“I won’t be an apprentice in a few months.” I clenched my hands together so tightly they shook.
“All the more reason to be careful.”
A sharp cry escaped me. One fist pounded the arm of the chair. “There is nothing going on!”
She gazed at me sadly. “If that were true, you wouldn’t be so angry now.”
“I’m angry because you won’t believe me. You’ve already got your mind made up. Nothing I say makes a difference.”
“I know what I saw. What everyone saw.”
“And what you heard.”
She didn’t reply.
My heart felt riddled with bullet holes. I longed to cry, scream, throw something. The disappointment in Nadine’s eyes slashed me. My whole body ached. I wanted to hide. Nadine had never made me feel ashamed before. Not ever. How could she believe Delphine over me?
Delphine. This was completely her fault.
I was so going to kill that fucking, scheming bitch.
I stood, trying to hide my trembling. My jaw was so tight, a dull pain radiated from it. “I’m sure you’ll believe whatever you want. I’ll go now so when Delphine shows up, you two can be ‘concerned’ together.” My voice was so cold, it gave even me chills.
“Claire…” Her eyes brimmed with tears.
I almost relented. I loved her so much. But she was shredding my heart. I wanted to come up with some gut-wrenching, guilt-inducing exit line, but I could barely breathe without sobbing. I hurried to the door, nearly tripping over the chair leg. “I—I have to go.”
I did give myself the pleasure of slamming her door behind me.
I strode down the hall, scrubbing fiercely at my tears. Vaguely, I heard another door open, but I didn’t look where I was going. I smacked into a solid, male chest. He grabbed my arms to steady me, and held me close. I knew it was him before he even spoke.
“Whoa.” Dietrich’s voice was low and calming. “What cranked your gears, Minx?”
All Nadine’s accusations flooded through me. I was so embarrassed I couldn’t even look at his face. Another tear slid down my nose, and I flicked it away. “I had a…discussion with Nadine just now.”
“Ah.”
And just like that, I felt this invisible wall go up between us. He stepped away, leaving the space between us as chilly as a winter draft. When I glanced up, he was looking down the hall toward Nadine’s door.
Dread settled in my stomach like a stone sinking through deep water.
“I’m afraid this won’t make you feel any better,” he said, “but I need to apologize to you. I should not have asked you to dance with me last night.”
“Bloody hell. Not you too.”
The way he was eyeing Nadine’s door, I wondered if she’d already given him the same scolding she gave me.
“She’s right,” he said, confirming my fears. “I’ve been stepping over the line with you, trying to help you. It’s unfair to you, and wrong.”
Wave after wave of humiliation pummeled me. “This is ridiculous. We danced. In public. That’s what a dance is for. Nothing happened.”
“It’s what happened in private that shouldn’t have.”
That sounded so intimate, and his eyes so intense, my breathing quickened. I knew he noticed, and it only made everything worse. I had to regain a little pride. I held my chin high. “Nothing important happened in private. Not between you and me. In fact, you want to know what I was doing in private last night? Kissing. And not you. I was kissing Raymond.”
His eyes widened the smallest bit. “Really?” A shade of uncertainty crept into his tone.
I nodded, advancing a step toward him. “Hot, steaming kiss. With tongue.”
He took a step back, his face unreadable. His eyes were dark and piercing.
“And I liked it,” I continued, my voice almost a growl. “I wanted him. Not you. Him. I wasn’t even thinking about you. I was thinking about how great it felt to kiss a chap and enjoy it. And not be afraid. And I wanted to do more than kiss. So did he. That’s what happened in private. And You. Weren’t. There.”
His shoulders tensed as if each of my words were physical blows. Hurt shadowed his face. “That’s…good. Good that you’re moving past whatever it was—”
“Stop it. Stop trying to fix me. I don’t need your help or your pity.”
“I’m not—”
“Stow it. I don’t have time. I’m going to spend the day with the fellow who doesn’t apologize for liking me. There’ll probably be more kissing involved. I’ll be very busy. See you at rehearsal.”
I stalked away from him.
“I wasn’t trying to fix you!” he hollered after me.
I held up my palm like a wall and kept walking. I really did intend to find Raymond, and when I did, I was going to throw him against the nearest vertical surface and kiss him senseless. Partly because I felt like it. Partly because everyone would hear about it, and then Nadine and Dietrich would see how cogged they were.
I didn’t even notice my surroundings until I was almost to the apprentice wing. I nearly ran over Arabella Monk, a seventh-year vicimorph who was the theater’s biggest gossip.
“You look awful, Minx!” She touched my arm, real concern in her eyes—but also a hunger for the next juicy story.
I stared at her, a sea storm churning inside me. So much for being good or noble. I’d rather be strong and fight back. She wanted a story? I had one for her.
I let my eyes fill with tears. “I’m all right, I suppose.” I sniffled and blinked hard. “I just heard the most upsetting news, though.”
She made a sympathetic sound. “What happened?” Her tone was like honey.
I shook my head, looking away. “I shouldn’t say. It’s too awful.”
“You know I won’t say a word.”
I wanted to laugh at that. But I just put more distress into my voice instead. “I can’t.”
She took my hand. “You know it’s better to talk to someone when something is troubling you.”
“You think so?” I let the words waver.
“Definitely. Please, tell me what upset you.”
“You mustn’t say a word.” I bit my lip, frowning.
“No. Of course I wouldn’t.”
I think we both knew we were both full of shit. But we went through the motions of being ethical anyway, for the sake of appearances.
“Very well.” I pulled her to a quiet corner in the hall. “I heard from a very reliable source that Miss Birdwell…well, she has an unfortunate family.”
Arabella’s face perked up. “How so?”
“It pains me to say it, but her mother is nothing more than a two-bit dollymop. Sells herself down at the docks.”
Arabella gasped. “How awful!”
“What’s more, I heard that Delphine herself has gotten into a bit of a money problem.” I gave Arabella a meaningful look. “And another apprentice who I cannot name says she’s been sneaking out in the evenings and not returning until almost morning.”
Arabella’s mouth dropped into a little “O.” “You think she’s—”
“I don’t know what to think. But it does make me wonder. Like mother like daughter, they say.”
“Oh my god.”
“I know. That’s why I’m so upset. Can you imagine being that desperate? Not that that’s what she’s doing, of course. But I can’t think of any good reason she would sneak out.”
“That’s so, so sad.” Arabella shook her head, but her body tensed.
I knew she was eager to leave me—so she could mull over this secret in private, of course.
“Promise you won’t tell. Miss Birdwell’s reputation would be utterly ruined if word got out.”
“I promise.”
I squeezed her hands, trying to ignore the pang of conscience. “Thank you—I really do feel much better.”
“Of course. Anytime.”
She rushed off, and I raced to my room and threw myself on the bed. Feel better? Hah. I only wished.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I didn’t spend the day kissing Raymond. In fact, the idea turned my stomach because it reminded me of how awful I’d been to Nadine and Dietrich. Instead, I spent the day in the tech studio wallowing in my increasing sense of guilt and working on the defensive gadgets for Delphine. I finished modifying the pepper-spray container and put the finishing touches on the boot spikes. I had just enough time to start the pheromone detector before at last emerging for supper.
There were whispers at supper. Some wide-eyed looks. Some muffled giggles whenever Delphine walked by. She acted as if she didn’t notice, but her face was pale.
At breakfast the next morning, there were outright stares and looks of disgust. A couple of apprentices moved to a different table when she sat down. One of them was Bennet Mason. Delphine tilted her nose in the air and laughed and talked with the friends who stayed.
By lunch, the boys were pinching her ass and chanting,
“There once was a girl named Delphine
Whose tits were meant to be seen
The chaps came all day
For a slap-tickle, to pay
Until she was rich as the Queen.
When she ran from the dining room sobbing, I felt like I was going to vomit. But then I saw Dietrich, sitting with the other Guild members in the adjoining staff dining room. It hurt to look at him and know how Delphine had ruined things for us. She had spent the last three years being nasty to me. She deserved whatever she got.
Raymond watch her run from the room, his face like a thundercloud. “Those bastards,” he growled.
I wanted to sink under the table. “It’ll blow over in a couple of days. These things always do.”
Thea didn’t say anything. She just kept looking at me, suspicion in her eyes. I was pretty sure she and Raymond had both figured out I started the rumors. Raymond hadn’t mentioned anything about it either. He hadn’t said much to me at all.
I had a feeling I wouldn’t get a kiss from him right now even if I begged.
I worked in the tech studio all afternoon. Dietrich was rehearsing with Delphine. I was afraid she would tell him about the rumors. He would know instantly that I was the only person who could have started them.
He would despise me.
I couldn’t bring myself to go to dinner at all. I wasn’t hungry, so I hid in the tech studio and kept working. I finished the final prototype. But I didn’t even feel like celebrating.
That evening, Thea walked with me to the main stage for a rehearsal of As You Like It. Even though the stage was under final construction for A Captain’s Courage, which had held its rehearsal earlier in the afternoon, our cast was doing a run-through of the As You Like It blocking Dietrich had given them the week before.
With each step my feet felt heavier. I dreaded facing Delphine.
Thea tugged my arm. “Come on, you can’t avoid her forever.”
“What are you talking about?”
She gave me an exasperated glare. “There are five people other than Delphine who knew she was sneaking out. And four of us kept our mouths shut. So don’t act like a cog with me. What I don’t understand is why you did it. She must have done something truly awful this time to push you over the edge.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
She shook her head, scowling. Golden ringlets bounced around her face.
“And stop looking at me like that,” I said.
“Like what?”
“Like you’re disappointed in me.”
“Well, I am. And you’re disappointed in yourself. I don’t even need psychic powers to see that.”
“Stow the lecture. I don’t need it.”
“No, you’re doing a fine job of beating yourself up. Why don’t you just put a stop to the rumors? You’ll feel much better.”
I didn’t reply. Truthfully, I was still too angry. My conscience was howling at my behavior, but I was willing to plug my ears and ignore it awhile longer to watch Delphine squirm. I would put a stop to it—I really would. But not tonight. There’d be no real harm in letting it go until tomorrow.
At the entrance of the main theater, I hesitated. Thea swept past me unsympathetically, saying she was going to chat with Raymond in the loge balcony before starting the rehearsal. She liked to watch the rehearsals from up there, making notes in her prompt script about exits and entrances, props, light cues, and set changes. As production went on, she would become basically the assistant director—scheduling and running rehearsals, and managing all the details for the performance. Her job was to free up the presuls to work their magic with the vicimorphs.
No point in delaying any longer. I sauntered into the lavishly gilded auditorium, expecting a vengeful Delphine to attack me at any moment.
Oddly, all was calm. Delphine lounged in the front row, but she was laughing and chatting with Millicent Walsh as she usually did. Her color was fine, no trace of tears. Bennet Mason walked across stage carrying a small scene flat, moving it to make room for our rehearsal. He and Delphine exchanged smiles.
Apparently, she’d been busy with damage control this afternoon while I’d been hiding out. It made me feel a little better—my prediction of it blowing over seemed more likely to come true.
I headed toward the tech booth at the back of the to say hello to Jasper and Chester, but Bennet called to me from the stage.
“Miss Mellor, could you help me move a prop table backstage?”
“Of course,” I hollered back, “I’ll be right there.”
I jogged down the carpeted aisle and ducked through the side door on stage right. Just outside was a second narrow door that led up a short flight of steps directly into the wings of the stage. I skirted several apprentices moving some lumber, and another raising a scene drop higher into the gallery overhead.
Lydia Cowlan, one of our three Guild stage managers, shouted at them all, “Apprentices! Make sure you put everything back at the end of your rehearsal. And turn off all lights except for the ghost light. Including house lights—they got left on last time! I’m off for the evening. Have fun!” She waived and disappeared down the stairwell toward the dressing rooms.
We barely paid her any attention. We knew the routine—it had been drilled into our heads from the time we were ten and scarcely able to reach the bank of light switches.
I found Bennet dragging a large wooden prop table toward the back of the stage. He’d stopped right in front of the mechanical lift to the catwalk and looked a bit winded.
“Could you give me a hand with this table?”
“Certainly.” I hesitated a moment—helping him meant sliding between the table and the open door of the cage-like lift. My heart beat a little faster, but I’d had a few years of handling this kind of thing backstage. I’d learned to hide my fears and do the work anyway.
I determined to ignore the lift behind me and positioned myself alongside the table. “Ready on three?”
We counted to three, but the table barely budged. I’d helped move these tables lots of times and hadn’t remember them being so heavy.
Bennet scowled. “Let me come over there and we’ll both move this end first and then the other end.”
He trotted around the table and came to stand next to me.
But instead of grabbing the table, he grabbed my arms. He shoved me hard, and I stumbled backward into the lift.
“What the hell?”
The barred door slammed shut.
“Hey!”
But before I could push it open again, a large padlock slid around the frame of the door and the cage wall. It locked with a click.
I looked up from the padlock.
And into Delphine’s face.
“Thank you, Bennet,” she said, her eyes never leaving me.
“Anytime, cherub.” He snapped his fingers to another apprentice, and they easily dragged away the table.
I grabbed the bars of the door. “Let me out, Delphine.”
She looked bored.
> “Dammit, Delphine! Let me out of here!”
Already, the black panic was stretching inside me, like a beast getting up from a nap.
She leaned in close, her face twisted in a snarl. “You think a stupid little rumor was going to hurt me? I’ve dealt with much worse. I can play dirtier than you ever dreamed of. You messed with fire, and now I’m going to burn you down.”
She signaled to someone out of my range of vision. The lift jolted, then rose several feet in the air. I tried not to scream.
Other apprentices took notice, gathering around. Some looked confused, others laughed, and a few even demanded Delphine stop. I hated them looking at me. I’d been on display like this before. The memories shook me—little children screaming or laughing. The intrusive gaze of adults, as if I were nothing more than a beast. Sometimes that’s exactly what I had been.
“Look, everyone.” Delphine stalked in front of the lift. “The cat caught the rat.”
My heart beat so hard it hurt. The lift seemed to tilt at crazy angles, and I dropped to my knees, shaking.
Delphine laughed. “Get it? According to the gossip, I’m a cat. Or ‘doxy,’ or ‘dollymop,’ or the ever popular ‘whore.’” She snapped her fingers and the lift dropped a foot or so, bringing me eye level with her. She pressed her face against the bars. “Maybe I’m a cat. But at least I’m not a stinking rat.”
I couldn’t pull any air into my lungs. I stared into her eyes, and the world around me grew dark. “Please…”
“You’re pathetic.” She backed up a few paces. “A cowardly rat, scared of small spaces. You’d better be glad you’re in a cage, locked behind bars. You know what cats do to rats?”
The lift began to rattle. I dimly realized it wasn’t because of Delphine. My body was trembling so violently, it shook the lift. Tears ran down my face.
“They break the necks of the fucking rats and rip out their insides.”
She flew at the cage, banging on the door.
I screamed. My world snapped in two. The fear swallowed me and the world went black. The backstage disappeared, and I heard the sounds of a calliope organ. I smelled the odors of the carnival—the manure of the animals, the unwashed press of people. The rancid grease of fried fish.
Chains of Silver: a YA Theater Steampunk Novel (Alchemy Empire Book 1) Page 21
