The Pink Heist

by Adam El Shalakany

  "One's for me and one's for Algy?" VII stroked the little mouse behind its ears.

  Mr. Qruise stared at the mouse. "The mouse is real? I thought it was just another virtual thing, like the birds in the sky."

  "Nope, Algy's bona-fide real. Me and Algy are inseparable. If I'm going to get myself a nice new interface, Algy'll need one as well."

  "Agreed. VII, should we get going?" Mancy picked up the gun and pointed it straight at Mr. Qruise's forehead.

  "What the hell are you doing?" Mr. Qruise pushed himself from the table and ducked for cover.

  "Mr. Qruise, how do you think you leave the Game?" Mancy asked aiming under the table.

  "What happened to clicking your heels?" He shouted from beneath the table.

  VII stuck her hand out and put Mancy's arm down. "We shouldn't leave yet. Your friend should be joining us any moment. Besides I have a few painless pills which should do the job nicely. Less messy. I always keep them around for days like these. I've brought four for us. Let's just breathe in the pure air before we go back out into the dirty 'verse above."

  True to VII's word, the government soldiers began firing out of the windows in erratic spurts. Fire was returned from outside. A flash grenade was set off and the world turned into a haze of light and smoke. Mancy and VII continued their conversation undisturbed.

  "Aren't you curious what I need you for?" asked Mancy.

  "I've had some time to get acquainted with your plan with Mr. Qruise. He's a talker and it wasn't a long shot to know you need a cryptographer to get past Qamar base security."

  Mancy twitched her face, annoyed. "At least we have one professional on the team."

  In the midst of the ensuing firefight Zenbot weaved her way in between the bullets and the grenades popping off around her like fireworks. She dragged Freedman in by his collar.

  "Hello, Mr. Qruise, Mancy. Is that the famous mouse?" Zenbot asked arriving at the table.

  "Algy, her name's Algy. Who's this? The famous Zenbot?" asked VII.

  "You must be VII. This," Zenbot pushed sergeant Freedman forward, "is sergeant Freedman, my second pupil, he'll be coming with us on the mission."

  "Impossible. We don't have the space," Mancy said, pausing and weighing Freedman with her eyes, "or the need."

  "We do. He's coming. It's decided. A master and his pupil are not parted until the lesson is learnt. It's the way. If you want me along, Mancy, he's coming." Grenades went off at the front of the cafe. Shrapnel flew through the air.

  "I have your family Zenbot don't forget that."

  "Yes. That is incentive enough for me to come along. You need me and I'm here. But you can't do this without me and so I have some power to say that Freedman is coming."

  "Oh, dear." said VII.

  The Rebellion forces broke into the cafe and the government soldiers began to fall. One of the soldiers shuffled over to the table and collapsed bloodily on the table.

  "I don't want to die," the soldier gasped, "please I don't want to die. It's getting cold. You must escape Ober-kaptain. It was a trap."

  Mancy held the bleeding officer in her arms.

  "Shh…. It'll all be over soon. You're going to a better place"

  "I don't want to die. I can't stand….cough….I can't stand admin duty." The officer gave one last gasp.

  Zenbot turned back to VII. "Oh dear?"

  "I only got four painless pills." VII said, blushing. "One of you's gonna to have to go the hard way."

  "Is that all?" Mancy turned the pistol on Freedman and pulled the trigger before anyone could object.

  Mr. Qruise woke up startled on the floor next to the bureaucrat's rusty work desk. His body was covered in litter. A little practical joke by John the bureaucrat, who'd placed post-it notes all over Mr. Qruise for the few minutes he'd been asleep.

  "Shens, that hurts. It's worse coming out than going in."

  "You betcha buddy. Did'ya get da weird white flash of pain?" John looked down from his rusty work desk. He still hadn't finished his cigar and puffed the evil smoke in Mr. Qruise's face.

  Mr. Qruise coughed. "No, that happened going in. This was regular old black pain. I've never felt so terrified in my life." He rubbed the back of his neck. "So what happens to the nanobot interface?"

  "You just pass dem out boy. In da normal way. Well look'ee der your friend seems about to wake up, it always takes a different amoun'a time depen'ing on da person."

  Mancy who'd been more politely tucked away in the corner and covered in a blanket, woke up groggy, and moaning. She sat up suddenly with a look of pain on her face.

  John cocked a thumb towards the back of his office. "Da washroom's dat'a'way little lady."

  A few minutes later Mancy returned looking visibly more comfortable. With her was Zenbot no longer a petite woman but looking like its former self, and Freedman who looked like he did in the Game. His shoulders, while still broad, were less muscular than his gigantic figure in the Game. His bleached white hair was still cropped short but not as short as his previous soldier's buzz cut.

  A chipper older lady, a bit round about the waist, followed them in.

  "Hello there. Where's VII? Mr. Qruise asked.

  The older lady was the one to speak "That'd be me, Mr. Qruise."

  Mr. Qruise looked at the older lady. Her grey hair, and very obviously round female body were as different as could be from the old but strong black man's figure she used in the Game. "But…but… wow. Why did you choose to look so different? I mean in the Game."

  VII looked down at her body, frowning. "You don't have much choice up here. Well you do, but… you know what I mean. It's not as easy as a push of a button. And when you get to be as old as I am, you look for a bit of variety. Inside I've been everything you can imagine." VII gave him a devilish smile which contrasted sharply with her cherubic chubby face.

  Mr. Qruise was still picking post it notes off himself. "Honestly, I can't wait to get off this rock."

  "Don't rush ahead of yourself." Mancy said. "If you play the Game you have to pay the toll. We're on admin duty until this Game's over. You never want to be banned from a place like this. Eternity can be so boring without entertainment."

  "Doesn't the Game end when everyone dies? That could take years."

  "Inside yes. But out here it should all be over in a half day or so. Let's get to it. John what's to be done?"

  John, still smoking his synthetic cigar with its crude smoke, grinned showing his yellow teeth. "Ma'am, der's da sewage system dat needs draining. An evil job. Needs at least three to go down and make sure any blockage's are um… unclogged."

  "Surely you have robots for that." Mr. Qruise was still removing post-it notes. "How did you get so many on me?" he grumbled.

  John ignored the remark. "Sure'nuff we do but dey're down for maintenance. Robots need breaks as well y'know. We ain't no slave planet. I need at least three to go down and do da deed. Ain't no choice but to choose who among you's gonna do it."

  Zenbot volunteered calmly raising its hand. Freedman chimed his willingness to fix the sewage system. "If Zenbot's in, I'm in. Besides won't be the first time for me."

  Mr. Qruise finally removed the last post-it note and looked up to find everyone looking at him. "Hell, no."

  "Mr. Qruise, as my pupil I believe you should accompany us. There is always a lesson to be found, in the clean and the dirty."

  "Yeah, yeah. I remember your lessons. Didn't work so well for me with the damned tea."

  "I went back to the warehouse, in Woshu, looking for you. The tea was burnt but you achieved what I asked of you. Though to be honest you may have made a bit too much fire. Too much ying Mr. Qruise. I believe this next lesson will be to focus on the yang."

  "You want me to learn how to 'pop' by having me unclog human muck?"

  John the bureaucrat rose up, his face red with anger. "I'll have y'know you mucker dat on M04 we have humans, robots and aliens playing. It's all of der muck you'll be cleaning up. I won't tolerate discrimin
ation on my watch or laziness. You's been selected and you's should consider it an honor"

  "I couldn't have said it better myself John." Mancy said. "Now, Mr. Qruise, don't make a fuss. You're going to end up doing it anyway. Maybe that's the first of Zenbot's lessons here. Who knows you may find clarity in the muck." She turned to John. "And now what would you have us do?"

  John calmed down and sat back at his desk. "Well dere ain't much to do other den da muck. You're welcome to sit here and greet visitors with soft smiles like I do's. Maybe share some tea, a cigar and keep me company." He wriggled his eyebrows at the two ladies.

  "You greet people with smiles? You threw garbage on me you bastard." Mr. Qruise was red with rage.

  "But I greeted you's with a smile, di'n't I? Now off wid'ya. No shirking your duties. Go on, get."

  "Come now, Mr. Qruise. In observing the 'verse you must accept when you are defeated." Zenbot pulled Mr. Qruise with him as it left.

  The three were directed to a small shuttle which sped through the concrete towers littered across MO4. They passed millions of small chambers containing the unused bodies of the minds inhabiting the Game. Eventually they escaped the towering blocks and arrived at the central sewage treatment facility, a giant sphere fitted with various pipes directing the flow of sewage in and treated water out.

  As the shuttle neared, the sphere loomed larger and more menacing than could be imagined when seen from afar. Beyond it were the solar and mushroom farms needed to run the Game and the people.

  Alighting from the shuttle Zenbot made its way confidently to an access tower at the side of the giant rusting sphere. "It's through here."

  "How can you be sure, Master?" Freedman asked. Mr. Qruise rolled his eyes.

  "I've been to these planets before. I know the schematics of this particular sewage facility model. Any blockage will likely be in the central passage. It's the most logical cause of a blockage in an automated facility."

  "What do you mean?" Freedman asked.

  "A mechanical issue can be the only cause of blockage. There are exactly one hundred and thirty purely mechanical parts in this facility. Of the one hundred thirty only ten can cause a major blockage. In my experience, and please pay attention, Mr. Qruise, the part you least want to fix receives the least maintenance and therefore is the more likely one to be the cause of a disruption. Mr. Qruise I see you are unhappy with my assessment but what I suggest will save us time and suffering."

  "No, no, I'm just basking in your wisdom. You seem to be quite experienced in muck, 'master'."

  "Thank you. We'll be going into the main tunnel. The sealing systems there which govern the suction and exertion of the sewage usually clog up with…hard matter. We'll have to score the hinges free."

  "And what will be my lesson in this? I remember me being here as part of your 'teachings'."

  "You'll find out. I believe it may be better to surprise you."

  "How so? I don't like surprises."

  "Because you wouldn't accept my lesson otherwise and I'd have to inflict more pain on you. Needlessly. You know I don't like doing that. Let's go now. We're wasting time speaking when we could be working."

  Mr. Qruise had no reply.

  Entering the access door, they found a maintenance closet and Zenbot pilfered the needed supplies. He handed his two pupils breathing masks and wet suits.

  "Wear these. You will need them in the passage."

  "Excellent. Just flipping excellent. What the hell's wrong with you, Freedman? They have a bomb in my brain, you volunteered for this crap."

  Freedman put on his wetsuit, thinking deeply while he squeezed into it. "I've never met a person like Zenbot. All my time I've floated from virtual life to virtual life. It's meaningless. When I saw the master in the cafe, the surety of motion, the purposefulness of her… I mean its actions. I want that. I will do anything for that. How can you not see clarity in your master. You must be a Shen damn blind fool."

  "Hey, where'd your accent go? You spoke differently in Woshu."

  "Ah it's all part of the Game. This is my accent up here." Freedman shrugged his shoulders and placed his breathing mask on.

  Zenbot took off its robes. Its naked chrome body reflected what little light there was in the access closet. "Everyone's lessons are different, Freedman. I hope to open Mr. Qruise's eyes soon. Mr. Qruise put on the suit, please."

  Mr. Qruise looked at the naked Zenbot and then back at the wet suit clad Freedman. He grumbled and then put his suit on as well.

  They walked deep into the facility. Zenbot followed the winding twists and turns of the access shafts into the core of the beast. Finally the inorganic stopped at one particular hatch laying at their feet in the middle of the corridor. Opening it they found a stagnant river of muck beneath them. The dark liquid bubbled.

  Luckily for Freedman and Mr. Qruise their breathing masks filtered out the smell.

  "Mr. Qruise, is your breathing apparatus secure?" Zenbot asked.

  "I'm not going in there."

  Zenbot picked him up and threw him through the hatch. Freedman jumped in behind him, followed by his master.

  Mr. Qruise found himself in total and utter sticky blackness. His mind gibbered in fear. Flailing about wildly he only calmed down when the strong reassuring hands of his master wrapped themselves around him.

  "Mr. Qruise. You'll be unable to speak from behind the breathing mask. Now, you can scream, weep or cry all you want but we can't hear you. So when you calm down please forgive me for the surprise and try to focus on overcoming your senses. They are not your friends. Your senses are your enemies as I am about to demonstrate."

  Before Mr. Qruise could take in what was being said to him, Zenbot clicked a switch on the back of the breathing mask and the scent filter was turned off.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  The Big Pink

  "My Shen, you three are stinking up the ship. Go and take another shower will you." Mancy said to the three muck rakers. Her and VII had boarded the ship when the Game ended. The rest of the players had all exited at the same time. The ending had been an apocalyptically boring affair. The Rebellion had failed and everyone inside lived long boring lives under the heel of the Premier. Skyburner and Bonecrusher had grown old and waxed reminiscent about the good old times, while rotting in a cell. The last one alive was the Premier, having left orders on his death bed to nuke Woshu to ground.

  The six hours it had taken the Zenbot and its pupils to unclog the sewage facility synchronized with the end of the Game. Millions of inhabitants escaped the system simultaneously and exercised their unused bladders in orchestra.

  The muck rakers had returned to find their comrades aboard the Big Pink sipping tea in their pajamas, with Algy running on a wheel placed on the long table in the lounge. All three, too exhausted to comment on the injustice of the labour distribution system retired to their cabins to wash away the past.

  Mr. Qruise and Freedman, sharing a cabin, alternated showering and sleeping. When one returned to bed, the other would wake from the smell, take a swill of whatever bottle was at hand, and run to the shower.

  A few hours later everyone met up in the lounge to discuss the next steps in the heist. Mr. Qruise sat down at the long table silent, a glazed broken look in his eyes.

  "Now, now, Mr. Qruise. Don't be over dramatic. Time heals all wounds. You'll get over it." Mancy was looking at Mr. Qruise worried.

  Mr. Qruise remained silent.

  "Leave my pupil alone please, Ms. La2x. He is digesting my lesson. I admit it may have been a little harsh but I had to show him how to shut down his mind. He'll need to know how before we can take the next steps."

  "And you Mr. Freedman how did you find your lesson?" Mancy asked. "You don't seem to be as broken as Mr. Qruise. What exactly happened out there?"

  "Well…" Said Freedman, also dazed. "Master's a harsh…. Yup, that's the word. A harsh teacher. I can only imagine what that poor dumb fella's going through. It'd be better for him," he said looking at
the dumb Mr. Qruise, "if we don't push him too much. Just forget about what happened. As for me, I'm not really sure, not really sure what I was supposed to learn. But all I know is that I'd follow Zenbot to hell and back, and well, we were damn nearly there. My Shens, Qruise was still in the river when the Game ended. Shens." Freedman hung his head.

  "Well, thank you for that Mr. Freedman. Zenbot do you think you may have pushed your pupil a bit too far? I mean we do need him in one piece for the heist."

  Drool dribbled down Mr. Qruise's chin. Zenbot wiped it off for him with the sleeve of its robes. "Perhaps. What is the next step, Ms. La2x?"

  "Right. Back to business, that's why I respect you so much Zenbot. So we now have VII."

  "Yo." VII raised her flabby arms in attendance.

  "She's going to open the fortresses doors. We've got you of course, Zenbot, to take care of all the guards in said fortress. We've got Mr. Qruise to pop into the vault. Theoretically of course. He looks like he couldn't eat his lunch if he wanted to."

  Zenbot cleaned more dribble from Mr. Qruise's chin.

  "Alright, now all we need is a pilot crazy enough to drop us in close enough to the planet. Say, Freedman, are you any good as a pilot?"

  "Pretty good. Only ever crashed a half a dozen times." Freedman smiled at Mancy, happy to be of use.

  "Out of?"

  "A dozen." He kept smiling at Mancy.

  "So no. Well, all that means is that we have to make our way to the Seven Sisters."

  "Hgruh…Seven." Mr. Qruise grumbled.

  "What's in the Seven Sisters?" VII asked.

  "Ms. La2x intends to take us to the Seven Sister's run." Zenbot said, sitting by Mr. Qruise.

  "Indeed, Zenbot." Mancy chimed in. "There is a certain race there, where you have to surf gravitational waves. The intense electromagnetic radiation of the race doesn't allow a ship's circuitry to run. So you have to jump between the safe zones and glide on through."

  "Hghh….suicide." Mr. Qruise was coming to slowly.