“It’s not as simple as you make it sound.”
“Yeah, actually it is. You walk up to Evan and say, ‘I’d like to give whatever this is a shot. I promise not to be psychotic and stare at you while you’re sleeping or anything but I’ve got some stuff to work through.’ ”
She laughed out loud, mildly horrified. “Yeah. Wow, that’s so sexy.”
“Or how about this: ‘I’m kind of crazy but I’d like to keep having sex with you while I work through my crazy.’ ”
She was laughing so hard, she doubled over to keep from peeing her pants. She swiped her fingers beneath her eyes and looked at her longtime friend. “Thanks. I really needed that laugh. And none of those options are on the table. Evan’s not talking to me right now.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m me and I’m a champ at screwing things up,” she said dryly. She breathed deeply. “I don’t know how to do any of this,” she admitted finally.
“Then you tell him that. For once in your adult life, you start with honesty and go from there. One day or one step at a time. It doesn’t matter. Evan matters.”
Reza shrugged, but his lips were curled in an easy smile that hid nothing. She’d never hid anything from him either, and she wasn’t about to start now. “Yeah, he does.”
“That’s a start. I know where to get a set of handcuffs, too. You two figure this out or I’ll use them.” He glanced at the clock and gave her hand a tiny squeeze before he released her. “Don’t you have a flight to catch?”
* * *
Iaconelli had been moved out of intensive care at some point and Evan had a hell of a time finding out where he’d been moved. He was still furious with Ike. For drinking. For the screw-up with the stupid pyro. And most of all for hurting Claire.
After going to every other floor in the hospital, he finally found him on the second floor. Evan’s flight back to Fort Hood was later that day and he was short on time for the mission he needed to accomplish before he got on that plane. Claire had already left for the airport a few hours ago—he’d heard her door swing shut. He wanted to stop all of this, but Claire was determined to take one for the team.
Evan had never been angrier with her than he was as he stalked through the halls, looking for Reza. The TV blasted out into the hallway the moment Evan opened the door, not caring if he was welcome or not.
He stopped short and coughed loudly.
A dark-haired nurse jerked away from Reza, her mocha skin flaming deep red. She adjusted her top and ducked out of the room.
Reza fiddled with the remote, lowering the volume. Finally he cleared his throat. “Your timing sucks.”
Evan couldn’t find the energy to smile. “Glad to see you’re feeling better.”
“High as a kite and about as good. Nice to see you, too.”
“Is she part of your pain management plan?”
Reza grinned and idly scratched his chest near the edge of the cast that was holding his arm immobile. “Maybe.”
Evan shook his head and folded his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall. Reza tossed the remote onto the bed. As furious as he was, Evan couldn’t find the words he needed. How did you tell a man that someone he cared about was about to ruin her life for him? “You scared the shit out of a lot of people.”
“I don’t need another lecture.”
“I’m not giving you a lecture. I’m merely commenting on the facts as they stand.” Reza sniffed and shifted, wincing as he moved, trying to get comfortable. It was the only outward sign that he was hurting as bad as he was. Evan approached the bed. “Need help?”
“Yeah. Can you grab that damn pillow?”
“It’s stuck under your ass.”
“Ha ha ha. That’s why I need your help.”
Evan fixed the pillow, then swore viciously. Iaconelli waited in heavy silence. Finally, Evan spoke. “Claire is taking the fall for your stupid stunt.”
“She didn’t even have anything to do with that change in the plan. Engle came to me and asked me for help. Claire didn’t know anything about it.”
“Yeah, well, she’s already signed a sworn statement telling Colonel Danvers—you remember, the guy who already told her not to screw it up—that she approved the change in the plan.” Evan pinned him with a hard gaze. “She’s going to ruin her life over her loyalty to you.”
Reza said nothing for a long time. His jaw tightened and he looked away. “She’s an idiot. Who told her to do that?”
“No one told her to. She’s got some screwed-up idea that taking the fall for this will somehow keep you from getting thrown out of the army.” Evan pinned him with a hard look. “She’s already on her way back to Fort Hood.”
Reza scrubbed his hand over his jaw, careful to avoid the bandage covering one cheek. “Why is she doing this?”
“Apparently she’s got some pretty strong notions about what good officers do.” He didn’t share the secrets he’d unearthed. He wouldn’t expose her weakness to her friend. But it killed him to think that she thought so little of herself that she would throw her career away for some stupid notion of loyalty or courage. It wasn’t courage when the cause wasn’t worth fighting for. And Iaconelli? He was a good soldier, a leader of men, a man who’d saved Evan’s ass. He could ask him to tell the truth, to stop Claire’s stupidity before it was too late. But that would end Reza’s career and as much as he hated what the man was doing to himself, he was a good soldier. He looked up to find Reza studying him thoughtfully. “What?”
“I’ve got a solution to your problem. You’re not going to like it and Claire may never speak to you again, but it solves your problem.”
Evan settled back against the sink, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m all ears.”
* * *
Later, Evan walked into his hotel room, a sinking feeling in his guts. He didn’t know if Reza’s solution was going to make a damn bit of difference, but it was a chance he had to take. He packed the last of his bags, acutely aware of the silence from the room next to his. There were still a couple of hours before his flight.
Claire’s words echoed against his soul. She’d called him a coward because he didn’t call home. She didn’t know what it felt like, to have his parents look at him with blame in their eyes. He wasn’t a coward.
Was he?
He glanced down at the cell phone he’d tossed onto the bed when he came in. His hand trembled as he picked it up and scrolled through the contacts until he found his mother. His father. And the home phone number he rarely called.
He pressed a single button.
The ring filled his ears, blocking out all other sounds. He sank to the bed, his hand gripping the phone hard enough to shatter the glass. His breath stuck in his chest. A solid lump of fear. Of longing.
“Hello?”
His voice caught in his throat. Finally, he forced the words past the stone against his heart. “Hi, Mom.”
Chapter Twenty-one
A day later, Claire flashed her ID card at the desk sergeant, then walked into the long corridor that led to the Reaper command group and Colonel Richter’s office.
She tried not to feel guilty about not calling Evan. But being home in her own space had made her crave silence, for once, instead of trying to drown it out with exercise or constant activity. She’d taken a hot bath. She’d had a couple glasses of wine. And when she’d finally crawled into her bed, she’d struggled not to feel like it was swallowing her up instead of welcoming her home. Her bed felt empty now that she’d spent a night curled in Evan’s embrace.
He said he loved her. She frowned, pushing away the disquieting thought that he had no idea what or who she was. He couldn’t love her. He loved the woman he thought she was. Shoving away her melancholy, she straightened her spine and prepared to face the judge, jury, and executioner that was Colonel Richter.
The Reaper headquarters was nothing like the Palehorse headquarters—the building was old and polished whereas Palehorse was new and shiny. Despi
te the circumstances, Claire felt welcome in the Reaper corridor. She was tied to the history here. She was a part of that history. A history that mattered.
She traced her fingers beneath the framed plaque that was inscribed with the names of the fallen from each of Reaper’s deployments. It choked her up each time she walked past it and she supposed that was the intention behind hanging it here. So that no one would ever forget.
She never would. Not every name represented a loss that had touched her personally, but the ones that did?
They had scarred her as badly as the glass that had pierced her skin so many years ago. Maybe worse, because until now she hadn’t realized just how much she’d been holding the people in her life at arm’s length, even good friends like Sarah and Reza.
She blinked rapidly and shoved the emotions down ruthlessly.
Whatever was going to happen was going to happen.
The command group offices were empty, so Claire approached the door and knocked, standing at attention until she heard Colonel Richter call for her to enter.
“Stand at ease, Captain Montoya.”
She wasn’t used to seeing Colonel Richter behind the commander’s desk. He was rarely in his office since returning from downrange. He was the kind of commander who preferred responding to emails on his BlackBerry so he could be out with the troops. She admired his dedication and he was the kind of leader she’d follow anywhere. Knowing how badly she’d screwed up was hard enough, but it was even worse to think that she’d disappointed a man whom she respected.
“So we’ve got a small problem,” Colonel Richter said, folding his hands across his lap and rocking back in his chair. His dark hair was salt and pepper at the temples, his face weathered and lined from years in the sun.
“Sir, the pyro—”
“Stop talking, Captain. Until I give you permission to speak.” His voice never rose, but Claire felt like she was five years old. One expected a brigade combat team commander to be many things, but soft-spoken was not one of them. People listened to Colonel Richter because they wanted to, not because they had to.
She said nothing, but she clenched her fists together behind her back.
“I’ve dealt with many things over my twenty-six-year career but I’ve never seen an officer go to such lengths to protect a noncommissioned officer.” He sighed, and that sigh held the weariness of a man who’d seen far too much in far too short a time. “Did you know the extent of Sergeant Iaconelli’s drinking problem?”
Claire’s mouth fell open but she snapped it closed quickly. This wasn’t about the pyro. She met his steady gaze, swallowing the sudden lump in her throat. “I suspected, Sir,” she said quietly.
“Did you know he made a habit of drinking on duty?”
Claire’s palms were slick and she could feel sweat rolling down beneath her armpits. This was not what she expected. Not at all. She said nothing.
“Sergeant Iaconelli and I served together at Sand Hill.” Colonel Richter stood and crossed the room to a small, black book. Claire stood rigid, trying to look but not daring to move. He approached and held up a picture of a much younger Captain Richter and several men wearing the brown round hat of the drill sergeant. She recognized Reza standing at parade rest next to the captain. “He was the youngest drill sergeant on the trail. Most junior, too. So when I became a battalion commander getting ready to invade Iraq, I looked for that young sergeant to see if he was still around.”
Claire forced herself to breathe. She didn’t remember a Lieutenant Colonel Richter back in 2003. It didn’t mean he wasn’t around. Just that she didn’t know him.
“See, here’s the problem I’m facing. Reza Iaconelli finally stepped in it. And he’s a senior noncommissioned officer. You realize that means I don’t get a vote in what happens to him.”
“Sir?”
Richter dropped the black book on his desk, irritation flashing in his eyes when he turned back to her. “The division commander withholds authority for the misconduct of all senior leaders. I may not be able to protect him this time.”
Claire said nothing, not really sure what she was supposed to say.
“So now I’m stuck because I think you did what you did for the right reasons. You’ve got an integrity problem, but your bigger problem is your loyalty.”
She flinched as his words hit her square in the sternum. She opened her mouth to protest, then snapped it shut, remembering that while she might admire Colonel Richter, she was not on that level of familiarity with him. He slid a sworn statement across the desk to her. She glanced down and read it quickly, her stomach sinking. Reza’s statement countered hers on every single point. He took complete responsibility for the accident at Fort Carson. She smiled when she read “Captain Montoya didn’t know shit about the change in the plan and don’t let her lie to you and say she did.”
She blinked fiercely as her eyes filled.
“You were incredibly loyal to do what you did, Claire,” he said softly. “But you should have trusted me enough to talk to me off line about Iaconelli’s problem. I thought you had more courage than that.”
He slid a sheet of paper across his desk toward her. She glanced down and her heart sank. Chills prickled over her skin and she shivered despite her best effort.
Conduct unbecoming. False official statement. Violation of a Lawful Order. Dereliction of Duty.
Her throat tightened. “Letter of reprimand, sir?”
“Yes. I managed to keep the fiasco at Fort Carson from the division commander, so I’ll deal with you. Iaconelli’s incident, however, hit the police reports. I’ll do what I can to keep the division commander from crushing Iaconelli’s nuts. I hear he’s already enrolled in alcohol counseling at the hospital at Fort Carson.”
She couldn’t breathe.
“I wanted your ass for covering for Iaconelli and making a clusterfuck out of the exercise at Fort Carson.” Colonel Richter tossed a pen on top of the paper.
Her mouth was dry and she swallowed several times to make her lips actually form coherent words. He slid another sheet of paper toward her. “On orders report?”
“You’re leaving the brigade. The question is where you’re going.” He set the two papers next to each other. “You have two choices.”
She frowned. “Sir, this is just across post to the Armored Cavalry Regiment. They just redeployed from Iraq.”
“I generally don’t make it a habit of making decisions while I’m angry.” He leaned against the desk, folding his arms over his chest. “When you screw up, you damn sure don’t do it in half measures. I was disappointed in you for going at it with Lieutenant Engle in Iraq,” he said softly, and Claire wanted to crawl into a hole and die. “I still am. But you were willing to take the fall for this harebrained stunt she pulled with Iaconelli because you care more about her staying with her team than you do about holding a grudge.” He slid a pen across his desk. “If you sign this and don’t fight it, it stays here. It won’t make your permanent records. But I can’t let this go unpunished. Your evaluation report is going to be average, but it won’t reflect this letter.” He smiled, and his blue eyes glittered beneath the office lights. “Primarily because your loyalty should be commended, not destroyed. But next time, do something before somebody gets hurt.”
She breathed deeply, reading the letter of reprimand along with her evaluation report. Not a glowing report. Her first middle-of-the-road report since she’d been commissioned. It hurt. Badly. But it could be worse.
She straightened. “I understand, Sir.”
“If you don’t want to go to the Third Armored Cavalry Regiment, there’s a command opening up in the military police brigade. They’re deploying to Afghanistan in three months.” She lifted her gaze to Colonel Richter’s, her blood pounding in her ears, not daring to voice the answer to his unspoken offer.
He was giving her a chance to leave the brigade and, in doing so, offering her the chance to salvage her career.
She couldn’t speak, her mind tum
bling over the possibilities and the reality. She could deploy and get far and fast away from Evan and the complicated feelings he stirred in her. She could lead soldiers again. If she chose the job across post, she would stay here and there would be no guarantee of success. The Armored Cavalry Regiment was a hard unit, with a reputation for crushing poor performers.
Choosing the ACR meant staying at Fort Hood. It meant that she could see Evan at the end of each day. Providing she could get him to talk to her again. Never once in her life had she chosen a lover over the job. She simply wasn’t wired that way.
She hesitated over the choice. Her fingers trembled as she lifted the pen. But she did not hesitate as she made her selection.
* * *
The letter of reprimand sat on the seat next to her as she turned her car toward Stillhouse Hollow and the small house Evan rented there.
The reprimand was nowhere near the price she’d thought she’d have to pay and she suspected that Evan had somehow influenced what had happened. The sun was low in the afternoon sky, the wind cooling the warm air. November in Texas was pretty nice when it wanted to be. Better than Fort Carson, that was for sure.
She checked the directions on the pink sticky pad one more time and took the next right, mildly impressed when she drove through a gate that made her think of a ranch rather than a subdivision neighborhood.
A huge red barn stood in the middle of a pasture and there were at least five horses grazing around a pile of hay. A stock pond was off to her left and there was a little white house a couple hundred feet away from it. Nestled against a small mountain, the tiny ranch house was flush against a patch of trees.
She knocked on the front door.
“Hello, Claire.”
She spun at the sound of Evan’s voice. He padded up the steps to her, his skin slick with sweat. He wore a dark blue T-shirt and lightweight pants. Sweat darkened the shirt between his broad shoulders and she caught a glimpse of skin between his pants and his shirt as he lifted a black water bottle to his mouth.
A thousand emotions flashed over his face before it shuttered closed. “I don’t suppose you know anything about Reza writing a second sworn statement?” she asked.
Until There Was You (Coming Home, #2) Page 21
