The Weird: A Compendium of Strange and Dark Stories

by Jeff Vandermeer; Ann Vandermeer

  ‘Because it’s not what it is,’ said Kline.

  Borchert nodded slowly. ‘Very well, Mr. Kline,’ he said. ‘What do you propose?’

  ‘I need to see them,’ Kline said. ‘Rules or no.’

  ‘And you want me to make the necessary arrangements. You’re certain of it?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Kline.

  Borchert sighed. ‘So be it,’ he said. ‘I’ll make the necessary arrangements, Mr. Kline. You’ll see them tomorrow.’

  ‘I want to see them today.’

  ‘Not today, tomorrow. Don’t push your luck.’

  Kline nodded, stood to go. His body was sore, bruised.

  ‘Would you mind wiping your blood off the floor before you go, Mr. Kline?’ asked Borchert, rising from the chair to stand perfectly balanced on his remaining leg. ‘And Mr. Kline,’ he said, ‘Now you have a history of violence. I advise you to be careful.’

  Late evening, Gous arrived with a half-empty bottle of Scotch cradled in the crook of his elbow, Scotch which was, according to him, compliments of Borchert.

  ‘How kind of him,’ said Kline, flatly.

  ‘Why he should care after your escapade this afternoon is beyond me,’ said Gous.

  ‘Maybe that’s why I only get half a bottle.’

  Gous nodded. ‘Do you have glasses?’ he asked.

  ‘No.’

  ‘I guess Borchert didn’t think you rated glasses,’ said Gous. He fumbled awkwardly at the lid with his bandaged hand. ‘I’m going to have to ask you to open it,’ he said.

  ‘How’s your hand?’ asked Kline.

  ‘Nice of you to ask,’ said Gous. ‘Recovering nicely, thank you,’ he said, lifting the bandaged lump in the air. ‘I’m supposed to keep it elevated. And I shouldn’t drink too much,’ he said. ‘Alcohol thins the blood and all that.’

  Kline screwed the cap off the bottle and drank. It was good Scotch, or at least good enough. He took another mouthful then pushed the bottle over to Gous, who, using his forearms like chopsticks, managed to get it to his mouth. He almost upset the bottle putting it back on the table.

  ‘What made you change your mind?’ he asked.

  ‘My mind?’ asked Kline.

  ‘About amputation.’ ‘Who said I changed my mind?’ Lifting the bottle, he took another drink.

  ‘Why would Borchert have sent over a bottle otherwise? Did you get a call?’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  Gous nodded. ‘It’s nobody’s business but your own,’ he said.

  Kline reached for the bottle, watched the stump at the end of his arm knock against it, nearly knock it over. ‘Nobody’s business but my own,’ he said, aloud, his voice sounding quite distant.

  ‘That’s right,’ Gous said. ‘That’s what I said.’

  Kline could see on the end of his arm, the ghost of his hand, pale and transparent, sprouting oddly from the stump. ‘That’s right,’ he heard himself say. He flexed his missing fingers, saw them move. They had cut off his hand but the ghost of his hand was still there. Perhaps this was what was meant by a call? Perhaps Borchert, shorn of most of his limbs, saw the ghosts of what was missing: vanished limbs grown uncarnate, pure.

  He looked up. There was Gous, across the table from him, his eyes drooping, half-closed, his face mostly gone in shadow. Kline tried to reach for the bottle but couldn’t find it.

  ‘Where was I?’ he asked.

  He saw Gous’ eyelids wince, come all the way open. ‘We should get you into bed,’ Gous said. ‘While I still can.’

  ‘It isn’t Scotch,’ said Kline, to where Gous had been, but Gous wasn’t there anymore. It took him some time to realize that Gous was there beside him, looming above him, trying to get him out of the chair. And then, without knowing how, he was standing, Gous beside him, and they were gliding slowly through the room.

  ‘No,’ said Gous, slowly. ‘It is Scotch. But that’s not all it is.’

  Fuck, thought Kline. ‘I thought you were my friend,’ he said, and felt himself falling. And then he was on the bed, sprawled, Gous sitting beside him looking down at him.

  ‘I am your friend,’ Gous said. ‘I drank with you, didn’t I?’

  Kline tried to nod but nothing happened. He could see the wrappings around Gous’ hand staining with blood.

  ‘Besides,’ said Gous, ‘friendship is one thing, God another.’

  ‘Scoot over,’ Gous said. Kline was not sure how much time had passed. ‘There’s enough room on that bed for two.’

  Gous’ cheek on the pillow, just next to his own eye, was the last thing he would remember until, hours later, he awoke, alone, to the sight of his bandaged foot, the bandages already steeped with blood. Even then it was not until he felt the dressings with his remaining hand that he realized that three of his toes had been removed.

  VII

  ‘This is what you wanted,’ said Borchert after Kline had forced his shoe over his bandaged foot and limped over to his room. It had been difficult to walk without the toes, hard to keep his balance and very painful. By the time he had reached the building his shoe was saturated with blood. The guard, perhaps the same guard as the day before, had regarded him with one eye and said What is wanted? In answer he had merely lifted his bloody shoe slightly. The guard, without another word, let him pass, as did the guard behind the door. And now here he was, upstairs, across from Borchert, in Borchert’s room, being told that he had gotten what he wanted.

  ‘You should be careful about what you ask for,’ said Borchert.

  ‘I didn’t ask for anything.’

  ‘You asked,’ said Borchert, ‘to interview certain people in person. I told you I would make arrangements. I have made them. I took the fewest number of toes possible,’ he said. ‘Even now, for them to see you is to stretch the rules a little. A four, normally…but it isn’t unheard of.’

  ‘I want to leave,’ said Kline.

  ‘Of course you do,’ said Borchert cheerily. ‘But I believed we’ve already discussed that. It’s not possible.’

  ‘Why are you doing this?’

  ‘What am I doing exactly?’ asked Borchert. ‘I’ve made you a four. I’ve done you a favor.’

  ‘I don’t see it that way.’

  ‘Perhaps someday you will.’

  ‘I doubt it.’

  Borchert looked at him seriously. ‘I doubt it too,’ he said. ‘Look,’ he said, ‘at your missing hand.’

  ‘When can I leave?’ asked Kline.

  ‘When all this is done.’

  ‘When will that be?’

  Borchert shrugged. ‘That depends on you,’ he said. He lifted his remaining hand, pointed his crippled middle digit at Kline. ‘Now, if I’m not mistaken, you have interviews to conduct.’

  He was taken down a floor and then down the hall to another door, behind which was one of the interviewees, an eleven, his legs hacked off at the knees, his fingers and one thumb all shaved down nearly to knuckle. He recognized his voice as the third on the tape: Andreissen. Before he would speak with Kline Andreissen demanded to see the missing toes, suggesting that Kline should not hide his light under a bushel.

  Kline sat and loosened his shoe and slowly worked it off, blood dripping from it to puddle on the floor. He dropped the shoe onto the floor and began unwrapping the sodden dressing. Andreissen came nimbly out of his chair and, like an ape, propelled himself across the floor on his knuckles and the stumps of his knees. His eyes were lucid and shining, and when Kline got the wrapping off to reveal his mangled foot Andreissen came very close indeed. Kline could hardly bear to look at the foot, the place where the toes had been cauterized but now cracked and seeping a flux of blood and pus.

  ‘I thought you self-cauterized,’ said Andreissen. ‘Part of the reason I agreed to this was because I wanted to see what self-cauterization looked like.’

  ‘I didn’t do this,’ said Kline.

  ‘You shouldn’t be walking on it,’ he said. ‘Doesn’t it hurt?’

  �
��Of course it hurts.’

  Andreissen nodded. He knuckled his way back across the floor, clambered back into the chair. ‘As I told Borchert,’ he said, once properly situated, ‘I’m here to help. I’m all for law and order.’

  ‘Good for you,’ said Kline.

  ‘But, honestly, I said all there was to say on the tape.’

  Kline nodded. He dragged his foot along the floor, watching the thin lines of blood run. ‘It’s about the tape,’ he said. ‘That’s what I came about.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘There’s something wrong with the tape,’ said Kline. ‘I need to figure out what.’

  ‘The tape didn’t work?’

  ‘Something like that,’ said Kline. ‘So I’m just going to ask the questions again, all right?’

  ‘Why don’t you talk to Borchert?’ he asked. ‘Why don’t you ask him?’

  ‘First question,’ said Kline. ‘State your name and your relation to the deceased.’

  ‘Technically that’s not a question.’

  ‘Please answer,’ said Kline.

  ‘I believe you already know my name,’ he said. ‘It’s Andreissen.’

  ‘Thank you,’ said Kline. ‘What was your relation to the deceased?’

  ‘The deceased?’ said Andreissen. ‘I thought you were sticking to the original questions.’

  ‘That is one of the original questions.’

  ‘No it isn’t.’

  ‘It’s not?’ said Kline.

  ‘What’s this talk of the deceased? There is no deceased.’

  ‘Aline.’

  ‘What about Aline?’

  ‘He’s the deceased.’

  ‘Aline?’ Andreissen shook his head, laughed. ‘You’re pulling my leg.’

  ‘Aline’s dead.’

  ‘It’s impossible,’ said Andreissen.

  ‘Why do you think I’m here?’

  ‘I saw him just yesterday,’ said Andreissen. ‘He seemed very much alive to me.’

  ‘You’re lying,’ said Kline.

  ‘I swear to you,’ said Andreissen. ‘On my missing legs.’

  Kline stood, limped around the room.

  ‘Can you stop that?’ said Andreissen. ‘You’re getting blood everywhere.’

  ‘What were the questions you were asked? On the tape, what were the questions.’

  ‘Me? About the robbery of course.’

  ‘What robbery?’

  Andreissen narrowed his eyes. ‘What is this all about? Do you think I did it? I didn’t do it.’

  ‘Do what?’

  ‘The robbery.’

  ‘What robbery?’

  ‘Christ,’ said Andreissen. ‘What sort of game are you playing?’

  ‘Where’s Aline’s room? Down the hall?’

  ‘No,’ said Andreissen. ‘Up a level. Last door. Why?’

  ‘I was told it was on that floor, but the third door.’

  ‘What is this?’ asked Andreissen. He posted his palms against the chair’s arms, pulled himself up to stand in the chair’s seat on his stumps. ‘I didn’t agree to this. Borchert didn’t say anything abou this. I want you to leave.’

  ‘Fine,’ said Kline. ‘I’m leaving.’

  He went out into the hall. The guard was gone. He went to the stairs but instead of going down went up and down to the end of the hall. A guard was standing in front of the last door. He watched Kline nervously.

  ‘This is Aline’s room?’ Kline asked.

  The guard made no gesture, said nothing.

  ‘Mind if I see for myself?’ asked Kline, and reached for the doorknob.

  The guard struck him once with the edge of his palm, fast, in the throat. He couldn’t breathe. He stumbled back, his hand to his throat, still unable to breathe, and then made a conscious decision to stumble forward instead, throwing himself against the door. The handle was locked. The guard hit him again, in the side of the temple, and he slid down along the door, and then the guard was pulling him back into the middle of the hall, massaging his throat, trying to get him to breathe.

  ‘Well,’ said Borchert. ‘Mr. Kline. Always a pleasant surprise. You should be more careful. You should have a little more respect.’

  ‘Aline’s not dead,’ said Kline, still rubbing his throat.

  ‘Of course he is,’ said Borchert. ‘Whatever gave you that idea?’

  ‘Andreissen.’

  ‘Why would he say that?’ asked Borchert.

  ‘He said I was here to investigate a robbery.’

  ‘No, no,’ said Borchert. ‘Aline’s dead. You’re here for Aline.’

  ‘Who’s dead?’

  ‘It’s that you’re only a four,’ said Borchert. ‘He’s not telling you the truth because of that.’

  ‘You’re lying.’

  ‘Maybe we should remove another toe,’ said Borchert. ‘Or maybe two more. Then we’ll see if Andreissen tells you the truth.’

  ‘No,’ said Kline. ‘No more toes.’

  ‘All right, then,’ said Borchert. ‘Perhaps one of the others will be a little more forthcoming.’

  ‘No more interviews.’

  ‘All right,’ said Borchert. ‘You’re the investigator. You should do what feels right.’

  Using his remaining foot, Borchert pushed the chair slowly along the floor until he was back by the counter. Slowly he managed to open the cabinet above it and to tug down first one glass and then another. And then, more precariously, a bottle of Scotch. He took off the cap with his mouth. He moved the glasses to the edge of the counter and, pinning the bottle between his arm and his body, poured.

  ‘Drink?’ he asked.

  ‘Absolutely not,’ said Kline.

  ‘Oh come on,’ said Borchert. ‘It’s Scotch, plain and simple. Nothing but Scotch.’

  ‘No,’ said Kline.

  ‘Suit yourself,’ said Borchert. He pinched the glass’ rim between his thumb and remaining half-finger, lifted it to his lips, drank. ‘So,’ he said. ‘Made any progress, have we?’

  ‘On what?’

  ‘On finding Aline’s killer.’

  ‘My guess is that Aline is still very much alive.’

  ‘Please, Mr. Kline. Let’s have no more such talk.’

  ‘Show me the body.’

  Borchert shook his head. ‘I can’t allow you to see the body. At the very least you’d have to lose a few more toes.’

  ‘This is absurd.’

  ‘Be that as it may, Mr. Kline,’ said Borchert, taking a large swallow. ‘Be that as it may.’

  Later that evening he wandered out of his room and down the hall and into the gravel yard in front of the building. He stood looking up at the stars, his foot aching with pain, feeling slightly feverish. He did not understand, he thought, what it was he had gotten himself into, nor for that matter how he had gotten himself into it. But the more important question was, now that he was in, how to get out.

  He walked out to the main road, turned, limped toward the main gates. A man was dead, murdered, or perhaps very much alive. Borchert was playing with him, and perhaps the others were as well. The night was cool, cloudless. Where was this place? He turned and looked back, saw the building he was staying in, the only light being that of his own room. Why was nobody else in the building? Had there been anyone living in the building but him since his arrival? Where did Gous and Ramse sleep?

  At the main gate at the edge of the compound, the guard stepped out of the shadows and flicked on his flashlight, shining the beam into Kline’s eyes.

  ‘What is wanted?’ he asked.

  ‘It’s Kline,’ Kline said, squinting his eyes.

  ‘Right,’ said the guard. ‘We met the first night. A one. Self-cauterizer. Right hand, right?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Kline. ‘Now a four.’

  ‘A four?’ said the guard. ‘That was quick. What else?’

  ‘A few toes,’ he said. ‘Nothing much.’

  The guard moved the flashbeam down, shined it on Kline’s feet. Kline could see the man now, a dim sh
ape just behind the flashlight.

  ‘I need to leave,’ said Kline. ‘Please open the gate.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said the guard. ‘I can’t do that.’

  ‘My work here is finished,’ said Kline.

  ‘I have my orders, I’m afraid,’ said the guard.

  Kline took a step forward. The guard brought the light up and into his eyes. Kline took another step and heard a rustling and a click and the guard quickly flashed the light back on himself to reveal a sort of metal prosthetic slipped over his stump, a gun barrel at the end of it.

  ‘I thought prosthetics were frowned upon,’ said Kline.

  ‘We don’t like to use them,’ said the guard. ‘But when we have to, we do.’

  ‘Say I climb the fence somewhere.’

  ‘You’re welcome to try. My guess is we’d catch you eventually.’

  Kline nodded, turned to leave.

  ‘Very nice to see you, Mr. Kline,’ said the guard. ‘If you have any more questions, don’t hesitate to ask.’

  He found Gous and Ramse in the bar, already drunk, Ramse in particular, who was drinking whiskey through a straw. Gous kept saying he had to go easy, that it thinned the blood, and then taking another drink. They cheered when they caught sight of Kline, clapped him on the back with their stumps.

  ‘Drink?’ asked Ramse.

  Kline nodded. Ramse called the bartender over. ‘A drink for my friend here,’ he said.

  ‘The self-cauterizer.’

  ‘Word gets around,’ said Ramse.

  ‘Say,’ said Gous, his voice slurred and too slow. ‘When do the women come out?’

  ‘Ten,’ said the bartender. ‘I told you already. Ten.’

  ‘Drink?’ Ramse asked Kline.

  ‘He’s already getting me a drink,’ said Kline.

  ‘Hell,’ said Ramse. ‘I wanted to get you a drink.’

  ‘You did,’ said Kline.

  ‘What?’ asked Ramse. ‘What?’

  ‘Never mind,’ said Kline.

  ‘Just so you know,’ said Ramse. ‘I’m buying the next one.’

  Kline smiled.

  ‘So,’ said Gous, hunched over his drink. ‘How’s the investigation?’