Fuck you, poster.
“It kept replaying. Over and over again. I was right back to that night—against the wall. On the pavement. Choking. Dying. Unable to breathe. The pain. God, Seth. It felt so real. I couldn’t escape it.”
A single tear travels over the soft curve of her cheek and my hand darts out to catch it. I place two fingers on her jaw and turn her gaze back to mine.
“I’m so sorry, Josie. I wish you never have to think about that night for the rest of your life. I wish you didn’t have to worry that the person who hurt you is walking free. I wish so many things, and I am so sorry I can’t make any of them happen for you.”
Her hand moves heavily to my cheek, and I close my eyes to savor her touch, releasing a harsh, harrowing breath.
“You make so many good things happen for me, Seth. I don’t ever want to hear another apology come from your lips.”
“I knew, Josie.” My words are strangled as I try to speak past the disgust I have with myself. “I knew he was out. For almost two weeks I’ve known, and I didn’t tell you. I put you in danger. You can’t tell me not to apologize again, because I always seem to fuck everything up.”
“No,” she whispers, reaching out with her other hand to hold my face in her palms. “Don’t you dare put blame on yourself for this. I won’t accept that. I understand more than you know. A part of me would rather go the rest of my life not knowing.”
“That doesn’t make it okay!” I pull away from her hands and sincere eyes and stand. “I betrayed your trust, Josie. I should have told you the moment I got back from talking to Tony. I should have been there to comfort you through it. Instead, you find out he’s out from Blake, who just left you in the fucking parking lot.” My hands move to my hair, clutching it until it hurts. “Fuck, Josie. You have no idea what seeing you like that did to me. I’m ripped open, Jos. I’m devastated. And guilty. Don’t tell me I’m not. This whole day could have had a different outcome if I had told you sooner.”
“You should have told me,” she admits.
Even though I was waiting for her to say this, the words still sting like a hundred hornets piercing my chest. I crouch down to the floor and rest my forearms on my thighs, refusing to look at her. “But I’m not mad at you. And I don’t blame you. It didn’t matter where or who or when I heard it, I would have remembered everything from that night and I would have reacted the same way regardless.”
Her arm reaches out, and I slowly look up to her. “Seth,” she says softly. “It’s not your fault. This will never be your fault. You protected me and our baby today. There’s nothing for you to be ashamed of.”
“I feel like I don’t even deserve to be a dad. How can you say I protected you, when I’m the reason it happened?” My words are soft and unsure.
“I never want to hear you say that again, Seth. Ever.” Her tired voice is hard. Still reaching her hand out for me, I move back to the chair and hold her hand in mine. “There’s no such thing as protection from the truth. The truth is, Michael somehow got out of prison and now he’s free to hurt someone else. The truth is the same, whether you tell me or someone else, or if I had found out a week ago or tomorrow. It doesn’t matter. I won’t accept your guilt. And I certainly won’t accept your stupidity. You’re going to be an amazing dad. We’ll get through this.”
My lips meet her forehead and I silently thank her for her words. I run my nose down her cheek and rub it against her nose. My lips tip upward. “You think I’m stupid?”
“Right then, you were stupid.” Her dark-blue eyes glimmer. “And also when you leave your shoes in the hall. And when you fry eggs because you think it’s the same as sunny side up. And when you ask as loudly as you can in the store if I need tampons. And when you think yelling at the dishwasher or lawnmower will get them to work. And when you—”
“Josie?” She grins and arches a brow as I trail my lips up her throat.
“What?” she asks.
“Shut the fuck up.”
I reach her lips and seal mine against hers in a gentle kiss. Her eyes close with a sigh as I map the curve of her mouth. “Thank you for believing in me, Jos,” I whisper. “I’ll never deserve you.”
“Seth?” she whispers, reaching her hands, IV and all, into my hair.
“Yeah?”
“Shut up and kiss me.”
So I do. I kiss her until we’re both breathless, and I kiss her even more after that.
When we finally break away, after being interrupted by a startled nurse who knew exactly what I was doing to Josie under her sheets, we talk about what happened.
I tell her when I found out that Michael got out of prison and how it happened. She looked mad at herself when she realized that if she had forwarded her mail or informed the law office of her new information, then we may not be in this mess. Then she told me what happed with Blake at the café. Her guilt that he touched her before she pulled away and her anger at him for thinking that a stupid trinket could change her mind about him.
I trust Josie. But jealousy takes root, and I have to force myself to stay calm so I’m not telling her that she can’t talk to him alone anymore. As much as I may want that, it’s not how I want our relationship to be.
“He turned around in the parking lot and told me to be careful because his dad has been asking a lot of questions about me.”
I close my eyes and breathe in a ragged breath. “Fuck.” My fist clenches without me realizing it; not until Josie’s fingers try to smooth it out.
“Seth.” Her voice is quiet as she looks at the ceiling. “Do you think he’ll come after me again?”
How the fuck do I answer that?
Yeah, Jos. I think the motherfucker wants to come back and hurt you. Maybe rape you again. Or murder you this time. I think he’s had seven fucking years to think about revenge and now he’s got all the information he needs about you since you used to date his bastard son.
Yep. We’re in deep fucking shit.
“Or another girl?” Dread ripples in her eyes. “God, Seth. What if he does this to someone else?”
“I’m not worth much, Josie, but I’ll protect you any way I can.” I don’t mention the gun I’m keeping in house—the one I should probably start carrying on me now that Blake mentioned that Michael’s been asking questions about her.
I can’t mention the gun, no matter how much I know I shouldn’t lie to her. If she knows, she’ll want me to get rid of it. And if history shows patterns, then mine is always caving to whatever Josie asks for.
“I shouldn’t need your protection. He shouldn’t be out. I don’t get it. I almost died, and they suddenly think he’s reformed?”
I roll my eyes. “Brandon said it was a mix of good behavior and religion. But really, it helped a fuck ton that the man is rich as hell and hired an army of lawyers to help get him out.”
Her hand starts shaking and I regret continuing on this path of conversation. Pushing back her hair, I hush her. “Hey. We could move away. Go across the country. To Washington. You always said you wanted to live there. We could pick up and move and not have to worry about him ever again.”
Her laugh lacks humor. “Fucking ridiculous. I don’t want to freaking hide. I want him dead.”
I swallow hard. I would kill for her. I would kill him for her if it came down to it. But I don’t say that.
“That was damn awful of me to say,” she says, shaking her head and covering her face. “I take that back. No one has any right to take someone’s life into their own hands. Fuck, what is wrong with me?”
“Don’t take it back. There’s a difference between agreeing if the law should invoke the death penalty and wanting someone who raped and almost killed you dead. You have every right to feel that way.”
I feel that way. He deserves to die for what he’s done.
“We have a life here, Seth. I want to raise our family around your parents and my dad.”
“Okay then, Pussycat.” I drop a kiss on her shoulder. “We’ll be ca
reful. But if you’re in danger, I will stop at nothing to keep you safe. Do you understand that, Josie? Nothing.”
Whether she truly understands or not, I accept the nod she gives me.
“I want to go home. I don’t want to think about this anymore. Let’s get some Chinese food and binge watch Orange is the New Black.”
I raise my eyebrows and give her a wicked grin. “That’s the one with lots of lesbian prison sex, right?”
She rolls her eyes. “Brooke said it’s good.”
“Yeah, so did Brandon. I specifically recall him saying he could tell whose tits were whose by the end.”
“You’re thinking I might get jealous, but I like to look at boobs, too.”
I tilt my head back and laugh outright. Her smile lights up her face and she bites her bottom lip. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be seductive but I zone in on it, wanting to take it in my mouth and bruise it with my own teeth. My fingers circle the inside of her elbow and I lean in closer. “Time to sign those papers to get you out of here. I’m ready to finish what I started before the nurse came in.”
Chapter 12
Josie
Sweet chubby baby Santa.
A gasp pulls me out of my sleep, and for the first time in a couple weeks, hacking in the toilet is not the first thing on my mind. Instead, I’m assaulted with newsworthy sparks of pleasure. A shiver shoots from the crown of my head to my toes.
Soft but calloused hands graze my thighs so gently it feels like a feather is being rubbed against me. Hot air fans across the top of my panty line as I feel them being tugged to the side. I lean up on my elbows and look down to find the source of my unexpected pleasure.
Through the dark brown strands of my messy bed hair, I watch as Seth’s eyes meet mine and he licks his lips. A jolt of electricity explodes in my core, and my hips involuntarily lift up to get closer to that mouth that I love so much.
Seth hums, and I see approval glittering in his blue eyes. He spreads me open to look at me closely—no shame or embarrassment in his hungry and adoring eyes.
The anticipation builds, and desire clouds my brain. My breaths are fast, waiting for him to stop admiring and start getting to work with that tongue. The sexual frustration shuts up as soon as his mouth closes over the most sensitive part of my body and kisses it.
“Oh, yes,” I hiss, plopping back against the pillows.
“You like that, baby?” Seth asks, pulling away from his work. In response, I purposefully lift my hips back up to his mouth. I catch a quick grin before his tongue delves inside of me.
He’s not quick as he caresses my clit—instead, he’s slow and sensual. He takes his time savoring me, moaning when he tastes my growing excitement. It’s a gradual build-up to a mind-blowing release, and I enjoy every second of his fingers and tongue and hands and teeth.
Shivers overtake me and moans ricochet through the room as I come against Seth's tongue, his fingers bruising my thighs as he holds onto me. While Seth waits for me to come back to Earth, he trails kisses up my bare stomach until he finally reaches my mouth.
A devilish grin breaks out across his face when I open my eyes to meet his. “Good mornin’ Pussycat.”
“You’re about to have one,” I say, grinning back and pushing his shoulders down onto the mattress.
***
The temperature teeters on the edge of brisk, but I enjoy the sun while it’s still out and able to put some more tan on my skin. A light breeze shakes the leaves of the trees in our backyard, and I pause my reading for a moment to savor the smell of the coming fall. Focused on absorbing nature, I don’t hear Seth lie down next to me on my blanket until his hand starts rubbing my stomach.
Startled, I drop my Kindle right on my nose. “Ow.” I wince and rub my nose as Seth chuckles.
“Be honest. How many times a week does that happen to you?”
My head lolls to the side to look at him and I give him an embarrassed grin. “More than I’ll ever admit to you.”
His eyes roam down my bikini-clad body and rest on the growing bump at the bottom of my stomach. He massages my belly and the soft look in his eyes tell me everything he’s thinking.
It’s been a couple weeks since I found out Michael was released from prison, and while there have been nightmares and anxiety attacks, Seth and I are still reveling in the joy of our growing family and the wedding in two weeks.
However, I see Michael’s presence in the little things lately. Seth’s been encouraging me for days to take the rest of the school year off, insisting we have plenty saved so I don’t have to work. When he’s working on the farm, he sends me to my dad’s so I won’t be home alone. When I’m relaxing at home, he’s there up my ass or sending someone else to babysit me.
I don’t think he realizes that his constant worrying builds a thousand more layers of fear that suffocate me. He wants me safe, and I want to move on.
The problem is, he might be right to be scared. For the past two weeks, I’ve been getting calls from a blocked number. When I answer, the caller breathes into the receiver for a few seconds before ending the call. I’ve stopped answering them.
“Is it safe for you to be tanning like this?” Seth asks, interrupting my thoughts. His other hand moves to my hair, pushing it out of my face and weaving his fingers through the stray strands.
This question shouldn’t surprise me, yet I’m once again awed that someone who never showed any interest in settling down growing up can show so much concern and continued interest in my pregnancy.
“I’m sure it’s fine. Pregnant women go to the beach all the time.”
“Just make sure you don’t overheat.” When I try to explain there’s no way I’ll overheat with the chill in the air, he covers my lips with his to shut me up. “Just promise me, Pussycat. I worry about my two favorite people.”
“I promise, you crazy, overprotective man.”
He doesn’t say anything, just answers by rubbing his nose against mine and nuzzling my neck. He lies with me for a few minutes, interrupting my reading with his mouth. I should be annoyed, but I love playful Seth and I let him tease me.
“I gotta get goin’,” Seth whispers into my ear.
“I’m not ready for you to leave me,” I say back, sticking out my bottom lip. His blond hair falls in front of his eyes as he leans over me to kiss me again, and my hands attempt to push it back even though it’s a pointless task.
“I’ll see you in a couple hours. You’re leaving for your dad’s house soon, right?” The overprotectiveness in his eyes returns, clear in the way his brows slant and body tenses.
“Leaving right after you, babe.” I pause and lean in to kiss those pink plump lips. “Seth, I’ll be fine alone. You don’t need to worry. I doubt he’ll ever get close to the house. It would be too risky.”
“I’ll take no chances with you and the baby, Jos. You know that.” He plants a kiss on my forehead and starts to get up. “I’ll see you at dinner. I’ll be working in the barn, so come see me when you get there.”
Seth’s dedication to his dad and the family farm is admirable, but I see the strain it’s been putting on him. Between him thinking Michael is out to get me, the farm, worrying about his dad’s heart problems, his job, the wedding, and the baby, I’m witnessing the downward destruction of his sanity.
He’s paranoid and worried, which leads to depression and self-disgust. I watch him fall deeper into it every day and I watch him pretend like nothing’s wrong. He doesn’t want me to think he’s weak, which is the last thing I think when it comes to Seth Montgomery.
“I will. Love you,” I say, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“Love you more, Pussycat.”
By the time I’ve rinsed off my tanning oil, changed, and gotten to my dad’s house, Seth had already texted me three times to make sure I was leaving. Dad’s in the garage when I pull in, cleaning car parts in the parts washer. When he sees me, he grunts a hello and takes off his latex gloves to come give me a hug.
“How you doing, Josie Bean?” My dad is a big burly man with a bald head and long beard. Scary if you don’t know him, but a teddy bear to those of us he loves.
“Never better, Dad. How’s that Corvette you’re working on at the shop?” With his arm wrapped around my shoulders, he guides me inside the house to the dining table in the kitchen.
“Been ready for a day now, but I haven’t brought myself to call the owner.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s probably illegal, Dad.”
“He doesn’t even know how to drive a stick. He bought the car not knowing how to drive it. It’s too nice of a car for a rich prick like him.”
I arch my brow and give him a look that says really? Dad grunts and rolls his eyes.
“You’re so much like your Daddy, it’s weird.”
Leaning my head in my hands, I release a sad sigh. “Tell me another story I don’t know about Daddy.”
It started with grief—losing Daddy broke my already broken heart. I was angry, unbelieving, and depressed. Seth worked through all the stages with me. He helped me in any way he could. But he didn’t know Daddy the way Dad does.
So when the grief finally dulled, numbed with time, I started coming to Dad and asking him to tell me stories I never knew about Daddy. Maybe it’s cathartic for both of us, but for me, it brings Daddy back to life.
Dad takes my hand in his, but his eyes drift away as a wave of memories pour into the forefront of his mind. Or maybe they were already there. When you lose your soulmate can you ever really move on and pretend like you don’t miss them every dreary second of every depressing day?
“Did I ever tell you about our first kiss?”
“Daddy said it was magical,” I say, laughing at the memory of Daddy’s goofy-eyed expression when he tried talking to me about boys.
He got so caught up in his memory of their first kiss that he forgot to warn me against STDs. Instead, he told me how to make a man happy with my lips. Yes, major ew.
Dad grins. “It was something, all right.” He sighs, a wistful and sad sound. “He was being as stubborn as ever. That man wouldn’t let me get away with anything, and that was only the second time I had ever seen Will Reyes.” His fingers drum on the table and his other hand strokes his beard. “I hid who I was for so long from family and friends, but Will never hid who he was. He was proud, and even when it would have been better for him to hide his sexuality, he always felt a profound sense of self-confidence. While people called him names, he walked on with his head held high.
That's a Relief (Promises, Promises Book 3) Page 9
