“He’s not givin’ an inch today, I’ll tell ya that.”
“You couldn’t get me to ride this monster if you tied three of his hooves together.”
“Nah, me neither. Somethin’ ain’t right with this one.”
A wave of nausea hit Shannon hard and she pressed her hand against her stomach, willing herself not to vomit.
“Shannon. You ready?”
Instinct propelled her forward and she scaled the chute, which was trickier than she expected with a sore Achilles tendon. Ignoring the pain spreading through her calf, she paused on the top rail and fussed with her riding glove.
Slingshot kicked out with his hooves, his eyes rolling back in his head. Sweat poured down Shannon’s temples and when she took a deep breath, her lungs pinched closed, preventing oxygen from getting in. She steadied herself with a hand on the top rail as the announcer told the fans about her and C.J.’s upcoming ride-off in January. Then he mentioned her bad wreck on Heat Miser this past August and the arena began spinning before her eyes.
“Shannon?”
Her brain told her to release her grip on the rail but for the life of her she couldn’t let go and stared at her hand as if it belonged to someone else.
“You okay?”
Move, damn it, move! Nothing.
“Give her some room, guys!”
The cowboys manning the chute backed away, leaving Shannon alone at the top of the rail.
You can do this. Lift your leg.
Before she gathered the courage to move, Slingshot had grown impatient and reared, swinging his head toward Shannon. Stark fear gripped her insides and she released the rail so quickly she lost her balance and crashed to the ground. Stunned she sat in the dirt, heart pounding.
Two cowboys hauled her to her feet and they both spoke at once. She saw their mouths move, but she couldn’t hear a word they said.
Then suddenly her eyesight dimmed and she knew if she didn’t get out of there, she’d faint. Leaving her bull rope behind she took her duffel bag and walked away, her gaze glued to the exit sign.
* * *
JOHNNY PRESSED THE PHONE against his ear and stared down the drive—as if Shannon’s truck would appear any second. “How’d she do?”
“You’re not going to believe this,” Porter said.
Johnny had sent his brother to Chula Vista to keep an eye on Shannon. Even though he’d told himself nothing would go wrong today, for his own peace of mind, he’d wanted someone he trusted at the rodeo—just in case. “Believe what?”
“Shannon scratched.”
Stunned, Johnny didn’t say a word.
“One minute she was ready to get on the bull, the next she dropped off the rails and walked right out of the arena.”
Shoving a hand through his hair, Johnny paced to the end of the porch. Had Shannon lied about her leg being healed enough to compete? “Was she limping?”
“I didn’t notice.”
“What do you mean you didn’t notice? You said she walked away.”
“Well, yeah, but—”
“Porter, I asked you to—”
“Hold up, hoss. I did like you said. I just got a little distracted there at the end when—”
“Don’t tell me Veronica Patriot was there.”
“No, I’m done with that woman.”
Johnny wasn’t positive his youngest brother had learned his lesson after the rodeo groupie used him to get back at a former boyfriend. “Shannon walked out and no one tried to stop her?”
“’Fraid not. By the way, I picked up her bull rope.”
For Shannon to leave the rope behind was a sure sign she’d been rattled. “Are you still at the rodeo?”
“Yep.”
“Why didn’t you follow Shannon?”
“All you said I had to do was keep an eye on her at the rodeo and report back to you on how she did.”
“I gotta go. Thanks for calling.” Johnny shoved his cell phone back into his pocket.
Why had Shannon scratched? Was it because of her leg or had she finally come to her senses and admitted her best bull riding days were behind her? He checked his watch—2:00 p.m. He’d have to wait to find out the answers to his questions. In the meantime, he’d work with Clive’s newest cutting horse, Bear—named for being a bear to work with.
Before Clive left on his cruise, he’d told Johnny he needed the horse trained by the time he got back from Hawaii. He planned to sell the horse to Gary McGovern, a Colorado rancher. If the man was impressed with Bear, he’d told Clive he’d buy several more horses from the Triple D. The boss was counting on Johnny to come through for him, but contrary to the breed’s reputation of possessing a well-balanced temperament, Bear loved chasing cattle—without a rider. He had to teach the stubborn sorrel to accept a saddle and a rider all in a week’s time.
Inside the barn, he led Bear from his stall and hitched him to the center post. The horse didn’t like being tied but Johnny intended to make Bear earn his freedom. Clive had used an old-style general-purpose pad filled with deer hair, so Johnny decided to switch things up and try a Navajo saddle blanket made of wool and double the thickness. He placed the blanket on top of Bear and the horse attempted to rear, but stopped when the rope pulled taut. The blanket fell and when Johnny attempted to straighten it, Bear sidestepped and stomped his hoof. Undeterred, Johnny held the blanket in place.
When Bear stopped rebelling and allowed the blanket to remain on his back, Johnny fetched the saddle. He moved the front cinch, back cinch, breast collar and stirrup out of the way. Standing on the horse’s left side, he gently but firmly set the saddle on top of the blanket. The horse tensed when Johnny secured the cinch. After Bear stood still for a while, he loosened the cinch, removed the saddle, then groomed him.
He repeated the process over and over until Bear no longer tensed when Johnny placed the blanket and saddle on him. To reward him for his progress, Johnny fetched a bucket of oats then walked Bear outside to the corral. The horse pranced, stopping every few minutes to eat oats. Johnny returned to the barn to put away the grooming kit when he heard the sound of truck tires. Shannon parked in front of the house. Other than the normal hitch in her gait as she climbed the porch steps, she appeared fine.
When she opened the front door, Hank stepped outside to greet her. After ruffling his fur the pair entered the house and Shannon slammed the door hard enough to rattle the windows.
Johnny wondered what to do next. Should he check on her or give her time to cool off? He voted for checking on her after he took care of Bear. He unsaddled the horse and walked him to his stall, then made sure he had fresh water and feed before going up to the house and ringing the bell.
The door opened. “Go away.”
Shannon’s puffy eyes and blotchy complexion startled him. “You look like hell.”
Self-consciously she ran her fingertips through her shower-dampened hair. “I’m not in the mood for company.”
“Too bad.” He stepped into the foyer and locked gazes with her.
Shannon was too tired to go nine rounds with Johnny. “Leave me alone.”
“What happened in Chula Vista?”
Realizing Johnny wasn’t going to honor her wishes and get lost, she retreated to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of iced tea, cursing when she spilled the liquid and it dripped over the edge of the counter.
“I’ll get that.” Johnny reached for the paper towels hanging from the dispenser on the wall.
“No!” She pushed his hand out of the way and awkwardly bent down to wipe the floor. “I can do it,” she insisted, smearing the tea in a circle. When she stood and took a step toward the trash can, her leg buckled and she gasped.
“Shannon—”
She jabbed her finger in his direction. “I can do it, da
mn it, I can!” Tears burned her eyes. Don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry. The tears came and no matter how fast she wiped them away, more fell. Like a battery-operated toy slowly losing its juice until it came to a complete stop, the anger sputtered out of her, leaving her with a gaping hole inside her chest.
Johnny rubbed the pad of his thumb over her cheek, smearing the moisture across her skin. Her defenses crumbled and she drowned in his blue eyes. “I can do this,” she whispered, as if repeating the mantra would somehow make it true.
He hugged her and a voice in Shannon’s head insisted she didn’t need his sympathy or interference—another voice argued that she did.
She buried her face in the front of his shirt and held her breath, hoping a lack of oxygen would smother her cries. Fat chance. The emotional toll years of hard work, pain, frustration, uncertainty, failure and achievement had taken on her erupted inside her.
The first sob crawled through her body and escaped her mouth in a silent scream. Johnny’s hug tightened as if he, too, feared she’d shatter into a million pieces. Her body shook with the force of her sobs and her legs gave out. Johnny sank to the floor with her and leaned against the refrigerator.
She sat between his legs, tucked against his body. At last she felt safe from the world. Her tears went on forever and she had no idea how much time had passed when her wails faded to silent hiccups.
“You ready to talk?” he asked.
Talking wouldn’t help. Nothing could change the past or the course she’d set upon.
“I can’t help you unless I know what’s wrong.”
Her heart melted. For as long as she’d known Johnny, he’d been the man everyone depended on in a crisis. He never doubted his ability to handle a problem—he could fix just about anything or find someone who could.
If only sheer willpower could solve her crisis.
“I can sit here all night even if my butt grows numb.” The hand on her back moved in a slow circle.
Keeping her face snuggled against the side of his neck, she said, “I scratched today.”
“Porter told me.”
“Porter?”
“I asked him to go to Chula Vista to—”
“Spy on me?” She smacked his chest with her hand and he grunted.
“I wanted to make sure someone you knew was there in case—”
“I got hurt.” She wanted to rail at Johnny for treating her like a child, but she couldn’t summon the energy.
“I figured you wouldn’t call me after your ride and I wanted to know how you did,” he said.
“Now you know.”
“You’re pushing yourself too hard too soon. Your leg isn’t ready—”
“My leg hurt but I could have ridden through the pain.”
His fingers tightened against her shoulder. “Then what made you scratch?”
“Fear.” The word bounced off the walls, echoing through the kitchen.
“Are you getting enough sleep?” he asked.
“No.”
“Dreams?”
“Nightmares.”
“How bad?”
“Pretty bad.” She sighed. “I thought they’d go away after I began practicing on the bucking machine, but they haven’t.”
Johnny tipped her chin until their gazes connected. “What are you afraid of?”
This wasn’t supposed to become a therapy session, but she was desperate for answers anywhere she could find them. “I’m afraid to do the one thing I’m good at—ride bulls.”
“And the nightmares?”
“Began after my wreck on Heat Miser.”
“What happens in them?” he asked.
I die. “It’s always the same thing—Heat Miser throws me and then he charges.”
“Do you remember him stomping your leg?”
“No.”
“What about the paramedics putting you into the rescue truck?”
She shook her head.
“I heard somewhere that the brain blocks out the pain so the body can heal,” he said.
“And then after I’m healed the brain unleashes the demons to stalk me at night?”
“Can I ask you a question without you getting defensive?” he said.
“Maybe.”
“Is the title of Cowgirl of the Year more important than your health and possibly your life?”
She opened her mouth then shook her head. How could she explain something she barely comprehended herself? “Never mind. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.”
“I need to win the title because it will make up for all that I lost when my mother walked out of my life.”
“A trophy won’t replace your mother, Shannon.”
“I won’t ever forgive her for abandoning me, but the trophy makes up for the pain of knowing she doesn’t love me.” Without a mother to guide her, it was no surprise she’d become a tomboy. Rodeo had given her a way to fit in with her brothers and feel as if she belonged in their family. As she grew older and became better at rodeo, she’d been forced to look to bigger challenges to smother the pain.
“I started this journey years ago, Johnny. I have to finish it.” Only after winning the title could she finally put her mother’s abandonment behind her and move on with her life. She twisted in his lap and stared him in the eye.
“Shannon...” His gaze dropped to her mouth. “This isn’t a good idea.”
“Shh...” She pressed her finger to his lips. “Let us be, Johnny. Right here. Right now. Just us.” She pressed her palm to the back of his neck and coaxed his mouth toward hers. When he didn’t resist, she relaxed her guard and allowed herself to feel alive again, knowing that in Johnny’s arms she’d forget her fears. Forget scratching at the Chula Vista rodeo. Forget the demons that haunted her day and night.
He stood abruptly, tugging her to her feet. Then he swept her into his arms and carried her upstairs where he tumbled to the bed with her, his mouth seeking hers with urgency. Clothes flew in every direction, and then he took his sweet time teasing her before he sheathed himself.
Wrapping her legs around his waist, she urged him closer and he took her to a place where there were no rodeos and no bulls.
* * *
A SOFT BREEZE buffeting his shoulder woke Johnny. He rolled his head on the pillow and discovered the air was Shannon’s breath against the side of his neck.
This afternoon in her bed proved that the first time he’d made love with her at the Hacienda Motel hadn’t been a fluke. He’d lost himself so completely in her that not once during the experience had he thought about her as his sister’s best friend or the little girl he’d looked out for at the farm.
He studied her face in the fading sunlight. The dark circles beneath her eyes concerned him. He’d been surprised that she’d admitted to having nightmares and he felt a powerful urge to protect her from those demons. He’d fought all kinds of battles for his brothers and sister—battles with teachers, coaches, employers, friends and irate fathers, but he’d never had to fight an enemy he couldn’t see.
The fact that Shannon intended to compete in Tucson scared the hell out of him. Along with that fear, his heart ached for the pain she’d kept locked inside her all these years as a result of her mother’s abandonment. Johnny’s sister had been fortunate to have a grandmother to fill the role of mother when Aimee Cash had come and gone in their lives, but Shannon had had no one.
Until her confession, he hadn’t given a whole lot of thought to his own father’s abandonment. He suspected the driving need behind his insistence on taking care of others was a direct result of wanting that same attention for himself from his biological father. As he grew older, assuming the role of father toward his siblings came naturally, but he admitted there were times through the years when he’d j
ust wanted to be a brother and not have to worry about anyone but himself.
If Shannon was determined to go after a national title there was nothing he or anyone else could do to stop her, but if she didn’t find a way to conquer her fear, the title would remain out of reach and she’d put herself at greater risk each time she competed. His chest tightened at the thought of anything happening to her. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment, place or time when concern over her getting hurt evolved into feelings far deeper and richer. If the fear he felt for her wasn’t rooted in love, then he didn’t know what love was. He wanted to confess his feelings, but how could he when he finally understood what was pushing her to compete?
Maybe he couldn’t stop her from competing against Rodriguez in Tucson, but he refused to stand by and watch her get hurt again. The only way he knew how to keep her safe was to help her conquer her fear of bulls.
Chapter Twelve
Shannon awoke from a deep sleep to the yip, yip, yip sounds of the Gila woodpecker outside her bedroom window. She didn’t need to open her eyes to know she was alone in the bed. She breathed in Johnny’s scent, which lingered on the sheets, then stretched her arms above her head. She was sore in places that had never been sore from all her years of riding bulls.
She rolled onto her side and pressed her face into Johnny’s pillow. She didn’t want to leave the bed. After the first round of lovemaking they’d eaten dinner and returned to her room, waking twice during the night to make love. At four in the morning, they’d shared a bowl of cereal in bed and then had fallen asleep in each other’s arms. And amazingly her sleep had been free of nightmares.
Although neither of them had spoken the words out loud, Shannon had repeated “I love you” over and over in her head while they’d kissed. Falling in love with Johnny hadn’t surprised her one tiny bit—he’d been a part of her life for so long that it only made sense that the affection she’d held for him through the years had evolved into a richer and deeper emotion.
What had caught her by surprise was her desperate desire to please him. The realization scared her senseless and prevented her from confessing her love. Admitting her true feelings would give Johnny too much power over her. Then if he asked her not to compete in Tucson, she’d cave in and withdraw from the event.
The Cowboy Next Door (The Cash Brothers) Page 14
