by LS Sygnet
His eyes brightened. “Really? That’s fantastic, Helen! It is fantastic, isn’t it?”
“I didn’t know how I felt about it at first.” I sat on the bench swing in the back yard and patted the slats beside me. “Of course I came to my senses and we’re absolutely thrilled about this now.”
“You’ll be wonderful parents.”
“Johnny will be.” I toed the concrete under the swing and set it into gentle motion. “I’m not so sure about my abilities as a mother. I think about mine, you know? She wasn’t such a shining example of human nurturing, let alone maternal instinct.”
“You learned everything you need to know from your father. I know you’re conflicted because he’s in prison, but Helen, you’ve never doubted that he loves you.”
“No, I guess I haven’t.”
“Besides, I think people worry too much that they’re going to automatically be what their parents are. Look at me. Couldn’t be more opposite than mine.”
“I know that things are strained between you and Aidan. But what about your mother?”
“Wives, be submissive to your husbands.” He quoted probably the biggest bigot from the New Testament.
“Paul hated women, Crevan. He’s hardly the example that anyone should follow.”
“Tell that to my dad.”
“I’d be delighted. When can I see him again?”
Crevan laughed softly. “Please tell me you’re joking. You barely survived your first meeting with my father.”
“Maybe a little bit, but I love you very much, and I can’t stand to see you moping around because your father is a douchebag. By the way, you still haven’t answered my question.”
“My mother.”
“Yes. Do I even know her name?”
“Kathleen.”
“So she agrees with Aidan that your alleged crime is unforgivable?”
Crevan shrugged.
“Tell me that you’ve talked to her, honey.”
“How could I do that? Dad won’t let me come to the house. He told me that I’m basically dead to them now.”
“Do you believe that Kathleen feels that way too, or is it just her being the good Christian subservient wife?”
“I don’t know what to think,” Crevan sighed and brushed one hand through his hair. “Alex thinks I should pick up the phone and call her. He says that I’ll never have a relationship with either one of them if I don’t give them time to accept the truth or reach out and remind them that I’m still here and that I haven’t ever stopped loving them.”
“He sounds like a good guy.”
“Alex is…” Crevan’s eyes stared off toward the Pacific, distant and dreamy. “He’s wonderful, Helen. Sometimes, I’m so happy when we’re together, feel such a bone-deep peace, I feel guilty.”
“What for? You’ve got a very overdeveloped sense of guilt, my friend. I killed two men, with complete intent a little over two weeks ago, and I don’t feel a speck of remorse. Well, other than the fact that I’m a little pissed that they died so fast.”
Crevan laughed softly and shook his head. “Only you, Helen.”
“You think I should feel guilty?”
He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and squeezed gently. “Not even a little bit. It was clearly a case of self defense. Not only that, they were guilty as hell. You saved the state a whole lot of money. Fewer trials.”
“I’d like to meet your mother,” I said, tilting my head against his shoulder. “I’ve got this theory, you see. Even with all our parent’s faults, they still managed to procreate children who didn’t turn out so terrible in spite of our gene pool. Somewhere, buried underneath all that muck, there’s got to be a redeeming quality or two.”
“Is this your not-so-subtle way of telling me that you’ve got a new hobby now that you’re well and truly retired?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Helen, I don’t need you to mediate between my parents and me.”
“Then consider it a case study. Maybe I’ll go back to school and get another doctorate.”
He grinned. “In what this time?”
“I don’t know.”
“You’ve already got one in psychology. This alleged case study of yours sounds awfully psychological,” he said. “I understand why you’re curious about Mom, but haven’t you been traumatized enough for one lifetime? Why would you want to put yourself through that, Helen?”
“I don’t want to believe that your parents are a lost cause. If there’s a possibility that your mother feels differently than Aidan does, shouldn’t she have the opportunity to have a relationship with you if that’s what she wants?”
“You’re assuming that you could get her away from Dad for two minutes.”
“If I can, will you let me meet her?”
This time, it was Crevan who kicked the swing into motion. “Depends. What’ve you got in mind?”
“Lunch. You, me, your mother. Some nice little place out on Hennessey Island maybe.”
“I don’t know, Helen. I’d hate for you to get sucked into my personal drama.”
“Do I at least get to spend some time getting to know Alex?”
Crevan’s smile turned curious. “Where’s all of this coming from, Helen? You’ve been here almost a year. You’ve never taken such an interest in my personal life before.”
I reached for the hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. “I thought I would die trying to escape what happened to me, Crevan. I guess it woke me up a little bit.”
“Meaning what exactly?”
My shoulder lifted slightly. “There are a lot of people here who have been very good to me. Offered me friendship even though as you and Johnny put it, I can be a little erratic at times. I feel disconnected. Is it wrong that I want to make things right? Is it so unbelievable that I want a normal life full of friends who know how very important they are to me?”
“Of course it’s not wrong. I don’t think we see you quite the way you see yourself though. It’s been a rough year for you, even before you came to Darkwater Bay. Do you know what I see when I look at you?”
I shook my head.
“Strength.”
“C’mon… you’ve watched me fall apart on more than one occasion, Crevan.”
“I’ve watched you retreat and summon that unstoppable force inside you. I’ve seen you run away from things you didn’t want to deal with right that second. But through all of that, you’ve always found a strength that I’ve envied.”
“Why?”
Crevan stared at the cliff and the ocean beyond. “It’s hard not to envy a woman who’s more alpha male than any man I’ve ever known.”
“Even Johnny?”
He chuckled. “Especially Johnny. You’ve had him wrapped around your little finger from the day he first met you. He’d never tell you no, not to any crazy request you had.”
“But he has in the past.”
“Uh-huh,” Crevan grinned. “And how long did he win those battles?”
“I gained weight. I’m about to gain a whole lot of it thanks to him.” Of course, I referred to the time at Christmas when Johnny camped out in my home and got awfully high handed, insisting that I stop eating narcotics and substitute food instead.
Crevan’s eyes scanned my face. “You’re so much stronger than I am. You’ve got your mind set on this thing with my mother, don’t you? Even if I offered to bring Alex over for you to grill, you’re not letting go of the other thing. I should do the wise thing and pick my battles.”
“So you’ll let me meet your mom?”
He sighed and shrugged. “Don’t get your hopes up. I only know one force more unstoppable than you are, Helen. His name is Aidan Conall.”
“We’ll see about that.” Then again, maybe some things really are genetic.
Chapter 4
I strolled into the bedroom in a bathrobe with a towel wrapped around damp hair when Johnny woke up the next morning. He rubbed his eyes and blinked at me
. “You’re up already?”
“Things to do today.”
A sort of wary curiosity descended. “And what sort of things would those be?”
“Maya and I are going shopping this morning. It’s her day off. Then I’m meeting Briscoe for lunch. I’m surprised he didn’t tell you yesterday. The man doesn’t know how to keep a secret.”
His eyes narrowed. “What’re you up to, Helen?”
“Shopping. Furniture today.”
“Oh?”
I nodded. “Plus, Maya has decided that she’s going to convince me that her gynecologist is the person I should see for this prenatal stuff. Don’t look so panicked. She’s an obstetrician too. I’ve got to see somebody that’s capable of actually delivering this baby, Johnny. You didn’t think I’d continue to see Dr. Schwartz for the duration of the pregnancy, did you?”
“I guess I hadn’t really thought that far ahead. What sort of furniture are you buying today?”
I grinned and perched on the edge of the bed. “Nursery furniture. Do you object?”
“No, but I sort of figured that might be something we’d do together. Is my taste in home decor so terrible that I’m not allowed to help pick out baby furniture?”
“I can see it now. Minimalist baby.”
Johnny chuckled. “Fine. So I don’t go for all the little touches women like to put in every square foot of a home.”
“Are you saying you think my house is cluttered?”
“I’d love living in your space if it were a cardboard box under a bridge, sweetheart.”
I leaned over and kissed him softly. “Good answer, Mr. Orion.”
“What I’m not sure I like is the idea of you running around town without me tagging along.”
“I can’t hole up here forever. It’s not like I’ll be alone either.”
“Yeah, I trusted someone else to keep you safe before. Look how that turned out.”
Gillette’s words rippled through my brain like a stone skipping over water. Was it safe for me to go anywhere alone? Had my freedom been sold long before I was abducted?
“Hey,” Johnny said softly. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want to be a prisoner in my own home either. It would be really easy to stay here and never leave again.”
“You’re not a prisoner. Seems like we’ve both got a bit of adjusting to do.”
“I agree. I think it’s time you went back to work at the office, Johnny. If we have to be in constant communication in the meantime, until we both feel a little more secure, we’ll do it. But you have responsibilities. I know you’re still working on this thing with Senator Sanderfield’s campaign contributions. Zack needs to have easy access to you while he prepares to try Melissa Sherman for her role in what happened to me and God only knows how many other innocent victims. I’m not your only responsibility.”
“You’re the only one that matters,” he said softly. “Helen, what if I’m not ready to go back? What if being away from you for even five minutes is too long? I won’t be any use to anyone, not Joe or Zack or OSI.”
“I was in the shower for 20 minutes. You did just fine.”
“I didn’t know you were gone,” he said. “What if something had happened because you sneaked off while I was sleeping?”
“Right,” I shook my head slowly. “I might’ve been sucked down the shower drain. Johnny, I know your concerns weren’t unfounded, but we can’t keep doing this. At some point, you’ve got to trust me to be alone. I’m not distracted anymore. If anything, I’m still pretty damned paranoid.”
“I’ll probably call you a million times and get less done today than I would if we just stayed home,” he grumbled. “But you’ve made your point.”
If I were a wise woman, I’d grab the identity Johnny offered me. I’d be content to be his wife, and a mother. I’d leave the nagging questions Andy Gillette left me with unanswered. I don’t think I’ve ever aspired to wisdom. I know I’ve never claimed that particular virtue.
“Johnny, the real point is that I’ll come home, we’ll have a quiet dinner together. You can start putting baby furniture into the nursery.”
“Have we decided which room we’re using?”
“I’m not putting our baby upstairs,” I said. “I thought we’d use the guest room down here. Of course, that’s too far away too, so for the time being, I thought maybe you could move my gym equipment to that guest room and we’d put the baby over there.” I pointed to the wall that separated the exercise room from the master bedroom.
“You want our baby’s nursery to be accessible through the bathroom?” Johnny shook his head and laughed. “Honey, why don’t we have a room built onto this one? It wouldn’t have to be very large.”
“I’ve got ten million rooms already.”
“Then let’s use this little sitting area over here,” Johnny pointed to the space that would be more than adequate if the furniture was removed.
“I should make some measurements before I leave. You’re right. That space would be perfect.”
“Hey,” Johnny gripped my wrist. “Promise that you’ll call me. A lot?”
“I’ll call so often that you’ll start feeling like you’re shopping with us.”
“Which isn’t such a bad idea, Helen. I could clear my schedule today and tag along.”
“Would that be to make you feel more secure or me?”
“A little bit of both, I guess,” he said. Johnny’s eyes fluttered shut. “I know you’re right. It’s hard to let go and cope with the worry.”
“It won’t be easy for me either. We have to do this, Johnny. You wanted me to face what happened to me, to move past it. Now you have to let me do it.”
“Wish it didn’t have to be today.”
“We could make a compromise,” I suggested. “When I finish at lunch with Tony, you could meet me here at home and we could spend all afternoon together.”
“This is gonna be the longest morning ever. Call me when you’re done with lunch. I’ll be here when you get home.”
I was nervous, leaving the house without Johnny. My eyes darted frequently to the rearview mirror – just to be sure that no one was following me. Gillette’s threat loomed large in my mind. Already owned, whether I new it or not. It was only a matter of time.
They tried to abduct Sofia Datello again too. Would someone come after me again? It sparked a sense of urgency in my heart, to get the person behind what happened to me and make him pay. If Johnny knew that I feared another abduction, he wouldn’t have let me out of his sight for a second. It would seriously hamper the vengeance that simmered inside me.
There would be justice, but it wouldn’t come from the court. There would be an end to the threat, but the police wouldn’t be the ones to protect me and facilitate an arrest. I didn’t fight the instinct within me. I would never fight it again.
I am my father’s child. Wendell’s child. Biology means nothing. He’s my father.
But learning the truth about my first moments on earth was the best way I could think of to find out who continued to pull strings in my life. If that meant that I had to learn that my gene pool came from Aidan and Kathleen Conall instead of Wendell and Marie Eriksson, that’s what I would do.
Maya met me in front of the same furniture store where I had purchased most of what was in my house in Beach Cliffs now. She held two cups of coffee in her hands.
“It’s decaf,” she thrust one forward. “Can’t have you overloading on caffeine in your condition.”
I laughed. “I’m assuming that the content would meet Johnny’s exacting standards for my calorie consumption.”
“Loaded with fat and sugar. I’m surprised he didn’t talk you into letting him tag along, Helen. Aside from the fact that I’ve never seen anybody so frantic as he was after it happened, he seems like he’s going to be the ultimate hands on partner during this pregnancy.”
“And beyond,” I grinned. “He hasn’t said a whole lot about it y
et, but I know he’s dying to jump in and be a dad. Super Dad.”
“He loves you, my friend.”
I nodded soberly. “Yeah, I know he does.” It was knowledge that would make decisions difficult for me. “He had a hard time letting me leave the house this morning.” We sat on a large planter outside the store while the last filaments of morning fog burned off in the bright sunshine.
“How are you handling this, Helen? I mean really handling it, not just what you know everyone wants to hear.”
I shrugged. “I have good days and bad days, I suppose. It gets a little easier every day. At first I wasn’t sure any of this was real. I thought maybe I’d lost my mind and was only imagining that Johnny found me.”
“He warned all of us not to talk about what happened out there, Helen, but there’s something I think you should know.”
“Tell me.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to be responsible for a setback.”
“I’m positive.”
She nodded slowly. “All right. They had Gillette’s body shipped back here, since that’s where the crime took place and the investigation belonged to OSI.”
“You did the autopsy?”
“Yes,” she said. “Honey, when you put your mind to killing someone, you really get the job done.”
“I broke his neck.”
“His neck, severed his spinal cord, crushed his larynx, you name it. Johnny said they had your ankles in irons. Yet I didn’t find a single ligature mark on his throat.”
“He’d been dead for a few days, Maya. I’d imagine it compromised some of the physical findings you might’ve otherwise observed.”
“You’d think, wouldn’t you? I found your skin under his fingernails and your footprints – at least from the balls of your feet – on his chest.”
“I thought I was standing on his arm. Funny how my perceptions of all that were so skewed.” Another thought occurred to me. “You have my DNA on file now?”
“It’s not being entered into the system if that’s what your worried about.”
“Can I trust you to keep my confidence, Maya? I mean, no matter what, would you keep a secret if I asked you to?”
