She moans, her eyes rolling to the back of her head, making me giggle. “Now you’re talking. I’ve been craving one all morning, one with lots of marshmallows and chocolate powder.”
I’m still giggling as we walk inside, stepping up to the counter and ordering our drinks. “I’ll pay—to say thanks for showing me around.”
“Thank you. I’ll get the next one,” she tells me, winking.
When she goes to sit down at a table near enough centre in the room, my palms begin to sweat, and my knees start to shake.
“Um, Jordan, can we, um… can we sit in the corner, maybe the one by the window?” I ask her nervously.
She looks puzzled for a second, before getting a look at my face. Her expression relaxes, and she nods. “Of course, we can.”
We head over to the table, and without me saying anything, she sits in the chair that will have her back to the room, something that would have me on edge the whole time we were here.
“Thank you,” I say, sighing as I take a seat.
“How are you finding it, living with your cousin?”
I beam at that. It’s been great. “I love it. He and Levi are the best.” I look out the window, watching the rain drip down the glass. Being with them has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I finally feel like I can breathe. “I don’t feel lonely anymore.”
“You okay?” Jordan asks, snapping me out of it.
I force a smile, nodding. “Yeah. Just lost my train of thought.”
“You made any friends here yet?”
“I have Banner, who I went to school with,” I tell her, blushing when I think of him.
“Is he just a friend?” she teases, winking at me.
I feel my face heat, and I look away for a second. “We’re just friends,” I confirm.
She smiles at me knowingly. “But other than Banner?”
I shake my head. “I’ve not really spoken to anyone. I’m not a social person, so I don’t go out much. I went to check out the library, but there was a group of boys hanging around by the door, so I went home.”
“No one from class?”
Now I feel lame.
“Nope.”
“I kept to myself for a few months when I started. My family live here, so I never really stuck around to make friends.”
“You live close, then?”
“I do. I live about fifteen minutes away from the university. I was planning on attending Birmingham University, but my sister needed me here,” she tells me, her eyes clouding.
Now it’s my turn to ask if she’s okay. “Are you okay?”
“Long story for another day. We’re here to see how you’re settling in. How are you liking Mr. Flint’s class?”
As soon as she mentions his name, I feel all the blood drain from my face. My entire body is frozen to the spot and I begin to tremble all over.
I’ve tried not to think about Mr. Flint, but the little bit of sleep I did get, I spent having nightmares about him. I woke up still feeling his hands touching me, and his eyes watching me. My room even smelt like his cologne for a few moments. I woke up with a bad feeling, that what transpired between us in the classroom was just the beginning.
What Mr. Flint isn’t prepared for is me. I won’t be a push over any longer. He can’t intimidate me unless I let him. And I won’t. Or I’ll try at least.
“Emma?” Jordan calls, and I blink back to the present.
“I’m sorry. I spaced out again. I was actually meant to ask you if there’s a sign language class around here I could take.”
She pauses for a second, her eyes questioning. When she doesn’t ask why I avoided her question, I relax a little.
“Miss Webber, an old teacher of mine, teaches it for free at a youth centre near my house. I’m not sure if the university teach one, but if you want me to find out, I can. Or I can ask my mum to find out if Miss Webber teaches it still. They’re old friends.”
“I’ve looked online for a course at the university, but I’ve not found anything. If you don’t mind asking your old teacher, that would be great.”
“Why are you interested, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“There’s volunteer work going at a local play centre for children with hearing impairments. I only know some, and to volunteer, I need to know at least the basics.”
“Is that the centre off of George Street?” she asks.
I nod. “You know it?”
She smiles wide. “Yeah, my mum helps run it.”
“That’s amazing. I’ve always loved volunteering. My last placement before” I drift off, realising I was about to say, ‘my sister’s death’ to a somewhat stranger. I blink, shaking it off. “It was at a bird home. I cleaned out cages, helped feed baby parrots and some other cool stuff. I really enjoyed it.”
Jordan sits forward, seeming interested. I’m used to people tuning out. It was only ever my sister or Lake who would listen to me talk about my Saturdays volunteering.
“How long have you been doing it?”
“I changed it up every six months, but I started when I was fourteen. It was hard to find places until I was sixteen. I’ve volunteered at a vet practice, a care home, a children’s hospital, and you know about the bird home.”
“It sounds amazing. I’ve volunteered for things, but nothing like those. It’s noble of you to give so much of your time, especially so young. Most girls your age just want to go out with their friends.”
I shrug, shaking my head. “I don’t think it matters where you volunteer, it’s the volunteering that helps. Everybody needs that little bit of extra help. And I didn’t mind. I loved doing it.”
“Well, I’ll set up something for you, but I’m sure if you explain you’ll be taking classes, they’ll find something for you to do in the meantime. Can you cook or bake?”
“I can do both,” I tell her, confused as to why she asked.
She beams. “Brilliant. My mum is always moaning that they don’t get enough help with cooking. They do a little bake sale every few months. Maybe you’ll want to help her. I help out on the day, but I can’t cook for the life of me. I mess up toast,” she tells me, and I begin to laugh.
“Tell her I’d love to. If you let me know how many cupcakes or cakes you want, then I can prepare what I’ll need beforehand.”
“I’ll text her now,” she says, getting her phone out.
I glance out the window, mesmerised by the rain falling onto the pavement and road. It’s coming down fast now, large puddles already flooding parts of the road.
I love rain, the sound of it and being out in it. Snow and heat, I’m terrible in. I hate being cold, but I hate being hot too. I’m one of those people who complain whatever the weather.
My eyes drift over to a shop across the way, when a dark figure catches my attention. I blink, trying to get a clearer look—and notice they’re staring in my direction.
The man steps forward, pulling his wet hood back, revealing his face, leaving me freezing in my seat. I blink rapidly, shaking my head.
I’m seeing things. I must be.
I turn to Jordan, who is still texting on her phone, ready to ask her if she can see the person, but when I chance a quick look back, he’s gone.
I get up from my seat, causing Jordan to look up, her eyebrows lined with worry.
“You okay?” she asks, looking around the coffee shop.
No, I’m not okay.
“I have to go. I forgot I have something I need to do. Can we meet up another day?”
Her face is still creased with worry, but she nods anyway. “Do you want me to walk back with you or are you meeting your cousin?”
I grab my bag off the chair, my hands shaking. “I need Mark,” I tell her, not meaning to. “I mean—I need to go to Mark.”
“All right,” she says softly. “Do you want me to come with you?”
“I’m fine,” I tell her, zipping my coat up. “Sorry for rushing off.”
“It’s fine. Text me
later, okay?”
I nod, waving goodbye before wobbling my way to the exit. Panic rises in my chest, and I try to breathe calmly, but it’s hard when my heart is racing.
I race out the door, my head darting in every direction for any signs he’s still there, that I wasn’t seeing things.
“Emma,” I hear called, and I jump, a scream bubbling up my throat. I hold my hand over my chest when I see Mark and Levi walking hand in hand towards me. At the sight of my cousin, a sob breaks free, tears running down my face.
I watch, frozen as he and Levi share a look before racing towards me. It doesn’t take them long to reach me, and when they do, I move, falling into Mark’s chest, letting him wrap me up.
Levi pulls the umbrella over us, shielding us from the rain.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Mark asks softly.
I look up, sniffling. “He’s here.”
He looks confused as he scans the mostly empty street. “Who?”
“Darren,” I gasp out, before falling back against his chest.
CHAPTER SIX
The second we got back, Levi steered me to my room to change into dry clothes. I opted for pyjamas, knowing I was in no fit state to leave the flat again today.
Now, I’m wrapped up in a blanket on the sofa, my knees bent to my chest. I bring my cup of tea up to my lips, wishing my hands would stop shaking. The bright side is I’m no longer having a panic attack. No, instead, I feel numb, trying to figure out if it was really Darren I saw or if my mind was playing tricks on me.
I know it was him, though. I can feel it in my bones.
I can hear Mark pacing in his room still. He’s been on the phone to a bunch of people since we got back, not wanting to take chances. After I explained everything that had happened and what I saw, they were sceptic over it. I know on some level they believe me, otherwise they wouldn’t be wasting their time phoning everyone, but I could see it in their eyes that they weren’t sure.
Levi is sitting next to me, keeping me company, worried I’ll have another panic attack.
I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have these two in my life. Mark was there as much as he could be when there was distance between us and has done more for me than I ever could have imagined since I moved here. It feels foreign to have someone care for me so deeply.
If I had told my parents what happened today, they would have told me to grow up and stop acting like a snivelling child. They wouldn’t have worried over me, or cared that it was Darren, the lad who had a hand in killing their daughter. Somehow, it’s me they blame for her death, not him. There’s no reasoning.
Someone bangs on our door, making me jump from my seat. I look over my shoulder at the door, my eyes round as fear shoots up my spine.
What if it’s him?
I feel sick.
I jump, looking back over at Levi when he places his hand on my knee. “It’s okay, it’s only Banner. I’ll get it.”
I nod, trying to calm my racing heart, but I’m still not fully with it. I feel him get up and hear the door open but keep my eyes on my cup of tea.
Banner is next to me within a second. I glance up, feeling my eyes water. I refuse to cry any more though. I’ve cried enough.
“He won’t touch you again, I swear. And if I have anything to do with it, he won’t get near you again, either,” he grits out. I open my mouth to argue that he can’t be with me for every second of the day, but he shocks me when he lifts me up. He manages to do it with me still wrapped up in my blanket, my cup of tea in hand. He turns, gently sitting down in the seat I was sitting in, keeping me in his arms on his lap.
“I can sit over there, you know,” I tell him, pointing the end of the sofa, not sure what to do with our closeness.
He shakes his head, and he looks like he’s struggling to reign in his temper “No, I just need to hold you. When Mark called me, I kept thinking the worst. What happened? I kind of ended the call and raced over here.”
“I was at the café with Jordan. I was looking out the window and I saw him. At first, I wasn’t sure who it was as they had their hood up, but then he pulled it down and I saw him. I looked away for a split second, then he was gone.”
“And you’ve not seen him before today?” he asks.
I shake my head. “No.”
Banner nods, running his finger down my cheek before turning to Levi, who has taken up residence on the two-seater sofa. “Have you heard anything?”
Levi looks behind us to where Mark is pacing in his room on the phone. “We’re just waiting to see what the solicitor says. Emma should have been given notice of his release date.”
“It’s a fucking joke. They should have given him a restraining order,” Banner bites out, squeezing me against him.
I sigh, dropping my head against the crook of his neck, my gaze fixed on Levi.
“I don’t know what they did or didn’t do. We’re still not sure if it was him she saw or not.”
Banner tenses, his head moving to look down at me. “What do you mean, you aren’t sure.”
I pull back a little, so I can see him. “It was raining. But I’m ninety-five percent sure it was him. It was like I said: one minute he was there, the next he wasn’t,” I tell him quietly. I bite my bottom lip, wondering if I should tell him about the letter. The one Mark destroyed this morning before we left to meet Jordan.
“We’re waiting to see what they say before we jump to conclusions,” Levi says, looking away. They believed me when I said I saw someone, they just don’t know yet if it was Darren.
“If she said she saw him, then she saw him. She has no reason to lie or to conjure him up.”
I place my hand on his chest, not wanting him to get riled up. “I do, actually.”
He looks more confused than he did before. “What do you mean? What aren’t you telling me?”
My eyes flicker to Levi, and not missing a beat, he gets up from his seat. “I’ll give you two some privacy and see what Mark has found out.”
He leaves us alone and Banner shifts me, so I can look up at him better. “Talk?”
I take a deep breath and start from the beginning. “Remember the stack of letters I got yesterday?” He nods, so I continue. “I went through them in class last night, since I was early. I found a letter from the prison. From Darren.”
I gasp when he lifts me off him, dropping me gently on the seat next to us. The hurt on his face instantly makes me feel guilty. He runs his fingers through his hair, looking at me like I just told him someone died. I hate that I’ve hurt him by not telling him straight away. I don’t want to see him look at me like this again, it’s breaking my heart.
“Why didn’t you tell me? What did it say?” he asks.
I place my hand on his bouncing knee. “I didn’t want to worry you, and honestly, I wanted to pretend it wasn’t there. I’m still shocked I received one from him. I don’t know what he would have to say, and frankly, I don’t want to know.”
“You didn’t read it?” he asks, his eyes round.
I shake my head. “No. I didn’t want to deal with it.”
“Where is it now? If he’s contacting you and now following you, we need to go to the police with it. Maybe they can issue a restraining order or something.”
He’s so goddamn caring, it’s humbling. But it’s not as easy as us going to the police. They’ll be questions, so many damn questions; one’s I don’t want to answer. It will bring back too many memories for me.
The court case for Darren nearly broke me. I’ve been in scary situations—I found my sister dead, for Christ sakes—but being in that court room made me feel dirty, like I was the criminal and not the victim. I felt judged, and not in a good way.
I have to look away when those memories surface. I feel dirty all over again. “Mark destroyed it this morning for me. I couldn’t touch it for a second longer—or look at it. That part of my life was horrible, Banner. I didn’t want to be reminded of it all over again. I’m doing better than I was twel
ve months ago. Whatever was in that letter, nothing good could come out of it. Whether he’s written something good or something bad, it won’t make me feel any better.”
He pulls me against him, hugging me tight as he kisses the top of my head. “Fuck, I’m an idiot. I didn’t think of it like that. I’m fucking sorry, Em.” He pauses, pulling back, his eyes fierce and jaw set. “I’m just worried about you. I know how hard you’ve worked to get where you are today. I don’t want you to go back to that dark place. It killed me seeing you like that. If that dickhead is back, I don’t want him setting your recovery back.”
I never knew he felt like that. It makes me feel warm inside that he cares that much. Banner may have known about me before my sister and the incident with Darren, but he’s only ever known who I am now. He’s never asked when I’ll be back to my old self again, not like my other friends did. In the end, they got fed up with trying and left. I was fine with that. But Banner… he’s always been there, and he likes who I am now, not who I was.
So, when he says something so incredibly sweet and caring, I know it’s meaningful, and that he truly believes what he’s saying.
“I will admit, it’s shocked and scared me that he’s here. He scares me. I still have nightmares. Not as regularly as I used to, but they are there, always ready to spring up on me.” I pause, taking a deep breath. “Earlier could have been my mind playing tricks on me. I’d gotten that letter and, consciously, it was still on my mind. When I looked out that window It was him, Banner. I know it was. I could feel it,” I tell him adamantly.
“I believe you. I’ve known you a long time, and I know you wouldn’t worry people on a guess. Did you book to see a new therapist? If he’s back, talking to a professional about it will help.”
I nod. I hate talking about this part of my life to him. It makes me look weak, and I don’t want him to see me like that. I want him to see me as the strong woman I know I can be. Not someone he pities.
“I do. Her name’s Milly Everhert. She deals with rape and abuse victims, so I wasn’t sure she’d take my case, but I heard she was the best and doesn’t hold her sessions in some stuffy office. I’ll be meeting her next Friday, before class.”
Almost Free Page 5
