by Angie Hayes
“You know what Stacy? I’m glad I found out that yo’ ass is a lying sneaky bitch. Now I don’t feel bad for fucking Karen, the new C.O at my job.” He said with grin.
I simply laughed in his face because if he thought that shit was gone get a reaction out of me, his stupid ass was wrong again. His smirk immediately disappeared and he was even more pissed than before.
“Nigga please, you think I didn’t know you was fucking somebody else? I figured that out a long time ago. The question is do I give a fuck and to answer that for you is hell the fuck no!” I looked up at him and rolled my eyes. “Please Thomas, when we got together you knew I was involved with someone else, so you calling me these names don’t mean shit to me. The only thing that means something to me right now is my daughter. All that other shit you talking, you can save it.” He glared at me. “Oh, and since you got you another bitch, make sure you call her and tell her to get ready to make room for yo’ ass at her place because I want you outta mines.” I quickly turned on my heels and headed toward my baby’s room. I wanted to be there when she woke up.
I haven’t heard from Thomas since that day. A few days later, Destiny was discharged from the hospital and we went home and found both him and all his belongings gone. Not long after, I came to the conclusion that I was never in love with Thomas. He was a thrill for me while I was with Keith and a good father to Destiny, but I knew it was time for her real father to be in her life, so I reached out to him
I knew Keith loved our daughter and never hesitated to take responsibility. It’s just that I wanted us to be a family, and planned on doing whatever I had to do to make that happen. That includes getting rid of his ghetto ass wife. It seems like they have caught on to what I was trying to do, so I decide to take it up a notch. I have another plan, and if this one doesn’t work, I will come up with yet another one. Destiny looks so much like her daddy, it’s ridiculous! So when he gives me shit about the things I do, I just make her little ass pay for it.
I started to do a little harm to my daughter, while making it look like an accident. Then when I have to take her to the E.R. and Keith’s ass would come running. There was this one time when I said that Destiny knocked over the iron and burned herself on the shoulder. In reality she was asleep, and when Keith told me that either Destiny would have to start coming over to his house to spend time with him, or he would take me to court for a visitation schedule. I got so fucking mad that I burned her on the shoulder and she woke up screaming. Visitation my ass. Whether Keith knows it or not, he’s going to keep coming over to my house if he wants to see her. That day when Destiny got released from the hospital I played the distraught mother, and said that she couldn’t go over his house for a while because I was afraid that something would happen to her. I plan on never letting him find out that I’m the one to blame for her injuries and that they are solely to get his attention.
Truth be told, a lot of the things I do now stem from me not taking my medicine. Only then does the other part come out of me, you know, the part where I let the voices in my head tell me what to do. In all actuality there’s a lot that Keith doesn’t know about me and I plan to keep it that way. Like the reason I didn’t renew my contract with the Air force back then. He believes that I just got tired of the military life and wanted to move on, when the truth was that it was because I refused to take the medication the military doctor prescribed me being bipolar. Since I didn’t take it, they discharged me without a second thought. Fuck this medicine and fuck Keith’s bitch of a wife. Child please, do you really think I give a fuck about them? Hmmph think again.
Chapter Eight
Carmen
“If y'all don’t stop slamming my damn door I know something!” I yelled at my kids.
Their hard headed asses kept running in and out of the damn house like they ain’t have no sense. It’s already bad enough that I’m stressed about this bullshit Shawn is putting me through, and they wanna make it worse by aggravating me. I’m about to take they asses right back to my momma’s house because I don’t have time for this; I have enough shit going on! Mr. Shawn wants a divorce because now he’s all in love and wants to get married to his bitch. Yeah, okay just wait on that buddy. I ain’t giving him shit, and if I do, my name ain’t Carmen! I love my benefits and the extra lil money I get monthly too much to let it go.
Yeah, I knew what time it was when we first started this agreement, but as time went on, I began to enjoy all of the free shit that came along with it. I didn’t come from money, so I have to get it by any means necessary. My girls and I always hung out at the NCO club looking for potential soldiers to be our scape goat. In my opinion, that was the easiest come up ever. You find you a young soldier, fuck the shit out of him, and have him marry yo’ ass for that extra paper. It was just my luck that Shawn came to me with the idea first. I had already planned to lure his ass when I met him in the club, but he beat me to the punch; which was fine by me.
We did agree to a year of marriage and then divorce, but when that year was over, I wasn’t ready to let go of my benefits. Why? It’s not because I love him, or even want him for that matter –that’s just what I have him thinking– the real reason is Shawn is one of my free rides that keeps me from having to work. I live in Public housing, so my rent is only $23 a month. I have four kids with the same amount of no good ass baby daddies, because neither one of those dirty bastards takes care of their responsibilities. I’m not one to really talk, because I don’t feel like being bothered with their asses either, so that’s why they stay with my momma.
Back when I was younger, I always used to think with my heart. I’d fall in love with any nigga that came my way. All they had to do was speak those sweet nothings in my ear, and I’d give this good pussy away. Once I gave it away and ended up pregnant, they asses would get the hell on without a care or thought about me and our child. I never enjoyed any of my pregnancies because with every guy I got pregnant by, I always wanted us to be a family and that was never the case, so I was depressed. I wanted to be the girl with the guy that went to all the doctor's appointments. I dreamt of having a guy who would rush to satisfy all of my cravings in the middle of the night when I had them. He would rub my stomach, and my feet when they were aching. Hell, even if I couldn’t have that, just having him there for the birth of his damn child would have been good, but none of that ever happened.
With each guy I thought it would be different, but not once was I able to get that love shit right. Every child I had looked just like they damn daddy and constantly remind me of them, so I just pawned they asses off to my momma without a second thought. She would always call to complain and talk shit, but it all went in one ear and right back out the other. When she got too snippy I hit her ass with, “Either you take them or the state will.” and that would shut her right up!
Now don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, it’s just that I’m not fit to be a mother and I’m the first to admit it. I only get them when I don’t feel like being lonely, or when one of my girls is having a party or some shit for their kids. Only then do I go get my shorties, dress them up and show them off. I’m not an all-out sorry ass momma; I do have a few good qualities. I always make sure my kids are dressed and looking right; I just don’t have time to raise them. After my last baby daddy, I decided that I didn’t want to go through the false hopes anymore. That’s when one of my girls put me on game about the soldiers. It was a quick come up with no strings attached and that sounded good to me. I didn’t have to worry about being hurt and definitely didn’t wanna get pregnant again, so I was game.
While still collecting the perks from being married to Shawn, I met Rico. Rico is a local hustler with some change in his pocket, so I keep his ass around. With both Shawn and Rico, my setup is great. Shawn keeps a consistent $1,300 every 1st and 15th of the month in my account. I also get that good ass healthcare, as well as military discounts. Then I let Rico use my place as one of his stash houses, where he has his workers bag up his shit so that it can b
e sold. Since I let him do that, he keeps me paid also. So as you can see, I’m just a paid ass bitch, and I don’t have to do shit. That is until Shawn threw a monkey wrench in my setup. Naw, fuck that. His ass better think again because the way my bank account is setup, ain’t nobody fucking that up.
Chapter Nine
Alicia
I’ll be so glad when this damn baby comes. I’ve been in labor now for eight hours, and I’m only three centimeters dilated. Until I can dilate some more my doctor won’t give me an epidural, so I’m stuck having to bear this pain until then. My due date wasn’t until three weeks from now, but I strongly believe that running into Troy’s ass last week shot me into early labor. Shawn and I had driven down for the baby shower my mom was throwing me. Keisha and Keith met us there, and Candy was supposed to come also, but texted me the day of saying she woke up feeling too sick to go anywhere. I brushed it off, because I was excited to see the rest of my friends and family. Although I love my new life in a new state, I still get homesick sometimes.
It felt so good seeing my mom and dad, and they were over joyed with both the baby, as well Shawn and I’s engagement. I told my mother the truth about Troy being the father and explained that once my daughter was born, Shawn had plans to adopt her as his own. As always she was supportive of the idea and wished nothing but good blessings for my new found family. The shower was lovely. The food was on point as always thanks to my mother, and the games were hilarious. My favorite one was when the men walked around with balloons under their shirts, as if they had a pregnant belly. I cracked up as I watched them try to put on their shoes, and bend down to pick things up. I think everyone in attendance had a ball.
As the night approached the baby shower turned into an adult party. They cleared off the tables and had both card and domino games going, Liquor flowed freely, and although I couldn’t enjoy it, to watch everyone else get their drink on was enough for me. The entire evening all that could be heard was old school music played by the DJ, mixed in with a few of the line dances. Both Shawn and Keith were tipsy as hell, while they partnered up and enjoyed a few hands of spades.
“What’s up preggo? Look at you looking like you ready to pop!” Keisha said as we sat at the table eating some of my cake.
“Girl I feel like it! I can’t wait until this shit is over with. I’m so tired of being sick all day every day, and I want my smell and taste buds back!” I complained.
Keisha laughed
“Yeah, you have had a pretty rough pregnancy, but it’ll be all worth it in the end once you see your little princess.” She assured me.
I smiled because I knew she was right. I was also beyond excited. It was the first time that I was able to carry out a pregnancy full term, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to enjoy motherhood.
“Besides the sickness, how are things with you and Shawn? I know his ass better be behaving, he don’t want me to have to hurt him.” Keisha threatened.
Although she laughed I know she was dead ass serious, because we’ve always been protective of one another.
“Everything with Shawn is good. He’s behaving and living up to what he said he was gonna do, which is treat me like a queen.” I told her blushing.
“That’s good and I’m happy for you. I knew he was a standup guy. Lord knows you needed one with the bullshit Troy put you through.”
“Girl please let’s not mention that asshole’s name! I do not want to go into early labor!”
“Yeah you right, my bad.” Keisha apologized. “So I see ya girl Candy ain’t show up today.”
“Yeah, she texted me this morning saying that she woke up not feeling well, but she promised that she’ll get up with me before I leave town.” I replied.
I hoped Keisha didn’t start about Candy because I was relaxed and didn’t have the strength to hear it.
“Um huh.” she turned her lips to the side. “Listen; remember when I told you a while ago that you need to watch that bitch?” Keisha asked.
I nodded my head in response.
“Well, I know I didn’t tell you this earlier due to the unnecessary shit I got going on, but the night of my wedding reception I saw Troy come out the bath room and less than 20 seconds later I saw Candy coming right out behind him with a sneaky ass grin.”
As soon as Keisha said that the wheels in my head started to turn. I did recall that night she came into the bathroom while Troy and I were arguing. She was the perfect distraction for me, and as soon as she asked what was going on, I took that as my cue to slip out because I didn’t want Shawn to come looking for me. I also remember Candy not coming out right behind me. When Keisha brought it up, it confirmed that I may have been dealing with a snake ass hoe. I hated to have to fuck Candy up, because I damn sure wouldn’t have hesitated to.
“Are you okay cuz, because it looks like you zoned out.” Keisha asked me with concern.
“Yeah I’m good, it’s just that I do remember her coming into the bath room that night when Troy came in there trying to question me and shit.” I replied.
“Wait hold up, what you mean Troy was questioning you? You mean you had a conversation with him the night of my reception and didn’t tell me? Damn I should have known about that!”
“I know, but just like you, I have been going through the motions too, especially with this pregnancy. And anything dealing with Troy I didn’t want to discuss.” I said.
“Okay I get that, but what did he want to talk to you about?” Keisha inquired.
“Well, Troy noticed me that night when I ran into the bath room. I was sick and had to throw up. He came in behind me and locked the door, and I was scared as shit. He first started going off about me up and leaving him behind, then he asked me if I pregnant because he knew that’s the only time I throw up. Of course I told him it was no concern of his, and then he got loud telling me that it is his fucking concern due to the fact that if I am pregnant he knows it’s his baby.” I explained.
Keisha sat there with her mouth open as if she couldn’t believe what I was saying.
“Oh my God girl, what did you tell him after he said that?” she inquired.
“Before I could answer him that’s when Candy came knocking on the door. I rushed passed Troy and let her in, and that’s when she told me that Shawn was looking for me. I didn’t want no shit, so I hurried my ass up outta there, leaving both of them behind.” I said as I felt myself getting upset. Just the thought of those two possibly getting together had me mad as hell.
“So basically Troy has a feeling that the baby is his? Did you tell Shawn about it?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Hell no!” I damn near screamed.
“The only thing I told Shawn about was how I was thinking of trying to pin him as the father. I didn’t wanna add anymore extra shit after that confession because that was hard enough. I really didn’t want my relationship to have any more disagreements concerning Troy. It’s already bad enough that my daughter will have his blood flowing through her veins.” I admitted.
“Damn Alicia I don’t blame you though for not telling him that at the moment because you don’t need any more stress on you, but do you think you’re gonna tell him eventually once the baby comes?” Keisha asked.
“I really don’t see the need to. Besides we live in a whole other state, I doubt very seriously Troy is gonna wanna come around and play daddy. Anyways, how are things with you and Keith?” I asked her as I changed the subject.
“Shit is still fucked up and it’s all because of Stacy’s dumb ass. That bitch is really working my nerves with all the foolishness she got going on.” Keisha said in frustration.
I knew the whole situation with Keith and his baby momma was really getting to her. Every time we talked about it you could hear the frustration in her voice behind it.
Keisha went on to tell me just how crazy Stacy had been. She went from her calling all times of night to Destiny’s not being able to come over to their house, because Stacy didn’t think it was a goo
d idea. I listened as she vented and got all of the anger out of her system. I couldn’t believe that Keith had let it get that far. When she told me that she believed that Stacy was psychically harming Destiny my blood boiled! If that were true she needed her ass beat! Just as I found myself getting upset, Shawn came over and asked us if we felt like making a grocery story run, because the party needed more ice and snacks, and everyone else in attendance was too tipsy to drive. I figured we should go ahead and leave, because I thought we both needed a bit of fresh air.
Once we got in the store I started to crave other snacks as well, so we walked around and picked up a few more things. As we walked down the cookie aisle I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Troy. He was with his wife and their children shopping on the opposite end of that same aisle. I swear it felt like time stood still. All of a sudden my daughter started to kick my stomach as hard as she could. It was as if she knew her daddy was near. I reached down and rubbed my stomach in a circular motion to ease the pain while Troy just stood there with a look of shock etched on his face. His eyes went from mine to my oversized belly, and it seemed as if he totally forgot all about his wife and kids stood next to him.
I heard Keisha suck her teeth out loud and that brought me out of the trance I had been in. She then grabbed my arm and said “Let’s go”. I swear if it wasn’t for her dragging me away, I probably wouldn’t have moved because my feet actually felt like they were planted in concrete. As we turned to leave I could feel Troy’s eyes as he stared at me. For some strange reason I wanted to turn around, but I couldn’t do that.
I always thought that when I saw Troy I would feel anger all over again but I didn’t. What I did feel was confusion. I had some many questions running though my head. Why did my baby all of a sudden start kicking me like she was trying to get out of my stomach, and most importantly, why didn’t I want to leave Troy’s presence?
