or food made at a classy restaurant where the chef loves what they do. You ate some, and his energy stayed with you, but…” She slipped the necklace around my neck. “I still need you to wear this until you’ve regained your own energy.”
I nodded and looked down at the glowing stone, rationalizing that the glow was merely a reflection of light off of its surface. I had put the necklace in the drawer because I didn’t want to believe I needed some magically infused gem to protect me. Or even more accurately, I didn’t want to believe there was such thing as a magic stone.
But I had to admit to myself that it was something more than all of that—something was pulling at me from the inside. I didn’t dare think on it more, it frightened me too much. When I wore the necklace I couldn’t feel the shadows, it was lonely.
Aislin looked at my frosted fingers and then at me. “Should I ask why you crushed a defenseless cupcake?”
I shook my head.
“It’s okay not to know how you feel just yet.” She squeezed my knee, comforting me. “We can talk about practice later, and anything else when you’re ready.” She always seemed to know what to say.
“Hey Aislin…”
She stopped at the door, peeking from the framework.
“You feel it, don’t you?” I stared out the window like something was coming for me. It felt stronger now than it did before. That feeling like I needed to be somewhere.
“As long as my energy is in you, your ache is mine too. I’m happy to share that burden, you are not alone.” Aislin tapped the frame with her palm before leaving me only in body. I could feel her inside my heart, but the farther she stepped away, the weaker the pulse became, before my heart was my own again. Proximity changed how much she felt from me, and I of her. And if she could read my thoughts, she certainly let my omission slide today.
CHAPTER NINE
Pit Stop
We were leaving very early, to get to New York. I knew Aislin planned that on purpose to get us out of town as soon as possible.
The car stopped, rumbling like a dying whale, loud and indecipherable. The only thing I could tell was it sounded of pain—as much as a car could feel, that is. Looking up, I saw we’d stopped in front of the studio, right next to the Café CupaJo… Victor’s coffee shop.
Miguel opened my door for me, offering his palm. My stomach churned at the idea of holding his hand. Needing his help to lift myself anywhere was too much right now. I couldn’t get the image of him grabbing me in the parking lot out of my mind. I shivered.
Spurning the offering, I used the lift handle above me to ease myself out of the old silver can.
I got over my reluctance with him when we danced, and I never told Aislin about that night. She would have been understanding and found me a new partner, but the studio couldn’t afford to train another instructor if she decided to fire Miguel instead. We were short staffed as it was.
He ignored my contempt and as I passed he placed his hand on the small of my back to guide me while he walked with me. I recoiled. I would feign submission, as that’s where I was already headed. I didn’t need or want his help, or misplaced guidance. He was merely shadowing me like an unwanted owl wing covering me and watching me like I was a mouse in the grasslands.
Mouse or no mouse, I wasn’t wandering in the open where predators were waiting for me. The fact was it didn’t matter if I was in open grassland, a secret cave, a crowded market, or a covered forest if something wanted me—all they had to do was take it. Aislin hadn’t taught me out to protect myself yet, and she was hoping that escaping the town for a few days would be enough to have the serpents lose interest in us. With being gone and the crystals protecting our energy, maybe they’d move on to easier targets.
When it was right—meaning right time for the hunter—I wouldn’t have much of a choice besides live captured or die free. That’s how weak I felt, and his wings with claws clinging into my lower back didn’t help that feeling.
“I can lead myself right now.” I bowed my back a bit to force a distance between my back and his hand, hoping it would stay that way, distanced.
“Of course you can.” He laughed it off. “Just don’t go falling over like the other day and I won’t have to babysit you anymore.” His hand returned where it apparently was going to stay unless I could say anything else about it.
I felt the urge to pivot in my place, grab that invading hand in a vise grip, making it crumble in my fingers, feeling the bones crack from the force of my will alone. But those were just thoughts, because before I could move, Aislin turned and bore those intense concerned eyes into my skull.
“Let him help you or you’ll have me to deal with. You need to rest up.” Normally Aislin’s sass was endearing, but not today. Today it made me feel small, alone…and trapped.
She knew exactly how to back me into a corner, she was all motherly like that. I was outnumbered and I’d look like a witch by rejecting his help, even if it didn’t feel helpful in the slightest. I even looked over at Zack, Aislin’s dance partner, seeking for him to speak up about the matter, but his only irritation was that he wasn’t helping me himself. I’d just be replacing one assistant for another.
“Where are you all going? Dressed up for competition and possibly to meet royalty in the same night?” Victor laughed and said, “You guys look like movie stars in a small-town coffee shop.” I sighed and relaxed a bit because for a moment all I noticed was Victor and the way he smiled at me.
“We look like movie stars in any big-town shop,” Aislin corrected playfully while twirling in her dress. I looked down at my ducks. The only movie I starred in was a floating head on a green screen.
“Going to the big town then?”
“Going to a huge charity gala in New York,” Zack answered then unbuttoned another slot on his shirt, hoping that made his plain white dress shirt look comparable to Miguel’s low-cut dance shirt. I would’ve smiled a bit at the hilarity of his skewed theory, but I was still too distracted with my own issues. Like when Miguel would stop touching my back, but it only got worse once we walked into the café, Victor greeting us from the counter.
Miguel reached his hand around my lower back and rested it on my hip as soon as Victor finished his greeting. Then he gave it a nice squeeze, pulling me into his torso, feeling the heat of his skin. I put my hand on the closest chair and pulled it to me. I didn’t need him, and I doubted I’d hear any objections from Aislin about me sitting down, by myself.
“I need a seat.” I slipped from his grasp and slid into the cushioned wood chair. I sat erect and the hairs on my arms were on alert. If anybody touched me again I felt like my entire body would scream.
“Miguel and you have been practicing for weeks, but you’ve seemed off lately.” Even Zack noticed the awkward elephant in the room. I tried to force my game face back on but something was off.
“Ah, what’ll it be then?” Victor looked over at me, searching my eyes for a sparkle that I had no idea how to produce for him. I couldn’t give him what he wanted. No fake smile here. I stared ahead, past him, like a stone statue waiting for the weather of time to peel back my calcified layers.
“We’ll grab some coffees and some bagels for the road.” Aislin pulled a seat out next to me. She whispered to me, “Are you going to be all right to do this tonight?”
There it was, the questions. I should have smiled. Smiles were the best defense to unwanted questions.
“I’ll be fine.”
“Will you?” Aislin pressed and looked down at the pendant hanging from my neck. Probably checking to make sure it was still working, whatever “working” entailed for a supernatural protection stone.
I wanted to escape. All of it—the questions, the looks, the th
ing chasing me in my dreams, and then I heard that voice. It still lingered echoing through my mind begging me to come to it. And as much as it terrified me that I was running toward the crazy train, instead of away from it, I wanted to go where it led me. It felt safer than where I was. It felt more right than standing still.
“I don’t want anything.” I got up and Miguel seemed to almost jump to resume his designated post as the pain in my side.
“She’s a big girl.” Aislin held her hand up to dismiss the guard dog. “We aren’t going to force food down her throat quite yet.” But there was truth to her words—she would force feed me, if I didn’t eat all day. I’ll eat later, I promised more to myself than to her. I wasn’t that hungry anymore, and even the thought of food made my insides flip uncomfortably.
Ignoring the fact that I was wearing my lazy stay-at-home-where-no-one-will-see-me clothes, I sat down on the side of the curb.
“Outside is never quite as refreshing as we need it to be sometimes,” Victor said from behind me.
“It isn’t the outside that suffocates a person.” I sighed.
“That bad huh?” He took up residence at the dirty curb space next to me.
“Who are you really?” I took a moment to doubt. How well did I even know my best friend?
“I don’t mean to pry, well that’s exactly what I’m doing, but what exactly do you want from me?”
People notice when you don’t smile. Was I just asking to be noticed? I didn’t know what I wanted except to find the voice that spoke to me in my dreams. It knew something I didn’t, and I wanted knowledge. I didn’t know what was up and what was down anymore.
“I want to know stuff,” I admitted.
“Know stuff…informative.”
“Yup, stuff.” I was hoping that he would get the hint, I didn’t want to talk about the so-called stuff, I just wanted to know it. Whatever it was, I wouldn’t know until I found the voice. That haunting voice, that or my mother. On the bright side, all this distracted me from thinking about the last time I saw him. Kneeling in my bedroom offering me wishes…
