"Maybe," I mutter, my gaze falling to the floor.
"No." She gets up and stands in front of me. "You're not doing that, Amber. I won't let you. You and Dylan are great together. I'd even go so far as to say you two are in love, at least that's how it looks when I see you guys together. You're not giving that up just because you're upset about your parents."
"Why would I continue something that I know isn't going to end well?"
"You don't know how it's going to end, or if it'll end at all. For all you know, you could end up marrying him."
"And then years later, after a house and a couple kids, we'll decide we're no longer in love and get divorced. Or we'll stay together but live in a loveless marriage."
"If you're really thinking that way, then you need to get out of this house. Your parents are turning you into someone I don't even recognize. The Amber I know would never sound that hopeless. You've always been positive. The cheerleader. Always looking on the bright side."
"Yeah, well, when it comes to love, the bright side only lasts so long before it dims and eventually burns out."
"Amber, don't be like this." Kira sits down beside me. "And don't take your anger with your parents out on Dylan. He didn't do anything wrong. He's been a great boyfriend the entire time you guys have been dating." She goes to my desk and picks up an envelope. "And he's still writing you letters." She holds it up. "He writes you LETTERS, Amber. You know how much he must love you to keep doing that? Nobody writes letters, especially guys."
"I know," I say, feeling guilty at the thought of breaking up with him. "But I don't know if I can keep doing this." I close my eyes, then open them and look at her. "I love Dylan. I haven't told him that yet but I do. I love him, and I want us to keep dating, but right now, I feel like I can't be in a relationship. Like I shouldn't be because I'm not a hundred percent in. And that's not fair to Dylan."
Kira sets the letter down. "If you love him, you're not giving him up. I'm not even letting you consider it."
"It's not like this is going to last. We're too young and we have no idea what we're going to do with our lives."
"So figure it out together. That's what Austin and I are doing."
"You guys aren't planning the future."
"We don't have any definite plans but we talk about it. We love each other so we'll do what it takes to be together. You and Dylan need to do the same."
"I'm just not there yet."
"Were you there before you found out about your parents?"
"Yes, but that's when I was letting my dreamy romantic side take over. Dylan was my prince and we were going to live happily ever after. And you know what's weird? I was talking to my mom earlier and she said when she met my dad she thought the same thing. That my dad was her prince and they'd live happily ever after. And look what happened." I throw my hands up. "After years of being married, she eventually grew apart from my dad and they started fighting all the time. It's proof that the same thing could happen to me."
"You're overreacting. Just because it happened to your mom doesn't mean it'll happen to you."
It sounds logical but I find it hard to believe, especially when I think about how similar I am to my mom. I could easily see myself repeating her mistakes.
Kira glances up at the bulletin board I have over my desk. It's covered in photos from our childhood and other stuff I've collected over the years.
"I can't believe you still have that," she says, pointing to the remnants of a red balloon.
I shrug. "Guess I should throw it out. I don't need to keep it."
The balloon was from a summer trip to Lake Michigan back when I was a kid. We were on the beach and I saw this balloon coming right at me. I caught it and could tell there was something inside it. My dad popped the balloon for me and inside was a note written in kid handwriting. It was from a boy and said that whoever found the note would be his girl, if in fact a girl happened to find the note. If a boy found it, he was instructed to throw it out. Those weren't the exact words but that was the basic idea.
"Remember the day you found it?" Kira laughs. "You called me and told me all about it. Then when you got back to town, you ran to my house and showed me. Then you made me come here to your room so you could try on dresses. You had to find the perfect one."
I laugh. "I had to be prepared in case he showed up. Which he never did. Another fairy tale destroyed."
She shakes her head. "It wasn't a fairy tale. It was just a note. Do you still have it?"
"Yeah, it's in my jewelry box back at the apartment."
"That's sweet that you kept it. You shouldn't ever throw it away." Kira's phone dings and she checks it. "Crap. I totally forgot I have to take my brother to hockey practice." She gets up. "Sorry. I'll drop him off and come right back."
"Okay."
She races off. I go over to my desk and pick up Dylan's letter and take it back to my bed. I got it yesterday but didn't open it. I was saving it for today, because yesterday my dad was here fighting with my mom and I wasn't in the mood to read a romantic letter from Dylan. I'm still not in a romantic mood but I'm dying to read his letter. I love his letters.
My Dearest Amber,
Oh, how I've missed you since you've been away. My days just aren't the same without your beautiful smile and those sparkling blue eyes. I long to hold you in my arms again and dance the night away.
'Dance the night away' is code for sex, in case anyone ever finds and reads our letters, like my mom.
The letter continues. When we're finally reunited, we shall dance for hours. Days! Weeks! Until our bodies collapse from exhaustion. And then we'll replenish with pizza from Patty's Pizza Palace, devouring it in our favorite booth, the booth where our friendship blossomed into what it is now.
But until then, I shall await your return.
Love, Dylan
I laugh because it's one of his overdramatic letters that I always find humorous. Sometimes he's more serious in his letters, but he went with humor for this one because he knows I could use a laugh.
What am I going to do with him? I love him. Want to be with him. But I'm afraid of what's to come.
Love doesn't last. My parents are proof of that. And if love doesn't last, then why keep pursuing it?
Chapter Twenty-Five
Dylan
Amber is coming back to Chicago today. She's been gone for three weeks but it feels more like three months. After all that time apart we need some couple time so I asked Austin if he and Kira could stay at his place tonight so Amber and I could have the apartment. I didn't want us staying at my house because Van has a new girl and she's over there all the time.
"Welcome home," I say as Amber gets out of her car. I'm in the parking lot of her apartment. I wanted to surprise her. Austin texted me when Amber dropped off Kira at his place so I'd know when Amber would be here.
"Dylan!" Her face lights up and she runs to me.
I hug her, lifting her off the ground and kissing her. "You miss me?" I smile as I set her down.
She answers by hugging me, her face pressed against my chest.
"Guess that's a yes." I kiss her head. "I missed you too." I pull away. "Let's go inside and I'll show you how much."
"I just need to grab my stuff." She goes around to the back of her car and pops the trunk.
"I got it." I take her suitcases and we walk to the door. I can't stop looking at her. She's so damn beautiful. Even with her hair in a messy ponytail and no makeup, she's beautiful.
"God, I feel like a mess," she says when we get inside. "I need to shower quick and change clothes."
"A shower sounds good," I say, setting her suitcases down.
She smiles. "You look pretty clean to me." Her arms go around my neck and she leans in, taking a deep inhale. I wore the cologne she loves. "You smell really good."
I lift her face up to mine. "I'm still dirty, at least my mind is, thinking about you and all the things I want to do to you." I press my warm lips to hers, then breathe over h
er mouth. "I've missed you so fucking much."
"I missed you too," she whispers, her eyes closed, lips parted.
I kiss her, slow and deep, and listen as she moans, the sound and the feel of her making me instantly hard, wanting her, needing her.
"Let's go," I say, leading her to the bedroom.
"But the shower," she says.
"Later. Right now I want you in bed." I want to feel her, touch her, kiss her all over, and I can't do that as easily in the shower. We'll do that later. We have all night.
"Dylan!" she cries out as she comes, her hands digging into my shoulders, her legs tightening around me. It only took a few minutes before she got there but it took everything in me to hold myself back. I was ready to come the moment I was inside her. That's how much I wanted her, how much I missed her.
"Fuck," I groan as my release hits me, my body shuddering from the force. It's always so intense with her, so powerful, unlike anything I've felt with anyone else.
After a moment of rest, I kiss her and feel her smile against my lips, her eyes still closed.
"I've missed that," she sighs.
"Which is why we're going to do it again." I kiss her neck. "Let's get in the shower."
"Let's just stay here a minute."
I hold her in my arms, gazing at the smile that's still on her face. I'm smiling too, having her here, back with me. I've missed her as my girlfriend but I've also missed her as my friend. She's become the person I go to when I need to talk or just want to hang out. Austin and Van are still there but I see them less now that I have Amber. And Austin is always with Kira.
"How was the trip?" I ask, running my hand up and down her back.
"Good. Kira and I blasted the radio and sang the whole way. I'm surprised I have a voice left."
"I didn't know you were a singer."
"I'm not. I'm horrible. I only do it when the radio's too loud for anyone to hear."
"Sing something for me."
I laugh. "No way. Never. You'd hear one verse and be out of here so fast."
"Sorry, but not even your supposedly bad singing would send me away. I want to be with you, no matter what." I kiss her forehead.
Her body tightens and I hear her swallow.
"Amber, is something wrong?"
"No." Her body relaxes again. "Just the thought of you hearing me sing made me cringe. I'm so bad."
"Speaking of singing, I still need to give you your gift."
"Is it a song?"
"Yeah, but I need to finish one last thing before you hear it."
"Are you going to play it at the bar next week?"
Vandyl's playing next Saturday at a bar downtown. It's a big deal because the bar is really popular and does a lot of promos on the radio. They're already promoting the concert next week.
"It's not ready to perform," I tell her. "Besides, I'm not sure I want to share it with anyone but you."
"Dylan, if you wrote it you should play it. You're really good at writing songs. Look how much people love One Night. People go to your concerts just to hear that song."
"That song's only good because of the person who inspired me to write it. If it hadn't been about you, it wouldn't be any good."
"That's not true. It'd still be good. You're a great songwriter."
I tickle her side. "How would you know? You've never heard any of my other songs."
She laughs and squirms from my tickling. "Then let me hear your other songs. Sing one right now."
Reaching around her waist, I lift her on top of me and look at her face, into those bright blue eyes. "I never finished them. One Night is the only song I ever finished and that's only because it came to me so easily." I kiss her. "You're my inspiration. As long as I'm with you, I have a feeling I'll be writing a lot more songs."
Her smile falls and her body tightens like it did earlier. Why does she keep doing that? Is it something I said?
Before I can ask her what's wrong, she pushes off me and gets up from the bed, standing beside it. "Shower time."
"That's it? I thought you wanted to lay here."
"I did, but now I want to shower." She turns around, her back to me, eyeing me over her shoulder. "You gonna join me or not?" she teases.
My eyes go to her perfect, round ass, then up the curve of her back. I move to the edge of the bed, sitting up, my hands landing on her narrow waist, then sliding down, following the lines of her curves. I kiss her lower back, my hands gripping her hips.
"Dylan," she whispers. "The shower."
"There's no rush," I tell her. "Just let me be with you."
She gets back in bed and I touch her, kiss her, make love to her. Because that's what it is. Love. I love Amber but I'm afraid to tell her. I've thought of writing it in a letter but I'd rather say it in person, see her reaction, and explain why I love her in case she doesn't believe me.
I'm just not ready to say it yet. It'll be the first time I've ever said it to a girl so it's a huge step, and I'm worried she may not feel the same way.
That night, as we lie in bed, I think about what it'd be like to have a future with Amber. Having her gone for weeks made me realize how much I miss her when she's not around. How much I'd miss her if we broke up and I never saw her again. That got me thinking about the future and I've been thinking about it ever since. My mind keeps telling me it's too soon to think about that but my heart keeps coming back to it. It knows what it wants and it wants Amber. But being with her means making some big decisions. Decisions that have to be made soon.
It's already January and in a few short months I'll be graduating. I have to figure out where I'll live and what I'll do for a job. I'd planned to leave Chicago and go wherever a job takes me, but doing that means saying goodbye to Amber, maybe for good. Long-distance relationships rarely work, and when she graduates next summer, she may not want to move to wherever I end up.
That leaves me wondering if I should just tell her how I feel. If I should tell her how much I love her and want to be with her. I've already hinted at having a future with her, several times, but every time I do, she gets quiet or changes the subject so I'm taking that to mean she doesn't feel the same way, or she's not ready to admit it.
So I guess for now, I'll keep quiet and maybe drop some more hints in the days and weeks ahead.
Unfortunately, that becomes hard to do because her schedule doesn't allow me to see her, or even talk to her. Monday morning when I call her before class she tells me she's too busy to talk, and I don't see her at the hospital because this semester, we'll only be working together for a couple hours on Friday mornings.
Monday night when I tell her I'm stopping over, she tells me I can't because she has some emergency project to work on. I was hoping to spend the night with her but she turned me down, saying she needed to be up early the next morning.
I was thinking maybe she was avoiding me because I did or said something to make her mad, but she insisted she's just busy and that we'll see each other later in the week.
The next few days, I give her some space so she can catch up on all the things she needs to do. She told me she always gets stressed at the beginning of a new semester so I'm hoping that's all this is and she isn't purposely distancing herself from me. I don't know why she would. Sunday was great and nothing has happened since then that would give her reason to act differently.
By Thursday, I start to get concerned because the night before, she wouldn't talk to me for more than a few minutes, saying she had to study for a test she had the next morning. Normally, that wouldn't bother me but she sounded strange on the phone. Her voice was rushed and a little shaky. I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing, but I knew she was lying. I pushed her to tell me but she still wouldn't open up so I told her I was coming over but she told me not to because she really had to study.
This morning she texted me that she has to work at the restaurant during lunch. She fills in whenever they need her and today one of the waitresses was out sick so they called Amber. D
esperate to see her, I decide to go there for lunch. I was already downtown to meet with the bar manager about Saturday night's concert and the restaurant where Amber works is just a few blocks away.
When I get there, I'm seated by a girl about my age with sleek dark hair and olive skin.
"I love your voice," she says, handing me a menu as she smiles at me. So she's a fan of the band. That explains why she's acting this way. She's been flirting with me since I walked in, her body brushing against mine as we weaved through the restaurant to my table.
"Thanks," I tell her, opening the menu.
"I heard you're playing on Saturday. It's been all over the radio."
"Yeah, it's kind of a big deal. We've never played there before." I glance up at her and see her still smiling, looking like she might ask me out. I know that look because I get it all the time from fans wanting to date the lead singer of Vandyl.
"So um..." She bites her lip. "Would you maybe want to get coffee some time?"
I look around and still don't see Amber. Maybe she didn't have to work after all. Maybe the other waitress showed up for her shift.
"Do you know if Amber's working?" I ask.
"Um, yeah, why? Are you guys friends?"
"I'm her boyfriend. I was hoping to surprise her. Is this one of her tables?"
"You're dating Amber?" She sounds shocked. Does Amber never talk about me?
"Yeah, we've been dating for months."
"Are you serious?" She looks behind her, which is where my eyes are because I just spotted Amber coming out of the kitchen.
The girl waves at her, getting her attention. Amber glances at the table and sees me and immediately smiles. It's the smile she only uses with me and I suddenly feel relieved, setting aside my suspicions that something was wrong between us. If there was, she wouldn't smile that way.
She's in her uniform, a tight black skirt and white button-up, her hair down and straight. She looks gorgeous and I notice all the male customers checking her out. All older businessmen, probably married with kids, yet still staring at the waitress. My girlfriend.
She comes up to the table. "Dylan, what are you doing here?"
One Night Page 25
