by LS Sygnet
“Then love should be avoided at all costs.”
David turned me toward him, tipped my chin up from my chest. “After what you went through with Rick, I would’ve thought you’d embrace that philosophy for the rest of your life. Johnny is not Rick Hamilton. He actually loves you, Helen.”
“Rick loved –”
“No one but his corrupt family, and you know it. I never liked him, never understood what you saw in him. I kept my mouth shut for years. Why? Because I love you, my dear, dear friend. But I will not make the same silent mistake again. You need to fix whatever is wrong between you and your husband.”
“He doesn’t want to listen to what I have to say,” my eyes burned hotly. “Don’t you think I tried to talk to him? He basically told me to shut up, that the days of me having any say over my life were done.”
“And you mean everything you say when you’re angry?”
“I do now.”
“Jesus, you’re the most stubborn woman I’ve ever known. I cannot believe that his genuine concern for your health and safety incited such an argument.”
“The paint isn’t –”
“It is horrible, Helen. You didn’t jump down my throat when I expressed the same concerns.”
“You didn’t yell at me like a drill sergeant either.”
“Fair enough. It’s pretty clear to me that the two of you are carrying over hurt feelings from one fight to the next. Helen, you are far too astute as a psychologist not to be able to step back and see this for what it really is.”
And David was far too good not to recognize that none of the petty bullshit he witnessed was the real root of our problem. I sucked in a deep breath. Calming. Steadying. “I’ll try. Right now, I’d like to get the lamb out of the oven and eat dinner.”
“Civilly?”
I nodded. “I really am hungry. It doesn’t help matters much.”
“I’ll get the lamb. You set another place for Johnny in the dining room.”
David finished transplanting dinner from the butler’s pantry while I added another place at the table. He jerked his head toward the door.
“Don’t you think he might be more apt to join us if you politely ask him?”
I could muster information. I couldn’t guarantee that it would be polite or in the form of a request for his company. I wandered sullenly toward the kitchen. Johnny was gone. I checked the garage. His car was parked right beside mine. I found the office door closed.
Major eye roll. I knocked softly.
“What?”
I pushed the door open half way. “Dinner’s on the table. I put another setting out for you if you want to join us.”
“Lost my appetite.”
“Johnny…” I sighed.
“Again, what?” Red rimmed eyes met mine.
“Haven’t we aired enough of our dirty laundry for one night?”
He turned back to the computer screen and stared.
“Will you please come to dinner?”
His chin twitched. “You don’t want me there. You don’t want me anywhere near you. Sometimes I feel like you don’t even want me on the same planet.” Johnny impaled me with an accusatory glare. “You weren’t even wearing your wedding ring when I found you, Helen. How do you think that made me feel?”
I hadn’t taken it off to hurt him. It just seemed more expedient to leave it behind in a place I knew no one would ever find it.
“Did you throw it away? Sell it?”
“I still have it,” I said.
“So you’re not wearing it now because you hate me.” His clenched fist tapped the arm of the chair.
For God’s sake. Was that the bug up his ass?
“Our rings belonged to my parents,” he reminded me. “It meant something to me, putting my mother’s ring on your hand.”
What had David said about context? I drifted closer.
“I remember very well what you said about me having a ring. Do you? I said it didn’t matter to me. You wanted me to wear it because the world would know that I belonged to you. How do you think that symbol makes me feel after you told me that I’m nothing more than your personal property?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“I belong to you.”
“I wish.”
“Johnny,” my eyes rolled internally, “David’s waiting. Are you coming to dinner or not?”
“Give me a minute. Go ahead and start. Tell him I’m on the phone or something.”
“All right. The longer you make him wait, the more suspicious he’ll become.”
“God forbid anybody figure out that this thing is worse than they could possibly imagine,” he muttered.
I went back to David. “He’s coming. In a few minutes. Wouldn’t you know it? I need to… ladies room. Wait for me for another minute?”
“Sure,” David said. “I’ll start carving. Did I miss the mint jelly somewhere in that butler’s pantry of yours?”
“Fig chutney, and it’s in the refrigerator. I’m not going to have some angry rabbi gunning for me because this meal isn’t exactly kosher, am I?”
David chuckled at the weak attempt at humor. “I think I’ll get a special dispensation. He knows how fond of you I am. See you back here in a few minutes, all right?”
I didn’t go to the bathroom. My bladder was dry as a bone. Instead, I knelt on the floor of my closet and yanked the grate off the forced air vent. I shoved my arm down the hole and fished around until I found the cold, smooth band. I pulled it out and slipped it onto my left hand. Heaven forfend Johnny demand to know where the ring had been all this time. Maybe if it suddenly appeared on my finger, it would keep the peace, at least through dinner.
Johnny was in the dining room when I returned. I hadn’t noticed, but David had rearranged the place settings to one side of the table. He was seated at the head, leaving no choice but for Johnny and I to sit together.
Johnny pulled out the chair next to David for me.
David reached for my hand. “I know how you feel about religion, Helen, but it matters to me, to Johnny too, I understand. I’d like to offer a Yiddish prayer for healing before we eat.”
“All right.” No sarcasm, no huffing, no argument. I felt I could use a little healing at the moment. There’s no harm in wishing, right?
“We need to hold hands,” David said. “Come on. It’s traditional.”
Neither one of us would’ve known if he was stretching the truth. The ever dutiful Johnny picked up my hand. His thumb brushed the ring on my left ring finger. Tiny little glance of a touch at first. As David spoke the foreign words, Johnny’s thumb settled into a slow rub that twisted it around my finger.
The brain suffered a major blow from the heart.
Chapter 23
It was hard to tell that a terrible argument occurred based on my appetite. I dug into dinner with gusto. David shook his head and laughed. “You weren’t kidding about hunger.”
“Hmm, not a joking matter these days.”
“Did you catch the press conference on the local news this afternoon?” David asked.
I shook my head. “Heard that Governor Spineless Douchebag was planning to yammer on this afternoon. What did the lily livered coward do this time?”
Johnny spoke softly. “He closed OSI, Helen.”
I dug into the heap of potatoes on my plate. “I hear that wasn’t a great shock though, right? Dev said everybody sort of saw the writing on the wall.”
“When did you talk to him?”
I recognized the effort it took for Johnny not to snarl at me. It still came out defensive as hell.
I chewed slowly and swallowed. “I was in Downey this morning and called OSI to see who was available for lunch. No fun pigging out alone, you know.”
“And of course, Devlin just happened to be available.”
I nodded. “He said Crevan was out working some hush-hush case, and he had no idea where he was. You and Chris were up to your eyeballs with el jefe.”
“H
elen, you seem awfully calm about this,” David said.
I shrugged. “What’re you gonna do? This is the problem when people put their faith in bureaucrats and politicians. They get burned in the end, as I well learned the hard way nearly a year ago. There is life after law enforcement.” I waved a forkful of lamb in the air. “It’s mighty tasty too, I might add. No monsters. No demons. No nightmares. I highly recommend it.”
I felt the caress of Johnny’s eyes on me. I glanced left. “What?”
“Was that all you discussed at lunch?”
I grinned. “He gave me a brilliant idea. Dev thinks, since I refuse to divulge any details about the nursery, that I should have some kind of ribbon cutting ceremony to unveil it when it’s done.”
“Count me in,” David said and raised his glass in silent toast. “God knows we need to celebrate more in this very short existence of ours.”
“So, I suppose that put the kibosh on whatever Crevan was working on. Any idea what he’s gonna do for work now? Dev seemed a little worried about it. Maybe he could reenlist in the Marines. They’d be lucky to have someone of his caliber back in the ranks.”
David’s eyebrows dove into a deep vee. “Helen, didn’t Johnny tell you anything about the contingency plan?”
“Uh, I know that denial is a popular parlor game these days, David. Resist its lure. Isn’t it obvious that Johnny and I haven’t been doing much quality communication lately?”
“Helen,” he chided softly. “Civility?”
“What?” I jabbed a gob of creamy peas into my mouth. “I’m not saying he’s the only one at fault. It takes two to tango after all. I’m just as guilty as he is.”
“I see you still resist the lure of tact.”
“She’s right, David. I made a choice not to bring up that particular conversation, or any related to the job for that matter. Frankly, I’m stunned that Mackenzie didn’t lay it all out for you at lunch, Helen. I offered both he and Crevan work for a new division at the security company.”
“And?”
“Crevan accepted,” he said. “Dev wants a few days to consider his options.”
“Do you want me to talk to him?”
Johnny peered at me intently, as if he were trying to divine my sincerity or if I merely wanted another excuse to see a man that pinged his jealousy like no other. “I think he’s capable of making the choice without undue pressure.”
“All right,” I said. Golden dinner rolls slathered in butter beckoned.
David cleared his throat. “So at the press conference, Joe announced that he could no longer justify the expense of OSI in light of the state’s budgetary shortfalls this year, and proceeded to praise the fine work Johnny and his team have done over the past couple of years. He was at least gracious enough to outline how profound OSI’s contribution to law enforcement was.”
“Naturally,” I rolled my eyes. “You know, if I weren’t so convinced that Sanderfield is the devil incarnate, I’d be tempted to vote for him on general principle come November.”
“What’s this?” David grinned. “You mean that you’re actually considering crossing party lines simply because you believe one criminal politician could be caught?”
“Hush,” I grinned.
“You’re registered Republican, Helen?”
“Oh dear. Have I unwittingly started another battle?”
Johnny laughed. “No. I’m not either one. Independent. I guess I’m surprised that you aren’t too, Helen.”
“That would make the most sense, I suppose. Never let this little tidbit of truth escape this room. I served the first part of my FBI tenure during the Bush administration. I figured it would be politically incorrect to register as anything but Republican.”
Johnny smirked.
“I knew it! No way were you part of the red states!”
“Oh, calm down, Mr. Diehard Democrat. Isn’t that something they beat into your head at Sabbath services or whatever you call them?”
“Ahem. Speaking of the right dishonorable Senator Sanderfield, he held a little press conference this afternoon, about five minutes after Joe finished his.”
“God, do I want to know?”
“I’m sure you already do,” Johnny said. “It was basically a too-little-too-late rally, one which he concluded with an interesting question.”
“What was that?” I asked.
“If OSI no longer exists, does our request to the FBI for a criminal investigation – er – witch hunt, I mean, go away too?”
I dropped my fork and stared at Johnny. “You’ve got to be kidding. Who is this asshole? Does he really think that the bureau gives a damn about what his constituents think? If there’s evidence that a crime has been committed we investigate it. Period.”
“We,” David said softly.
“You. Sorry, old habit.”
“His posturing aside, it has no impact on what I’m doing,” David said.
“Then you’ve uncovered something?”
“Lots of suspicious somethings. Nothing concrete. I’ve had a forensic team combing through the man’s financial records for the past two weeks. Remember those crazy straws for kids, Helen? The ones that bend and twist into wild knots.”
I nodded.
“That’s pretty much what his books look like. If nothing else, we’ve got hard evidence for the voters that this man is not qualified to manage a state budget if that’s how he keeps track of his campaign finances.”
“Oh, I’m sure it’s intentional. What a better way to hide large amounts of money made from selling human beings?”
“We’ve got this political action committee that Eugene Sherman founded under the microscope as well,” David said. “That is a much clearer picture. The Department of Justice is interested in pursuing the case.”
“So the campaign contributions were shady after all.”
“Yeah,” Johnny said. “Something that Joe failed to mention this afternoon.”
“And steal the federal government’s thunder? No, that’s not how this particular game is played, Johnny. Don’t worry. When we make the formal announcement I will certainly take the opportunity to give credit to OSI, and of course mention my dismay over disbanding such a valuable and productive unit,” David said.
My hand brushed Johnny’s arm. “Joe really is a fool, Johnny. I have no respect for cowardly politicians. Now you know why.”
“He assured me that our friendship is intact,” Johnny said. “At the same time, I’m sure he’ll understand when I don’t call, or accept his should he pick up the phone.”
“The good news in this investigation of our intrepid senator is that we may have found a link between him and another suspect, Sanderfield and Sherman. It’s too early to talk about it, Helen, but you may sleep easy tonight dear friend. We at the FBI will not stop until we completely shut these bastards down.”
“Thank you, David.”
“Just like Eliot Ness,” he grinned. “I always get my man.”
We moved to the patio for dessert, not only because the air wasn’t coating tongues with an oily sensation outside, but because the weather was truly too pleasant to be ignored.
“It’s decaf,” Johnny apologized when he poured the coffee. “I hope you don’t mind. Helen’s been trying to limit her consumption of caffeine lately.”
“I didn’t mention it earlier, Helen, but you look positively radiant.” David made a clipping motion with two fingers. “And this is extremely flattering.”
“It’s called a pixie cut,” Johnny said. “I think it suits her very well.”
“Agreed,” David clinked his coffee cup against Johnny’s. “So, Johnny tells me that you found out that these babies are both of the male variety. Were you terribly excited?”
“Honestly, I was relieved,” I said. “Mind you I would’ve loved daughters just as much, but I hear they’re more difficult to raise. I know what my poor father endured with me. I couldn’t imagine a double dose of that.”
David fell
silent for a moment. “You know, Helen, I’m certain that Wendell had a great many regrets in his life. I’m equally positive that you were never one of them. Johnny told me that when he spoke with Wendell last year that he continued to demonstrate his deep love for you.”
I had to be sure. Go to him.
The last words my father spoke to me ricocheted through my brain. What had he meant? Had to be sure… I shivered.
David and Johnny assumed it was the damp mist blowing in off the Pacific. Johnny peeled his suit jacket off and draped it over my shoulders. His fingers brushed the side of my neck.
“Better?”
“Yes, thank you.”
David slid away from the table on the terrace. “I should get to the hotel. We’re on for a briefing with Crevan in the morning, yes?”
Johnny nodded. “LaPierre Tower, obviously. Let me see you out.”
“Nonsense. Stay and enjoy the beautiful weather with your lovely wife.” He sent me a meaningful look. “I insist.”
“Thank you for everything, David,” I said.
He bent over and kissed my cheek. “It was delicious as always. I can always depend on you for the best rack of lamb in the country. I’ll call you when I get back to Montgomery.” David shook Johnny’s hand. “Be good to each other.”
We sat silently with our tentative truce for a long while.
Finally Johnny spoke. “Are you still cold?”
“I’m fine now. Do you need your jacket back? That wind has a little bite.”
“I’m fine.” Johnny perched his elbows on the table, folded his hands and pressed them to his lips. For once, it was me feeling his internal debate.
I didn’t intrude.
“Helen,” he said softly, “do you suppose we’re both calm enough to talk now?”
I refolded my napkin. “I suppose we could at least try.”
Silence descended again. Johnny started rocking in his seat.
