At last! The elusive balsoid coil is mine! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! Now to hand it over to Professor Cranium to install on my Abominable Age-Reduction Ray while I take a nap. I’m exhausted.
“Umm, Professor Cranium is off opposing evil somewhere with Commander Virtue.”
Zounds, that’s right! I told you I was exhausted. I’ll just have to do it myself, then. I’ll be right back. Keep yourself busy by repeating the phrase “Vordak Rules, Virtue Drools!” over and over until I return.
Unfortunately, the last incident with the ray destroyed the power cord, so I had to run to the hardware store and get four thousand “AA” batteries, which were not included. I also sent the Sminion brothers to the city dump to dispose of the matter-transporter pod from the lair. The refrigerator disguise worked so well that somebody had put a tray of uncooked fish fillets in the kitchen pod and they transported back to the lair with me—I’d never have been able to get the stink out.
But now everything is set—the balsoid coil is in place and the age-alteration knob has been set to +15 years. I have double- and triple-checked every meter, and I’ve taken every possible detail into account before stepping onto the platform of my agealtering ray. So now, gaze in wonder as I, Vordak the Incomprehensible, transform myself into a lean, mean, world-conquering machine!
Okay, I may have forgotten one tiny detail. Great Gassy Goblins! When they say “tightie whities,” they aren’t kidding! Repeat that Rules / Drools thing a few more times while I go ahead and change into my other outfit.
That’s better! I can actually feel the strength and energy coursing through my mature yet youthful body!
“To be honest, you don’t look any different than you did at the beginning of the book.”
Well, of course I do! Just look at the puff of my chest! And the fit of my tights! Now, could I go for a few more sit-ups to firm up the mid-section just a bit? Sure, but there is no denying that my appearance is even more splendificent than it was before I began this adventure.
I am awe-inspiring! I am powerful! I am back and I’m bad and I’m ready to conquer humanity and RULE THE WORLD! And this time NO ONE WILL STOP ME!
“What about Commander Virtue?”
OKAY—NO ONE ELSE WILL STOP ME!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
VORDAK THE INCOMPREHENSIBLE is a world-class Supervillain and the Evil Master of all he surveys. His first book, Vordak the Incomprehensible: How to Grow Up and Rule the World has inspired a whole new generation of minions and fiends. His current whereabouts are unknown (and no, they are not in his parents’ basement in Trenton, New Jersey). You are hereby instructed to visit Vordak online at www.vordak.com, and he will know if you don’t, so beware.
ABOUT THE MINIONS
SCOTT SEEGERT was selected to transcribe Vordak’s notes based on his ability to be easily captured. He has completely forgotten what fresh air smells like and has learned to subsist on a diet of beetles, shackle rust, and scabs. As far as he knows, he still has a wife and three children in southeast Michigan.
JOHN MARTIN had the great misfortune of being chosen by Vordak to illustrate this book. He hasn’t seen the sun in three years and spends his free time counting down the months to his annual change of underwear. The last he heard, he also had a wife and three children living in southeast Michigan.
IF YOU ENJOYED THIS VICIOUSLY
VILLAINOUS VOLUME, YOU MAY
BASK FURTHER IN MY BRILLIANCE
(AND LEARN A THING OR TWO
ABOUT EVIL!) WITH
Rule the School Page 7
