“I’m not scared,” she squeaked. Her cheeks flushed. How could her voice betray her like that?
“I remember the first time Hannah and I were together. There’s a lot of uncertainty involved.”
“For her?”
He settled next to her and pulled her into his arms. “And for me.”
“You?”
“I didn’t know what I was doing,” he softly admitted, his breath on her cheek. “I worried she might find me lacking.”
“It’s hard to believe you could be lacking in anything.”
He let out a slight laugh. “She said the same thing, but she ended up showing me how to do some things better.”
Even if her heart was pounding with anxiety, her eyebrows furrowed. His comment peaked her interest. “Some things?”
His lips brushed her cheek. “I know you’re not Hannah. You don’t need to think I’ll compare you to her.”
“I didn’t think that to begin with,” she replied, aware that the movement of his hand which ran up and down her arm in slow, methodical strokes was relaxing her.
“Good. I know we rushed into this marriage.”
“Which is what happens when a woman asks for a man to come out west to marry her.”
“That’s what attracted me to you in the letters you wrote to my brother, you know. You’re so matter of fact about things.”
Though she could only make out the shadow of his face, she detected the smile in his voice. She grinned. “Some people don’t like that about me.”
“You’re kidding?” he whispered before he kissed the corner of her mouth.
She cleared her throat. “No.” There went her shaky voice again, but this time she couldn’t decide if it was from nerves or the thrill of being kissed again.
When his mouth descended on hers, she forgot all about their conversation. Suddenly, her attention was drawn specifically to him. He shifted closer to her, closing the small gap that had been between them just moments before. His skin was warm against hers, and she didn’t have to know the exact difference between a man and a woman to know what was pressing into her hip. Her hands tightened on the sheet.
He lifted his head. “It’ll help if you relax,” he softly said.
“I can’t will the nerves away.”
“Maybe not, but I bet I can help.” He pried her hands off the sheet and kissed her palms before he held her hands. “You are now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. I won’t do anything to hurt you. It might be uncomfortable this time, but I’ll do what I can to ease that part.”
“Uncomfortable?”
He sighed. “I’m just making it worse.” He waited for a moment and asked, “Would you rather wait? Maybe this day’s been too much. We can lay here and talk. There is more we could learn about each other, and then you might be more comfortable with this.”
His concern touched her and she loosened her grip on his hands. “You would wait, wouldn’t you?”
“I don’t want this to be a bad experience for you, Margaret. This is one of the better parts of a marital relationship, and I want you to look forward to it.”
She let go of one of his hands and slowly brought her hand up his arm, noting the strength there, and stopped her exploration at his shoulder. It was strange to be touching a man this way, this intimately, and yet it was wonderful at the same time. She licked her lower lip and dared to say, “I do like kissing you. Can we do more of that?”
“Of course.”
He leaned forward and brought his lips to hers. Her toes tingled from the simple action. His actions were gentle. In no way did she feel rushed or compelled to continue, and that fact alone served to relax her further. She responded to him and followed his lead when he wanted to deepen the kiss. While he still held her hand, his other hand rested on the small of her back and massaged her with soothing circular motions.
The tension eased from her in slow increments, and this time when she felt his arousal press against her, she didn’t shy away. He continued to kiss her, still gentle even as she became aware of his growing passion. And, surprisingly, she realized her body was beginning to anticipate what was to come.
For once in her life, she decided she wouldn’t analyze things. She would let her feelings lead the way. She wiggled closer to him and brought her hand to his jaw, noting the roughness of it. That surprised her since he made it a point to shave, but she supposed that if a man had to keep shaving, it was because the hair wanted to grow back. It was a reminder of how he was a man and she was a woman.
He groaned and shifted so that she ended up on her back. While he continued to kiss her, his hand slid up her side until it cupped her breast. The action sent a spark through her. Now, this wasn’t so bad, she decided. She hadn’t imagined what it’d be like for a man to touch her like this. Part of her thought she’d be horrified, but instead, she found it rather pleasing and wished for him to continue.
She released his other hand so she could explore his chest, tracking more differences between them. She couldn’t bring herself to study all of him. Not yet. She was doing good to touch his bare skin. These things didn’t have to be rushed. They had plenty of time to learn each other. She was content with what she was learning for now.
His mouth left hers, and she let out a contented sigh as he kissed her neck. She waited in expectation for him to kiss her breasts and moaned when he did. She sensed his excitement and squeezed his shoulders to let him know she felt it too. These sensations may not have been new to him but they were to her, and she found it hard to focus on anything but what her body wanted to happen. It seemed that her flesh knew what to do, and she parted her legs for him before he caressed the area with his hand.
His mouth returned to hers as he slid a finger into her. She gasped in surprise but pulled him closer for the kiss. The last of her anxiety departed. She moved her hips to encourage him to tease her with his finger. He continued to caress her, and she moaned and wiggled against him, savoring the moment. Even as she wished it would go on forever, she needed to find completion in what he was doing. When she came near her peak, she let out a soft cry and gave into the waves of pleasure that engulfed her.
Before she had time to reason what was happening, he shifted so he could enter her. The suddenness of the movement might have startled her had she not been otherwise distracted. She noted the slight sting and discomfort as he began moving inside her, but he kissed her again and the flicker of tension subsided. In short time, the discomfort gave way to a pleasurable sensation.
He traced her lips with his tongue, murmured her name, and then buried his face in the nape of her neck as he continued moving inside of her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and shifted against him so that he could go deeper into her. She knew it was over as soon as he stilled and grew taut. The moment seemed to be suspended in time—as sweet as it was gratifying. And when he relaxed, she held him to her, aware of how fast his heart was beating.
She closed her eyes and rested her cheek against his. So this was what she feared. She smiled at the silliness of it all. At least now she knew, and next time she could truly look forward to it. And she knew he was right. This was going to be one of the better parts of their marriage.
Chapter Eight
The next morning, Margaret peered out the parlor window of her new home. Just as she remembered from childhood, the view of the park was lovely. She recalled coming to this house twice with her mother. The elderly couple who owned this place was nice folk, the kind who set out cookies and let a child enjoy the swing on the front porch. She frowned. The swing was no longer there, probably due to years of wear. She wondered if Joseph would put another one up. The front yard was just the right size for little boys to run and play, and if they ventured to the park, she could still keep an eye on them.
Summer was fast approaching. That meant lazy days and lots of outdoor time for rambunctious children. The ideal time to install that swing would be now. She glanced at the boys who already seemed restless inside
the place. Joseph had been busy getting the house ready for her, but their furnishings were still few at the moment. The only two items in the parlor were a couch and a small table. Beds, a couple of dressers, a kitchen table and chairs were about it for the rest of the house, but it would suit for now. She and Joseph had the rest of their lives to fill the place. Thankfully, she knew a few people in town who didn’t need their old furniture anymore. Perhaps taking used furniture wasn’t something every new bride dreamed of, but as she watched the youngest boy jumping on the couch, she decided used furniture was good for children.
“That’s enough, Ben,” she said and pulled the energetic toddler off the sofa. She set him on the floor. “Let’s not destroy things until we’ve had them for awhile.” Then she paused. Just how long was “awhile” to a child? And just how much would a two year old understand if she explained it anyway? Finally, she said, “Jump outside instead.”
She urged the boy toward the kitchen where Bob and Doug had set out the utensils and dishes. They were currently sitting around the table and openly drooling at the pancakes, eggs, and hash browns on it.
“Can we eat now?” Bob asked, grabbing his stomach. “I’m starving.”
“Me too,” Doug agreed.
“No,” she said and set Ben into the highchair. “You have to wait for your pa and Charles.” She picked up the wooden tray and turned it over. “How does this thing work anyway?”
Ben giggled and tried to hop back onto the floor, but she stopped him.
Bob got off his chair and went over to her. He took the tray and, in one swift motion, locked the tray into place. “There.” Then he promptly returned to his seat.
“It’s easy,” Doug said.
She rolled her eyes. “Sure, it is.” If you’ve done it a bunch of times already. “You’ll have to show me later.” Her own growling stomach notified her that she wasn’t in the mood to go through a step-by-step instruction on getting the tray in place. She would wait. She turned to the pitcher on the work table and filled the glasses with water. “I’ll make tea punch later today. Water is boring.”
“Tea punch?” Bob’s eyes lit up. “We haven’t had that since Ma died. Our other ‘ma’, I mean.”
She turned her gaze to him and smiled. “I’m sure she did a fine job of making it.”
Joseph entered the kitchen, carrying Charles with him. “Well, he didn’t want to use the privy or chamber pot. I’m afraid you’re stuck with diapering another one. Got enough cloths ready?”
The question wasn’t how many clean cloths she had on hand; it was if she could get them to stay on right. She glanced at Doug who had worked through the process with Ben. As long as he continued to help, she could manage it. Not feeling as brave as she sounded, she replied, “I’ll be fine.”
He set Charles in the chair next to Doug and went over to kiss her. “You look wonderful this morning.”
The way he smiled at her made the heat rise in her cheeks. Even if he didn’t say it, she knew the message in his eyes—he couldn’t wait for night to come. Clearing her throat, she decided that she couldn’t keep looking at him and sound calm. The boys were just children, after all, and they didn’t need to know how his touch and kiss affected her.
“Breakfast is ready,” she said.
She cleared her throat again. So that wasn’t as smooth as she’d planned. She was doing just fine until he entered the room. Now she was a bundle of nerves. And she couldn’t wait until they were alone either. But now it was day and time to focus on the tasks at hand.
“It looks great,” Joseph replied.
“Can we eat now? I’m going to die if I don’t get some food!” Bob groaned and clutched his stomach again.
“You are not going to die.” Joseph turned to the work table to collect the glasses and helped her set out their drinks.
“Ma’s going to make tea punch today!” Doug said as he took the cup of water Margaret handed him.
“That will be a treat,” Joseph said. “We haven’t had that in a long time. I tried to make it once, but I couldn’t remember the right amount of rich sweet cream to use.”
“A half pint if you use a pint and a half of tea,” Margaret replied.
“We’re sure glad you’re here,” Bob piped up. “He can’t make tea punch or cook right.”
“You survived, didn’t you?” Joseph asked, grinning despite his reproving tone.
“Barely,” Bob teased.
Margaret sat down and waited for Joseph to sit and say grace before she allowed the boys to start passing the plates around, careful that Ben and Charles didn’t grab them. She didn’t know how much they would eat so she let Joseph select their portions.
“I’m looking forward to tomorrow when I start at the paper,” Joseph told her from across the table as he cut into his eggs.
“Are you staying here today, Pa?” Doug asked.
“No. I have to deliver supplies for the mercantile.” He took a bite of his food and swallowed before telling her, “I agree with Bob. The food is much better now that you’re cooking it.”
“Thank you,” Margaret replied, glad he approved.
“I like it too!” Bob and Doug added.
“And thank you,” she told them before she handed Ben a pancake which he ripped apart with his hands. Startled, she pulled his hands down from his face so he didn’t stuff his mouth.
Joseph chuckled. “I should have sat next to him.”
“Well, I have to learn how to do this sooner or later,” she said as she removed all the pieces he’d made and gave him one that was safe. “There. He won’t choke on that.”
“He’s such a baby,” Bob said, shaking his head and rolling his eyes before he gulped down some water.
“You did the same thing at his age,” Joseph pointedly replied. “I remember the first time your ma left me alone to feed you. I gave you oatmeal and a spoon. You got food everywhere.”
“Oh no, not this story again,” Bob muttered to her.
She winked at him. “Thankfully, you’re a big boy now.”
“It’s amazing we survived at all under Pa’s care,” Doug added with a hint of amusement in his eyes. “All we ate was oatmeal.”
“Oatmeal’s easy,” Joseph said.
Bob looked at her. “You see why we needed a ma?”
“Now, your pa does a lot too,” she argued. “Why, today he’s going to deliver things, and then he’ll get paid. That’s how you can get food on your plate, you know. Not everyone grows their own food. Some day you’ll be the ones going out and making money to buy food at the mercantile.” Her gaze turned to Joseph. “Will you be gone all day?”
“Only until three,” he replied.
“Can we come?” Bob asked.
“I’m afraid not. Work isn’t a place for children.”
“You took us to the newspaper office in Dayton.”
Joseph cut into his pancakes. “Yes, but that was only when your uncle and grandparents couldn’t watch you. And there was no way I was going to let Miss Potter do it.”
That caught Margaret’s attention. She handed Ben another piece of pancake. “What is it about her you don’t like?”
Joseph’s eyebrows furrowed, as if he was trying to decide the best way to answer her. Fiddling with his fork, he shrugged. “I’m not sure. I just knew she was never meant to be my next wife, that’s all.”
“She’s mean, Pa,” Bob said. “She’s nice to you, but she hates us.”
“Yep,” Doug agreed, polishing off his plate. “She said we were meant to be seen and not heard.” He turned his head in Margaret’s direction. “Can you imagine that?”
Joseph cleared his throat and looked at her. “Hannah, Debra, and I grew up together, and I married Hannah.”
“That’s our first ma,” Bob unnecessarily said.
Joseph didn’t need to add anymore. Margaret got the picture. Debra had wanted to marry Joseph, but Hannah did instead. Naturally, she thought it was her turn, and now Margaret was the new Hannah.<
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Even if Joseph didn’t seem to welcome Debra’s attentions, Margaret thought it might be flattering, at the very least, to have two women wishing to be with him at the same time. Margaret knew that had been one of her childhood fantasies. Two young men trying to woo her. She’d struggle to choose the right one, but she figured she’d have a wonderful time making that agonizing decision.
Surely, Joseph must have enjoyed it to a point? She thought to ask what it was like. Jessica said she hated it because it meant she had to hurt someone’s feelings. She wondered if Joseph thought the same before he married Hannah. No. Probably not. He just knew he’d marry her. She still didn’t understand how a man could possibly know something that important early on in his life.
Joseph finished his meal and stood up. “I hate to rush, but I just noticed the time. I don’t want to be late on my first day.”
She blinked and turned her attention to her plate. She glanced around and noticed that she was the only person who wasn’t almost done. Standing up, she decided to finish up her plate once everyone else was taken care of. She set her plate and glass by the sink. “I hope you have a good day.”
“It’ll be fine.” He placed his dishes in the sink and looked at her. “You think you can manage?” He directed his gaze to the four boys who finished their food with amazing gusto.
“Sure. They’re well behaved,” she replied.
Even as she tried to sound confident, she couldn’t deny the underlying sense of apprehension that crept over her. But she wasn’t sure about the wedding night and that turned out alright. She had no doubt that today would too. It was just a matter of jumping in and doing it.
He didn’t look convinced. “I probably should have asked Ralph Lindon if I could start later this week.”
“You don’t think I can do it?” she asked, surprised that the notion stung her as much as it did. If there was one thing she knew, it was that she didn’t collapse under pressure. Maybe she’d have her moments of weakness, but deep down, she was tough as nails.
A Husband for Margaret Page 6
