by Piper Scott
“You don’t need to apologize.” Lucian’s hands were on Marcus’ shoulders, rubbing them to calm Marcus down. “He’s hurt. We all were. I don’t hold it against him any more than I hold it against myself. The only man to blame is Baylor.”
Gabriel started to sob, and his shoulders slumped in sudden defeat. Sterling took it as his cue to lead him from the room.
“Life will get better, Gabriel,” Lucian called as they left. “I know it doesn’t seem like it. I know it feels like you’re going to feel this way forever—that you’re out of options, and that you’ll never be happy again—but that’s not true. You’re going to pull out of this. You’re going to come back, and you’re going to be happier than you could ever dream possible.”
“But I love him.” They were too far from the living room for Gabriel’s whisper to carry to anyone’s ears but Sterling’s. Sterling tucked him closer to his chest and continued to escort him to the bedroom. “I love him, and now I’ll never see him again.”
There was no way to fix pain like that but to let time take its course. Sterling showed Gabriel to the bed, and Gabriel collapsed into it as though he’d been up for three days straight. He curled up pitifully on top of the sheets and didn’t move, even when Sterling covered him up.
“You’re going to be okay,” Sterling promised as he stood by the bedside. Gabriel’s eyes were glossy with tears, set somewhere far beyond the limits of the room. “I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure that you’re okay.”
“Why?” Gabriel whispered. He pulled the covers up so that they covered his nose, but left his eyes exposed. “Why do you care?”
The answer came naturally, and Sterling didn’t hold back on it. Gabriel deserved the truth. “Because I’m in love with your brother, and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep him and everyone he loves safe.”
Gabriel sniffled, but he didn’t argue. It was only when Sterling was on his way out the door that Gabriel replied. “I know that he’s prickly, and unpleasant, and bossy, but… what we went through growing up… he couldn’t be any other way, because he took everything onto himself so that I wouldn’t be hurt like he was.”
The statement made Sterling pause. His hand on the doorknob, he let the words sink in.
“And I think… I think he loves you, too, even if he can’t show it.” Gabriel’s voice was meek, but it was determined. “Please don’t leave him. Don’t let him push you away. I don’t want him to suffer like I’m suffering. If he loves you and you love him, then you have to stay together. You have to. He deserves to be happy, too.”
“I know.” Sorrow spread like cracks across glass through Sterling’s heart. “I’m doing my best.”
“If you love him,” Gabriel whispered, “never let him go.”
Sterling closed the door, his cracked heart aching.
No matter how tough times got, he wouldn’t throw in the towel. He couldn’t.
Adrian was the one for him, and no matter how long it took, Sterling would prove it to him.
26
Adrian
While Sterling put Gabriel to bed, Adrian faced down the couple he’d tried to split apart. It was cruel that the people he’d done the most damage to were now the ones he had to turn to for help, but karma was a bigger bitch than Adrian, and he owned his punishment fully.
“When the police stormed the operation, Gabriel was with a client.” Lucian had settled back onto the couch while Marcus stood behind the armchair again, his protection no longer needed now that Gabriel was out of the picture. “There were police everywhere. They were breaking down doors, arresting whoever they found, and doing their best to collect the victims and keep them safe while the special forces continued their sweep of the building.”
Adrian listened, sick to his stomach. He imagined dim, flickering lights. Grimy walls. Underground hallways lined with rooms. With so many souls in one place, it had to have been bedlam. Hot, humid conditions. The smell of sex on the air. Special forces in Kevlar, smashing in doors with nightsticks…
And amongst it all, Gabriel, partially dressed, cheeks reddened from service and hair a mess, led by force through the chaos.
“Baylor kept his boys divided. It was…” Lucian made a face, and Adrian watched him look to Marcus for support. Marcus, expression kind, met his eyes. Those small glances alone told Adrian that they were in love. Seeing the bond between them made him feel worse about the wrongs he’d done them. But right now, he couldn’t focus on his own shortcomings—he needed to be present for Gabriel’s sake. “It was almost like a hierarchy. Those who performed the best, who obeyed him without question, and who he found most attractive were promoted to ‘top’ positions. Seth was his favorite, but he kept Gabriel in his bed because… well…”
“Because Gabriel let him.” Adrian folded his arms over his chest and rubbed a hand along his stomach absentmindedly. “I can’t imagine Gabriel ever told him no.”
“Right. And all of us near the top, we kind of looked out for him. We take care of our own. That’s the only reason I’m here today—because if I find out one of my brothers needs me, I’ll drop whatever I’m doing to help him. Even if Gabriel is brainwashed, I want to be there for him. We went through the same horrors, and no one understands the pain like someone who suffered it with you.” Lucian rubbed at his jaw, his eyes distant. Memories clouded them, stealing him from Sterling’s penthouse to plunge him into the past. The look was familiar, but Adrian couldn’t place it.
“So why did you get out, but he didn’t?” Adrian glanced toward the hallway, expecting to see Sterling on his way back, but was met by nothing. “If the police stormed the outfit, then he should have been released at the same time you were.”
“Right. It, um… it didn’t really work that way.” Lucian’s face fell. “Like I said, Gabriel was with a client. The last thing I saw before I was put into police custody was his john dragging him along toward the door. The place was built like an anthill—all these different exits. I imagine that the john saw his chance to get the hell out, and he dragged Gabriel along with him. After that, I don’t know. I could only guess.”
There was no need for Lucian to speculate when Adrian could imagine what had happened just as easily. Gabriel, meek and compliant, wouldn’t have put up a fight. He’d been taken somewhere and kept, just like he’d said.
Adrian swallowed a mouthful of saliva, but it only made him feel more nauseous.
“All of us were taken to Stonecrest and rehabilitated. If our families could be located, they were contacted. Sometimes, the boys I knew were taken from therapy prematurely by their families, but most of us stayed in.” Lucian looked at Marcus, almost nervous, then looked back to Adrian. Adrian met his eyes. “Stonecrest does good work. They helped me get my GED, they bolstered my confidence, and they stripped out the lies that Baylor had planted in my head. They even helped me get a part-time job when I was still going through therapy so that I had some experience on my resume when I left for the real world. And after they clear you to be released, they set you up with subsidized, omega-only housing, so your transition into the real world is gradual, and so you’ll always have a safe place to call home until you’re ready to move on with your life.”
“How do I convince him to go?” Adrian asked. Treatment like that was what Gabriel needed. As much as he wanted to care for him, Adrian knew he couldn’t spend the rest of his life at Gabriel’s side. Co-dependence wouldn’t help Gabriel—what he needed was professional training and intensive therapy.
Lucian shrugged. “I can’t help you there. Gabriel and I knew each other, but it wasn’t like… it’s kind of like when you have friends at school, you know? The kind of friends you hang out with every day, but don’t really know?”
“Okay.” Adrian exhaled slowly, doing his best to work through the nausea. “Is there anything else you think I should know?”
“I don’t think so.” Lucian’s eyes focused on an arbitrary point in the distance, and in a moment of clarity
, Adrian understood why they looked so familiar. He’d seen the same haunted look on Gabriel’s face. “All that you need to know is that, out of all of Baylor’s boys, Gabriel was the one who was the most wrapped around his little finger. I don’t know what Baylor did to him, but that man knew how to take advantage of troubled young men and make it seem like what he offered was so much better than the alternative. He did it to me, he did it to dozens and dozens of others, and he did it to Gabriel.”
“Thanks.” The nausea was reaching an all-time high, and Adrian stood in the hopes that changing positions would help. It didn’t. Bile burned the back of his throat, and he clamped a hand to his mouth and darted for the kitchen sink. There was commotion in the living room, and as Adrian expelled the contents of his stomach, a hand met his back and rubbed.
“You’re fine,” Sterling whispered. Adrian’s elbows wobbled, and he had to tighten his grip on the edge of the sink to keep from collapsing onto the counter. “It’s okay. You’ve had a rough time. Let it out.”
Bitter, acidic fluid burned his nasal passages. Adrian spat and sputtered, then reached blindly for the tap and turned on the water. Shaking, he splashed at his face and sucked water into his mouth to try to get the taste out.
“What have you had to eat today?” Sterling asked.
Adrian prickled. “Does it look like I’m in the mood to eat something right now?”
Sterling didn’t bat an eyelash as he replied, “You’re throwing up liquid. If you have an empty stomach, we need to take measures to fix that. You will not starve yourself.”
Frustrated, Adrian splashed water at his face and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. He rinsed thoroughly, and when he turned, he found Lucian standing not all that far away. Water dripped from Adrian’s chin and onto his shirt, and the front of his hair was soaked. If he had to guess, his cheeks were red and his nose was running. He had to look like a mess. But there wasn’t smug satisfaction on Lucian’s face. If anything, he looked concerned.
“Are you okay?” Lucian asked.
The abrasive part of Adrian’s soul told him to shoot back with a reply aimed to tear Lucian down, but a softer, gentler side urged him to show compassion for the man who’d dropped everything to come help Gabriel, even after Adrian had been unspeakably cruel to him. “I’m fine. It was hard to hear about what you and Gabriel went through. When I was talking to you at the bar, accusing you of… you know… with Marcus?” Adrian dropped his gaze. “I didn’t know about your history. I’m sorry for how much that must have hurt you.”
There was a long, suspicious pause. Adrian lifted his gaze to find Lucian studying him, looking for the catch. At last, Lucian nodded. “Thank you.”
No relationship as damaged as theirs could be bridged in a day, and just as Adrian knew it would take hard work to redeem himself to the people he’d hurt, he knew it would take hard work to see Gabriel restored to the young man he’d used to be. Hard work didn’t mean that the job was impossible. Hard work just meant he had to dig in his heels to do what needed to be done, whether he wanted anything to do with it or not.
Pushing people away and isolating himself from the world had been a Band-Aid—and sometimes, a tourniquet. During the darkest days, it had been the only way Adrian knew how to cope. The self-flagellation reminded him that he had no business being happy, and that he was a bad person who would always be a bad person.
But that wasn’t true. Sterling had taught him better.
He deserved to be free.
Before Adrian could foster healthy relationships with others, he needed to forgive himself.
“I really appreciate that you came out to see us today, and I’m sorry that things went so wrong.” Adrian looked between Marcus and Lucian, doing his best to sound genuine. “I’m going to do my best to make sure Gabriel gets the help he needs… and I’m also going to do my best to make sure that I don’t hurt anyone else in the way that I hurt you.”
Sterling’s hand looped around Adrian’s waist, loosely coiled, but present. A touch like that spoke volumes more to Adrian than words could—it said that Sterling was there to prop him up when he was weak, but that he wouldn’t take control. Bicker as they may over little things—like when Adrian should eat, or what was best for Gabriel—when Adrian stepped back to look at the complete picture, he knew Sterling had his best interests at heart.
No one had ever been there for him so completely before, and the realization left him rattled. He looked from Lucian and Marcus to Sterling, taking in Sterling’s profile as his heart skipped a beat.
Love.
Was that really what it was?
Adrian had never been in love before, but a man like Sterling…
“Despite our rocky past,” it was Marcus who spoke now, his words chosen with careful diplomacy that Adrian attributed to his profession, “I know that Sterling wouldn’t take you in if he didn’t see good in you. I hope, for his sake, that you’re telling the truth.”
“I guess only time will tell.” Adrian tore himself away from his thoughts, but his heart fluttered for Sterling no matter how hard he tried to suppress it. He turned his focus to Lucian. “Is it okay if I text you if anything comes up with Gabriel?”
“I will always be there for one of my own.” Lucian leaned against Marcus, and Marcus wrapped an arm around his shoulders. As they touched, Adrian’s mind wandered. What would it feel like if he let Sterling touch him in the same way? What would it feel like to be supported so fully by another man? Adrian had been struggling through life alone until now, and he didn’t know. “We should probably be going now. If there’s anything that comes up, let me know.”
“I will.” Adrian knew he didn’t deserve respect like this, and he was humbled by it. He bowed his head. “Thank you.”
In the darkest times, facing some of the most difficult circumstances he’d ever gone up against, there was still light in the distance. Just as there were people looking to use others for their own selfish gains, there were people who stood up for what was right and what was good—even when that meant shelving old rivalries to come to the assistance of someone who’d wronged them in the past.
Now that Adrian realized it, he understood that it was time to transition from one side to the other.
Even if he chose not to stay in Sterling’s life, and even if he left his child behind, he had Gabriel to think of. For the sake of his family, it was time that he stopped punishing himself.
Adrian followed Sterling to the back door and saw Marcus and Lucian out. When they were gone and the door was closed and locked, Sterling smiled at him. “I’m proud of you.”
An unwanted blush spread across Adrian’s cheeks. “Thanks.”
“I’d be more proud of you if you ate something. Chicken noodle soup? I know you’re not feeling well.”
The thought of salty broth with slippery noodles turned Adrian’s stomach like a tumble dryer, and he took a few urgent steps backward as his nausea climbed to new heights. He slapped a hand over his mouth and ran for the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before he was violently ill.
As he heaved, hands clutching cold porcelain, Sterling rubbed his back. He had the audacity to chuckle. “So I guess that’s a no to soup, then.”
“I swear to god, Sterling,” Adrian rasped. Just the mention of soup made him imagine the taste and the texture, and it disgusted him like it never had before. “If you mention soup one more time…”
“I thought when you were sick before, it was due to stress,” Sterling admitted. “I guess now we know the real culprit.”
Morning sickness. A little late, but undeniable. The thought of putting anything in his mouth was grounds for the immediate evacuation of his stomach.
Adrian grumbled, stood on shaky legs, and made his way to the sink. He didn’t need to worry about punishing himself for previous misdoings when the little life inside of him was acting out in the way it was.
The water ran, circling the drain as Adrian dipped his hands into the stream
and washed his face. When he felt clean enough to step away, he glared at Sterling. “I swear to god, if you ever knock me up again, we are going to have words. This isn’t fun.”
Sterling raised an eyebrow, mischief in his eyes. “All that I’m hearing is that I’ll have the chance to knock you up again. Are you ready to give me an answer?”
“No,” Adrian grumbled.
But that wasn’t the truth.
The unspoken answer, without question, was yes.
Adrian would stay.
27
Sterling
Adrian started cooking dinner.
The gesture was small, but Sterling took note of it. Adrian, it turned out, was no Gabriel in the kitchen, and the burnt chicken they ate that night was dry and far too salty.
Sterling ate it anyway.
Early in the morning, after Sterling saw The Shepherd closed and settled in bed after a long night’s work, he came to expect the click as his bedroom door opened, and then the metallic turn of the doorknob as Adrian inched the door closed. On those nights, he pulled Adrian close and kissed him in the dark until they were both too flustered to continue. Sometimes, Sterling made love to him, slowly and passionately, letting his knot stretch Adrian to let him know that he was claimed. Other times, they fondled each other and whispered tiny words of adoration until the aftermath of orgasm lulled them to sleep.
Adrian was often gone before Sterling woke up, but the little looks Adrian gave him during the day assured Sterling that he hadn’t forgotten their early morning dalliances.
Sterling couldn’t forget if he tried.
Two weeks after Marcus and Lucian’s visit to the penthouse, while Sterling was getting dressed to go down to the club to run his rounds, Adrian appeared in his bedroom doorway. That in itself wasn’t all that surprising—especially since Adrian had been thawing to him over the last few weeks—but when Sterling saw the bold grin on Adrian’s face in the reflection of his dresser mirror, he knew something out of the ordinary was happening.
