by LS Sygnet
“Here I thought you might be grateful for this unanticipated development. Nobody’s going to hunt for Wendell now. Or did you completely gloss over that fact?”
“Hospitals do not lose bodies, Johnny. The fact that they just happened to lose one who was serving a life sentence at Attica is going to raise more than a couple of red flags.”
Johnny shook his head. “No, not really. If the hospital pronounced Wendell dead and lost the body, there’s no problem.”
“How did you manage to pull that off?”
Johnny glared at me. “You’re not the only person with friends and connections. Forgive me if I don’t feel compelled to share information with you.”
“I don’t believe this.”
“As long as you remember that spousal privilege works both ways, we’re good.”
“Yes it does. You’re forgetting one crucial point, Johnny. You took me away from the only person I truly love. What happens to me now matters very little.”
“I’d think you could channel a little bit of that fondness toward your children. Then again, maybe you were right about your motherly instincts all along.”
The barb stung. I felt bloody and raw inside, shredded to tiny bits of flesh and bone held together with nothing more than a skin bag on the outside.
I lapsed into stony silence. Johnny followed me through the house when we got home. Whatever mess I’d made before leaving, the resulting search for evidence completed by Forsythe and his men, was gone. Someone had returned my home to its formerly pristine condition. Other than a couple of missing lamps, there was no hint that something untoward happened here.
I stomped toward the bedroom with Johnny hot on my heels. I slammed the door in his face. Of course that didn’t stop him.
An immediate detour into his closet surely would give him pause. I grabbed hangers draped with suits and started throwing them at him.
“I am not leaving this house, Helen.”
“Your rules, right? Does that mean you plan to rape me too? You’re just as bad as the men who abducted me and planned to sell me into slavery. Maybe I should tell David that you think I’m your personal property. He might adjust the focus of his investigation to include you.”
“You don’t mean that. And that’s not what I meant anyway, Helen. We made vows. You gave yourself to me freely.”
“Consider the gift revoked. I realize I can’t make you leave, but behind these walls, there will be no question that the only thing I still feel for you is contempt.”
Johnny brushed past me and retrieved the rest of his suits before I took a turn for more vengeful and started destroying them. His voice was muffled over the thick mound of fabric. “You need to remember that when we took those vows, I gave myself to you too, Helen.”
“Well I feel so much better now,” I sneered. “You took it back first.”
My brilliant retreat involved locking myself in the master bathroom until all activity audible through the door ceased. Cautiously I peeked outside. Nothing. Silence. Very loud silence. I slipped out of the bathroom and surveyed Johnny’s closet. It was completely empty. Drawers stood open. Not even an empty hanger hung on the spindles.
“Good riddance,” I huffed. If only it were that easy to get him out of the house altogether. If karma is real, surely this is my payday.
I pushed the thoughts out of my head and drifted to the kitchen. Even though I’d eaten less than two hours ago, pangs of hunger jabbed at my ribs. My stock of frozen strawberry milkshakes was undisturbed. I pulled one out and fished through the drawer next to the sink for a straw.
Now what? Run around the house avoiding my husband? Snipe at him whenever avoidance didn’t work? Suddenly, 29 weeks felt like a life sentence. If I weren’t so fond of fresh air and freedom, I might be tempted to pick up the phone and confess all to David Levine.
Johnny was right, dammit. The last thing my children deserved was gestation in a mother living behind bars. They were innocent, deserved a healthy mom who got plenty of fresh air, exercise and what little sunshine Darkwater Bay had to offer.
My hand drifted over the slight protrusion. It wouldn’t be long now. The bump appeared overnight. Soon, it would become even more noticeable.
“I don’t care what he thinks,” I said. “I do love you. And I’ll be a better mother than Marie Eriksson and Kathleen Conall ever dreamed of being.”
If.
If Johnny let me.
If he didn’t turn me in from the delivery room and snatch my babies away from me.
If he allowed me to be part of their lives at all.
The next 29 weeks might be all I had with my children. I vowed something new. I wasn’t sharing a single precious moment of my borrowed time with anyone, certainly not Johnny Orion.
I heard Johnny’s footsteps on the back staircase from the second floor. Quickly, I zipped to the front of the house and climbed the main staircase. Let him brood, let him hear a message loud and clear without a single word spoken from these lips.
The sofa in the media room beckoned. I curled up at the end of it, flicked on the television and drifted off to sleep without a care that Johnny would follow. Surely he understood that now was not the time to force this issue or any other.
It set the precedent for the next ten days. What little we said to one another was unkind. Mostly we occupied a single structure and spent the majority of our time avoiding one another. He conducted business from my office, and I had no interest in what he was doing, so long as he kept our Faustian bargain to keep the truth of my paternity quiet.
Dad was free. My purpose was fulfilled. As for fear of Gillette’s assertion that I was already owned, I felt it, from my husband, not some unknown quantity out there in the world waiting to snatch me again.
After the first call from someone to hear from me directly that I was truly fine, I refused to speak to anyone. What was the point? Johnny listened to the entire conversation from an extension across the room. I cut the call from Chris Darnell abruptly short and stormed out of the room.
Not before I threw a few choice epithets Johnny’s way.
Clearly, curiosity Monday morning propelled me behind him when the doorbell rang. I never even heard the intercom from the gate. Maybe that was Johnny’s plan in the end. Desensitize the world to his lax security measures and allow me to be sold into slavery after the babies were born.
He swung open the front door. At the first glimpse of the guest on the other side, I promptly yanked the door out of his hand and slammed it in Maya’s face. I stomped off through the dining room, a shortcut to the kitchen. Voices behind me drew me into the butler’s pantry to eavesdrop instead.
“Guess she’s still not ready to see you, Maya.”
“This is ridiculous. I only told you what I knew because I was worried about her.”
“Gee, that helps.”
“Can’t you talk to her? Make her listen to me?”
“Sure, if you want to make sure that she never speaks to you again, I’d be happy to intercede on your behalf.”
“Why is she angry with you?”
I muffled the snort. This should be good. After all, Johnny’s certain I’m the proficient liar under this roof.
“It’s complicated,” Johnny said.
I’ll say.
“Then uncomplicate it.”
His heavy sigh dropped like a rock. “She doesn’t think she’s safe here, and is highly displeased that I insisted she come home immediately.”
“She said she had a lead on… on the woman who kidnapped her. Did she at least have enough time to find the answers she wanted?”
No response. I read it as a shrug.
“She’s not talking to you at all?”
“Oh, she’s got a few things to say, nothing I feel comfortable repeating. Don’t worry about this, Maya. She’s fine. We’ll be fine.”
Don’t bet on it, asshole.
My interest in their conversation quickly waned. I slipped into the kitchen as originally plan
ned and was devouring a box of animal crackers when Johnny appeared.
“You hear any of that?”
“Any of what?”
“Jesus, Helen. Must you be so combative all the time?”
“Your rules, remember?”
“Are you ready for your appointment this morning?”
“I don’t have to be at Dr. Harvey’s office until ten-thirty. It won’t take us two hours to get downtown.”
“No, it won’t. I’ve got to stop at OSI and pick something up on the way. We’re leaving now.”
I glared. “If you need to go to work, trot off and do it. I’m perfectly capable of taking myself to the doctor.”
“You’re not excluding me from anything, Helen. Get ready to go. And cheer up. Maybe you’ll run into your boyfriend while we’re at OSI.”
Chapter 18
Johnny abandoned me the second I stepped into what was the equivalent of OSI’s squad room. The squad per se, consisted of Devlin and Crevan, since Johnny no longer used state police detectives to work the cases OSI actively pursued.
The room was empty, save for one man. He looked up when I uttered a loud, “Ahem.”
“Helen! What brings you out here?”
I strolled across the large room and perched on the edge of his desk. “Eh. Johnny had to pick something up, and God forbid I have a moment of privacy without intense scrutiny. I’m surprised he hasn’t installed security cameras in my bathroom. How are you, Devlin? I’ve missed you these past few weeks.”
His gaze softened. “I’ve missed you too. You look a heck of a lot better than you did the last time I saw you. I didn’t get the chance to say so then, but I’m so sorry about your father. I know you hadn’t seen him for a very long time, but it still had to hurt.”
Yes, knowing that I would never see him again hurt me more than anything else. Maybe he’d reciprocate one day and rescue me from my prison, whether it became a literal one or the one Johnny devised for me.
“Thanks, Dev. That means a lot. Other than David, you’re the only one who expressed any condolences for my loss at all.”
He frowned. “Not even Johnny?”
Especially Johnny. I think he’d have preferred that Wendell did die that night. “He doesn’t harbor a forgiving spirit where mistakes are concerned. Probably what makes him so good at this job. Zero compassion.”
“I have a hard time believing that attitude applies to you. I know he loves you very much.”
“Marriage changes people.”
“Helen, you’ve been married what, a month?”
Twenty nine days today.
“Honeymoon’s over?”
“It never started, my friend.”
He grinned. “So what are you waiting for?”
“Insanity to return?”
“Helen…”
“Let’s talk about something more pleasant. Please?”
“So other than tagging along with the fearless leader, what are you up to today?”
“I have a doctor’s appointment. Gotta make sure the wee ones are thriving despite my stress level.”
Devlin’s eyes dragged over my frame. “Are you starting to show already?”
I grinned. “Popped out overnight. It’s so amazing, Devlin. You can’t imagine what this is like.”
“I think I got a pretty good glimpse, what with the morning sickness that lasted all day, the mood swings –”
“Ah-ah,” I chided with a playful wag of my finger.
“Well, you were moody. I’m glad those symptoms have subsided.”
“I wouldn’t go that far. This has just been a good morning. Better at least, since I got to see you.” I reached out and grabbed his hand. “Check this out.”
Devlin’s eyes widened when his palm rested over the swell of my low abdomen. “That’s incredible, Helen. And this just… happened?”
“I swear, I was flat as a board when I went to bed, and the next morning, boom! There they were. Isn’t it fantastic?”
“Can you feel them moving yet?”
“No. I read that it’s way too early for that yet. I’m only about twelve weeks along now. They say between sixteen and twenty weeks you really start feeling movement.”
“I bet you can’t wait.”
I grinned again. “I really can’t.”
Dev suddenly jerked his hand away and stared at the large calendar that covered most of his desk. “Well, I’m happy for you. It’s great to see you so content, Helen.” Eyes peeked up. “Good morning, commander.”
“Mackenzie,” Johnny snarled. “Helen, are you ready to leave?” He tapped a box under one arm. “I got what I came for.”
I slid off the edge of Devlin’s desk. “Good to see you again, Devlin.” Meekly, I followed Johnny out of OSI. The manipulation was not lost on him.
“Do you think that worked?” he snarled. “Honestly, Helen. Playing up how poor and abused you are seems pretty desperate, particularly when Mackenzie of all people knows how capable you are of defending yourself.”
“If you didn’t want me out here, you could’ve let me go to the doctor on my own.”
“Not a chance,” he said before tucking the box he retrieved on the floor in the back seat of the Expedition. “I’d suggest you behave as normally as possible. You looked like a fool simpering away like that.”
“I do not simper.”
“Exactly my point. You looked like an idiot. Then again, the fact that I suggested you behave normally pretty much guarantees that you’ll do the opposite. By all means. Carry on, Helen.”
Waves of fury radiated from every pore all the way across Downey into Darkwater proper to the doctor’s office. My fury and his. Fortunately, neither of us gave voice to the hateful thoughts percolating. I got out of the SUV and slammed the door, stalked off toward the office without caring if Johnny followed. I hoped he didn’t.
Of course he was right behind me. He jerked the office door out of my hand and made a sweeping gesture. “After you, honey.”
“If my blood pressure is sky high, I hope you feel like the piece of shit you really are. My blood pressure affects the babies. Maybe you should try to remember that in the future.”
Speaking of putting on a good act, Johnny morphed immediately into the concerned and doting husband the moment we stepped into the doctor’s office. He held my jacket and purse while Dr. Harvey’s nurse weighed me and made small talk.
I couldn’t say what my responses were. The only thing going through my mind at the moment was grabbing the first sharp implement I could find and shoving it into Johnny’s neck.
Katy left us in an exam room. “Into the gown, everything off from the waist down, just like last time.”
“Good thing for these exams,” I said. “It’s the only action I’m gonna see down there until I figure out how to get rid of you.”
It was cruel and uncalled for, but there were no stray scalpels lying around. A sharp tongue was the next best choice. My words hit the mark. Johnny’s eyes darkened and he lowered his head.
Harvey stepped through the door and smiled. “How are the parents-to-be this morning?”
“Fine,” I said. “We’re… both fine. All four of us, I hope.”
Did he snort?
“Let’s have a look, shall we? Up in the stirrups.”
Despite what I said to Johnny, pelvic exams aren’t my idea of a good time. Never have been. They’re particularly undignified with a man standing at my shoulder. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing through the minor discomfort.
“Looks good from this perspective,” she said. “However, Katy reports a couple of findings that have me concerned, Helen. Your blood pressure is a little higher than I’d like it to be.”
I felt Johnny’s guilt. Why I tried to ease it was the real mystery. “Is it possible that it’s running a little high because… well, I got some very bad news about a week ago.”
“Oh?”
I nodded. “My father passed away.”
“I’m s
o sorry to hear that, Helen. To answer your question, yes. Emotional trauma can cause a change in your blood pressure. Would it help for you to talk to a grief counselor perhaps?”
“I’m coping. Slowly. I’ll think about it though. Thank you for the suggestion.”
I felt Johnny relax behind me and caught an aborted movement out of the corner of my eye.
“It also might explain the other problem, one that frankly concerns me more than the blood pressure. How’s your appetite been?”
“She eats about ten times a day,” Johnny said. “Why?”
“Well, you’ve lost three and a half pounds in the past two weeks. That’s not good. We’d like to see you gain half a pound to a pound per week of your pregnancy. I know that seems like a lot, but you’re essentially nourishing three people now. Two of them, as I’m sure you’ve realized, are growing very quickly.”
“You noticed.”
Harvey smiled. “In the next few weeks, it will become impossible not to notice. If this weight trend doesn’t reverse itself by your next appointment in two weeks, we’ll talk about some ways to boost your calorie intake.”
“I drink a lot of high protein milkshakes,” I said.
“Helen was shot several months ago and experienced extreme weight loss during her recovery period. She wasn’t quite back to her normal weight when we found out she’s expecting, but within five or seven pounds, I’d say. Is that right, Helen?”
“Closer to ten pounds,” I admitted. “My weight dropped 25 pounds while I was recuperating.” It was the first time I copped to a number closer to my actual weight loss through that whole mess.
“Then we’ll keep a close eye on it. Keep doing what you’re doing now, maybe a little more of it. Certainly don’t start counting calories. One thing about pregnancy, Mother Nature built in a mechanism that will rob you of what you need in order to nourish a fetus. I don’t want to see your health and strength decline because you’re prone to weight loss. And while I would never suggest that an expectant mother stop exercising, I do want you to be aware of how many additional calories you’ll require to offset those you burn during your normal exercise routine.”
