The tears he’d held at bay for so many years broke free, filling his eyes so that his vision blurred. In desperation, he grabbed the medallion that had linked them so many times and pulled it off her, clutching the warm gold in his palm.
“God, Caitlan, I love you!”
“I love you, Johnny,” she whispered.
A strange, shimmering warmth invaded J.T.’s heart and soul upon their simultaneous declaration. Then she was being lifted from his arms by two paramedics, and it was like they were tearing his heart from his chest. J.T. knelt there, too paralyzed by the loss to move as the two men gently placed Caitlan on a stretcher and hurriedly carried her toward the waiting ambulance.
I’ll love you forever, Johnny, he heard whispered on the breeze.
And minutes later, as the ambulance pulled away from the drive, J.T. knew this was the end. Caitlan was gone, and she wouldn’t be coming back. Slowly, defeatedly, he stood. An absolute emptiness enveloped him, as dark and black as the sky above, and he knew he’d never be the same again.
“No!” he raged to the heavens, his anguish echoing on and on. He choked on a deep sob, his heart and soul twisting with such agony, he wanted to die. Indeed, a part of him had died with her departure.
The medallion in his palm retained its warmth, and he defiantly slipped the chain over his head. It was the only connection he had left to his one true love, and he refused to give it up. He refused to let the memory of her being at the Circle R fade.
Thunder rumbled and lightning streaked across the sky, signaling the arrival of the storm. Bloated clouds floated overhead, and the temperature dropped to an icy chill.
With an odd kind of detachment J.T. watched the sheriff take Randal into custody and take statements from the men who’d witnessed the ordeal.
Mike approached J.T., his gaze going over him with concern. He shoved his fingers through his hair, still shaken by the incident. “Are you okay, J.T.?”
No. I’ll never be the same again. J.T. looked at Mike, wondering if his eyes reflected the bleak despair eating away at him. He knew he owed Mike his gratitude for helping to apprehend Randal, and an apology for suspecting him of the incidents that had happened around the ranch, but at the moment he couldn’t summon the words for all the anguish swirling in him.
“Caitlan’s gone,” he said instead, his voice sounding oddly distant even to his own ears.
Mike gave him a perplexed look. “They’re taking her to County hospital. The paramedics said it looked like the bullet went clean through her shoulder and she should be fine. Heck, she’ll probably be able to come back in a week or so—”
“She won’t be coming back,” J.T. said, his tone harsher than he’d intended.
Mike nodded in understanding. “Yeah, I guess she’d want to go back home to be with her family.”
J.T. glanced up at the heavens. Caitlan’s home. Scrubbing a hand down his face, he cursed all the lonely years he’d have to endure before they were joined again.
Mike touched J.T.’s shoulder, his brow creased in concern. “Hey, man, you okay?”
“I’m fine,” J.T. replied gruffly, already feeling bitter resentment settling in where his heart had been ripped out. He touched the medallion, the warmth comforting him. He wouldn’t allow the sweet memories of Caitlan to fade. Ever. Not as long as he wore the medallion that kept her a part of him.
With a loud boom that reverberated beneath J.T.’s feet, the sky split open and huge drops of rain and sleet fell from the heavens. Everyone headed inside the barn to stay warm and dry. Not J.T. He stood out in the storm, waiting for the numbness of the cold, icy rain to make the sorrow and heartache go away.
* * *
Amanda sat silently in the Superior’s summons room, watching as Mary paced back and forth, her gauzy white gown swirling around her legs. A week had passed since she’d left Johnny, and Amanda still couldn’t shake the sorrow insulating her soul. The Superiors had given her the week off to recuperate from the emotional trauma she’d sustained because of the return of her memory, but Amanda knew she wouldn’t recover from this particular heartache until Johnny joined her eternally.
She hoped she could survive that long without him.
“We really botched this mission up,” Mary said on a heavy sigh, looking from Amanda to Christopher. “The memory of Amanda being on earth is supposed to fade. As long as he wears the medallion it will keep him vividly connected to all the memories of Caitlan being on Earth.” Exasperation laced Mary’s voice.
“He won’t take the medallion off so we can confiscate it,” Christopher told her. “He wears it night and day.”
“Send Jay to fetch it.”
“No!” Amanda said, springing from her seat. Both Superiors stared at her.
Desperation clutched Amanda’s heart. How could she explain that no matter how selfish it might be, she didn’t want the memory of her time on Earth to subside from Johnny’s mind. They’d shared so much, had forged a new love that superseded the old feelings they’d harbored for one another as children. In a short span of time she’d matured as a woman, had experienced a passionate love so beautiful and rare, she wanted it to flourish to its fullest capacity. That dream, she knew, was an impossible one.
“You know he cannot keep the medallion,” Mary said firmly after a few tense moments had passed. “It’s bad enough he knew who you were, Amanda, but he cannot continue on like this.”
“I know,” she whispered past the tight ache in her throat. “But I don’t want him to forget me.”
Mary smiled gently. “He won’t ever forget you. His love for you is too strong. You will always be a part of his heart, even without the medallion.”
That wasn’t what Amanda meant. She wanted to live in his memory with vivid clarity—Heaven help her, she wanted to be with him on Earth, feel his touch, experience the joy of his love. A chasm of loneliness echoed in her soul, and Amanda turned away, sure her misery reflected in her gaze.
The intensity of her emotions confused her. Why hadn’t she felt this same anguish when she’d left Johnny the night of her eighteenth birthday?
“Amanda, what is it?” Mary asked, seemingly sensing her distress.
Amanda looked back at both Superiors, hoping they could help her understand the turmoil swirling in her. “When I first passed on to this plateau sixteen years ago I felt whole and complete and at peace with myself. Now, I hurt way deep down inside, this incredible sadness that won’t recede.”
Mary and Christopher exchanged worried looks.
“Why do I feel so different?” Amanda persisted. “Why do I miss him so much?”
“Your heart and J.T.’s blended before you left Earth,” Mary finally admitted.
Amanda frowned. “My heart already belonged to Johnny. What do you mean?”
Mary grasped Amanda’s hand, her touch comforting. “Just before you died, you both declared your love for one another at the exact moment, binding your hearts and souls more intricately than before.”
Bewilderment assailed Amanda. “I don’t understand. What will happen to Johnny?”
“He will be unable to love another for the rest of his mortal years,” Mary replied sadly.
Christopher nodded his agreement. “Before we sent you on the mission we had designs to send him a sweet woman who would bear him two more children and see him through the rest of his years. Now, it will be useless.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said, ashamed for having caused so much havoc with Johnny’s destiny. “I know He must be disappointed in me.”
“No, child,” Mary began, understanding and compassion threading her voice. “Once in a great while these things happen. He is very forgiving.”
“Surely there is something we can do for her,” Christopher said.
Mary shrugged. “Short of sending her back to Earth, there is nothing we can do for her heartache.”
A slow smile curved Christopher’s mouth. “We could petition to send her back as a mortal.”
Amanda sat up, antic
ipation speeding up her pulse.
“Christopher,” Mary admonished, squashing Amanda’s hope. “That is a highly unorthodox suggestion! It’s impossible.”
He lifted a brow, “Nothing is impossible.”
“It’s an outrageous request.” Mary dismissed the idea with the wave of a hand. “The board of Superiors will never approve of such an appeal.”
“A love as strong as Amanda and J.T.’s is meant to be together,” Christopher argued.
“I don’t know about this,” Mary persisted, her lips pursed. “You and your wild ideas,” she mumbled, then offered Amanda an encouraging smile.
“J.T. is being extremely stubborn about letting go of the medallion and the memory of Caitlan’s time on Earth,” Christopher went on, championing Amanda’s cause. He came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders, radiating reassurance to Amanda while he spoke to his equal. “They’ve both been through so much, Mary, in their previous life and with this mission. Now that their hearts are intricately blended, both of them will be miserable until they are once again joined,”
After a long minute Mary let out a defeated sigh. “You always were a softy, Christopher.” Her rebuke held a note of fondness.
Christopher beamed at the compliment and squeezed Amanda’s shoulders for that one small victory. “I only believe it would be in everyone’s best interest if we released Amanda to spend the rest of a mortal life with her eternal love.”
Mary smiled, a sudden soft, dreamy quality entering her eyes. “It is kind of romantic, isn’t it?”
“Indeed it is.” Christopher’s grin held triumph. “Who could deny these two the love that brought them together not once, but twice?”
Mary looked thoughtful as she considered Christopher’s plea. Amanda held her breath for Mary’s response until her lungs began to burn.
“Oh, I suppose you’re right,” Mary finally relented. “It would be difficult to deny two people so deeply in love and committed to one another. Not to mention that J.T. isn’t being very cooperative with the medallion.”
“Precisely,” Christopher stated.
“Oh, Mary, Christopher, thank you!” Amanda breathed, smiling for the first time since her mission had ended. She embraced both Superiors. Happiness chased away the gloom of despair that had hung over her since her departure from Earth.
“Don’t thank us yet,” Mary warned gently. “Considering the delicacy of the situation, the board of Angel Superiors must vote on releasing you. Then He must give us his blessing. This is a very rare request, one that will change the course of fate, and must be thoroughly considered before a decision is made.”
“I understand,” she replied solemnly, trying not to get her hopes raised. Silently, she sent Him her own heartfelt appeal, praying he’d grant her and Johnny’s love the opportunity to flourish in a mortal lifetime.
“We’ll give you the board’s final verdict by the end of the week,” Christopher promised.
Five heavenly days never seemed so long to Amanda.
* * *
J.T. stood inside the corral, holding the end of the long lead rope clipped to King’s halter. With softly spoken words, he coaxed the horse in a wide circle, allowing the spirited stallion a minimal amount of control before he started the tedious breaking process. King’s blue-black coat gleamed in the sun, and he tossed his head rebelliously. J.T. knew his display was more an arrogant act than any real sign of a threat.
Every day J.T. worked with King, usually in the mornings after the hands rode out and Laura left for school. Spending time with the horse made him feel closer to Caitlan’s spirit. She’d left him with the special gift of King’s fragile trust. Now, it was up to him to hone that bond into something more. J.T. was determined to one day saddle and ride the stallion that had shown so much promise before Randal started abusing him.
Randal. Anger welled in J.T. He still found it difficult to believe his own cousin had tried to kill him. Randal had admitted to everything. Open murder threats, even after Randal had been apprehended, combined with his murder attempt and arson, would land him years in prison. Even though it pained J.T. to see his cousin in such a position, he refused to compromise the safety of his family or his men. Pressing charges had been difficult, but his only choice. Randal had shown no remorse for his evil deeds, or for shooting Caitlan.
Familiar grief and anguish twisted J.T.’s insides. Two weeks had passed since Caitlan had left the Circle R never to return. Two weeks since he’d become nothing more than flesh and bones, his heart merely an instrument to pump blood. He was empty inside, more lonely and desolate than he could ever remember being.
Everyone believed she’d gone to County hospital, then flown back home to be with her family. J.T. knew better, but there were times when he caught himself believing the same thing ... hoping and wishing that she was a mortal and would return to the Circle R to live with him forever.
She was gone from this lifetime, and some days he didn’t think he’d survive the endless years until they were joined.
She’d told him the memory of her being on Earth and the pain of losing her would ease in time. With the medallion, everything remained sharp and clear, reassuring him that he hadn’t dreamed Caitlan’s brief existence—reassured him he wasn’t slowly going crazy.
Some days, he truly wondered.
King’s canter slowed and he whinnied soulfully, bringing J.T. out of his thoughts. Coming to a stop, the stallion’s ears pricked forward and he stared off into the distance. A gentle breeze blew around them, rustling the leaves in a nearby tree and scattering a warm, spring scent.
“What is it, boy?” J.T. slowly approached the horse. King glanced at him and whinnied again but didn’t shy away. Reaching up, J.T. stroked his hand down King’s sleek neck. “Good boy,” he murmured.
“You handle him well.”
J.T.’s hand froze in midstroke and his insides twisted into a huge knot of trepidation. Caitlan ... Amanda. Oh, God, now he was hearing her voice. J.T. clenched his jaw and squeezed his eyes shut to ward off the sweet voice filtering through his mind.
The corral gate unlatched, and King started forward, neighing softly. The lead rope tugged in J.T.’s hand, and he dropped it, allowing the horse to roam freely.
“Hello, King,” came the feminine voice again, then light laughter that ribboned around J.T.’s soul. “I missed you too, boy,” she said.
Drawing in a deep breath to release the tension coiling his body, J.T. opened his eyes and turned, finding Caitlan—Amanda, he corrected himself—rubbing King’s muzzle just five short feet away from him. The horse nudged her hand affectionately, his eyes shining with devotion. J.T. stared at the two of them, the pressure in his chest increasing with each passing second. She looked so ... real.
She glanced his way, her violet eyes dancing mischievously. “Is something the matter, Johnny?” The laughter in her voice belied the concern creasing her brow. “You look as though you’ve seen a ... ghost.”
“Oh, God,” he choked, scrubbing a hand over his jaw. “I am going insane!”
A beautiful smile wreathed her face. “No, you’re not,” she said softly. Leaving King, she approached him. The breeze sifted through her silky brown hair, ruffling the strands like caressing fingers. Like his fingers itched to do. She stood in front of him, love and promises sparkling in the depth of her gaze.
He swallowed back the thickness in his throat, unable to believe she stood within touching distance. Curling his fingers into fists, he curbed the impulse to reach for her and haul her into his arms—to reaffirm that she wasn’t just a figment of his imagination.
“Amanda?” he asked tentatively, afraid if he spoke too hopefully she’d disappear like a wispy curl of smoke.
She shook her head. The bright sun shot gold threads through her hair and added a slight flush to her cheeks. “Caitlan,” she corrected. “Amanda died over sixteen years ago. You know that. She can never come back.”
“You left me, too, and you said
you weren’t coming back,” he replied, unable to contain his bitterness over what had happened to her. To them. “So what are you doing here?”
She stepped closer. With a gentle smile, she lifted her hand and smoothed her palm inside the collar of his shirt. He sucked in a breath and flinched at the unexpected sensation of her fingers sliding over his collarbone.
“Caitlan,” he said on a low groan infused with all the anguish filling his soul. “Why are you here?” he asked again, his voice brimming with misery. “To torment me even more than I already am?”
“No.” Her fingers curled around the gold chain just inside his shirt and withdrew it and the medallion. Holding the pendant in her palm, she met his gaze steadily. “My Superiors are quite upset that you won’t relinquish the medallion.”
She’d come to sever the only link he had to her. The thought sent a shaft of anger through him. “I don’t want to give you up, or the memories of our time together,” he said fiercely, grabbing her hand and dislodging the medallion from her grasp. “I won’t give you up, or let those memories fade, even if it means keeping the medallion. I love you, Caitlan.”
Pleasure brightened her eyes and a warm, sensual smile curved her mouth. “I love you, too, John Tyler Rafferty. Even more than I thought possible.” She gave him an upswept look that heated his blood. “They say the second time around is always better than the first.”
Her subtle insinuation teased him, made him wish for things that could never be. His fingers circled her delicate wrist, and the pulse beneath his thumb leapt rhythmically, throbbing with vitality. His own heart thudded in unison with hers.
Damn. She felt so real, so warm. So alive.
He pushed her hand away, irritated with himself for hoping and believing in the impossible. “Dammit, go away!” he growled, spinning from her. He plowed both hands through his hair, nearly pulling out the strands in frustration. “I can’t take this anymore. Just go away,” he said, his voice a desperate plea.
When I turn around she’ll be gone. Poof. Back to heaven where she belongs. He did, and she wasn’t. Fury built in him until he wanted to explode. Why was she tormenting him this way?
Kiss of an Angel Page 27
