by Sandra Kitt
They lay stretched out in the sun on towels brought from the ship. Everything was beautiful. Warm. Colorful. Friendly. She was very glad that she’d overcome her qualms and followed her instincts to accompany Carter on this trip. But Grace had more than a few moments of feeling overwhelmed by how much she missed her children. She was anxious about them being okay without her near.
A cloud blocked the sun and covered half her body in shadow. She opened her eyes and saw Carter leaning over her. She waited for him to say something, but his actions were much more eloquent and to the point. He lowered his torso and his head and his mouth, and kissed her. Caught unprepared, Grace felt an instant languid swirling of sensation. A release of pent-up energy and longing softened her limbs, and she responded naturally. She’d been holding herself in check for the last few days, hoping for a blissful return of the magic. How had Carter known she was ready?
Grace’s thoughts of Madison and Becca were replaced by images of making love in the sand.
* * *
Instead of being worn out from too much sun, sea air and the intoxicating taste of hot kisses, Grace felt awakened, as if she’d been set free. She examined her face in the mirror to see if anything else had changed. Her mouth was fuller, poised for smiling. And her eyes were bright. As she dressed for dinner that evening, while the ship sailed on to the next port on the island, Grace wondered if Carter would notice. Could he tell, as she had been able to on the beach earlier in the day, that there had been another shift in her awareness?
Even Carter’s knock to summon her to dinner was new. It was quiet. And on the other side of the door, he seemed expectant, waiting, alert for some signal from her. They stood silently, staring at each other across the threshold. By some agreement, he stepped into her stateroom, and she stepped back. The door closed behind him, and they both knew.
They came together, still silent, communicating only with what had already been building between them. They’d had three days to synchronize their rhythm, and it was finally coming together. They embraced and began kissing, not in a tentative or exploratory manner as before, but with knowledge of what they each wanted from the other. No half measures, no precipitous moves, no memories of the past. Grace knew in that instant that she’d finally gotten beyond the past and stood firmly in the present, ready to take on the future.
Her hands shook as she helped Carter remove his shirt and unfasten the belt at his waist. While kissing her, his hands expertly lowered the zipper on her dress and slid it from her shoulders. Working as a team, they rid themselves of the rest of their clothing.
His hands and fingers were everywhere, stroking and caressing and teasing. With bold intent, he thrust his hips against her, cupped her breasts and massaged the nipples. Grace explored with her hands the hard planes of his chest, the erect stiffness of his penis and let herself feel as a woman who desires a man should. She took a step back and lowered herself to the bed. Holding on to her, Carter carefully followed.
The steady and gentle listing of the ship aided them when Grace raised her open thighs and encouraged Carter to join with her. To the rocking of the vessel, their bodies locked together as he thrust and she heaved, and they moved with perfect choreography, timing and release. They clung to each other, having already waited for three years before even allowing themselves the freedom to speak of their feelings.
“We’re going to miss dinner,” Grace observed, panting.
“We could order in,” Carter suggested, his lips nuzzling across her cheek to her lips.
“Maybe later. Unless you’re hungry.” Grace arched her back, making it easier for Carter to take the tips of her breasts in his mouth.
“This will do for now.”
She laughed, but her laughter was abruptly cut short and turned to a long moan when he began making love to her again.
Afterward, they felt little need to eat and less desire to leave the cabin. They finally did, however, for one of the famed midnight buffets. Although common sense told Grace that no one should be eating Chocolate Decadence Cake at that hour, her body demanded it. They discovered an empty whirlpool, and risking that at almost one in the morning no one else would join them, Grace and Carter got in, the steaming bubbles hiding their nakedness.
They missed breakfast the next morning but woke in time for lunch. Carter never did make it to the gym again for the rest of the trip, and Grace missed a reflexology appointment at the spa. But whatever they missed of what the cruise had to offer, they made up for in the privacy of their cabins. There they had the joy of discovering that what they were experiencing together had been well worth waiting for.
Chapter 5
“Boy, that must have been some vacation.”
“What are you talking about?” Grace asked one of her colleagues, who’d just handed her a copy of the budget for the next year.
“You came back looking fabulous, but you’ve been really distracted. Like you’d rather be back on vacation.”
“That sounds about right,” Grace responded dryly as her colleague laughed. “Unfortunately, it will have to last me through the summer and fall. I want to spend as much time as I can with my kids once school is out.”
“That’s too bad. I know you love your kids, but that’s not a vacation.”
Grace was about to say that that was just the way it was but thought better of it. She and Carter had already had their first argument because she wasn’t willing to consider alternatives like day camp, or visiting his brother and his family in Arizona, or letting the kids spend more time with her father. Or with Marjorie. It didn’t help that spring was one of the busiest times at the society, with almost nightly outdoor sponsored events, which meant working late. Grace wasn’t spending as much time as she would have liked with Madison and Becca, and even less time with Carter.
As she worked to get her budget in order, she also tried to conjure up those glorious six days at sea with Carter. It was one of the ways that she had of recapturing the glory of their time together. It all seemed like a wonderful fantasy now that they were back home. It had been next to impossible to continue with any intimacy when they’d returned to the city from the cruise. She was uncomfortable with his staying over at the house, and they’d been unable to find time when Grace could stay with Carter. The relationship, at least the physical part of it, seemed at a stalemate before it had even gotten started.
“What happened to the line item on the budget for hiring part-time help?” Grace frowned at the Excel spread sheet on her computer screen.
“It was taken out while you were away. There’s just no money for more staff.”
“What about the money I requested to buy a new printer?”
“Gone.”
Grace sighed, agitated and aggravated. “I need another vacation,” she mumbled.
But that would not solve her problems, and she knew it. She was seriously off track. She found it difficult to balance work and family. She had to pick the kids up from school and drop them off in the mornings, not to mention playdates, team sports, laundry, cleaning, church, grandparent visits and trips to the mall. There was barely time to sleep. And nowhere on her list of things to do was there room for Carter.
Grace knew he was trying his best not to make a big deal about what little time they spent together, but she had yet to find a balance she could live with.
And it was inevitable that Marjorie would find out that she was seeing Carter—when she could see him, that is. It was understandable that the idea of her dating again touched a raw nerve for her mother-in-law. It was unfair of Marjorie to feel betrayed and abandoned. But so far Grace had found it impossible to have a clear, friendly conversation with her former mother-in-law about both of them moving on with their lives. She tried to put herself in Marjorie’s place. It wasn’t fair that her only child had died.
In a gesture of helplessness, Grace put the budget down on her desk. “I can’t deal with this right now. Maybe tomorrow I can think my way through it. By the way, I really
appreciate you doing the event this evening in my place.”
“Sure, it’s no problem. But I can’t help you out next week. I have a class that night.”
“Fine. I’ll arrange something else.”
“Why don’t you ask Ricardo?”
“Good thought,” Grace said as her phone began to ring. She eagerly snatched it up. “Hi, Dad.”
“Just checking to see what’s going on this weekend. Am I the babysitter or what? Have you changed your mind and asked Marjorie?”
“To be honest, I don’t know what’s happening. I haven’t talked to Marjorie yet, and I also haven’t heard from Carter.”
“Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise?”
Grace was in no mood for teasing. “I don’t know. We’ve had a hard time finding time to spend together. And he’s had to travel back to Chicago a few times. Plus he’s trying to pull his place together. He’s still waiting for the furniture delivery. There’s not much more than a bed there.”
“Well, if I remember anything about being in love, that’s all you need. Not just love, but the bed.”
“Very funny.”
“Look, I know it’s been difficult, but you’ll figure it out. Now, I’ll take the kids if you need me to....”
“Thanks. I’m going to talk to Marjorie, if you’re okay with that. She’s been very difficult since finding out about me and Carter. And I think she’s been trying to influence Madison. He’s been asking a lot of questions he shouldn’t even be thinking about.”
“Like?”
Grace sighed. “There’s the whole question of Carter staying with me. Marjorie has been asking Madison if Carter ever stays over. But how do I have a personal life and do the right thing?”
“Carefully. Very carefully,” her father teased gently.
* * *
Grace had just gotten Becca into her pajamas when she thought she heard a car in her driveway. She didn’t pay it much attention since drivers were known to use any driveway on the street when they wanted to turn around. Then she heard the front doorbell.
“Mommy, someone’s at the door,” Madison called out from his room.
“Who’s that?” Becca added.
Grace gave her daughter a stuffed animal and her favorite blanket to hold. “I’m going to find out. You stay in bed. I’ll be back to kiss you good-night, okay?”
She navigated around the children’s things still in the living room and headed for the front door. She looked through the security hole and was stunned to see Carter there so late at night. She opened the door.
“Carter. What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you.”
“But it’s late.”
“I knew I’d catch you at home,” he said meaningfully.
“I’m sorry. Come in.”
Carter stepped into the house and at once reached for her. Grace made a feeble attempt to wiggle away from his grasp.
“Carter! The kids are still awake....”
That was as far as she got because she was in his arms and was being kissed in such a way as to remind her of what she missed, among other things, when she and Carter were apart. She gave in to the seduction and returned his kiss with equal ardor.
Grace heard childish giggling and tore herself out of Carter’s arms, speechless and embarrassed.
“Hi, Carter.” Madison waved.
Becca, who’d also gotten out of bed, was too busy sucking two of her fingers to do more than stare sleepily at the visitor.
“Hey, Madison. I’m sorry for coming by so late. I wanted to see your mother.”
“When are you coming back so we can play chess?”
“I can play chess,” Becca asserted, but no one paid her any attention.
“Okay, back to bed, both of you. Right now!” Grace said in her sternest parental voice.
Carter touched her arm. “Wait. Before you make them leave, I’d like to ask Madison and Becca something. It will only take a minute, okay?”
“You can ask me anything,” Madison said, delighted at being able to help in some way.
“First, let’s all sit down.”
Carter took a seat on the sofa, perching on the edge, and leaned forward to rest his forearms on his thighs. Grace sat down not far from him and beckoned to her daughter. Becca crawled onto her mother’s lap and leaned back against her. Madison came to sit on the sofa arm nearest to Carter.
“When are you coming back to play with us?” Madison asked Carter again.
Carter sent a knowing glance to Grace. “Soon, I hope. I’ve been busy at work and traveling a lot, and I just moved into a new place.”
“Can I come and visit?” Madison asked.
“Me, too,” Becca whined. “I want to visit ’partment.”
“Yes, I want you all to come and see me. That’s what I want to talk to you about,” Carter said, looking around at the gathering. He reached out for Grace’s hand and held it fast as she would have pulled away. “How would you guys feel if I visited more often?”
“Mommy, can he? I want Carter to come see us.”
Grace was watching Carter, hope burning bright in her gaze that there was a way to resolve the issue of how to have it all.
“I think that would be wonderful, if you and Becca don’t mind,” Grace said.
“Becca, wake up! Don’t you want Carter to come visit us?” Madison shouted.
Becca was almost asleep in her mother’s arms. Grace held her small daughter closer. “Madison, we can hear you.”
“Is that okay?” Carter asked Grace.
“Yes. I think we all would like it very much if you did.”
“Good. Now second question. This is for Madison since he’s the man of the house. Will it be okay if I take your mother out?”
“Where to?”
“Lots of places. Dinner. Maybe a movie. Long drives. Maybe away overnight,” Carter ventured.
“You mean like sleepaway camp?”
“Yeah. Something like that.” Carter smiled. “I enjoy your mother’s company. And sometimes, it’s really important that she gets to spend some time with other grown-ups. Like...going out on a date.”
“I guess.” Madison shrugged. He came over and leaned against Carter’s knee. “Maybe you can come and live with us. I don’t mind if you share my room.”
* * *
“Is he going to be here?” Marjorie asked Grace, walking into the house as if she was on a death march.
“Carter wanted to come, but I told him I wanted just you and the kids for dinner. I’ll invite him another time.”
“Please don’t do it just for me.”
“I won’t. I’ll do it for all of us.”
“It’s not going to make any difference to me. I don’t approve of you and Carter getting together, and I don’t like you doing it around my grandchildren.”
“I’m sorry you’re unhappy about my relationship with Carter, but it’s not going to end because you want it to.”
“Then I don’t know what you hope to prove by this dinner.”
“Just that the children like Carter, and they’re very comfortable around him. They consider Carter a friend. Actually, they think he’s their special friend. I want to be careful introducing a different relationship to them. I want them to know and understand the difference between Carter and Benson.”
“Lord, have mercy,” Marjorie moaned, dropping into a chair and quietly crying.
Grace sat next to her and patiently patted her shoulder. “It’s going to take time, but you’ve got to see that the children are always going to have other people in their lives, Marjorie. Other men. No one is ever going to replace Benson, but he can’t and won’t be the only important figure in their lives. I’ll always want them to know who he was and what he was like, but please try to accept that there’s no way Benson can be a part of their lives.”
“You’re going to take them away from me.”
“I would never do that. But you could drive them away, if you’re not careful.” Grace
stood up and went to the stairs to call up. “Madison, Becca. Come down. Nana Marjorie is here. We’re going to have dinner soon.”
Madison was the first one down the stairs, and he dutifully greeted his grandmother with a hug.
“Nana, how come you’re crying?”
Marjorie attempted to dry her eyes. “Oh, I guess I’m a little sad, baby. I still miss your father very much.”
Madison was sweet and kind with his grandmother, wanting to make her feel better. He laid his cheek on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Nana. You can love me and Becca and Mommy just as much. I bet my Daddy won’t mind.”
* * *
Grace preceded Carter into the apartment and put down her tote. There were still precious few pieces of furniture, but the absence of fully outfitted rooms no longer mattered. The first time she and Carter had been able to spend a full day and night there alone had changed her mind about the apartment. Without it, she and Carter might have been reduced to rendezvousing in the guest rooms of friends’ homes or, if desperate, at a midtown hotel. Only a few times had they been able to enjoy the cozy comfort of her own bedroom. On those rare occasions, the children had been overnight guests of either grandparent.
Carter took her coat and hung it in the hall closet. He immediately led her to the bedroom, where the queen-sized platform bed had been joined by a comfortable chair, a small bureau, and a few lamps. His single-mindedness made her laugh. As long as they could be together, it was home sweet home.
“I never thought you’d hear me say this, but I’m so glad to be here,” Grace said as Carter offered a comforting hug.
“I’m so glad you’re here, too,” he agreed.
“Thank you for waiting for me. I didn’t expect to have to stay that extra thirty minutes.”
He kissed her forehead. “No problem. I’m getting used to it.”
“I guess we should think about a more permanent arrangement,” Grace mused boldly, not just to herself.
“Sooner or later,” Carter said, stepping back. He began undressing her, and Grace stood like an obedient child, letting him.
