by Leanne Banks
Logical explanation, he told himself, since he hadn't dreamed since then, and the dream hadn't been about Maddie. For Pete's sake, it had been about buttercups, a field of buttercups. Joshua resolved to dismiss her from his mind, the sensation of her lips from his, her scent from his nostrils.
No more, and no more it would be.
Turning away, he glanced down at the ground, and a beam from the porch light caught an object near his feet. He narrowed his eyes and shook his head, swearing again. The night wasn't over yet.
* * *
Maddie retraced her steps from her car for the third time as she jiggled David in her arms. She'd fed him again after she'd arrived home, then planned to put him down. A vital part of his go-to-sleep routine was missing, however. Every time she thought she had him jiggled to sleep and began to lay him down, he whimpered. The whimper grew to a frustrated cry that progressed to sobbing that made her feel like someone had ripped out her heart and stomped on it. She was going to join him with the sobbing soon.
Returning to the house, she shook her head again. She knew she should have bought another one. Feeling the lateness of the hour pull at her, she sighed and paced across her den, humming as she tried to soothe him. "Sleep, sweetie," she whispered. "You'll feel so much better." She swallowed her laughter. "I'll feel so much—"
A knock at the door caught her by surprise. Ben, she predicted, and opened the door. She blinked at the sight of Joshua Blackwell on her front porch. Dressed in worn jeans and a leather bomber jacket, he stood with his hair slightly mussed, his eyes fixed on her. Her heart did a quick climb into her throat.
"Hello?"
"Thought you might need this before morning." He raised his hand and offered her the missing pacifier.
"Oh, my goodness!" Maddie felt as if she'd just been given the Holy Grail. "Thank you!" she said, scooping up the pacifier. Maddie was so relieved she didn't know what to say. Of course, that didn't keep her from talking. "He must have spit it out, and then it fell out of the car. I can't tell you how grateful I am. He wasn't going down, and I was beginning to wonder if either of us would get any sleep tonight."
When Joshua continued to look at her without saying anything, she fought the dipping sensation in her stomach. "Well come in and—"
He shook his head. "Not necessary."
"Yes, it is," she insisted. "You've driven far to deliver a pacifier. Let me fix you a cup of coffee or cocoa before you get back on the road."
He started to shake his head again, and Maddie's impatience zoomed. "Do we need to argue about a cup of coffee?"
Joshua paused and gave a dry chuckle. "Guess not."
Feeling Joshua behind her, Maddie walked to the kitchen and turned on the coffeemaker. She shifted David to her other arm so she could wash the pacifier.
"Want me to take him?" Joshua offered.
She swerved to look at him. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah." He cracked an almost smile. "He doesn't look too heavy."
Maddie slowly handed David to Joshua. As weary as she was tonight, she felt a mixture of relief and apprehension at giving David to Joshua. It was partly anticipation of going back to work in a couple of weeks, she thought, when she would be sharing David's care even more. "Thank you," she murmured, noticing that Joshua held David naturally. He didn't appear the least bit awkward. His large hands held him against his chest, securely, but not too tight.
Strong yet gentle again. Her body remembered being held by him, and Maddie felt that insidious melting sensation inside her, surprising her again. She hadn't known she was vulnerable to the combination. After all, her fiancé had been a here-today, gone-tomorrow musician. She'd been the grounded one.
It was a strange sensation having a man besides her brother in her home. Here in her little self-proclaimed no-man's land, his unapologetic masculinity reminded her she was more than a mom. She was a woman.
She blinked away that thought. "You look like you've done that a time or two."
"Yeah, it's been a while. He's almost asleep."
Maddie washed the pacifier and rolled her eyes. "It's a trick. As soon as I put him down, he wakes up."
"Does the pacifier help any?" he asked, keeping his voice low. The sound was oddly intimate, and it echoed inside her.
She shook off the odd sensation. "It's magic. I wish everything about parenting were this easy. You have a problem? Go to the store and find something magic that costs under two dollars that will defuse any crisis."
"Scared?" he asked, surprise lacing the single word.
"Terrified," she said with a nod. "Does it show?"
He shook his head. "No. Not at all."
She took David from Joshua and her heart twisted as she looked at her sweet, trusting baby boy. "Well, I am," she whispered. "Scared spitless. Poor kid. He's got a mom who's hopeless in sports."
"Can you yell?"
She glanced at Joshua in confusion. "Yell? Yes, I can yell."
"Then you can cheer from the sidelines."
She smiled slowly, grateful this time. "Yes. I can do that." Coaxing the pacifier past his rosebud lips, she walked toward the upstairs nursery. "I have a few other—irregularities, though."
"Such as?" Joshua said from behind her.
Gently placing David in his crib, she lifted crossed fingers and counted to ten. "I think it worked," she whispered.
They walked down the steps together. "My longtime friend Jenna Jean who is an attorney puts it this way. I attract authority figures at unfortunate moments."
"Authority figures?"
"Traffic cops, meter maids and, just recently," Maddie added with a grimace, "the IRS."
Joshua winced too. "An audit."
Maddie nodded.
"Ouch."
"I've gone through different phases with this. I used to think it was bad luck. Then I decided it was timing that made the traffic cop give me a ticket instead of the guy who just passed me." She poured the coffee and gave him the mug. "I take responsibility for my little messes, but I do suspect there's some sort of karma at work here."
She thought about pouring herself a cup of coffee to do something with her hands, then remembered the caffeine and reconsidered. "I tend to bring disaster with me," she said.
"Uh-huh," he said, taking a sip and leaning his lean hip against her counter. "Bad luck. You're concerned you'll bring it on your kid, too."
Her heart tightened and she looked away. Maddie didn't want to think she'd bring bad luck to Davey, but sometimes when her defenses were down, she wondered.
"Or are you trying to warn me?"
She glanced up at him in surprise. "What?" Maddie wasn't sure she liked Joshua's knowing gray eyes. She supposed his being a stick-in-the-mud meant he wasn't easily fooled.
"Are you trying to warn me that you'll bring me bad luck?" he asked in a mild voice.
That hadn't been her intention. At least she thought it hadn't. "Why would I do that?" she asked, inhaling the combined scents of leather, coffee, and man.
"Because you got more than you bargained for with your pity kiss."
Maddie frowned. "Not that much more. It wasn't a big deal."
"Uh-huh," Joshua said, amusement mixing through his dry tone.
The sound was full of sensual challenge that she might have accepted another time. Maddie held his gaze, considering him. He didn't scare her, she told herself, though a shimmy ran down her nerve endings. As a rule, men didn't scare her. The exception being law enforcement officials. Men amused, irritated and charmed, but they didn't scare her.
It didn't matter, though, because now wasn't the time for a dalliance, even with a man like Joshua.
Now was the time for Maddie to get her act together for her baby and herself. She'd said no more, and perhaps subconsciously she was trying to reinforce it by talking about her bad luck.
"How has your luck been running since you met me?" she asked, winging it with his suggestion. "You were coerced into driving a pregnant woman on a motorcycle through the rain. Y
ou had to change a tire in the rain, and now you've delivered a pacifier, in the rain."
"Still trying to warn me off?" he asked with that sexy almost-smile on his face.
"You're a big boy," she told him with a little purr in her voice, unable to resist giving him back at least a little of his own. "I don't think I need to warn you about anything."
His gaze flicked over her, reminding her again, with shocking clarity, that she was more than a mom. "Yep," he said, taking a final sip of coffee, "and I won't be warning you either."
He brushed against her as he set the mug on the counter behind her. Maddie held her breath. He backed away and she exhaled.
He nodded. "See ya next week. Thanks for the coffee."
She followed him to the door. "Thanks for bringing the pacifier," she managed to say, wondering how he'd switched gears so neatly. "I'll be able to sleep now."
"Grateful?" Joshua asked, cocking his head to one side. "How grateful?"
Her heart slammed into third, another gear change. She could keep up, she told herself. She was just a little rusty. "I'll bring dessert next week."
His gaze slipped over her again, a quick, hot and forbidden caress, before his expression became bland. "I'll look forward to it."
* * *
Assistant District Attorney Jenna Jean Anderson had an unflinching blue gaze that inspired fear, discomfort, sometimes hostility, but ultimately truth. It wasn't just something she pulled out for courtroom drama. It was part of her personality, and had been since her early childhood.
"You will tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth," she said, clearly softening her husky voice, a direct contrast with her forceful personality. "But if you don't like that nasty formula your mommy gives you, make sure you burp on her, not your godmother."
She bent down and blew a raspberry on David's tummy. He smiled, and Jenna Jean grinned at Maddie. "Better tell the neighbors to lock up their daughters. He's going to slay the ladies."
"We're safe," Maddie replied. "You're prejudiced. You won't be able to prosecute him."
"He's adorable," Emily St. Clair Ramsey said as the three longtime friends shared lunch at her mother's well-appointed home. She squeezed closer to slide her finger under Davey's chubby chin. "He's got your eyes and mouth and—"
"If you say he's got my body, I'm dumping this mimosa on your head," Maddie warned, lifting her goblet of champagne and orange juice in a mock toast.
Emily gave a surreptitious flick of her blond hair, but laughed. "What a joke. You're slimmer than before the pregnancy."
"Slimmer, not firmer," Maddie said glumly, then sighed. "It doesn't really matter, though, because I'm not going to date until David turns eighteen."
Jenna snorted. "And I'm Tinkerbell."
Maddie looked at her mimosa. "No. I've thought about this. I don't want to be one of those mothers bringing uncles in and out of their children's lives."
She sensed her friends' concerned gazes and looked up. "With Clyde, I could accept the way he was here today and gone tomorrow because it was just me. It was okay, most of the time," she added with a sad smile, "that he wasn't usually here when I needed him. It was okay for him to pursue his dream in New York and California. If I was lonely, a phone call would help. If it didn't, I could call one of you. But I can't be that way anymore. I've got someone besides me to think about now." She bit her lip. "I really don't want to screw this up."
Emily's eyes softened. "Oh, Maddie, don't be so hard on yourself. You're going to be fine. I'm sure you'll find a man who falls for both you and Davey."
"Spoken like a recently married woman who has had her faith in the adult male gender fully restored," Maddie said, but couldn't contain a smile.
"I can't disagree with that," Jenna Jean said. "But I'm not sure a complete moratorium on dating is necessary."
Both Emily and Maddie looked at Jenna in disbelief.
"How many dates have you been on lately?" Emily asked mildly.
"I've been busy. Monster caseload—"
"You said that last year," Emily said.
"And the year before," Maddie added.
Jenna Jean quickly closed her mouth. "We weren't discussing me," she said in a semi-snooty voice she used when she was trying to get past a sticky issue. "The point is, if a good man walks into your life right now, don't kick him out because of postpartum blues."
An image of Joshua Blackwell flashed through Maddie's mind.
Jenna's eyes narrowed. "Who have you met?"
Maddie blinked. Was her face that transparent? Or was Jenna that intuitive? Perhaps a little of both. "Not really anyone."
"Oh." Emily smiled slowly. "Then tell us about this 'not really anyone.'"
Maddie thought of Joshua and her stomach turned a little flip. She took a sip of mimosa. "I haven't met that many new people lately except the man who helped deliver Davey."
Jenna perked up. "Oh, that's right. The rancher. What was his name? J something…"
"Joshua Blackwell. He runs a horse farm, a stud farm," she added, shaking her head.
Jenna snickered. "Stud farm? Bet there's a testosterone overload on that property."
Maddie couldn't disagree. "I take meals to his house once a week. I promised I would before he took me to the hospital on the back of his motorcycle."
Emily winced. "I still can't believe you did that."
"Better than having the baby on Highway 81," Maddie said.
"What's Joshua like?"
"He's the father of a teenage boy. Very responsible. Doesn't smile much. Very serious. Salt-of-the-earth type. Probably a stick-in-the-mud," she added, feeling as if she was stretching the truth.
"He doesn't sound like your type," Emily said, clearly disappointed.
"He's not," Maddie agreed, and squashed the little voice inside her that argued.
"Bet he's got a great body," Jenna said, looking at Maddie as if she were going to poke the truth out of her.
"He does," Maddie conceded and paused. "He smells…" She hesitated, searching her mind for the proper description.
"Bad?" Emily wrinkled her nose.
Maddie shook her head. "No, not at all. He smells like leather and fresh hay and…"
"Horses," Jenna offered.
"Not really. I don't know what it is." She laughed. "It's a lot different than baby powder."
"Oh," Jenna said, the one word carrying a wealth of meaning. "Testosterone."
* * *
"It's all in the scent," Joshua told Maddie over dinner the following week. She'd brought spaghetti and meatballs, and he was enjoying her curiosity as much as the meal. Patrick had inhaled his meal and gone to his room to watch a show on MTV, and David was napping on a blanket, so Joshua had Maddie's undivided attention. He found he liked it.
He liked the way her brown eyes latched on to him and she cocked her head to the side while she listened. Her earrings dangled from her ears, and he flexed his fingers to restrain the urge to rub the shiny silver webs between his fingertips. He fought the same urge with her tousled auburn hair, glinting in the light. Maddie wasn't the only curious one. After the second dream he'd had last week, he was more curious about her than ever.
"The stud picks up the mare's scent and he's ready for action," he said, catching the faintest hint of a clean, spicy feminine fragrance that made him want to lean closer.
"You mean he just smells her and that's it?"
Joshua could tell that her nineties point of view was getting in the way of her understanding. "Not exactly all of it. Sometimes we have to let her get used to him, put him next to her for a day or so. We have to be careful, though, or he'll hurt himself trying to get to her."
Maddie shot him a doubtful look and sipped her tea. "Hurt himself? Isn't that a bit rash?"
Joshua wiped his hand over his mouth to hide a grin. "It's instinct. Pure, raw, animal instinct. When there's a mare around and she's in season, a stud's got one thing on his mind."
She seemed to consider that for a m
oment. "I guess I could say I've met some men like that."
He shook his head. The woman didn't have a clue, and for some reason he wasn't ready to admit he'd like to be the one to teach her. "Not like a stud. They paw the ground. They strut. I've seen one break through a fence, another kick through a barn wall. That's why we give them a long lead and watch them when they do the job."
Her eyes rounded. "You watch?"
"Sure. I'm getting paid to provide stud service, and it's my job to make sure no one gets hurt, including my stud. We tie the mare, but she can still do a lot of damage if she's skittish and kicks."
"You tie the mare," she echoed. "This is a lot different than I would have thought."
Voyeurism, bondage. He could practically see the images roll through her mind. She didn't look appalled, more surprised, and intrigued. His gaze dipped to the swell of her breasts beneath the scoop neck of her burnt orange blouse. He was close enough to see a few freckles on her chest. He was close enough to touch.
He wondered if she was just as curious in bed, then immediately smashed that thought. "It's not S&M, Maddie," he assured her. "We're just breeding tomorrow's triple crown winners the safest way we can," he told her.
She nodded. "That makes sense. You strike me as a man who would choose the safe way. I wouldn't think you would get caught taking a lot of chances."
"I've taken a few wild chances," he said, remembering the three times he'd banked on odds instead of reality. "I prefer a calculated risk."
She looked at him skeptically. "Oh, really. Tell me."
Not totally comfortable discussing this subject, he worked his shoulders and leaned back in his chair. "I guess you could call Patrick a wild chance. He was conceived in my daddy's '73 Chevy."
She smiled. "And do you feel like you won with that chance?"
"Yeah," he said with a nod. "The bad part was what happened to Gail. She lost some blood and they gave her a bad transfusion with hepatitis. It made her sick and she died of it four years later."
