She shook her head. “I will go back to that nightclub this week, but I’m sending all that money to my family.” She wanted to add that she wasn’t leaving any money behind because Nicoli would just gamble it away but kept that part to herself.
Although Shar was hesitant to admit it, she actually enjoyed herself at the nightclub the second and third night. But on the fourth night, she snapped back to reality as Lucy walked into the club and started whispering in Nicoli’s ear again. Shar was on the stage singing a Billie Holiday song, “These Foolish Things.”
She tried to finish her song without bursting into tears, but it was becoming too much for her to bear as she watched the loose woman climb on Nicoli’s lap, put her arms around his neck, and kiss him like he belonged to her. Shar’s heart felt like it wanted to stop right then and there. So she had to turn away from Nicoli in order to press on and finish the song even as tears rolled down her foolish face.
When her set was over, she got off the stage, determined that this was the last time Nicoli would make a fool out of her. She saw him for who and what he was. He didn’t mean her a bit of good and couldn’t hold onto a promise if his life depended on it. Wiping the tears from her face, she was getting ready to confront Nicoli, but then she noticed that he was no longer in his seat. Instead of worrying herself about him, she went straight to Mr. Marson and stuck out her hand. “Can I have my money now? I’m leaving.”
“I thought you liked it here?” Marson asked.
“It’s just time for me to go.” What was wrong with her? How had she gotten so comfortable in this place?
“I gave your money to your manager.”
She turned and looked for the tip jar on the piano. Every other night, she’d had a couple of dollars in that jar once she’d finished singing. Tonight it was empty. “Why’d you give him my money? I was planning on sending it to my mama.”
Marson lifted his hands, indicating that her problem wasn’t his problem. “I’m not no referee. The man said he was your manager so I gave him the money. If you want it, go get it from him.”
Shar wasn’t about to stand there arguing with a big burly man like Mr. Marson. If Nicoli had money in his pocket, then Shar knew exactly where he had taken off to. She grabbed her handbag out of the dressing room and then headed out of the back door. The darkness of the alley made her hesitate, but then she heard the voices of rabble-rousers and started walking in the direction of the noise. As she rounded the corner, she came upon four men hunched over. Nicoli had just shot the dice, and he popped his finger as the dice rolled onto the ground.
“Nicoli.” Shar yelled his name, not even surprised at where she’d found this promise-breaker.
Nicoli turned to face her. He pointed at the door. “Get back in that club. You ain’t got no business back here.”
Holding out her hand, Shar said, “Just give me my money so I can go.”
“Look at you, acting like you’re the only one working in that club. Who do you think got you that gig?”
“I don’t want to hear it, Nicoli. Give me my money so I can get away from you and your lying, cheating ways.”
Grabbing her arm, he said, “All of this nagging you do is getting old.”
She snatched away from him. “Just give me my money so I can go.”
“Go on and give the girl her money and let’s get back to the game already,” one of the men said.
“Mind your business,” Nicoli yelled over his shoulder.
With one hand on her hip, Shar kept her hand stuck out, letting Nicoli know that she wasn’t in the mood for no discussions.
Nicoli went into his pocket, pulled out ten dollars, and handed it to Shar.
She looked at it. “This is not the right amount. I earned at least forty dollars plus tips this week. Where’s the rest of the money?”
“Takes money to make money. I’ve been out here trying to double it for us.”
“I never asked you to double my money. I asked you to stop gambling, drinking, and cheating.” Shar was so angry she wanted to spit. Instead she blew out a frustrated sigh as she stomped her foot, then rolled her eyes to high heaven and started making her way out of the alley.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Away from you,” she hollered back.
“Okay, I get it. You’re angry. Go home and cool off. You’ll be back once you think about how much money we can make together.”
She didn’t respond. Just kept walking. A woman could only play the fool for so long. And this was it for Shar. She was tired of crying and arguing with Nicoli. She made her way out of that alley without looking back. She couldn’t bear to see him bent over, throwing those dice onto the ground one more time.
Her head was all messed up and jumbled with the things she’d seen and done since leaving home. Her mind drifted back to United Worship, thinking about the time she sat in the pews listening as Landon preached about Better Days. She wondered if he still believed in the messages he preached. She wanted to believe . . . wanted to hold onto some part of what used to mean something to her.
But she couldn’t ponder on it for long, because in the darkness of the night, Shar lost her footing and scraped her knee as she fell onto the dirt path. Getting up, she dusted herself off and then turned this way and that. Her mind was running a mile a minute as she tried to figure if she’d made a wrong turn when she’d left the club by way of the alley.
All Shar could think to do was to keep walking until she ran into something that was familiar to her, but then it started raining. She stopped walking, lifted her head toward heaven, and asked, “Really? Do you really have to rain right now?” She looked around again, trying to figure out the best way to get back to the farm. But it was dark, and the rain was disorienting her.
Standing on the corner as thick raindrops plopped on her head, totally ruining the press and curl job she’d scraped up the money to get done a few days ago. Shar was having a hard time making her way, but she knew she couldn’t just stand in the rain all night, so she clutched her handbag to her chest and got back to walking, hoping that she was going in the right direction.
She heard footsteps behind her and tried to hurry along, while trying to figure out which way she needed to go. The footsteps became louder and faster. For fear that someone from that alley had followed her out of the club looking to fulfill evil intentions, she started running. When the person behind her picked up the pace as well, Shar screamed.
She looked around hoping to find someone to help her, but the rain had probably driven most of the residents inside because the street was empty. But that didn’t stop her from crying out, “Help, help.”
A hand wrapped around her mouth. She bit down on it and kept screaming.
“Shut up,” the man hollered as he reached for her handbag.
He’s going to rob me. No, dear Lord, don’t let him take my money. Didn’t Nicoli already steal enough of it. “No, leave me alone.” Shar tried to yank her handbag out of his grasp, determined to hold onto the little bit she had to contribute to her mama’s care.
“Let it go.”
“No.” Shar didn’t know if she was emboldened by the rain or if she simply didn’t want to lose one more thing that night, but she took her fist and swung at the man as she once again tried to yank her handbag strap out of his hand.
The guy ducked out of the way of her fist and then pulled on the bag again. When Shar wouldn’t release it, he picked up a rock and smashed her in the head with it. She released the handbag, and as she fell to the ground and began slipping into total darkness, Shar wasn’t seeing no better days ahead, only fleeting hope and utter despair.
19
Landon felt awful for having contemplated a relationship with Nettie before getting Shar out of his system. He wasn’t the sort of man to lead women on, and certainly not women in his congregation. If word started getting around that he was this love-’em-and-leave-’em kind of preacher who broke the hearts of the young women in his church, h
e’d never live it down. And any good he did for the community would always be tainted by his undisciplined personal life.
But Landon also wasn’t blind to the fact that he needed Nettie. She was on his team, and he was so grateful to have someone by his side who believed in the mission God gave him. However, he refused to pretend that he felt something that he didn’t. As far as Landon was concerned, doing something like that would be cruel. And he never wanted to be cruel to someone as sweet and loyal as Nettie.
So there he was wearing out the flooring in his office as he paced back and forth, trying to figure out how to tell Nettie that their date was a mistake and he wanted to step back. Landon hadn’t had a whole lot of practice with women, since he’d been spending most of his time on his ministry and waiting in vain for Shar to return home. He wouldn’t do that to Nettie. He wouldn’t be able to look himself in the face if he allowed Nettie to wait around, hoping that his feelings would change.
A knock sounded at his door. Landon stopped pacing, turned toward the door, and took a deep breath. “Come in.”
The door opened, and a smiling Nettie walked in carrying a healthy slice of crumb cake in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. “My mother was at it again. She knows how much you love her crumb cake, so she wouldn’t let me leave the house this morning without bringing you a slice.”
“Your mama is a blessed angel,” he said as he took the cake and coffee from Nettie. Landon sat down behind his desk, took a sip of his coffee, and bit into his cake. “Mmm, if this isn’t the best crumb cake I’ve ever tasted, then I’m a monkey’s uncle.”
“Oh, and before I forget, my mother sends her thanks for you getting me home at a decent hour last week.” Nettie winked at him. “But she also said that if we wanted to stay out a little longer next time that she wouldn’t be bothered by that at all.”
“Nettie, we need to talk.” He pointed toward the chair in front of his desk, then got up and came around his desk.
Sitting down, Nettie asked, “Is something wrong, Landon?”
Leaning against his desk, he hesitated, trying to think of the best way to break this to her. His mind was still fresh with the memory of the tears Nettie had shed in his office, the day she told him that she was in love with him. But as much as he didn’t want a replay of Nettie’s tears, he also didn’t want Nettie wasting her love on a man who, at best, liked her a lot. “I think I may have been a little too hasty in my response to you a couple of weeks ago.” Ringing his hands, not looking her in the eye, he continued, “You see, Nettie, I have so much respect for you. And your loyalty to our cause brings my heart great joy. But . . . ”
She put her hand over his. “Whatever is troubling you, just spit it out. You can tell me anything.”
Beads of sweat danced around his forehead as he looked into Nettie’s adoring eyes. He had to push on. He couldn’t allow Nettie to grow anymore infatuated with him than she already was. His heart was still aching from the devastating way Shar had discarded him. Landon wouldn’t string Nettie along . . . he wouldn’t let her hope for a future that would never be. “Here’s the thing, Nettie.” He used his handkerchief to wipe the sweat from his forehead. “I admire you a great deal, but I’m not in love with you. And I don’t think my feelings are going to change anytime soon.”
“B-but, I thought we had a lovely time at dinner.”
“We did,” he agreed. But then his mind drifted to Nettie singing that song, and all he could think of was how much his heart still longed for Shar. He closed his eyes, trying to block out the pain. When he opened them again, he confessed, “I’m not ready to date just yet. I enjoy your company, but I don’t want to lead you to believe that anything more will ever happen between us. You’re a lovely woman, and I want you to keep your eyes open for that special man who wants to steal your heart away. Okay?”
She stood up, smoothed out the creases in her skirt. “Landon, you don’t have to tell me how wonderful I am while you’re brushing me off.” She threw her hands up in the air and then said, “I get it. You don’t want me. Well fine, but you need to know that there ain’t no other woman who’ll love you like I do.”
“I don’t want to upset you, Nettie. I do so enjoy our friendship. I just don’t want to lead you on, that’s all.”
Calming down a bit, Nettie said, “I didn’t mean to get so upset, Landon. I just don’t think you’re giving me a fair chance. I know that we could be good together if you’d just let loose with me.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think it’s going to work.” He held out a hand to her. “Can we just work on being friends?”
She looked at his hand without responding and then asked, “Do you go out to lunch or dinner with your friends from time to time?”
Nettie was a good dinner companion. As long as she understood that they were just friends, he didn’t see any harm in enjoying a meal or two together from time to time. “That sounds lovely.”
With that said, Nettie shook his hand and then walked out of his office.
“Shar, oh my God, we were all so worried about you.”
Trying to bring her eyes into focus, Shar looked around the room. Her head was pounding, and she was disoriented and dizzy. She heard Sallie talking to her, but her voice seemed as if it was a mile away. She tried to lift her head, but an explosion went off inside of it, and she fell back onto a soft cushiony pillow. “Where am I?”
“Oh, Shar, girl, I’m so glad that you’re alive. I swear I didn’t know if you was gon’ make it.” Sallie leaned down and hugged her.
Still trying to focus, Shar asked, “What happened to me? Where am I?”
“What? Shar, are you trying to say something?”
Shar grabbed hold of her throat as it was hurting when she spoke. “Can’t you hear me? I want to know where I’m at.”
Sallie stepped back a bit and gave Shar a funny look. She then said, “Poor chile, your voice is so hoarse I can barely hear you. But don’t you worry none. After lying on the ground in the rain, anybody would be straining to talk.”
“Somebody hit me?” Shar said the words as if she were asking, not telling.
Sallie strained to hear her. “Did you ask if someone hit you?”
Shar nodded.
“You have a big bruise on your head, so I’d say you got hit with something.”
“How’d you find me?”
Sallie sat down next to Shar’s bed. “That ol’ scallywag brought you back. Claims he found you lying in the street after you left him at some singing gig.”
“I don’t remember seeing Nicoli.”
“You were in and out of consciousness for a little while, but we kept nursing you back to health, and thank God you opened your eyes again today.”
Shar’s mind began to turn as memories came flooding in. It had been raining, and a man was running up on her from behind. She remembered struggling with him over her handbag and then a lightning-quick pain in her head. Tears rolled down Shar’s face as she tried to make sense of why anyone would beat her over the head and then leave her to die on the street. “Why, why?” Shar cried as she struggled with the hoarseness of her voice. She could do no more than whisper, a far cry from the way she used to belt out her vocals.
Shar’s eyes widened in terror as the implication of losing her voice dawned on her. How could she sing if she couldn’t even talk? Suddenly, she began grabbing at her throat, clawing and scratching as she screamed. Trying to hear the sound of her voice, but it didn’t change anything.
“Shar, chile, calm down. Your voice will come back. You just have to give it time to heal.” Sallie grabbed Shar’s hands and moved them from her throat.
Grandma Gracey’s voice had been beaten out of her, and it never returned. What if Shar’s voice did the same to her. She remembered telling Mahalia that she didn’t know what good singing did for anyone. But to have her voice taken away from her as if someone had stolen it, just like her handbag, was far more than Shar could bear.
“What�
��s going on in here,” Mammi, the mulatto woman who ran the boardinghouse they were staying in, asked as she stomped into the room.
“She’s upset about her voice,” Sallie said to the woman. “She can hardly speak.”
Mammi tried to get Shar to calm down. But Shar was too far gone in her hysterics. She ran out of the room and came back with a pill bottle. “Take this. It will calm you down.” Shar took the medicine and within a few minutes drifted back to sleep.
She slept comfortably the rest of the day. During the night as the sedative wore off, Shar began seeing shadows and hearing things. She screamed when the shadows came too close and the night noise set her on edge. Mammi came into her room and gave her another sedative; Shar took it again because she just wanted to get some sleep so she could rest her mind. As she drifted off, she was no longer seeing shadows, but a face appeared to her in her dreams that caused her heart to ache.
Waking in the morning, she stretched and yawned, turned on her side, and opened her eyes. Sallie was there again, sitting in a chair next to her bed. “How long have I been lying in this bed?” Shar asked as Sallie looked at her.
“This morning makes day three.”
“Three days? Good Lord,” Shar said, her voice was still hoarse, but it wasn’t hurting her to talk anymore.
Sallie smiled. “You’re pulling through pretty good, though. And I just can’t tell you how glad I am that you’re still among the living.”
“Thank you,” Shar whispered. Then she asked, “Has Landon been here?”
“Landon who? Are you talking about that preacher you left back home?”
Shar shook her head. “I saw his face in my dream last night. It seemed so real, I thought he had been here to see about me.”
“Ain’t nobody been here but that good-for-nothing, Nicoli James. And I was only too glad to see the back of him, when he left.”
“Why, what did he say?”
How Sweet the Sound Page 14
