I pushed my hips slightly into her and her breath hitched. Mine too. “It feels incredible and…’’ I trailed off, unsure of how to put this into words. Instead, I fell silent and swallowed thickly.
“I get what you mean.’’ Her voice was soft and low in my ear, keeping me in a semblance of calm. “You have no idea how scared I am right now.’’
I frowned and lost my smile. “Why?’’
She shrugged and kissed my cheek before pulling away, forcing me to release her from my embrace even though that was the last thing I wanted. “I could fall for you, Dex. It could be so easy.’’
I laughed humorlessly and smirked at her, but she tensed when she saw one side of my mouth twisting upward that way. I knew now that she was able to distinguish my genuine smirk from the other one, the one I presently showed.
“Don’t worry about that. I’m going to screw up way before it ever happens.’’
“You’re wrong.’’
“I’m not, Harley.’’ I scratched my cheek, now going back to my cold ways, pushing away everything she awoke in me moments before. “I fuck up, drive people away and I’m self-centered. You would never fall for my shit.’’
“Why do you have such a poor opinion of yourself? I don’t get it, Dex.’’
“I know myself, that’s why. You don’t know shit, Harley. It’s not because you’ve been a Kinky Shine fan, have read countless articles about us or me that you know who I really am. I’ve clammed up for years. I don’t know how to let someone else in.’’
She pinched her lips and grabbed my face between her hot hands. She didn’t come closer to me or made a move to kiss me, but she locked her eyes on mine and that shook me to my core. “What are you doing right now, Dex, huh? You’ve told me about that girl, you’re telling me how you feel and what your issues are. You’re not closed off with me. Trust yourself.’’
I shivered and closed my eyes tightly. My heart sped up again. “Don’t trust me too easily, Harley. I don’t want to push you away anymore, but please, protect yourself. I don’t want to hurt you.’’ I pleaded, but I didn’t care if that made me less of a man. I swore I would never hurt a woman in my life, consciously or unconsciously. And Harley didn’t deserve my shit, yet she was going to stick around and it went beyond just our attraction because with what I told her, she had every fucking right to preserve herself. Yet, she was here, putting herself on the line for a relationship that wouldn’t go anywhere even if I was able to fuck her and come with her.
She traced my right cheekbone with her thumb and I opened my eyes to see her smile sadly. “Maybe I should go.’’
I shook my head and tightened my grip on her waist. “Not yet.’’
“We have to take it slow, Dex. If I stay longer I don’t know…’’ She cleared her throat and another hot wave reached her cheeks and the swell of her breasts. It was fascinating. “I don’t want to push you too much.’’
I smirked and I had to stop myself from laughing. Fuck, that shit was so strange. “You make me feel like a chick right now.’’
She narrowed her eyes and tilted her little chin up. “What’s wrong with that, huh? You need to take it slow and I do too. That doesn’t mean you have a freaking vagina.’’
I chuckled and kissed her forehead before stepping away, making sure I wouldn’t grab her and kiss her again. She was right, we needed to take it slow if I wanted to enjoy that thing a bit longer because I just knew I’d end up unable to go all the away again. Taking it slow would delay the moment when I would fuck up and push her away.
“Don’t get mad on me just yet.’’
She scoffed and adjusted her purse on her shoulder. “I’m not, but you make me…wary, I suppose.’’
“Wary? What the fuck? I’m not dangerous, Harley,’’ I growled out and crossed my arms over my chest.
She rolled her eyes and waved her hand as if she was pushing something away. “I’m out of my depth. That’s all I’m saying. My God, you really are touchy.’’
I uncrossed my arms and my shoulders relaxed. Fuck, I was wound up way too tight. I rubbed my eyes and pinched my nose, trying to calm down. I was all over the place after that kiss, or these kisses.
“I’m sorry.’’
“It’s fine. It’s actually pretty good to see you’re an actual human, you know. Not just that grunting, one-word rock god.’’
I smirked at her and leaned against the bay window, doing my best not to walk to her and take her mouth, still red and puffy from my kisses. And if I looked hard enough I could make out the reddish marks of my beard on her skin around her mouth.
“Rock god?’’
“You’re on top of the music world right now, aren’t you?’’ She sighed and looked around my empty and quiet living room. “I should go now, okay? I’m supposed to meet the band at the Dragonfly for sound check. I’d like to take some pics for my next article. And I’ll be interviewing you and the guys.’’
“An interview, uh?’’ I tried to keep the distaste out of my voice, but it was hard. “It’s not because we kissed I’m going to be talkative.’’
“Oh, I’m aware. You just clammed up just at the mention of it. I don’t expect my mouth to make miracles, don’t worry.’’ She walked to me and put a hand on my shoulder and my skin broke out into goosebumps again. She went on her tiptoes and kissed the corner of my mouth, taking her time before retreating. My breath went out in a loud puff of air. “See you tomorrow, Dex,’’ she whispered and turned around, going back to the front door without me accompanying. I was rooted there, unable to move from my spot. She bewitched me and got me hard again right before she left.
And something very strange happened right when I heard the door closing behind her; I had an idea for the lyrics of a new song. It was still foggy, but it was there. I had to reach out and it would be there, ready for me to write down.
I blinked and another line came to me.
“Oh fuck. Fuck!’’
I smiled and ran to my phone on the coffee table to make note what I had, too afraid to look for my lyrics journal somewhere in my bedroom upstairs and see this early stage of a song evaporate.
I quickly typed, my fingers going almost too slowly for my ideas. I was barely breathing and I kept on humming under my breath, the beginning of a beat forming in my head and if I closed my eyes I could even make out which chords to use for the bridge. Damn.
I saved my notes and looked around my house and there was something different in the air. Maybe, just maybe I was back on the right path. One thing was sure right now, my drive to write was back.
I didn’t bother getting dressed, leaving the house and walking straight to Maxen’s next door. He needed to hear the news because the fucker might have been right when he said that Harley could bring back my creativity strike.
I didn’t give a fuck if I shocked a neighbor by wearing only a swim trunks that stuck to my cock at half-mast. At this point, all I could think about were Harley and that early stage of a song on my phone.
I tightened my grip on my phone and rang Maxen’s doorbell and knocked loudly for good measure. I was too fucking stoked and impatient.
“Hurry, Maxen,’’ I mumbled and knocked again.
“I’m right here, calm the fuck—‘’ Maxen said opening the door and stopped when he saw me. He looked over my shoulder, probably wondering what had happened to Harley. “Don’t tell me you’re here to punch my face.’’
“No, let me in.’’
Maxen tensed and kept a good hold of his door. I frowned. “Not now, Dex.’’ He looked back behind him quickly.
“Is there a woman?’’
“What do ya think?’’ He smiled at me and leaned against the threshold, waggling his eyebrows.
“You should take a day off.’’
“That was yesterday.’’ He laughed, but it lacked its usual amusement. “What are you doing here? And where’s Harley?’’
“She left, but that’s not the point.’’
“Tell m
e you didn’t throw the girl out.’’
I rubbed at my temple and glared at my best friend. “I didn’t, okay? Now, let me fucking tell you what I came here to say and then I’ll let you go back to your woman.’’ He made a motion of zipping shut his mouth. “I think my mojo is back.’’
Maxen’s eyes widened and he straightened up. “Are you fucking with me?’’
“Nah, I don’t know what it is, but right after Harley left it came to me. I have a melody and a few ideas for the lyrics.’’
“Damn, that’s…’’ He didn’t finish his sentence, probably as stunned as I was. “Told you, you needed a woman.’’
“Fuck off,’’ I bit back and shook my head.
“Go back to your place and write that song. As soon as we tell Beckett about it, he’s going to shit his pants.’’
“Don’t tell the guys yet. I want to record something tonight.’’
“You think you’ll have something ready for tomorrow before the show?’’
I shrugged. “Nothing much, but if I have the bridge and maybe the base line of the chords down then we should be able to brainstorm the rest together.’’
He nodded and glanced behind him again, frowning. “Okay, go then. I have something to do.’’
“Or someone,’’ I replied and smirked, waving at him right before he closed his door.
I walked away and turned back once, wondering what was wrong with him. Something felt off there.
But I didn’t dwell on it too much. I had a song to write.
Back in my house, I walked straight to the stairs leading to the basement turned recording studio two years ago. It had been over a year since I last went in there.
I turned on the lights and when I saw the instruments, the mics and the control panel separated by a glass, I smiled. The blue and white walls, a tribute to our logo, had me feeling like I was home. And when I looked at the opposite wall painted in an off gray with the Kinky Shine’s logo stuck to it right above one of Maxen’s drum kits, I couldn’t help but feel good and sure that I wasn’t useless for the band. I would be back in the game. Now, I didn’t doubt it.
I snatched a stack of white paper nearby and wrote down what I already had for the song and I kept on humming, sometimes closing my eyes and shifting my fingers and hands as if I was playing my guitar.
HARLEY
“Honey?’’ My mother’s soft voice startled me out of my daydream.
I looked at her and realized I had been standing with a mug in hand halfway to my mouth. I blinked and smiled before I finished the now cold coffee. “Sorry. I was thinking about my next article.’’ Or about one band member that rocked my world with only a kiss. I had spent all night reliving it and when I woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and more aroused than what should be normal, I hadn’t been able to go back to sleep before I got myself off. It didn’t take long with Dex fresh in my mind.
“If you’re busy you shouldn’t have stopped by here before going to meet your father and the band. Where are they playing again? Your father told me last night, but I didn’t pay attention.’’
“I wanted to see you. I’m so busy between my liaising with the band’s PR team, Dad, the usual articles I need to keep writing for the blog and following the band. I wasn’t expecting the days to be so long.’’ I yawned and walked to the sink to rinse my mug.
“It looks like it’s better than the other day.’’
“Why do you say that?’’ I frowned and put the mug to dry before turning back to her as she took some vegetables from the fridge.
“Last time you wanted to strangle the singer.’’
“Oh.’’ I chuckled, remembering that hellish first day. That seemed like weeks ago. “We have a new understanding.’’
“Hm? Understanding you say?’’ She smiled and shook her head while grabbing a knife to start cutting the vegetables in front of her on the kitchen island. “Is that what you call it now?’’
I cleared my throat and fidgeted. “What do you mean? I…I don’t…’’
“Your father told me the frontman had been awfully close to you during the photoshoot.’’
I blushed again. It seemed like whenever Dex was brought up or if I was in the same room with him I ended up beet red and ready to burn either from lust or embarrassment. At that moment, embarrassment won by a long shot.
“It’s not what you think.’’
“Honey, I’m not your father. He’s afraid of what that life would do to you considering how short lived relationships with rockstars can be, but you’re a sensible woman. You know what you’re doing.’’
I walked to her and put my head on her shoulder and she stopped cutting the tomatoes. She put her chin on top of my head. I wrapped an arm around her waist and soaked up her warmth. It had been a while since I had last needed a hug from my mother.
“What if I’m not really sure of what I’m doing?’’
“Then tread cautiously and don’t forget who you are. Men can turn our head sometimes, and while it can be good, it’s important not to lose yourself.’’
I nodded and sighed. “He’s…’’ I straightened up and squeezed her waist before I retreated back to where I left my purse on one of the high stools at the kitchen island, raking my mind. “Dex isn’t at all like what I expected. He’s not an easy man, but I’m…’’
“Drawn?’’ she completed with an amused smile on her face bare of makeup. When I stopped by I had interrupted her from her house cleaning. Now that the school where she teaches science closed for the summer, she had a lot more time on her hands and usually the first few weeks were hard on her. Like my father, she was a real workaholic.
“That’s the right word.’’
I grabbed my phone from one pocket in my purse and saw several new tweets from the band members, including Dex. I felt my eyebrows disappear behind my bangs and opened the Twitter app.
Beckett Kline (@BeckettCoffee)
Live show tonight at the Dragonfly, LA. Who’s going to be there? #KinkyShine
Otis Patel (@OtisPartyingPatel)
@BeckettCoffee I will be the one playing bass and covering @TheDexMystery’s ass with my voice. #KinkyShine
Dex Bowers (@TheDexMystery)
@BeckettCoffee @OtisPartyingPatel I don’t need you to cover my ass, fucker. Focus on your chords #KinkyShine
Maxen Walton (@theHotMaxen)
@BeckettCoffee @OtisPartyingPatel @TheDexMystery Ha! I’ll be the one tearing my shirt off while keeping you in the beat.
I chuckled and favorited all their tweets and retweeted them. They were starting to warm up to using Twitter. I didn’t read all their convos, but I kept on favoriting their tweets. I put a memo on my phone to not forget to use this for my next article covering their show at the Dragonfly.
“Something good?’’
I nodded and pocketed my phone before shouldering my purse. “The band is doing great with Twitter. You should see how their fans are going nuts.’’ I glanced at the clock on the oven and waved at my mother. “I need to go. They should already be at the Dragonfly for sound check. I’d like to take some pics before they’re finished.’’
“Alright, honey. Tell your father that he has a plate in the fridge if he feels like eating when he comes back. I’ll be asleep by then.’’
I nodded and left, eager to see Dex, but also to go to my first small concert featuring Kinky Shine. They’re known to play in huge venues, but once or twice a year they have a private concert like this one and usually they’re sponsoring a charity or another. This time around it was for leukemia research.
With renewed energy, I walked away from my childhood home and toward the bustling city, ready to catch a cab for the Dragonfly in West Hollywood.
*
DEX
I stared at their faces as they looked down at my iPod playing the short and rough demo I recorded in my studio until the wee hours. Otis, Beckett and Maxen didn’t show any reaction. Their eyes were riveted to my black iPod i
n my hand put on speaker. I tried looking relaxed and all that shit, but inside I was boiling. Soon enough the song ended and I turned off my iPod, waiting for their comments. But nothing came.
I scratched my jaw. I had shaved that morning, but it was already four in the afternoon and the day old stubble was itching. “I know it needs work, but I think it has some potential. I rushed to finish the lyrics last night, but they need some more work.’’
“You’re fucking kidding me,’’ Beckett blurted out. Slowly, a huge smile took away the perpetual scowl he seemed to have had these last few days around me. He punched my shoulder and I smiled back. “This is brilliant, man!’’
“He’s right, it’s your best fucking song to date,’’ Otis commented. “That’s a hit song for sure.’’
I turned to Maxen who was oddly silent and calm today. He also looked more ashen than usual. Maybe he didn’t have a lot of sleep last night with the woman he had over. But he smiled and nodded knowingly. “I knew Harley would be a good inspiration for you.’’ He waggled his eyebrows at me and I groaned.
“Shut up.’’
Otis and Beckett then joined him in egging me on until I stormed out of the room annoyed and yet smiling all the way to the stage in the bar. The hard lights were turned on for us and our crew was working on the sound check, but tonight the atmosphere would be vastly different with the black furniture and walls and the red spots lighting up the bar and around the stage.
The Dragonfly was well-known when you wanted to perform for a smaller crowd. The atmosphere was always electrical and the people on fire. I knew we would have a kick ass time and that’s why when Floyd told us he was able to find us a spot here to play a few weeks back we had been ecstatic. That showed we weren’t completely blasé by this life just yet.
I went to the mic to the front of the stage and grabbed my electric guitar. It was a blue and white beauty, the colors of the band logo. I strummed the chords a few times and cringed when I realized it wasn’t tuned. I adjusted it and smiled to myself when the sound came out exactly as I wanted it to.
Otis and Beckett joined me and took their instruments from the guitar stands, keeping to themselves. I glanced around and didn’t find Maxen. Where was he? We didn’t have all day to finish this sound check. We couldn’t make the same show as we did at the stadiums and other big venues. We needed to change things a bit and if our drummer didn’t move his ass, we’d suck.
Dex (Kinky Shine #1) Page 11
