“If anyone tries to use their mouths to hurt Julia, I’ll…I’ll bludgeon them,” he said angrily, feeling his blood start to boil.
Beatrice winced. “I have no doubt you would, Lord Axbridge. I only ask you to show some restraint. One of your blows could probably render a man of lesser strength, dead. So pray, do not act out rashly.”
“I won’t,” he said, clenching his teeth together. “Anyway, I think you ladies should leave. I’d like to get properly shot in the neck and then pass out on my bed. Alone,” he said, staring at Julia. She gave him a haughty stare, and proudly lifted her chin, and looked away from him.
Damnation.
Her hoity-toity ways made his blood warm—in a good way. He loved the way she looked when she had her nose stuck up in the air. He should have been perturbed by it, instead, he was turned on. Her uppity ways only endeared him to her, because he’d seen the real side of her, and knew that under all of that highborn spunk, she had a heart of gold. She was generous to a fault, and she and the rest of the Lovett family were quite charitable.
“Where are Uncle Edward and Aunt Alice? I thought that one, or both of them would be lending you support right now, Mama. And surely my brother should be around somewhere? Shouldn’t they all be here ready to drag me back home where I can be safe and sound?”
Beatrice snorted indelicately. “Your brother has probably gone back to Castleton Court. He decided that you would be fine. He said you were like a cat. You always land on your feet, and he said that Freddie wouldn’t hurt you, but I think he wasn’t taking this issue as seriously as he should be. As for your aunt and uncle, the dear souls are taking care of Lord Charles. I think Edward muttered something about taking him to the Duke of Stoneleigh to see if he would keep him at Avondale Abbey for us.”
“Ah, the Duke. Now there, you see, Freddie, I could have had Tobias.” She hiccupped again and put her hand over her mouth. “Pardon me,” she said, her eyes opened wide.
“Anyone with a sizable dowry could have Tobias. The problem is he hasn’t found a woman willing to deal with him, and that dusty run down Abbey he lives in,” Beatrice scoffed.
“Oh, Mama, he is going to do some repairs on it shortly, as Uncle Edward has put his hand in to help the poor man with his dire financial straits. His dibs certainly weren’t in tune until Uncle Edward took charge of things. Good old Uncle Edward.”
“Oh, aye, Edward and his Midas touch. Now, my girl, you have stalled long enough. I shan’t leave this premises without you by my side. You shall look smart, and dash upstairs and change. Now off with you,” she said sternly.
“I said, I wouldn’t, Mama. And I am not,” she said firmly.
“As you are still unmarried, Julia, that puts you under my watchful eye, so you shall obey me.”
“I am not a child, Mama.”
“Aye. Even though you are acting like one at the moment. Off with you, now!” Beatrice ordered imperiously.
Julia looked conflicted. She looked over at Freddie, begging him to side with her. The pleading look in her eyes, made his stomach churn. He couldn’t side with her…not this time.
“I think you ought to listen to your Mama, Julia. She is right. We are not married. That makes her the mistress of your life. You are not as independent as you like to believe, dearest.”
She planted her hands on her hips, and confronted her mother with her look of stubborn determination. Whatever she thought, it wasn’t going to work with Beatrice. She wasn’t that easy to sway.
“And don’t try that with me, Julia. My patience is waning. We must away back to Castleton Court.”
“Fine,” Julia’s blue eyes crackled with fire. “If you do not implore me to stay, Freddie, I shall depart, and you will be dashed sorry to see me go. Once I leave, I do not know if I shall ever be persuaded to return. Mayhap, love isn’t worth it after all. Mayhap, I should see if Tobias will marry me, because right now, I wish the devil would take both you and Charles!” She gave him one last soul searching look, and then with a muffled sob, dashed from the room.
Freddie’s heart broke, and he resisted running after her. He had to stay strong. He to stay put.
“Never mind her, son. Julia will come round soon enough. She has always had a penchant for the dramatics. I suppose that’s why she loves Shakespeare so much. Since she was a little girl, she has always known how to wrap the men in her life, around her pinky finger. Her father never needed much coaxing. All she had to do was pin those beautiful blue eyes of hers on him in a beseeching manner, and he melted, and rushed to give her whatever she wanted. Fortunately, she has never been a selfish, vain, or cruel creature. She has always been nicer than I ever was, or am, so when he lavished her with everything she wanted, it didn’t spoil her rotten. And she has aspirations that I never possessed.
“She has her Moonrakers Ladies Society, and I admit the only thing that appeals to me about that is the brandy they drink at meetings, for the rest of the stuff bores me almost to death. I do not care about the latest poetry or other works of literature. I was never one to lose myself in a book, and I was always too preoccupied with the latest gossip and worried about all of the social events I could attend. Julia likes those things too, but she is a well-rounded lady, and I believe that she would have made you a fine wife. She overlooks your past…and only wishes to look to the future.”
“I was never good enough for her, Lady Tisbury. Lord Charles is much better suited to be her husband. He fits into her world far better than I do.”
“Devil take that blasted man! Lord Charles might have a kindly nature, but I do not believe he is better suited for her. You are the man meant for Julia. You are the one that fills her life with joy. You are the one that makes her eyes light up. He shall have to find his own way in this world, because I do not want him latching onto Julia again. I shall eye that match bitterly, sir. Do you understand?”
“I think you ought to reconsider, my lady. Put your support behind the man who has the breeding, class, and proper accent. I have none of those three things. I might have become educated thanks to Colonel Elliot, Micah and Lewis, but I am still quite a common man.”
“I don’t think that. I think you are quite uncommon, Lord Axbridge. And, I shall always support you in the battle for Julia’s heart, because I once turned my back on true love. I married a man who loved me more than I loved him, and while it worked out fairly nicely for me…it was rather unfair for the Earl. He deserved more. He deserved a wife who adored him, not a wife who came to loathe his very presence in her life. So, pray, don’t commit my daughter to that kind of an existence. Throw your lot in with her, and do it as quickly as possible, before she starts to dream about the love she always believed existed between her and Charles. She was infatuated with him, nothing more. You…you are the one who showed her what real love was.”
“And yet, I have only known her a short few months. I don’t think we’ve had enough time to say that she could love me with the kind of soul abiding love she has for Charles.”
“I can see why my daughter was so vexed. It is rather like hitting one’s skull against the wall when talking to you, Lord Axbridge. I think I shall finish this excellent whisky, and then, I shall be off.”
“I am ready to depart, Mama.”
Freddie looked to where Julia stood in the doorway. She had a portmanteau in her hands, and looked as if she had had a good cry. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy.
He felt bloody loathsome. He was a bloody arsehole.
“Ah, splendid. As am I,” the Countess said, finishing off the last drop of whisky in her glass. She put her glass down, and walked to stand beside Julia.
“Farewell, Freddie,” Julia whispered.
“Goodbye, Julia,” he whispered, as she turned around and left.
He felt empty inside. All of the hell he’d been put through in his life, in no way compared to how awful he felt right now. He had just lost the woman of his dreams. He had just lost the mistress of his heart.
*****<
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Julia and Beatrice rode in silence away from Wilton Park. Julia stared listlessly out the window, as the landscape rolled by. She felt sick inside. Her life was ruined. If she couldn’t have Freddie, then, she didn’t know what else she wanted out of life. She didn’t even know if she wanted to reacquaint herself with Charles. He looked like a stranger to her, and though he sounded familiar, the knots in her stomach warned her against falling for him again.
“What shall you do now, Julia?” her mother asked softly, at last breaking the uncomfortable quiet.
She looked away from the window and settled her gaze on her mother. Her mother looked as wretched as she felt.
“I think I shall become a spinster, Mama.”
Beatrice served her with a woebegone look. The pity in her eyes didn’t even make Julia feel small the way it usually did.
“If you won’t have Freddie, then, maybe, that is for the best,” her mother decided. “I don’t want to see you go back to Charles. His family is horrid, and as close as you are to our family, I do not think you could put up with those awful people, and you’d probably have to move away from here.”
Her mother’s words made her think. She wanted to hole herself up in her bedchamber and never come out, but the world wouldn’t wait for her to cry, and nurse her broken heart forever.
“It isn’t that I won’t have Freddie, he won’t have me.”
“Mayhap, Julia…mayhap, he has to see what he has lost. I wonder…jealousy always has worked well in the past to show men how imbecilic they have been.”
“I don’t think he would fall for that kind of a trap, Mama.”
“Oh, I beg to differ. He thinks he can handle losing you to Charles, but I do wonder how he would feel if he actually saw you on his arm.”
“I shan’t be that petty, Mama. I want Freddie honestly. I want him to want me.”
“Oh, he does want you, my dear. He is only battling with the monster inside of him that makes him feel unworthy of you.”
“Freddie told me that he was common. Born a beggar, that he was a street rat, and a guttersnipe.”
“I expect, deep down, after he saw Lord Charles that he feels as if he isn’t worthy to kiss your feet.”
“Mayhap,” she said tiredly. She felt bone weary. After being rejected by Freddie, she only wanted to climb into her bed and sleep for days. “Mama?”
“Yes, Julia?”
“When we get back to Castleton Court…I would like to retire to my bedchamber and not be disturbed for days.”
“Oh, Julia. You can’t make yourself sick over this latest mess. You should face your troubles.”
“Maybe I will. But right now, I want to shut the world away. Can’t you understand that, Mama?”
Her mother’s eyes filled with sadness. “Aye. I suppose I can. I will let you have a few days to feel sorry for yourself. After which, you will have to deal with Lord Charles. That man isn’t going to go away easily. He will hound you, Julia.”
“Let him try,” she sighed. Her heart broke, as she remembered how much she had loved Charles. She had placed him on a pedestal, and held him to a high ideal. All other men had paled in comparison, until she’d met Freddie, and then, then, Freddie had become her Prince—her Knight in Shining Armour. And though he wasn’t born a nobleman, he had a noble bearing, and treated her so tenderly.
“I think…” Beatrice paused. “You have to deal with your past to move on with your future. No matter how much you do not want to reconcile with Lord Charles, you must at least hear his side of the story. I tend to think he is telling us a Banbury story, but if anyone can find out the truth from him, it is you, and if he sticks to his story, then, I suppose he is being honest with all of us.”
“I don’t know if I can get that close to him without being tempted.”
“Oh, I think you can, Julia. You sell yourself short. I believe you are truly in love with your Freddie, and that kind of love can’t die an easy death. Trust me, I know.”
She looked away from her mother, and resumed watching the landscape go by. They would be back at Castleton Court shortly, and her life would go back to the way it had been before she had met Freddie.
It would go back to being humdrum.
Chapter Five
Almost a fortnight had passed by in a blur.
Julia had cloistered herself away in her bedchamber, and she’d fought emerging, even when Rose and Iris paid her calls. She couldn’t face anyone. Her wedding day had turned into a spectacle that she prayed had been a nightmare, and yet, every morning she woke up, it remained unchanged.
It was the herald of things to come. She couldn’t shake her feelings of torment. She was broken hearted, and nothing anyone could do, or say, could shake her despondency.
Charles had sent her several missives, and she had left them unopened. She couldn’t face it. She couldn’t put herself through that kind of hell at the moment, as she still mourned Freddie’s absence in her life.
The missives laid on her escritoire and almost mocked her. What sort of lies would be found within? And if they were not lies…could she face the truth?
She sat on the edge of her bed, and stared at them. Her family had always called her their jewel. She had always been the shining light with her irrepressible gay demeanor, and she knew she worried them all by sulking and keeping to herself.
A lazy knock on her bedchamber door made her sigh. “What do you want, Richard?”
“I…uh…well, Mama and I would like to see you at breakfast.”
“Mama rarely takes breakfast anywhere, but in her bed,” she retorted.
“Well,” he cleared his throat. “Not this morning. This morning, she has decided to take breakfast with us, and she wants you there. Get along, Julia. Smart’s the word, sharp’s the action.”
“That’s sharp’s the word, and quick’s the action, Richard,” she said tiredly.
“Is that so?” he said. “Hmm…I didn’t know that.”
She listened closely, and heard him shuffling away. She really had to have her life in shambles, if her brother was concerned about her. He hardly ever took an interest in anything, and the fact that he seemed worried about her enough to come and address her on his own, told her she had to be acting quite poorly these last few days and yet—she cared not.
She looked down at herself. She wore her nightgown, and she wasn’t fit to be downstairs taking her first meal of the day with her family in such a sorry state. Her hair was an ungodly mess, and she looked bloody horrible. She didn’t feel like changing out of her nightgown, so keeping to the defiant attitude she’d maintained since her wedding day that wasn’t, she walked over to her wardrobe and reached for her lavender coloured housecoat. Her mother would be horrified by her appearance, but then, her mother never changed out of morning dresses when she was at home, so she could live with Julia’s lack of propriety for one day.
She stopped, and hesitated right before she was going to open her door. She didn’t want to leave. If she left her bedchamber the world would intervene, and she wasn’t ready to face that yet. Of course, she couldn’t stay cooped up here forever, much as she wanted to.
What had happened to her? Normally, she would have taken the world by storm, she would have jumped headfirst into any problem. She supposed that it had to be the effect that being so crushed had on her. Having her heart broken, and her dreams destroyed, had sucked all of the joy out of her.
“Damnation, Julia. The only way to deal with this is to do it head on. You have to get a hold of yourself, and show everyone that you cannot be defeated.”
And now, she was talking to herself. Maybe she had gone straight to Bedlam.
She had wallowed enough. Whatever came her way, she would handle it with aplomb, and she would show Freddie that she could move on…that she could survive without him. And even if she felt as if she were dying on the inside, she would meet everyone with a smile on her face. She would live as recklessly as she dared.
Racing her curricle
always gave her a thrill, and she would throw a few balls…and attend all of the social soirees she was invited to. She would hold her Moonrakers Ladies Society weekly meetings again, and life would go back to normal…well, maybe not normal. She would kick up a lark—and show everyone in Castleton and Maidstone that she had mended her broken heart. As for Charles—she didn’t know how she would handle him, but she would do it with a blithe manner, because she was sick of being so Friday faced.
It was time to live again.
It was the only way.
*****
“You look like hell, Mouse,” Felix announced, as they sat eating their breakfast. “You know what you need? You need to do some trap shooting, or some hunting…or maybe, we should go over and bother good old Tobias again. The look of sheer terror on his face when we’re about is quite jolly, ain’t it, Lucky?”
Lucky nodded his head, and reached for another slice of bacon. “Oh, aye. He looked dicked in the nob the last time we were over there. Especially when I set off that teeny little explosion.”
“It was cracking good fun,” Tiny said. “We helped him remove the stump of that gnarled old tree, and had a blooming good time while doing it.”
Freddie stared ahead. He heard them, but he wasn’t really taking their words to heart. His days and his nights had been utter hell. He hadn’t felt so lonely in his entire life. He wanted Julia dreadfully, and now, he didn’t know how to go about winning her back. He’d made a cock up of everything. He had even sent missives to Colonel Elliot asking for his advice, and had received his reply only that morning.
Gideon had told him to win Julia back, no matter what he had to do. He told him to grovel if necessary, that no price was too high to pay for a good woman’s love. It had sounded more like an order than just advice, and Freddie didn’t think there was a way for him not to obey.
“You should read the rest of your mail, Mouse. It looks as if we all have letters from Lark Hall. Hmm…this should be interesting,” Lucky mused, as he broke the wax seal on his missive.
His Michaelmas Mistress Page 4
