by Shey Stahl
As soon as my toes felt the heat, I felt a little better, but not fully aware of what all this meant. The little test had decided my fate, and the fate of a guy who didn’t want this.
Okay, so let’s regroup and think about last night, as horrific as it was. I pretended I was drunk so Leo wouldn’t notice that I wasn’t drinking. I danced with him and then had a mental breakdown and threw the pregnancy test at him. In front of Remy. The biggest loud ass motherfucker in the world.
I bet the entire hotel knew now.
I walked the beach that morning thinking about how badly I had messed everything up. It wasn’t entirely my fault that this happened. It wasn’t his fault either but it happened and now we’re stuck with the consequences just like millions of others who have unplanned pregnancies. The fact that he reacted the way he did and accused me of being with Remy, pissed me off. He knew damn well I wasn’t with Remy and that it was his baby. I told him I hadn’t been with anyone in a while.
Although I understood his reaction seeing how I ignored him for an entire month and then the first time I actually talk to him, I blurt out that I’m pregnant.
Now what did this mean? Where did we go from here?
I am almost twenty-four and being a mom wasn’t something I planned to be any time soon. I didn’t even know how to process this much less try to figure out what his reaction meant for me and for our baby.
Tears slowly rolled down my heated cheeks. Could I blame Leo for his reaction?
“Callie!” I heard someone yelling behind me. I knew the voice so I turned around to see Ami jogging towards me.
“Are you okay, honey?” She asked, wrapping her arms around my shoulder.
We walked a few feet and then sat down in the sand. While I was still wearing my dress from last night, Ami was dressed in a loose fitting bright pink tank top and skin-tight black jogging pants, appearing to have actually been running.
“Seriously,” She bumped my shoulder with hers. “Are you okay?”
I wanted to say, look at me, do I look okay? Sighing, I stared at my toes in the sand and the way the tiny grains looked like diamonds on my perfectly manicured toes. “I don’t know if I am. He said it wasn’t his.”
“That asshole.” She balked, eyes wide. “Now I’m glad I said his junk looked like a clam.”
I chuckled but it wasn’t enough to pull me out of this.
“Do you know him and Remy put food coloring in my lotion last night when Evan and I were in the hot tub?”
“No,” I had to laugh. It wasn’t surprising. “Did they really?”
“Yep.” She raised her hands, her black hands. “Of all the colors to use they chose black.” Shaking her head, she placed her hands in the sand between her spread legs attempting to use the coarseness to exfoliate them. “It’s not coming off. I’ve washed my hands so many times my skin is peeling.”
“You didn’t notice the lotion was black before rubbing it on?”
“No, it was dark in the room and I was just trying to get a little on my hands after being in the hot tub.”
The waves crashed around us, against rocks and washing up the shore just inches from our toes. When the wind blew slightly, my mind went back to Leo. I couldn’t wrap my thoughts around any of this.
“What happened last night?”
I shrugged. “I threw the test at him.”
“And he said?”
“Nothing. So I sent him a text message later that night and he said it was probably Remy’s baby and to check with him.”
“Oh my God, really?” Her eyes that were once wide held a certain amount of pain, she knew how bad that statement hurt me.
Nodding, Ami could tell this was depressing me even more. I wanted to forget last night even happened if just for the next few days. If that was even possible.
“Wanna have a spa day?”
“Sure.” There was a lack of enthusiasm on my part as we stood. “Tomorrow though.”
Walking back to the resort, half expecting her to hold my hand, she frowned. “Why not today?”
I don’t want to do anything today.”
“We leave on Saturday.” I could tell that this wasn’t only ruining my vacation, but Ami’s too. We had plans of shopping and laying on the beach. All that. None of which I wanted to do now. Funny how plans change when your life starts to fall apart.
“We still have tomorrow. I’ll spend the entire day with you. I just need right now to myself.”
I think it was then she understood and knew what I needed. Nodding, she placed her hand on my shoulder, tentatively, and then pulled me into a hug. “I love you.”
I laughed. “I love you, too.”
I didn’t want to be rude to her or avoid her but this wasn’t something where I wanted to talk. It was one of those times when I wanted silence, free from outside input. In my experience, there are times when you really need to come to terms with something, you need to be alone. You can’t have someone there saying, oh he’s awful, or you should do this, or that, or nothing.
You need you.
Your thoughts.
Your decisions.
I had a lot of things to think about and decisions that had to be made. I knew I could do this by myself regardless of what happened between Leo and myself.
But I really wanted Leo to be a part of this with me. I needed him to man up.
I continued walking down the beach for miles, tears of isolation dripping into the waves crashing at my feet.
As soon as I got back to my room, I collapsed in the bathtub with the room service menu and the hotel phone.
I ordered pancakes and pretty much everything else on the menu and waited in the tub. Hopefully they’d just deliver in here. I didn’t feel like getting up.
Twenty minutes later, pancakes in hand I returned immediately to the bathtub to eat.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you think to yourself, so this is what the rest of my life is going to look like?
I wasn’t sure if that would be me. I could almost picture myself doing this very same thing only with a baby.
Me. Having a baby. Imagine that. I’m pretty sure that anyone who had ever met me knew, or assumed, I would never have kids. Ever.
They weren’t in my “life” plan, or the loose version I had of a plan.
Taking in a deep breath, I shoved another bite of pancakes in my mouth. That’s when I heard Mase. “Callie?”
“In here!” I yelled resting my chin on the edge of the tub, chewing slowly.
Looking up through my lashes at him with sad puppy eyes, he snorted. “Come downstairs.” He said, standing in the door and leaning into the frame.
I shook my head so he sat down on the floor beside me. “I know he’s an asshole but just come downstairs. Ami made me come get you since you wouldn’t answer your phone.”
“I threw it off the balcony last night. It’s in the pool.” I rolled my eyes that I did that, knowing I would have to buy a new one when I got back to Chicago. “Let me know if you see it.”
“Get out of the bathtub.” He demanded, reaching for my hand.
“No.” I spit a chunk of pancake out of my mouth as I spoke.
When it landed on Evan’s chest, he looked repulsed, but in no way shocked at what I’d done. “Get. Down. There.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” I threw an entire pancake at his face, “asshole.”
The pancake smeared across his cheek and then made a slapping sound like wet cloth as it hit the tile floor.
He raised an eyebrow at me. “Am I going to have to carry you down there?”
“Stop being so fuckin’ pushy.” I stood up, staggered slightly and then reached for his hand. “Do they have bacon?”
Evan scrunched his eyebrows, concentrating on getting me out of the tub. “I’m sure they do. Or maybe dog.”
I gagged and covered my mouth. “Don’t do that.”
Letting go of my hands as I stood flat footed on the tile before him, he raised his han
ds in defense. “No dog jokes, got it.”
Everything was fine when I got down there, just Mase and Ami as we ate breakfast and talked about going shopping or laying on the beach. That was, until Leo showed up, hair sticking up in odd directions and bloodshot eyes. “Mornin’.” He said, taking a seat next to me.
Immediately I was irritated just by him saying morning. Why?
Because any time I looked at him, or any part of him, the anticipation it left me with made me crazy. It irritated me that my body immediately reacted to him, felt the void when he was gone and warmed at the very sight of him. I shook my head, trying to break the trance.
When I didn’t reply, he quirked an eyebrow, waiting for me to say something.
“Morning.” I replied, finally breaking the silence, trying to remain civil even though I wanted to take the knife beside me and stab him in the dick for getting me into this mess.
“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” Leo asked, his voice strangely soft, gesturing with a judging glance toward the Bloody Mary in front of me.
At first I was shocked at what he said. Like he gave a shit what I did.
When I glared at him, he looked away, unable to meet my scorching gaze.
“Yeah, I suppose not.” I said taking Evan’s drink and pouring it down the front of Leo’s shirt.
He gasped at the shock of the coldness, or maybe because I did that in front of everyone, jumping back in his seat with his hands raised. Our eyes met, right then, his face remained impassive except for the muscles in his jaw tightening at what I’d just done.
“Fuck you, Leo.” I said getting up, knocking glasses and silverware in my rush, shooting past everyone in anger.
“Callie, don’t leave!” Ami yelled after me, smacking at Evan to follow me.
“That was my drink.” Evan groaned, disappointed his drink was gone, as I rushed away from the table, in tears again. Never in my life had I been more emotional than I was now and I knew that wasn’t about to change any time soon. I didn’t wear emotionally vulnerable well.
The last time I cried was when the Blackhawks lost to the Bruins and I lost $200 on a bet. I don’t cry when I get emotional. I cried when I made shitty decisions.
Well, I guess this might be one of those shitty decisions. Me trusting Leo and thinking he would be supportive. Yeah, shittiest decision I ever made.
Just goes to show you that you couldn’t trust anyone no matter what they say.
“Don’t leave.” Evan tried to stop me as I rushed down the hall. When he caught up with me, he wrapped his arm around me pressing me into his side. Evan’s tall, hovered over me by at least a foot, if not more and I felt strangely protected near him. “Come on, please don’t leave like this.”
Fighting the nausea and panic, I stared up at him and then pushed back away from him, standing outside my room. “I have to. I can’t stay here with him acting like this.”
Evan seemed to realize my leaving was for the best, dropping his hands away from me and nodded, but tried to defend him. “He’s just confused.”
“Don’t defend him!”
Evan’s hands raised, understanding. “At least let me take you to the airport.”
“It’s fine, Mase.” I tried to speak calmly though I was moments away from breaking down. “The hotel has a shuttle. I can take that.”
He nodded knowing there was no convincing me otherwise.
I cried the entire plane ride home because all I kept thinking about was where does this leave us now? I honestly had no answer so I just got to the point where my hormone enraged body reacted for me. Crying.
So many thoughts went through my head, from how this happened to what now. How would I tell my dad? He hated Leo. Thought he was just an arrogant kid with a ten million dollar contract. He knew he had talent but no way did Ed Pratt want me looking at a future with a hockey player. He knew what they were like, a chick in every city, never settling down, always making bad choices. Ed Pratt didn’t want that for his daughter. Hell, I didn’t even know if I wanted that for me.
The plane ride home gave me hours to reconcile what my brain wanted, what my heart wanted, and what I knew to be the reality of this situation. Damn you, Leo, damn you for making me hormonal, for making me question my feelings toward you, and, most of all, for knocking me up.
I was going to do this on my own though, with or without Leo’s help. I had no choice at this point, he’s made it clear that he doesn’t believe the baby is his…but this baby is mine and that’s all that matters.
Leo Orting
Kick Shot - An illegal shot where the player kicks the blade of his stick as it carries the puck.
Game 56 – Phoenix Coyotes – Saturday February 12, 2011
Gila River Arena – Glendale
My linemates know when I’m hurt or tired and when I’m truly pissed off and dangerous on the ice. Remy and Travis know when I don’t want to be bothered. They can read my body language and the subtle ways I display it. They see it in my eyes and the way I play. I’ve been on a thirteen-day road trip, played five games in five different cities, and been to two countries.
Naturally, Mase and Remy didn’t say anything about what happened in Cabo. They wouldn’t because it wasn’t their place to say anything. Travis wasn’t so subtle at times.
“Get your fuckin’ head in it, bud.” He’d say, knowing I wasn’t quite fast enough against the boards and gave the puck up again.
And then, when we were on the bench between shifts, he had the nerve to say, “Katie said Callie got knocked up.”
“Shut up.” I refused to even look his direction and kept my stare on the ice, my mood showing in the clench of my jaw.
“What?” He sounded confused and stared at me. “Why?”
“Just shut up.” Still refusing to look at him, I scooted down the bench when the next shift bailed over the boards.
“You’re a fuckin’ joke, man.” Travis said, more than likely upset I was telling him to shut up and not dishing the details. “You talk shit and get in our goddamn faces all the time. And now look at you, getting all hung up on her. Fuckin’ pussy.”
I took the end of my stick and shoved it in his ribs. “I said shut the fuck up!”
Coach smacked the back of my helmet. “Knock it off, boys.”
When our shift was up, I was glad he was playing on another line tonight.
I never played well against the Coyotes. I’m not sure why but when play started with some energy, I began to play well and get my head in the game. Remy had the puck, center ice and sent it sailing towards me, I snagged it and then gave it away along the boards. Same shit all night.
“I was trying to get you to pass it.” I said to Mase when we sat down on the bench after our shift.
Mase gave a nod. “A lot of game left. Let’s go boys.” He yelled nodding his head. “Work ‘em low.”
Drew sat beside him, pointing at the ice. They talked but I couldn’t hear what they were saying.
Mase and Drew Keith, our defenseman who replaced Dave Keller, had been struggling partners lately. Pretty much as of the last few games. I’m not sure why but they were off and knew it too. Neither could place the change. It happens.
I guess like Travis and me.
Even though I was having an off night, I was still playing decent, just not up to my standards. I needed to make something happen. By the second period, the Coyotes had already scored twice.
I got my chance when the Coyotes got a penalty and created a power play. Stuck against the boards, I didn’t have a lot of options so I passed to Remy, he crossed over to the right, then left and dropped it back behind the net for me. Passing the puck behind me as I circled back around, avoiding the Coyotes center as he hacked at it. With a quick grab I passed it through my skates and then got it lifted on my stick to snag the top left of the goal.
The Coyotes scored again before the second period was up but I got another to the right of the goal straight through the goalie’s legs to tie it up.
The very next play I got the end of a stick to the eye that nearly knocked me out. I saw stars, and then blood and spent the third period in the locker room getting stitched up while we lost the game.
Losing is never easy. When you’re on a losing streak and your personal life is falling to shit, that’s not easy either. I’m an easy going guy too. Not a lot bothers me but losing, I hate it. I despise the feeling it brings with it.
The first year I entered the draft I was a first round pick for Florida only to ride the bench most of the season. I don’t ride the bench. I make plays happen. If I could, I risked everything to swing a game our way.
So, when we lost, I took it hard.
We all did. We’d obsess over the play, watch the highlights and pick apart every detail from our playing to what could have happened.
Being on the road since I left Cabo, unable to talk to Callie, it was the same concept for me because here I was stuck on the highlights and everything I did wrong or said wrong.
Mase and I sat on the plane together that night on our way back to Chicago, Remy on the other side of him. I always sat next to the window. Always.
He’d just gotten off the phone with Ami when we took off from Arizona but I had waited for my prying questions, trying to appear a little less obsessive. A little less like I had a vagina still.
“Was Ami with Callie today?”
Mase nodded, his eyes never lifted from the movie he was watching on the portable DVD player in his hands. “Yeah, they went to dinner.”
I frowned staring at the evacuation procedures for the plane. So many times I’d typed out a text message with my apology to Callie but I knew this one needed to come from the heart and with sincerity that could only be delivered with words.
Remy was really good at adding himself into conversations and then pissing everyone off. I am too but Remy had been doing it to me lately. That I didn’t appreciate.
“Is she gonna have an abortion?” He asked, casually, as if this was a conversation you would have every day. In Remy’s world, it might have been. I bet you money he’s knocked a girl up before.
