When would Shannon move on?
Shannon was looking forward to dinner on Saturday. It would be the first entertaining she’d do in her new home, but not the last. She and Alan had enjoyed having friends in for dinner, or meeting them at elegant restaurants around the District. She knew San Francisco was renowned for its great restaurants. She hoped she could sample all the different ethnic places and settle on some favorites.
In the meantime, she was cultivating the friendship of the owners of the small grocery store near her apartment. The neighborhood was friendly and she hoped to feel like she fit in before long.
Saturday she shopped for the freshest produce. She planned a special meal of beef burgundy over wild rice, steamed vegetables and a fresh garden salad. For dessert she was making a rich chocolate cake. She had loved to bake in the old kitchen in Virginia. This would be her first venture back since Alan’s death.
As the afternoon wore on, Shannon grew more and more sad. Alan had loved her chocolate cake. She remembered how he’d come in when he’d smell it baking and sit with her while she frosted the layers, stealing a swipe of chocolate frosting from time to time when he thought she wasn’t looking.
The dinner had been one of his favorites. Was that why she was preparing it again? Or was it because it was a proven hit with men? She wanted Jase to enjoy the dinner, after all.
But she missed Alan and felt his loss afresh. Before long she was quietly crying.
Rushing around later, she took another shower and put cold cloths on her swollen eyes. How awful to have Jase show up and have the hostess look as if she regretted her invitation! Applying makeup, she tried to minimize the evidence of her tears. The soft pink dress floated around her, draping her figure and making her feel feminine. It was a far cry from the more tailored outfits she wore to work, and she hoped Jase would like it.
If he even noticed. He rarely seemed to look at her at work, being much too focused on business. But tonight wasn’t about business, but about two friends sharing a meal, and her celebrating her new home.
The buzzer startled her; its raucous sound unfamiliar. They’d had chimes in Virginia. She went to the door. Jase almost took away her breath he looked so right standing there, tall, dressed casually in dark pants and a sports coat, with his shirt unbuttoned at the throat. In his hand he held a small bouquet of flowers.
“Hi,” she said, smiling in welcome.
“What’s wrong?” he asked immediately.
Darn it, she hadn’t camouflaged her crying jag as she’d hoped!
“Nothing. You’re right on time, come in.” She stood aside to let him in.
He entered, closing the door and gently tracing the swollen skin near her eyes with his free hand.
“You’ve been crying? Is this too much? Should I come another time?”
“Of course not. I was missing Alan today. He’ll never see this place and he won’t be here for any dinners I prepare. He won’t ever know if I make a success of things at work. It’s hard.” She stopped, afraid she’d start crying again for all she’d lost.
He pulled her into a warm hug, resting his chin on the top of her head. “I miss him, too. I still can’t believe he’s not a phone call away.”
She nodded, feeling comforted, secure. Maybe she just needed to know someone else loved Alan and missed him.
Or maybe she wanted to be held by Jase Pembrooke. To feel his solid strength shelter her from the world for just a moment. To imagine she’d always feel as safe as she did right now. He couldn’t change the past, but he could buffet the hardships of the future.
Stunned at the train of her thoughts, she pulled away.
“You okay now?” he asked.
Nodding she smiled brightly.
“There are for you,” Jase said, holding out the flowers.
“They’re so pretty, thank you.” It was a small bouquet of flowers—daisies, tiger lilies, baby’s breath and a few peppermint carnations. She hadn’t received a casual bunch like this before. Alan had always given her long-stemmed roses for special occasions. They’d been very elegant but Shannon loved this bright mix of colors and scents.
“I’ll put them in water and then in the center of the dining room table. They’ll brighten things up.”
“Can I help with dinner or anything?” Jase asked as she went into the small kitchen. He followed her to the doorway.
“Not a thing, and as you can see, this room isn’t really big enough for two to be wandering around.” Shannon made quick work of finding a vase and filling it with water. She arranged the flowers to her satisfaction and turned to go to the dining area. It was an alcove off the living room, barely large enough for a table with four chairs. Two places had been set. The flowers looked perfect.
“Something smells good,” Jase said.
“I hope you like it. It’ll be ready in a few minutes. Want to have a glass of wine?”
In less than ten minutes, Shannon had poured the wine and served the dinner. She wanted to begin eating right away lest she struggle for conversation.
She felt more awkward around Jase than she expected. Was it because she was entertaining alone after years being part of a couple? Or was it Jase himself? She couldn’t fight the attraction that flared whenever she was around him, but doing her best to ignore it, she fumbled for a topic of conversation.
“Tell me how you met Alan,” she said finally.
He glanced at her. “Didn’t he say?”
She shrugged. “He gave an abbreviated version. Tell me your side.”
Jase took another bite of food, chewed it while looking at her. “This is delicious,” he said.
“Thank you.” Shannon waited patiently.
“It was ten years ago,” he began. “I was getting out of the service, using up the last of my leave seeing the sights in Washington. One night I was walking around near the Kennedy Center, just as some event was getting out. Alan was heading for his car when a bunch of punks came out of the dark and tried to mug him. He fought, and I stepped in.”
Jase almost smiled, his dark eyes warm with memory. “We whipped them good, then turned to each other when the last guy ran and shook hands. He thanked me for my help. I said he fought pretty good for a civilian.”
“He told me that, but he always thought you substituted civilian for old man,” she said. Hearing Jase tell the tale sent shivers down her back. Both men were lucky to have walked away unscathed.
“No, I meant it. It was dark, I didn’t know how old he was then. Not that it mattered. Alan never seemed old, you know what I mean?”
“Yes, I do. Go on.”
“He offered to give me a ride back to the base. It was late, so I accepted. One thing led to another and we got together a week later for lunch. He asked what I planned to do when I got out of the service. I told him my idea to start up a firm teaching people how to stay safe under dangerous circumstances. Then he laughed— ‘Like I ran into coming from the Kennedy Center last week?’ he said.”
“So you two started Morris and Pembrooke,” she finished.
“Not right away. Is that what he said?”
She nodded. “I said it was an abridged version. What happened next?”
“He gave me his card, and told me to call him if I was serious. Having had enough orders in the military, I was noncommittal, but planned to make it on my own. It was only after I made a start, and realized after a year or so how much I needed more capital and more advice, that I called Alan. We had only been in business together a year or so when you started work there.”
“You had already started the company before Alan joined?” Shannon hadn’t known that.
“A small firm offering security services to those living in Washington. You know all the embassies there. I started small, showing those new to D.C. how to get proper security in their homes and cars, what to watch for when shopping at the mall, or going downtown late at night. But I wanted to do more. Alan’s infusion of capital enabled me to implement more of the ideas I had. If I’d waited
until I could have afforded to expand on my own, I would still be offering basic services to Washingtonians.”
“Instead the firm has grown until it now employs over one hundred people and is world-wide in scope. Amazing.”
“Thanks to Alan,” Jase said. He filled their glasses again before meeting her eyes.
He told her about the early days, the difficulties they overcame, the new directions they started. Some aborted attempts to expand. And how their most recent expansion seemed to be doing well.
“But he offered more than money. That enabled us to get up and running, but it was his friendship I valued more,” Jase finished.
She nodded. “He knew it. He hated your moving from Washington.”
Jase took a sip of wine, glancing at the empty plates on the table, at the vase of flowers. Elsewhere, but not at Shannon.
She knew now why he’d gone, and suddenly felt guilty for keeping the two friends apart. But there was nothing she could have done differently. Jase had made his choices and they’d all had to live with them.
“I hope you saved room for dessert,” she said, rising. She gathered their plates and went to the kitchen. Putting the dishes in the sink, she ran water on them, hoping to regain her equilibrium. She’d enjoyed hearing Jase talk about Alan, and about their early days together before she’d joined the company. Not only had they started a good firm, they’d had fun doing it.
She carried the cake to the table. A second trip brought plates and forks and a knife. As she sliced the cake, she glanced at Jase. Her heart sped up when her eyes met his. “Thank you for talking about Alan. Sometimes it’s almost as if he didn’t exist. I’m the only one around, besides you, who really knew him. The only one affected by his being gone. Maybe I should have stayed in Washington. At least there I had mutual friends.”
“I miss him more than you know,” Jase said quietly.
She handed him a plate with cake and took one for herself.
“Dean giving you any more trouble?” he asked.
She shrugged. “He had an attorney contact me about illegal use of funds. I turned the letter over to an attorney Maryellen recommended, Hamilton Smythe? Apparently you used him for some small case and thought him competent.”
“He is. Did he think there was any merit in the letter?”
“No. He did, however, suggest I do something with the money, besides letting it just sit in a bank account. Maybe I should invest it in our company.”
“No need. You already own half the shares.”
“But that was inherited. I’d feel more a part of things if I put something in.”
“Invest it in bonds or something safe. The company is starting to show profits on the Pacific Rim expansion, but nothing is a sure thing.”
“I think working with you is,” she said, meeting his eyes. “Thank you for giving me a chance with my idea.”
“Looks like you have another winner. We’ll be expanding all over,” he said.
After dessert, she prepared coffee and they moved to the living room. Shannon put on a CD of soft jazz. From her memory of Jase’s collection, she thought he’d enjoy it.
“So are you all settled?” Jase asked, glancing around. She had put some much-loved paintings on the walls, a few photographs of her and Alan on the table. The rest of the room was rather austere, but he liked the feeling of space and simplicity. The home he’d visited in Virginia had been crammed with antiques and knickknacks—many left over from Alan’s mother. Was this more Shannon’s style? He’d never thought about her moving into Alan’s house and living with his things. Didn’t most women want to start fresh and make their own mark when nesting?
“I’m all settled, even have extra space in the bookcase in the room I’m using as an office. Want the grand tour?” she asked.
He’d seen the apartment when they’d been searching for a place, but not with her furniture in it.
“Sure.” He rose, following her down the short hall to the smaller of the two bedrooms. She’d set up a desk with a laptop computer. The window overlooked the street, but it wasn’t much of a view. He noticed the partially empty bookcase and the small TV on a rolling stand.
“I’m trying not to use this for work,” she said with a smile.
He expected her to start making friends and doing things outside of work. Most people didn’t spend as much time in the office as he did.
“Bath,” she said back in the hall, pointing to an opened door.
He peeked in, taking note of the feminine things scattered on the counter. Perfume bottles, a brush, and a basket with lipsticks. How many different colors did a woman need, he wondered, glancing back at her lips. They appeared soft and faintly pink.
Desire hit hard and low. He wanted to taste those lips, feel their softness against his own. See if kissing her would be as wonderful as he’d always imagined.
“My bedroom is here,” she said, walking to another opened door.
Jase stepped up and looked into the room. He’d expected lace and pillows, and instead found another soothing room simplistic in design. Cool colors of blue and turquoise highlighted the room. The white curtains on the windows added to the cool tone. He’d like to wake up in a room like that, with Shannon.
Turning, he headed back to the living room. He needed to get out while he could, before he said or did something unforgivable. He’d done his duty coming to dinner. The meal was finished, so now he could leave.
“Thanks for the tour,” he said, looking at his watch. “I need to go.”
“Go? It’s early. I thought we could talk some more,” she said, looking startled with his announcement.
“We talk all the time. What more do you want to discuss?”
“Nothing in particular.” She looked flustered.
Jase wanted to pull her into his arms again, as he had when he’d first arrived. Not, this time, for comfort, however. He wanted to feel her softness, smell the sweet scent that emanated from her. To kiss her and feel her passion rise and respond to his. Have her cling to him as she must have done with Alan.
Alan.
Damn, he’d been his best friend. What was he thinking?
Leave, that’s what he had to do.
“I just thought you might stay longer, that’s all,” she said. “If you have to go, okay. Thanks for coming, and for the flowers.”
“Dinner was delicious,” he said.
She reached out and rubbed her fingertips along his sleeve. “I’m glad you came.”
He reacted to her touch instantly. Pulling her into his arms, he lowered his head and found her mouth, kissing her like the world was ending tomorrow. Her lips were as soft as they looked, and warm. She tasted sweeter than the chocolate cake they’d shared earlier. The heat that enveloped them seemed to sear through to his heart.
Shannon didn’t push him away.
She didn’t respond, either.
Jase pulled back and looked into her eyes, seeing the uncertainty, the wariness.
“That was a mistake,” he forced the words out.
“Was it?” she asked softly. Her fingertip traced his lower lip. “It was unexpected, but I’m not sure it was a mistake,” she said softly.
He accepted the invitation and kissed her again, opening her mouth with his. As the sensations rose, he was conscious of every bit of her pressed to him, of the response he dreamed about for years being freely given. Of the taste of her, the heat, the desire.
Take care of Shannon for me. The thought crashed into his mind with the force of a sledgehammer.
Jase eased her away and yanked open the door. Leaving before he took her to bed and made the biggest mistake of his life.
CHAPTER SIX
SHANNON STOOD COMPLETELY still. She felt the pounding sensations of Jase’s kiss. The heat that had spiraled through her dissipated slowly as she listened to the door slam shut. The carpet in the hallway muffled Jase’s steps, but she knew they’d be long and fast.
Kiss and run. Just like a man, she thought wi
th exasperation. She went to the door and locked it, keying in her security code absently.
She wasn’t sure she wanted him to kiss her. The emotions that flooded through her were a mixture of curiosity, guilt and latent desire. Hadn’t she been interested in the man all those years ago before Alan had swept her off her feet? And wasn’t she totally aware of him on a physical level anytime he came near her?
So why wouldn’t she be curious? She’d wondered about kissing him, and now she had.
And wow, what a kiss. She gathered the coffee cups and headed for the kitchen. Maybe doing such mundane chores like washing the dishes would gain her some perspective.
Her heart continued to beat rapidly. Her mouth pulsed with the feel of Jase’s. Licking her lips, she could taste him, and her heart rate kicked up another notch.
Then guilt took over, smothering the desire. Alan had been dead less than four months and she was already kissing another man? How could she? She had loved her husband and she missed him desperately.
That was it, she was desperately lonely and giving into the first man who came along.
Shannon laughed. The notion that Jase was a pathetic substitute for her husband was ludicrous. He was too virile to be a substitute for anyone.
Her reaction scared her a little. She should be thinking of Alan, not Jase. She did miss her husband, though not as much as she thought she would at this stage. Had she begun some of her grieving before he’d even died?
They had had weeks to prepare for his death. Closure, she thought. They’d said all they wanted, talked of their happy lives together. He’d made her promise to look forward and not back. And let Jase take care of her.
Moving out of their home had been the first tie severed. The transfer to San Francisco had changed everything. She had none of her close friends around to help—or to keep Alan’s memory in the forefront. She knew she had to move on. She was doing her best, as she had promised her husband she would.
Shannon turned off the kitchen light. Had Jase been thinking of that promise when he kissed her? She hoped not. She wanted to believe he kissed her because he wanted to, not as some kind of convoluted promise to his friend to take care of her.
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