But something happened when we had sex on his couch, something I wasn’t expecting and wasn’t ready to put into words.
“It’s getting late. I’m supposed to meet my parents for dinner.’’ It was a small lie. I wasn’t supposed to meet my parents before tomorrow for breakfast, but my heart beat strangely in my chest and my emotions started running wild. I needed to regroup and remember that Dex and I, we weren’t anything other than casual, a sexual attraction that broke down his walls and made me believe that I should have a casual relationship at least once in my life even though I knew I wasn’t necessarily the kind to.
“You want to leave?’’ He pulled back, his smile gone. His hands on my hips spasmed.
“It’s better this way, don’t you think?’’ I glanced up at the water still falling above our head. I blindly looked for the lever behind him and turned it off. “We’re wasting water.’’
The small muscle in his jaw jumped again and he looked away. “Let’s go, then. I’ll drive you back to your hotel.’’
He pushed past me out of the shower and as soon as his hands left my body a chill ran down my spine. I didn’t want to push him away, but I couldn’t leave my heart out of it if he kept on being so…Damn, I couldn’t find the right word to describe how he was but I needed to protect my heart before it played too much of a role in our limited time together.
I left the shower and found him with a black towel around his hips and a similar one in his hands. As soon as I faced him he gave it to me. He didn’t say a word and his eyebrows were lowered over his dark eyes. His lips were in a straight line, another sign of how tense he was again.
“Dex?’’ I called out to him right when he stepped back in his bedroom. He stopped and looked over his shoulder. “I can call a cab, you know.’’
He scoffed and shook his head. “I’ll make the call now then.’’
My breath got stuck in my chest like a sudden weight dropped there. I messed up. I didn’t want to see him so cold again and I didn’t want to make him think I regretted our time together or that I wanted to stop now. I wanted to explore him and let him do whatever he wanted to me as long as I was in LA, but I also needed to make sure I wouldn’t end up crushing on him and…and falling for him.
DEX
I walked in Maxen’s house without knocking, using the key he gave me. I found him with Beckett playing a video game. I momentarily forgot how pissed I was when I saw Beckett shouting at the TV when his character got shot. It was a first because usually it was like pulling teeth when you tried to get him to play a video game.
Maxen’s laugh boomed in the room, loud and clear and while I could see from here that his fingers were shaking on the controller, he didn’t look like he was suffering too much from withdrawal. Maybe because he was still snorting, but at this point, I didn’t know what to do other than calling the rehab center tomorrow to secure a date for him.
“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be balls deep in your girl?’’ Maxen said, spotting me. He put down the controller and Beckett did the same, standing up and stretching with a grimace when his neck made a weird crack.
“Next time, remind me I suck at this game,’’ Beckett said, frowning at the Playstation 4.
Maxen slowly stood up but cringed. Sweat was coating his temples and forehead, but I made as if I didn’t see it.
“Do you want to order take out?’’ I asked, ignoring Maxen’s question and walking to the couch. I sat down and crossed my arms, glaring at the coffee table.
“It didn’t work out with Harley?’’ Maxen asked hesitantly and both guys went to sit back down on the couch.
I glanced at them and groaned when I saw their faces. Why were we all so nosey with each other? That shit was pissing me off. “She left.’’
“Already?’’ Beckett asked calmly, his eyes boring into me as if he was trying to puzzle something.
I rolled my eyes and leaned back in the couch. Muscles I hadn’t used in years were now sore after fucking Harley on the couch. Even if I was in good shape, there was nothing like fucking to give you one hell of a workout. But then again, I wouldn’t have minded spending the night with her and doing it again in the middle of the night for a more thorough workout.
“I was sure you would shag her today,’’ Maxen said, toying with his piercing.
“I did.’’
“You had sex?’’ Beckett asked, incredulity loud and clear in his voice. I glared at him, but I couldn’t blame the guy. Since we met in college freshman year he had never heard me say I fucked someone. “That…uh…worked out okay?’’ He cringed at his own question and rubbed at his forehead.
I smirked at him and nodded. “More than okay.’’
“Fuck! I knew it!’’ Maxen gave me a high five. “So why are you all gloomy and shit? I’m the one supposed to head to rehab tomorrow.’’
“Tomorrow?’’ I startled. That was news.
“Floyd called the rehab center himself and secured a room for me. The program is for 30 to 90 days. Depends on what the doc there thinks,’’ Maxen replied and shrugged, faking nonchalance.
“That’s good. We’ll visit you as soon as they let us and I’ll drive you there,’’ I said, patting his shoulder before I resumed my arms-crossed position on the couch.
“I sorted out something with Otis. We thought we should all go. It’s an hour drive out of LA. What do you think?’’ Beckett butted in, checking his phone and glaring at the screen before he put it back in the pocket of his jeans.
“That’s good. What time?’’
“Nine am.’’
I nodded and made a note to turn my alarm clock on. It was good knowing that we were all in this together. Even though Maxen broke a pact we all made years ago, we didn’t judge him or turn our backs on him.
“So back to that hot piece of ass you banged,’’ Maxen said, his smile big and his eyes showing how much fun he was having by grilling me.
“Don’t talk about her like that,’’ I bit back, eyes narrowed on him.
He rolled his eyes and waved me off. “Calm the fuck down, you know I like her.’’
“Show some respect then.’’
“I’m not the one who just had sex with her and let her go afterward, man. And she’s not here to hear what I’m saying.’’
“He has a point,’’ Beckett added, a small smile barely visible as he leaned back on the couch, getting settled to enjoy the ping-pong game going on.
“I didn’t ask her to leave, okay? Now fucking stop.’’ I looked away and glanced at the TV screen frozen on the main menu of the game they had been playing.
“You didn’t?’’ In the corner of my eyes I caught Maxen frowning and he exchanged a look with Beckett.
“She said she needed to see her parents, but I call bullshit. I bet ya she’s booking her flight back to New York City right now.’’ I scratched at my left pec when my heart made that squeeze thing again. The thought of her leaving didn’t sit well with me, not so soon. We had an expiration date, but I didn’t want to end it just yet, not now that I knew I could fuck her. Who knew if I could with another woman. And honestly, right this moment I didn’t want to try and test with anybody else. I wanted her period.
“Hey, it’s not like you don’t know where her hotel is,’’ Maxen pointed out as he grabbed the TV remote on the coffee table to switch to ESPN. “Then again, maybe you’re not that interested in a repeat with her.’’
I glared at him. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.’’
“Yeah? Why are you pissed right now?
I jumped to my feet and paced behind the couch. Beckett and Maxen turned around to watch me.
“She left without a look back. And she…Fuck, it was amazing and she left like nothing happened.’’
“You sound like a chick, man,’’ Maxen said, amusement in his voice. I glared back at him and he closed his hands in fists and showed me the tattoo on his knuckles; ‘Fuck You’.
“It’s been a while for
you,’’ Beckett said, his voice calm.
“Yeah, so?’’
He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. A few strands stuck up on top of his head. “Maybe you’re confused because it’s been a while and you think you have some feelings for her. You know, it’s like you’re projecting because you’ve let yourself be vulnerable with her after telling your big secret.’’
“Are you reading some crap psychology books now, Beck?’’
He stood up, gave me the middle finger and patted Maxen on the shoulder. “I’m out. See you guys tomorrow and Dex, you could do much worse than Harley.’’
I watched him leave and I didn’t know what to make of his words and what he meant by all of this. One look at Maxen told me he was thinking hard with the way he looked into space and his eyebrows bunched over his eyes.
“You’ve never been like that with a girl,’’ Maxen said suddenly, breaking the silence as I sat back on the couch.
“I was sixteen when I started having sex and stopped at eighteen. You can’t really compare how I am today to the angry teenager I was back then.’’ I sighed and leaned back on the couch. As soon as my eyelids closed I saw Harley naked on my couch, the way she arched up into me, the way her face flushed and twisted when she came. And her eyes, those fucking big green eyes so luminous and soft on me afterward.
“You’re probably right. But you really like Harley.’’
“If I didn’t like her I wouldn’t have told her about my situation.’’
“Fuck, Dex, are you that dense?’’
I opened my eyes and looked at him. I arched an eyebrow. “What?’’
He rolled his eyes and pointed in the direction of the front door. “Go to her hotel and see how that makes you feel, man.’’
“I can answer you now; she turns me on without much of any effort.’’
He chuckled and went to turn off the Playstation 4 before sitting back on the couch. His hands were shaking pretty bad at this point, but he didn’t make a move to hide them. The cat was out of the bag anyway.
“And you like her.’’
“Well, she’s…Hey, where are you going with that?’’ I frowned and looked down at my frayed jeans and crossed my arms. My heart was beating faster suddenly because I knew where he was going, but I wasn’t ready to hear this. And it was too fucking nuts anyway.
“You have a crush on that girl.’’
“No, I don’t.’’
“You do, Dex. Since the day you met her you’ve been an ass. And I know you. You’re like this when you want to keep people away from you because you feel like they can hurt you. It’s always been the same shit. Remember that huge fight we had in high school when we started hanging out and I discovered about your mom? You were scared I’d do something to hurt you.’’
“That was different.’’
“Not really when you think about it.’’
“I can’t…’’ I put my head in my hands. “I fucking can’t, Maxen. She’s going back to New York. You were right when you said I was letting the lack of sex and the new experience with her go to my head.’’
“Nah, I was fucking ass high as a kite and scared out of my fucking mind because my secret was slipping from my hands. It’s obvious she cares about you or else she wouldn’t have followed you to your place after the way you treated her.’’
“She’s attracted to me.’’
“Listen to yourself. Do you really think she’s that kind of girl? Fuck, Dex, it’s obvious that woman is far removed from the casual sex life. I bet ya she’s had very few sex partners.’’
I lowered my hands to my thighs and looked up at the high ceiling. “What are you sayin’ then? Harley and I are in love or some shit like that?’’
He scoffed and shook his head. “It’d be crazy considering you barely know each other. No, but I think you two are crushing on each other. Or maybe falling for each other.’’
“But she left.’’
“Probably because she got scared.’’
I frowned more deeply and thought back to how skittish she had been when I asked her to come shower with me and how she seemed withdrawn and unsure. Could that be because she was scared and not because she regretted it?
“Funny, I never thought you could actually see a light bulb moment in someone else’s eyes,’’ Maxen said with a laugh barely contained. “Now go to her hotel and prove to her there’s no harm in fucking each other’s brain out. You have some catching up to do after all.’’
“I’ll talk to her tomorrow. I can’t leave you alone right now.’’
He sighed and his eyes turned hard briefly before he took a cleansing breath. “I don’t have any coke left, Dex. You can go.’’
“You could easily buy some. Don’t take me for an idiot.’’
He looked away and crossed his big arms. “I wonder when you’ll trust me again.’’
“I trust you, but I know how it is when you’re addicted to something. You’re ready to do and say anything to have a fix.’’
“I’m not your mother.’’
“No, you’re like a brother to me, Maxen. Fuck man, can’t you see I’m worried?’’
He nodded and ran a hand along his jaw covered by a five o’clock shadow. “Listen to me.’’ He put his elbows on his thighs and supported his chin in his hands, eyes fixed on me. “I started taking the coke because I think I was starting to…No, if I’m honest right now I still don’t know why I started. The point is, it’s fucking hard to stop right now, but I don’t want to ruin everything starting by my friendship with you and also with Otis and Beckett. And the band is too important for me to fuck it up. I forgot myself somewhere and when Harley told you, it all came back to me. Good think I didn’t take that much or else I’d probably be punching you to go out and find my dealer.’’
I cringed at the mention of his dealer. “I’m so going to be on your ass whenever we go to a party.’’
He chuckled. “Fuck, I know. Otis is out partying at that new actor guy’s loft and it’s the first time he didn’t invite me. Bet ya he’s going to beg me not to follow him from now on.’’ He chuckled again, but it was sad. “But don’t forget you have a life outside of Kinky Shine. You and Beckett seem to forget it, but it’s time you live. Harley isn’t going to be in LA for long so don’t waste that time overthinking shit.’’
“I still don’t want to leave you on your own, fucker,’’ I mumbled, my thoughts back on Harley. Maybe he was right and I was overthinking everything.
“Maybe I should visit my neighbor. Remember Mrs. Gordon?’’
“The thirty-something bleach blond woman with those big tits two houses down?’’
“Yeah, that’s the one. She’s…let’s say that she’s pretty supple with all that pilate shit she’s been doing and pretty lonely now that her old husband left with his secretary. Maybe I should enjoy my last night of freedom playing with her.’’
“What tells me she’s not doing drugs?’’
“Because her drug of choice is plastic surgery.’’ He pointed to his lips, forehead, around his eyes and then his chest. “And let’s not forget her ass. It’s weird how little is real about her.’’
“And you’ve been fucking her?’’
“When I didn’t have anything better and tried to stop myself from snorting another line.’’ He cringed. “Fuck, I sound like an ass.’’
“Because you are.’’ I stood up and he followed me. “Let’s go then. I’ll be waiting for you to walk through her door.’’
“Bet you a hundred bucks she’ll grope me as soon as she opens the door.’’
A few minutes later I drove away from our gated community laughing at seeing plastic Mrs. Gordon molesting Maxen who didn’t take that long to answer her attack with his own. At least now I knew he’d be too busy to call his dealer. Sex for him was a more important addiction than the coke.
*
HARLEY
I closed the lid of my laptop when a knock at the door startled me. I h
adn’t ordered room service. I frowned and pushed the laptop from my lap to the bedside table and stood up.
Immediately after leaving Dex, I holed up in my hotel room, working my ass off on the blog and answering my emails. It was the best thing to do when you were obsessed with a guy when you shouldn’t be and when it scared you shitless.
The person on the other side knocked louder this time and I sighed. I didn’t bother feeling self-conscious with my black yoga pants and old Muse t-shirt. I opened the door and startled.
“I thought you’d never open that fucking door,’’ Dex growled.
He was supporting himself with a hand on the threshold as he towered over me. His frown was deeply carved on his face and the scowl on his lips didn’t wager anything good. I was too tired to fight with him again. And he looked too good with his dark hair still in disarray and the same clothes he had had on when we had sex earlier.
“Wh-What are you doing here?’’
“Just checking to see if you lied to me when you left.’’
I sighed and blushed when a couple in their thirties walked past my room and ogled us, whispering excitedly when they recognized Dex. They slowed down, obviously eager to see what was going on with this rock god when it’s well known his private life is more private than the Pentagon.
“Come in before more people gather around.’’ I grabbed the hand on the threshold above my head and tugged him into my room. He didn’t offer any resistance. When the door closed behind him, it was like the bedroom was suddenly way too small for us both. He had always taken too much space in my opinion and this time around, it was much worse.
His eyes immediately landed on the big bed and I felt myself blush even harder. I touched my cheeks with the tips of my fingers and sighed when the heat wasn’t just in my mind. I was really burning up with embarrassment.
“I have a simple question, Harley and I only want to hear a fucking yes or no from you. Got it?’’
I crossed my arms and glared at him. Only he could annoy me as much as excite me. “Depends on the question.’’
Dex (Kinky Shine #1) Page 19
