It hasn’t always worked out that way. That’s the cost of being a public figure.
There have been strains on my marriage, but, thank goodness, Millie is such an incredible woman. She and I are determined to make it work. We want to be with each other and have committed ourselves to working past our issues.
Millie and I went to marriage counseling in Puerto Rico for about a year. It wasn’t because we were having major problems. There was just a disconnection there, partly because of all the traveling I do and partly because the arrival of little Oscar had naturally become the focus of our lives. The counseling has helped us to also focus on each other once again.
I also went to a therapist on my own to deal with my problems. It was intense, often several hours at a time.
Over time, I believe that I got to the core of my problem.
It started with childhood, with my relationship with my mother and father. They were great parents to my brother and me. They gave us all the basics of life. They instilled in us the moral values we have carried through life. But the one thing they didn’t give us was a demonstration of the love I know they had inside, the same love I felt for them. I knew it was there, but they never showed it. Neither my mother nor my father told me that they loved me. I never got a hug. It was a cold environment in which to grow up.
I had a lot of pain inside of me that came out in therapy. I learned I needed love. I learned I needed my parents.
I haven’t talked to my father or my brother about this because that’s still difficult for me. My experiences in childhood had a powerful impact on me and I’m sure our household had the same effect on my brother.
I know I’m going to have to talk to my father to release all this anger, to explain to him the way I felt and how it has made me act.
That won’t be as hard now as it would have been in the past. Things are good between us now, and have been for the last few years. He has opened himself up. Now it is easy for us to give each other hugs. He will call me and say, “How are you doing, my son?” It’s a different relationship.
A lot of the credit for the change has to go to my sister, Ceci. She is the peacemaker in the family. At gatherings, she’ll get my father and me together and make sure we hug.
Ceci had to grow up quickly after my mother died, being only five at the time, and in a way, she has become my mom. That’s the way I see her. She may be the baby of the family, but we all go to her with our problems. I still feel close to my mom through her.
She is never hesitant about scolding me or telling me what she thinks. If I’m feeling bad about something, or if I have a tough situation to deal with, I can talk to Ceci because I know I always get the truth from her. She says, “What would Mom tell us?” and then Ceci tells us.
My sister has all the qualities I admired in my mom. She is strong, fun, outgoing, lovable, and has a big heart. And she has an incredible singing voice, just like my mom.
Ceci takes care of my father now. If he doesn’t eat in the morning, it’s because my sister wasn’t there to cook for him. He relies on her for everything. My father is lost without her.
I don’t blame him for not being that close with me in the past. He didn’t mean to be remote. It was all he had ever known, the way he had grown up.
Maybe as he has gotten older, he’s come to realize it’s important to have a bond with his kids.
The reason I’m talking publicly about all this now is that I hope others can be helped by my experience. A lot of people have pain inside of them and the best way to ease that pain is to acknowledge it, talk about it, and then follow up with the proper treatment.
Therapy gave me a whole new perspective. I have a wonderful woman in Millie, an incredible life.
I sat down with Millie when I returned from therapy and told her everything.
I’ve grown from my exposure to therapy. I got help, but it’s just the beginning. I’m looking at a long process.
At first Millie had her doubts that I could change. She asked me: “Is this new attitude real?”
She soon saw that it was. She admitted, “I’ve never heard you talk like this. We’ve never had conversations like this about your life.”
She understood that I was emotionally abused as a child, that I was neglected.
I have always seen Millie as a goddess, as the perfect woman, a person with a tremendous heart and unshakable values. She’s unbelievable. With all the money we have at our disposal, I have to bend her arm to go buy a pair of shoes. She doesn’t need an overflowing wardrobe to fulfill herself. She is happy in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. She knows what’s important in life. That’s what I love about her. She can tell me, “Who do you think you are?” or “Okay, Oscar, take out the trash,” and I listen.
I put her on a pedestal because I felt she was superior to me as a person. I treated her like a queen.
Now, after therapy and counseling, rather than looking up at her on that pedestal, I feel we are becoming more equal in our relationship. It doesn’t mean I no longer treat her special, but I feel I have come closer to her level as a person.
Not equal. Maybe never equal. But closer.
We have a strong foundation now. Everything is in the open. I feel I have a partner. Our marriage is better than ever after seven years together.
The lessons I learned from my upbringing and my therapy are being applied in my household. When I am at home in Puerto Rico with Millie and the children, we always eat with little Oscar, putting his schedule ahead of ours. When he has breakfast, we eat breakfast. It will be the same with my new daughter, Nina, when she gets a little older.
It’s a very difficult situation, I admit, because of all the traveling I do, but when I’m home, not one day goes by without me spending some quality time with my kids. I am always there for them. They will never have to complain about a failure to communicate.
My life right now is the way I want it to be forever. It’s perfect, from my marriage to my kids to my boxing career to my other businesses.
Millie has even come to accept my boxing career in the way I had hoped she would. The first few fights after we got married, it was like pulling teeth to get her approval. She didn’t want me to fight anymore. Now she still gets scared and nervous, but she understands this is what I love doing and she is 100 percent supportive.
People often ask me why I keep fighting. They look at all the money I have made and all the businesses I have become involved in and my wonderful family and they say, “Why? What do you need it for?”
Those people are not boxers. They can never understand the incredible rush I get from stepping into the ring and challenging my mind and my body to the ultimate degree. In the span of a lifetime, the ability to box competitively is only a fleeting moment under the best of circumstances, a small window of opportunity to reach incredible heights. I don’t want to walk away while that window is still open.
I’ve been extremely fortunate in the ring, emerging after forty-three fights with my face unmarked, my mind unaffected, my body strong, and reflexes still sharp. If that should change, I’ll be the first to know it. And to react by immediately hanging up the gloves forever.
I’ll be doing that soon anyway. And when I do, there are so many other windows open to me, so many other ventures to pursue.
I look at other fighters who have nothing after boxing and I shudder at the thought that that could be me.
I’ve been so fortunate that the right people came into my life to push me back onto the proper path when I strayed. It might have been so different if my mother hadn’t inspired me in my early years, if my father hadn’t put the gloves on me, if my family hadn’t supported me, if Millie hadn’t walked into my life, if Richard hadn’t provided me with career options after boxing, if friends like Raul and Eric hadn’t been watching out for me, if my children hadn’t come along to give new meaning to my life.
It’s been quite a journey over the last thirty-five years, from humble beginnings to unparalleled fame a
nd fortune. My family came from Tecate and Durango in search of a better life for their children, but in their wildest dreams, they could never have imagined the life I have been privileged to enjoy.
Thrown into a world spotlight I couldn’t have been adequately prepared for, I’ve made my share of mistakes. But I’ve learned from them and grown to become what is, unfortunately, all too rare, a fighter with a productive life after boxing.
I’m excited about the years ahead. While boxing will always be my first love, I want to continue to expand my reach into a wide variety of financial endeavors, especially within the Hispanic community.
I have become a highly visible figure in the Hispanic world and I want to use that influence for the common good. I want to help move the agenda beyond illegal immigration to a point where the emphasis is on who Hispanics are, not where they came from. I want to inspire others to feel my success story can be theirs as well.
I used to think being called the Golden Boy referred only to my boxing skill and my income potential. My priorities have changed. If I am indeed the Golden Boy, it is because I am truly rich with the blessings of health, family, friends, and the resources to improve my community.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
In the last few months, I have learned that writing a book is like performing in a big fight. You may be the one in the spotlight, but there is a huge support group behind you. Without all those people, what the public sees would not be possible.
In this book, I have pulled the curtain back to reveal all those who have had key roles in my career. Here, I wish to do the same with American Son.
I felt I had a story to tell, one that could be appealing and inspirational. I was confident my voice could express some of the emotions, goals, and dreams of Hispanics in general and my generation in particular.
The process of putting those thoughts on the written page began with Richard Schaefer, as is the case with many of the endeavors in my life. He has spearheaded all of my boxing and business ventures, and he did the same with this book.
To coauthor American Son, we selected Steve Springer of the Los Angeles Times, who has covered me for much of my career. He is a past winner of the Nat Fleischer Award, a career achievement honor bestowed by the Boxing Writers Association of America.
We had an idea, a story, and a writer. Now we had to sell it. That task was taken on by Jack Tiernan of Creative Artists Agency, one of the top talent agencies in the world. Jack believed in this project from the beginning. He took it to Sally Wilcox of CAA’s literary department, who in turn got Luke Janklow, one of the finest literary agents in New York, on board.
Luke had a wide choice of publishers to choose from, but he zeroed in on one company, HarperCollins, because of one man, editor Rene Alegría. I can understand why. Rene’s passion for and belief in this book has been obvious from the day I met him. I also highly appreciate the efforts of his colleagues at HarperCollins: Lisa Gallagher, publisher of HarperEntertainment; Associate Publisher Lynn Grady; Publicist Jennifer Slatterly; Senior Art Director Richard Aquan; Managing Editor Kim Lewis; Senior Vice President of Distributor Sales Brian Gorgan; and Assistant Editor Melinda Moore.
My own team has been equally important. Along with Richard, Raul Jaimes, vice president of Golden Boy Promotions; Bruce Binkow, chief marketing officer; and Nicole Becerra, executive assistant, played key roles.
My thanks also to my father, Joel, Eric Gomez, Bob Arum, Shelly Finkel, Larry Merchant, and Marty Denkin for their recollections; my sister Ceci for coming up with all the great pictures; and Stephen Espinoza, Jeffrey Spitz, Bert Fields, and Judd Berstein for their legal input.
And, of course, thanks to my wife, Millie, for her support and encouragement.
I take great pride in the many successful enterprises launched by Golden Boy. I am confident American Son will further enhance our record of achievement.
About the Authors
OSCAR DE LA HOYA is one of the most beloved athletes in America and one of the greatest boxers of all time. He was born in Los Angeles and now divides his time between Puerto Rico and Southern California.
STEVE SPRINGER is the author of five books, including two bestsellers, and has been a journalist for more than thirty years, the last twenty-five with the Los Angeles Times. He is a past winner of the Nate Fleischer Award, a career achievement honor bestowed by the Boxing Writers Association of America. He lives in Los Angeles with his family.
Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.
Copyright
AMERICAN SON. Copyright © 2008 by Oscar De La Hoya. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
Mobipocket Reader May 2008 ISBN 978-0-06-170443-7
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